Damn, I miss H&K.........NOT!

I have made it through the first two days at New Job and I must say this is the easiest flow into a new company that I have ever experienced. Let’s see, my first day at H&Ks brought me the realization that their standard install intervals were 60 days were my former company’s was 21 days. That was my first impression of H&K, that “can’t do” attitude. My first impression of New Job was learning a new customer’s internet was turned up in record time for their grand re-opening (mishap with some flames and such). Perhaps the easy transition is because I’ve been kind of working for my new employer part time for a week or two. Perhaps it’s because New Job was a customer of mine for 7 years and a lot of New Job’s customers were my customers as well. Perhaps it’s just because New Job is a great place to work chocked full of great people. Perhaps it’s because I’m super smart. Hmmm, it’s sure not that. Maybe it’s the drugs, I don’t know.

Ok, there aren’t any drugs, so it must be the job, but I had you there for a second, didn’t I? All is finally great on the professional front and that makes for one happy Suz.

On my first day here the Roommate asked if I had taken care of something and I said I didn’t know I was supposed to, to which he asked why? I stated I was new and he snapped back “how long do you think you can use that excuse?” and I stated that it work for a year at H&K so I suspect I could rely on it for 3 days here. That’s today so I guess I need to get my shit together.

In other news I am really enjoying Rufus Wainwright’s new CD, “Release the Stars” and have been listening to it non stop since it’s arrival on my front stoop. Particularly tracks #5, “Between My Legs”, #8 “Slideshow”, #1 “Do I Disappoint You” and the final, title track, “Release the Stars”, a plea to Hollywood to allow gay actors to come out of the closet. Good music all and everyone absolutely MUST hear it.

Also, this Sunday is our annual Wine-O Tour, 24 of my closest friends are packing into a limo to explore the best Pinot Noirs in the world, right here in our own backyard. Should be fun and many memories will be lost due to the flowing of the wine.

And finally, this past Friday night we had a wake for our friend Bart for his birthday. Great party and I will have photos and stories to tell soon.

Just as soon as I get a handle on Day Three at the New Job. Take care!

Busy!

Sorry! More later, I swear! Again....so much. You'll forgive me later.

Clean up on aisle 2

If there’s one thing that will ruin a good mood, it’s a trip to the supermarket. No matter how long I am in a grocery store, I quickly reach the anger level of wanting to scream at the top of my lungs because even the most intelligent of people quickly insert their heads firmly up their asses the second they cross the threshold. I swear once people start searching the shelves for the product they desire the completely forget other people exist and zone out on their surroundings. Hello, I’m standing here two inches from your oblivious self, looking directly at you because you are blocking the entire aisle, your shopping cart blocking one half, your big, over-fed ass completely blocking the other half. Do you seriously need to stare at the sugar coated cereals that hard? I mean you know if it’s primary ingredient is sugar, you’re going to eat it. Just grab a fucking box and move on, elephant woman. And no, you don’t need to go over all the ingredients for tonight’s entire menu right here in front of the coffee grinder. I know you think you’re standing in your living room and don’t even know I exist but it happens to be the ONLY coffee grinder in the store (ie: your living room) so I would kind of like to grind up my beans in it, please. Or if it’s too much trouble for you to take two steps to the left, I could just take the coffee home as is and use a hammer to smash them for my morning coffee. The Roommate will really love that clatter while he sleeps in.

And I’m not even going to go into the shopping carts with fewer than 4 working wheels.

But the absolute worst plague of the dash in and out grocery shopper is the insufferable mother who has to use every waking moment of the day to entertain her offspring. I seriously don’t understand why grocery shopping needs to be playtime for a toddler. I don’t need your rug rat pushing their own tiny shopping cart at a snail’s pace down the center of the frozen food section, creating a rush hour traffic nightmare for those of us who don’t particularly have the entire afternoon devoted to a grocery shopping play date. Instead of instructing your child to pick out the red box of cookies, “Does Booboo see the red box of cookies? Red cookie box? Find the red box.”. Instead of color theory classes how about you drag your obese offspring over to the produce section and do a real quick nutrition lesson. “Broccoli is better than cookies! Eat green!” And don’t get me started on those oversized shopping carts that are shaped like cars or seat several toddlers at once. Sweetie, you parents don’t know how to drive them in the first place and if your mother pushes it’s front bumper into the back of my ankles ONE MORE TIME I’m going to LOSE IT ON HER ASS. Lock the kids in the car while you shop, like my mom always did, and FYI, you never saw me complain. Mainly because I hate grocery shopping.

Heavy sigh. I’m off to the grocery store as having food in the house is kind of a basic necessary. And if I scream at your shopping cart for blocking my way, I hope you understand and get the children out of the area. They may be learning new words that you probably don’t want your little bastard to hear at the grocery today.

PS I have an idea! I'm going to start a chain of grocery stores that have an entire aisle of hard liquor, everything from bitters to everclear! That way minors aren't allowed to come in. Plus the obvious bonus of one stop shopping.

Woopie, I think.

Here it is, my last day at Hugs and Kisses and I'm frantic. Transferring files, taking care of lose ends so this is going to be short.

See, I said it was going to be short. More later.

One more "get up".......

...........and I'm jazzed!

That's Our Rusty!

I had planed on posting the story about the Time Our Rusty Met Rufus Wainwright on Monday because it was Rusty's birthday but I didn't have time, what with splitting my time between the old job and the future job and yesterday was just insane. So here I is Wednesday so I better "git er done".

A few years ago Rusty, The Roommate and myself ventured up to Vancouver BC to meet up with Boytek and take in a Rufus Wainwright concert. Because I am all obsessive like that and Rufus is my "Grateful Dead". We had a lovely dinner in Downtown Vancouver and then headed out to the club to take in the show. Rufus was his amazing and awe inspiring self and near the end of the performance a handler walked up to Boytek and asked him if he wanted to go backstage to meet Rufus after the show. Boytek, being the prince he is pointed to me and said "She is the one who should go backstage and meet him, she's his biggest fan!". Not exactly what the guy expected to hear but he obliged, gave me a wrist band and told me to meet him at the stage door after the show. Well, I was just beside myself! I had met Rufus before but this would be the second time and two is better than one!

After the show I left my party and waited at the stage door with a group of other people, mostly young, cute, gay men; we were ushered in and THERE WAS RUFUS! The Gay Messiah! I waited for my turn to meet him, standing in line with the others and then, oh yes! I was next. And know what happened? Allan Cummins CUT IN LINE….RIGHT AHEAD OF ME. I swear, some gay actors think they are JUST the SHIT. He hobnobbed with Rufus for a bit longer than I think he should have been able to and then stood with some other VIPs near Rufus and chatted. I was then gestured up to shake Rufus's hand and I'm sure I stuttered/mumbled something about being his biggest fan and was whisked to the side so the next fan could shake Rufus's hand. The Roommate stuck his head through the door and said they were heading to a club and when I was through I should meet them there but quite frankly I felt stupid standing there watching other people meet Rufus. So I rejoined my party to hit the town.

We went to one bar and since it was a Wednesday it was pretty quiet to we headed to another bar within walking distance. Boytek wasn't feeling well so Trey escorted him back to the hotel while Rusty and I stayed to see what trouble we could get into. I was chatting with a Canadian (imagine that!) who was trying to convince me that I alone could cause Bush to not be re-elected single-handily since I had Canada's backing when in the middle of the conversation Rusty ran up to me, grabbed my arm and dragged me across the bar and out to a back patio. He dragged me up to a group of men talking, grabbed one by the shoulder, spun him around and said "This is my friend Susan" to which Rufus Wainwright replied "Yes, I met her an hour ago backstage". We exchanged pleasantries and tried to stay mingling with the Rufus and Allan Cummins group. We tried to blend in with the cool crowd but Rusty assed up making fun of the way Rufus laughed so I mouthed the words "I'll keep him away from you" and moved Rusty a bit away from the A team. I later scolded Rusty that if he had behaved himself we probably could have hung out with rock and movie stars all night long.

Rusty ran into Rufus on the street in Seattle a few weeks ago and posed for a cell phone photo but forgot to save it so it so there's only the proof of his word and the word of his friends that it happened. But because it was Sunday morning they were all probably drunk so I doubt it really happened. I mean, who fails to save a photo of himself and the Gay Massiah..........uh, that would be Rusty.

And that's why we always say "That's our Rusty!" Happy Birthday a couple days late and Happy Birthday to Bart as well. When you know what your birthday plans are, let me know!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, RUSTY!

Today is Our Rusty's birthday and I had every intention of giving him his honorary birthday shout out, a story I have been saving concerning Vancouver, BC, Rufus Wainwright and Rusty! but I was so busy with the two jobs that I didn't get a chance. Sorry sweetie! It's coming, I swear! And I posted the ever suave photo of you in Prague because it's a very flattering photo. Next year's the big one, huh?


Happy Birthday! Can't wait till our weekend next month!

Week's End Wrap Up

Here's a run down of the week thus far:

Put in my 2 week notice at Hugs & Kisses. I actually slept well all week for the first time in ages. First day at the new job is the 21st (one week shy of my anniversary at H&K) and I have already been issued my laptop. Excitement abounds and in one short week I will never have to drive to Tigard EVER AGAIN. As god is my witness!

Found out the turtle under the deck is actually a possum. I took Rufus to the doggie park this morning and was informed by Animal Services that I have been allowing Rufus to roam out of the off leash area without a leash and the fine is $150 but I was let off with a warning. Since I had Animal Services right there I asked him if they could come out and take care of the possum thingie for me, pretty please. Turns out possums fall under the jurisdiction of Fish and Wildlife (possum gone wild anyone?) but they will not trap it, I would have to rent a trap and notify F&W to come and "dispose" of the vermin. Turns out wild animals once they are in the big city can't go home again. They become exposed to diseases (clap, crabs) and can't be returned to the wild where they would spread it to their unsuspecting wives (story as old as time I'm afraid) so it's capitol punishment for them.

Gas prices are way out of line. I filled up my tank yesterday, FIFTY BUCKS! That's right, we've hit a milestone. For those readers who are below or at the national average of just over three dollars a gallon up here in Portland it's hovering around three bucks fifty. I am soooooooo glad I will get to stop spending well over $200 bucks a month on gas as I will be able to take advantage of my TriMet pass and can ride the train to work. Or bike to work. Or both (ride my bike to the train station and train it in). That would have been unheard of if I was still living in Dallas (mass transit is for the domestic help only). The one good thing to come about by the stupid-high price of gas is it's changed my perception about driving every-damn-where, even 5 blocks to the grocery store. I now walk (at least while the weather stays nice) to the grocery, wine and video stores now (usually with Rufus so bonus for him there) and consolidate other trips. Look at me! I am becoming a good-ish person!

That's about it, and ain't it about enough. Have a good weekend and take a hike!

Turtle hunting 101: they don't wear fur coats

It seems the turtle under the deck has moved location slightly. I assumed this because Rufus is no longer barking at the middle of the deck but now at the far corner that is encased on two sides by dirt and not just more deck wood. Just to be sure this was where the turtle had moved to I asked Rufus "Where is the turtle, is it over here where it was before or is it now over here by the edge of the deck?". Rufus looked at me a little oddly (Turtle?) and then responded by sniffing the first spot I pointed to and then pouncing on the new spot by the edge and barking and scratching the deck. Check, position confirmed. Since it's under the edge of the deck I decided to dig under the boards and see if I could grab the turtle. I started digging a small tunnel then put on a garden glove and poked around a bit. I hit a dirt wall so I evidently had more dirt to remove. I made the hole wider and deeper and then used a hand spade to pull out what I assumed to be any dirt keeping me from the turtle. Then I touched something that gave a little, was kind of soft, so I poked it a bit with the spade. Whatever I touched growled a little so I of course poked it again (just like in horror movies). It growled a little louder. Since this scenario doesn't go down so well in movies I decided to pack in my digging, grab Rufus and go to plan B, which was ignoring the situation for a little while. Once safe inside the house I got a note pad and wrote the following message to my neighbor Marie:

Marie,
I think I may have found your turtle but before I stick my hand under the deck there's a couple things I need to know:
~Does your turtle growl?
~Does your turtle bite after it growls?

I signed the note, stuck it to the neighbor's front door and took Rufus to the doggie park.
When I returned from our romp in the park I decided to take a look at the hole to see if the turtle was slowly making it's way out of the escape hatch I dug for it. To my surprise I could now see grey fur sticking out of the hole. Either the turtle had somehow acquired a fur jacket or this was something other than a reptile. Common sense pointed to the latter and I assumed the creature was a raccoon. I guessed raccoon since I had noticed several raccoons at different parts of our neighborhood in daylight lately, which is odd, the daylight part, but it's what came to mind. I went next door and removed the note and instructed Rufus that he wasn't allowed out in the backyard without constant supervision until I had gotten rid of the raccoon.

When I returned to the house after meeting the Roommate for dinner, I commented that maybe it was a soon-to-be mama raccoon, to which Rufus wasn't very happy. I went to let Rufus outside but once he got near the back door he started going ape-shit. To my horror I noticed a pinkish-grey varmint in the backyard, slowly making it's way across the lawn. I recognized this beast by it's close resemblance to Country Western singing star George Jones---a possum (or opossum, depending where you grew up). This bugger is going to be a little more complicated to remove than a turtle, biting variety or not. I let the neighbor know I had thought I had located her pet but turns out no unless her turtle hangs by it's tail from a tree branch.

What to do, what to do? Not sure how to evict a possum, that is I no longer know any hillbillies since I left Louisiana, hence no one to fix possum stew. A co-worker offered me the use of his firearm but I declined; I think I'll see if someone will trap it for me and release it to some wooded farm, like the farms where old dogs go to live out their golden years. Stay tuned.

Crazy, I think you're crazy......

If you google image "crazy" you get "oops, I did it again".......

I cannot tell you how miserable it is to have to work a job that you've mentally checked out of already. All these issues seem petty and I just want to leave it for someone else. Like for instance, today a Care rep said she needed my customer to fax her some state paperwork concerning an acquisition, so rather than bother the customer, I looked up the info on the California Secretary of State site and pasted the link to that info into an e-mail and sent it to her. She e-mailed me back saying that it was the exact info she needed but that she couldn't accept it as a link. She needed me to print off the info and fax it to her. Think about that, I had to print it off and fax it to her. Who faxes anymore? If she needed it FAXED couldn't she print it off herself and fax it to herself? Or wouldn't it be easier to print it off and have that nice clean copy that's ever so easy to read to put into that file that no one's ever going to look at? Jesus. The things I put up with here (but not for long---yea!).

Today on my way to work I made a point of checking out the prices at the 4 gas stations on my route, since the ol' tank is getting a little low. The rock-bottom-bargain-price was $3.41 a gallon, the highest was $3.49. I need to buy some quick before the price tops three-bucks-fifty. Know what's causing the price to rise? Refineries are producing at 90% capacity, and there's not a shortage of oil, just lazy ass employees I guess. So the only explanation they aren't producing more in spite of no diminished supply ---except for the obvious reason, gouging--- is laziness so evidentially refineries are staffed by ex-Hugs and Kisses employees. It's the only reasonable explanation I can come up with.

And here's a little exercise for you from a conspiracy theory about 9/11. I'll spare you all the theory part and just jump to the end because it's just kinda interesting.

Open Microsoft Word and type in Q33NY, which was the flight number of the first plane to hit the Twin Towers. Highlight and change the font size to 48 and the typestyle to "windings". Freaky. Looks like some geek at Microsoft was working overtime with the pranks to me.

One lingy-dingy. Two lingy-dingy.*

Perhaps I made a mistake. Maybe I shouldn't have turned in my two weeks because I didn't know we'd have H&K FIGHT CLUB! The order entry guy just had a screaming fight with a sales guy and I was IM-ing about it with 3 other employees and snickering in my cube the whole time. That's what happens when you take a huge office with only a handful of people spread all over the place and then cut the space in half and smush all the employees together. Tempers flare and voices rise and I just snicker and joke about it over IM. Damn, I put in my notice and then crap starts getting fun around here.

One of my customers just asked how he can get an international toll free number for China (calls from China are route here) and I told him I could request it but it takes H&K 90 days to activate. He needs it next week and wants me to escalate. I'll just get on the horn to the Chinese government and see how much pull I have on that one, I'm sure I'll have it all wrapped up tomorrow, COB. Short-timer just don't care that much. If you google image "Chinese telephone company" you get this photo, which describes the new China phone company. I think 90 days is a little optimistic.

Did I mention our microwave here at work doesn't work anymore. I told you the appliances and office equipment were revolting and that's just more proof. I think I'll take Friday off before the fax machine grows a ray gun arm.


*If you get this you are old and racists. Kinda like me.

Remember this post? Well, it's all official and everything but I got me a new job and will be kissing off Hugs and Kisses on the 18th. The microwave doen't work here anymore so that's it, I'm gone! I have been offered a position with a company I completely respect and love the people I will be working with and there just isn't any downside for leaving here that I can see. Can't wait to start and am a bit bummed that H&K didn't show me the door today. Oh well, can't have it all.

Iamnot thinks this turn of events will make my writing suffer, just like Starlet who doesn't write anymore now that she's not working with crack whores, dodging bullets and all anymore. We'll see. I will be working in Downtown Portland so there will be plenty of crazies to bump into.

Anyway, three cheers for me!

5 Questions

I got on the interview band wagon from Will at Be the Boy; he asks the questions, I answer, that's how it works.

1 – What inspired you to start The House of Suz blog and what inspires you to continue?

I started reading Miss Doxie a few years ago and really enjoyed her writing. Then I came across Out Of Character, which is probably my favorite blog (sorry Will) and notice a “start your own blog” button on Blogspot and the rest is history.

What inspires me to continue blogging is an equal portion of desire to write, guilt when I fail to regularly and my friends that nag me if I even miss one day. But mostly the last one.

2 - In your writing you frequently mention your dog and your roommate, how did you meet them both?

I met the roommate through work, he was in the indirect sales division of the company I worked for and I was in customer service. There were problems with service for one of his customers, a very high profile customer that was spending a lot of money with us, so I was asked to help out. He used goofy terms like “If it’s teamwork, it doesn’t seem work” in e-mails so at first I thought he was a little on the goofy side. Then one day he joined our sales team for drinks after work and he was the only one to laugh at my Jesus joke. We became fast friends immediately and he is the person I am closest to in my entire life.

One day about 3 years ago the Roommate, Boytek and I went to the mall to watch a movie. We got there a little too early so decided to do some shopping, I by myself, The Roommate and Boytek together. I noticed this cute German Shepard puppy at the front of the pet store and when I ran into the Roommate he commented on the cute dog in the pet store I asked “The German Shepard puppy” and he said no, another one. He brought me deep into the pet store to put where all the kennels were and there was this average looking puppy. I didn’t think he was that cute---until he rolled over on his back and put his paws over his ears. The pet store employee notice me looking at him and took us all to a private room, during the movie I decided I wanted the dog and was going to name him Rufus. The Roommate had been suggesting I needed a dog so he bought him for me as a Christmas gift. The rest is history.

3- Do you want to know who reads your stuff?

I am more interested in where the reader is from (what city, country) than who it is, unless they leave clever comments. Then I check them out.

4 – Has there been anything you have written that you wished you could have back once it was posted?

Nope. I haven’t written anything that controversial, but sometimes I cringe at my spelling.

5 – What can House of Suz readers expect in the future?

A big announcement and then more of the usual.

If you want to be interviewed by House of Suz, leave me your e-mail address in the comments.

And now for something completely different...

If you google image "happy" this is what your first option is.

Can't say just yet but what I have been waiting for has finally arrived and it's EVEN BETTER THAN I IMAGINED!

Stay tuned. I have to go through "process" and we all know how much I hate "process".

Time to scrub one computer.....

*

Friday when I worked from home the weather was extra nice so I left the back door open so Rufus could come in and go out as he pleased. He likes to lie on the hot tub cover in the sun, you see , but also likes to wander in and bark from the front window at people on the sidewalk. So all day long he'd come in and go out but around mid day I heard him barking in the back yard , assuming he was barking at the dog in the yard behind ours. When I went out to hush him I realized he was barking at the deck. Looking straight down at the boards, barking at the deck. Every time he went out he'd bark at the same spot on the deck and I pretty much thought my dog had finally lost it, maybe had eaten some of that tainted dog food and it made him nutty. But then Saturday morning he didn't bark at the deck at all , I guess the deck had lost it's luster or something. I forgot about the barkable deck.

Saturday afternoon I was out on the deck, sitting in the sun and working on some paintings. I could hear our new neighbors to our left out in their backyard, as could Rufus, who proceeded to bark at them. I yelled "Rufus, be good" and from the other side of the 8 ft hedge I heard our neighbor Marie say "If Rufus finds a box turtle, we lost one , he tends to wander off---that's how we got him ". This is probably the second time since October that I've talked to the new neighbors and I couldn't even see them. She said he'd probably have found the turtle by now and was likely to go into hibernation soon, being out of it's element I guess . I assured Marie that had Rufus found a box turtle he'd be so proud he'd have to show me his find.......and that's when I remembered his barking at the deck. The turtle had to have crawled under the deck and hunkered down, having crawled under by the stairs where there was a small opening and wandered about 6 feet deep under the deck. I'm sure it's highly unlikely to lure the turtle out with bagged spinach (which I did try) and there's no way we 'd be able to take the deck apart as it's screwed from the underside and I'd have to take the deck completely apart starting from the opposite side just to get to the left side where the turtle is hunkered down. Marie joked that she was going to put up some "lost turtle" fliers, like people do for their dogs. So, I told the new neighbors we had not seen the turtle but if it turned up I'd let them know.

Big sigh on Sunday when Rufus still didn't bark at the deck.

And then Monday Rufus started the barking at the deck back up, and at this point I was convinced the turtle was under there, in hiding . But what to do? I can't take the deck apart. Period. And if the turtle dies his stench will ruin every summer BBQ we throw. Maybe I'll see if I can dig a tunnel under the deck and grab the missing turtle. Hope it's not a biting turtle. This all leads me to wonder, why don't people leash their turtles? Leash laws are required for dogs, why not turtles since they tend to wander off and ruin BBQs.

*If only the turtle was under this part of the deck, no brainer.

Nothing accomplished.

Funny how things go, ain't it? Four years ago today Prez Bush stood before the "Mission Accomplished" banner and declared major fighting in Iraq was over. Tomorrow he'll veto a military funding bill that has a timeline for withdrawal in Iraq attached. Mission doesn't seem so accomplished after all and the body bags coming back from Iraq are pretty much proof. No wonder he doesn't want a timeline since we're still there FIGHTING after accomplishing our mission four-fucking-years ago. Duh.

Also in news today was the startling announcement that recruitment officials have been able to keep to their quota for enlistment. Yeah, when you lower standards, like not requiring high school diplomas and accepting convicted felons, then hell yeah, everyone's signing up, what with the signing bonuses and all. And you get paid to kill people, too! It was commented that under-educated recruits won't be up to keep up with our already low standards for a "high tech" Army. Guess Kerry was right with his earlier comment about the skills of our troops. Oh well, since the mission is already accomplished and all, I guess it really doesn't matter that much now, does it?

And recruitment of African-Americans is half what it was 4 years ago, as is the support of the war amongst African-Americans. Seems an already somewhat disfranchised chunk of the population is even less likely to vote Republican in the next Presidential election. Just a head's up; consider yourself warned.

Update on the waiting game: still waiting. I'll keep you posted.

Waiting game

I am bored out of my skul and waiting for news that never comes. Agony! I am just so ready for something that feels as though it will never happen to happen, like a kid waiting for Christmas, it never comes quick enough. The best way to describe it is using a term my mom always said, "rutchy". Anxious in PA Dutch (and Yiddish, I later learned).

Fingers crossed the news comes soon or I may explode.

NICOLE WEIGHT LOSS CHALLENGE: I lost half a pound, probably from the rock wall climbing yesterday. Whoot whoot!

And.......scene.

The baby has been completely emptied of stuffing, turned inside-out and abandoned. Say goodbye to $2.99.

Poor unbaptized, dead baby. Too bad the Pope took away Limbo, this dead baby is cursed to roam the earth as an undead soul.

And so is the lifespan of the Rufus baby. Someone should make a National Geographic special on this topic.

Baby Update 2

Stuffing removed, check

Squeaker box removed and punctured, check

I took advantage of Rufus's absence (with baby) to clean up the stuffing mess.

Baby update

We are up to the pull-out-baby-stuffing phase. In this shot he is mutilating the squeaker.

TGIF!

I am working from home today because:

a) it's Friday and is supposed to get over 70 degrees out today, with sun
b) I had a Webex training schuled at 7 am so I rolled out of bed at 6:50 and logged on sans the 45 minute commute
c) because I can

The Roommate is coming down with a cold my dear friends have been kind enough to pass around our groop so I interrupted my training to run to the drugstore to get their version of Airborne (on sale 3 for ten bucks!) and picked up a cute little fox chew toy for my darling Rufus. This little squeaking piece of fabric has made him sooooooo happy. He's pacing around the house with it in his mouth, whimpering and occasionally stopping to squeak it. This is the honeymoon phase of the relationship. Pure bliss, and it will probably last about 20 minutes. Next comes the phase where he shakes it violently for about 5 minutes which is followed by the tear-it's-guts-out phase, which usually takes about 1 minute. This is followed by the me-cleaning-up-the-cotton-batting phase, followed by Rufus tossing around the unstuffed carcase for a month until the Roommate finally give it a proper burial (like the Moffia, dumped in a trash can). I wish $2.99 could make me so happy for so long.

Ok, lets step back a moment to the top of this post where I listed my reasons for working from home today. Point #2 mentions a mandatory two hour billing training I was required to either attend yesterday at noon or this morning at 7 am. Our corporate office is on the East Coast and the training department evidentally can't recall our company having offices on the West Coast, so mandatory training only offered at the traditional lunch hour or before office hours isn't an issue for anyone. Just wanted to voice that opinion. Also, evidently working in total darkness isn't a problem either, but I digress.

And finally, a recap from last night's foray into the monthly art walk, Last Thursday, a few blocks from our house. We did our usual walk to the first bar we came across and planted our asses on bar stools the entire night. We never seem to make it to any art booths, but no matter. Anyway, had we walked about 12 blocks further we would have been in the middle of this ruckus. I guess we're lucky we are easily distracted by booze.

Have a great weekend! Tomorrow night I'll be heading out to Newberg to watch my oldest friends graduate. He's been going to school to get his bachelor's off and on for the last 25 years. The funniest part is he's a devout atheists and he has had the privilege of attending a Christian college in Texas as well as a Christian college here in Oregon, from which he will be graduating in fact. Seems Christians accept more earned credits than regular colleges. Congrats Mark! Job well done (as in takes longer, like with steaks). Wonder if this chick is in his class. Maybe they should date.

Man...

I am pooped. Turning pissed off customers into happy customers is HARD WORK, but alas, it's a way of life at H & K, I tell ya. I did have a pain=-in-the-ass customer fire me yesterday, wants a different care rep. PERMISSION GRANTED! Too bad I already fixed all his whiny-assed billing issues, but he's not my problem anymore. Another of my customers is leaving for another provider and I wanted to tell her "Not surprised, I didn't think you were a moron". So that's been my life today---aching legs, feet and head. Nothing that a chilled glass of "pink wine" can fix (70 calories).

Speaking of the diet thing, didn't do too well today. Started off with instant rice noodles (sans oil) but went to hell from there. On my way to a customer appointment I drove through Jack in the Crack for fried chicken chunks. Bad, very bad. But in a good way, but at least I hit the gym after. Tomorrow is another day.

Happy Last Thursday!

Fatty fatty 2 x 4, can't fit through the kitchen door.

I made the mistake of opening up my big mouth and volunteered to be diet-support in Nicole's weight loss venture. And by support I don't mean sitting on the sidelines and chanting "Go Nicole, don't eat!", that would be too easy, I actually have to set a goal and lose the weight as well. And it's not that I don't want to be supportive or anything, I just don't want to have to work out more or make any changes to my normal cheese/bread/wine diet. Like most folks I'm all about the wanting to lose weight and not-so-all-about doing something about it. I am a "I want it when I want it" kind of gal.

Most would say I don't even need to lose weight but I have added to my girth (3-5 lbs) since quitting smoking (2 years ago) and since I am OLDER (as in older than most of you) it is harder to drop the lbs when I desire. When I was younger I would simply skip a dinner here or there and stay at my desired weight. Not so easy any more.

So, I guess I'll go to the gym today and weigh myself and then set a goal. I forgot to ask Nicole how much time I had to whittle away my fat, so I better drop it quick. She's way younger than me so I need a head start.

UPDATE:

Weighed myself at the gym and I wasn't as bad off as I had thought. I am shooting for 2 lbs, not a lot I know but the stuborn few are harder than big poundage. I was going to say I have a small frame but I'm 5'10" so I guess small isn't really accurate but I do have small bones, so the 2 lbs will take me to where I was a few years ago. I won't tell you how much I weigh (or how little for that matter) as it always gets me in trouble. "Twig girl" and "strong wind will blow you away" are usual answers.

Good luck!

I almost forgot...

My buddy Rusty (far left, although far right is also a Rusty) called me Sunday morning to let me know he ran into Rufus Wainwright on Broadway in Seattle. Our Rusty is having a birthday soon and I had already decided to tell the tale of the first time Rusty met Rufus in a few weeks for Rusty's birthday post, so I'll not touch that subject this time around but keep posted in May. Last year for his birthday I did the Rusty Blog-a-thon, so I had to come up with something else this year. Stay tuned.

Sometimes this shit just writes itself.

When I came into the office this morning my first thought was "The damn lights are still out" until I noticed only the lights directly above the row of cubes I live in were out. So once again I was a little miffed (happens a lot here). When I loudly grumbled about the lack of lights a voice from another cube suggested that perhaps the lack of lights was directly associated with our lack of quota attainment at our branch, which I found amusing to say the least.

Flash back to about 2 months ago:
I think I mentioned a while ago that our office was under construction, which necessitated my working from home the majority of that time (and wasn't THAT sweet). H&K gave up around 60% of our office space to our neighbor, a company specializing in space-age bandages, who is experiencing a real boom of business thanks to our foolish leader's mis-step into Iraq. A mere 8 feet from my cube is a wall which until the construction did not exist. The Miracle Bandage Company is on the other side.

Flash forward to this morning:
After the laughter subsided from the quota comment and about 20 minutes passed, the lights above my row of cubes mysteriously came on. I mused aloud that perhaps the light switch controlling our lights were in fact on the other side of the wall and we'd have to wait for miracle bandage company to come in every morning and remind them to turn on our lights by banging on our separation wall. One of our sales reps walked next door to ask the electricians working on miracle Band-Aid's wiring to look into our mysterious lighting issues. Well, sure enough, our lights are controlled on the miracle Band-Aid's side of the new wall. I guess life IS stranger than fiction, and funnier.

In more office news we finally have power in our newly constructed break room but now the industrial-sized (do we need one with 4 burners for 8 employees?) coffee machine does not work. Seems a sales rep "had to break it" yesterday because it wouldn't stop making coffee, just continued with it's flow long after the pot wass full, causing it to spill all over the floor. No one ever said sales guys were smart.

So, let's recap the office events thus far this week (and it's only TUESDAY):
Unstoppable cascade of ice from freezer + uncontrollable lights (or complete lack there of) + over-achiever coffee maker = THIS PLACE IS POSSESSED! All electronic appliances are to cease and desist.

Someone unplug the Xerox machine before it takes over!

UPDATE!

I stepped out of the office to get some sudafed and when I came back ALL the lights are out again. I kid you not.

Where was Suz when the lights went out?

I haven't posted much about work because I am in CYA mode, but after 5 weeks of being run out of cubes and working from home because of all the construction here I am just about at my wit's end. The overhead lights went out about an hour and a half ago and I (along with a few coworkers) have been working from laptop screen light. That's all the light we have here. Talk about stupid. The here is what the office looks like if you aren't looking directly at your computer screen. Can't print anything since the circuit the printer is on is dead. This after opening the freezer door in the break room only to be buried alive by a cascade of ice cubes because some mental giant removed the cube collecting basket without turning off the ice cube maker and evidently it made ice cubes all weekend that were held in place by the closed door until I released them. Yep, it's Monday. Enjoy.

I'm going to go to the break room and open the freezer door again. I want to experience what an ice avalanche felt like to Helen Keller.

UPDATE: After 2 hours squinting in the dark I went home. Because working in the dark is dumb unless you have a job in a theater or bat cave.

What about the dead babies?

In a rare show of intelligence, the Vatican has decided that the imaginary holding area, Limbo, does not in fact exist.

So glad we got that ironed out. Next up, original sin!

I'm still here...

I admit it, I have been quite lax in my posting as of late (reading your daily blogs as well) but the sad truth is I have been putting WORK ahead of my personal internet perusing. Yeah, still trying to figure that one out. Anyway, here's an update:

Today I got to sit through a system training with one caveat, the system we were being trained on was down at the time of our training session so we had "use your imagination exercise" training. I feel very confident I am not comfortable using this system in the future.

I am working from home today, unfortunately with a gassy dog.

It is beautiful out today in Portland (above photo taken just now) and the cloudless sky should continue through late evening......until early morning Saturday when it starts raining, non-stop mind you, for the remainder of the weekend. Yea, I love the little work day tease followed by a soggy weekend. Good news is it should clear up on Tuesday but the 10 day says rain again next weekend. Just call me Debby Downer.

I feel like I am way behind the ball on the "copycat school terror" bullshit that's been sweeping across the country since the events Monday at Virginia Tech. Seems everyone's doing it but me, so how will I ever get Anderson Cooper to put me on 360? Too bad I don't go to school----or own a gun for that matter. I suspect I shall never be cool (especially if I keep using the word "shall"). On a related note, if you ever saw Gus Van Sant's movie "Elephant", a movie about a high school where a group of kids do just what that crazy shit did on Monday, you probably have an idea of what the school building where the story too place looked like. Well, Elephant was filmed just 2 blocks directly behind the Roommate's house and while I've been working from home the last month or so I have been treated to the almost constant banging and jackhammering going on as a crew demolishes the structure. I'll try to get a photo of the huge pile of rubble.

Have a grand weekend, all!

More Red Dress Party Pics

Evidently the promoters of the Red Dress Party got fined last year by the Fire Dept because the venue was over capacity. The official headcount was 1,600 people although it is pretty much common knowledge that there were far more folks than that there last year. Because of the overcrowding issue it was decided that only 1,200 tickets would be sold this year. That's a lot of red fabric.

Put a red dress on a guy and had him a bunch of free booze and all hell breaks loose.

Look at cute Frankie in his school girl get up.

My friend Pat was the main sponsor this year, so we scored the VIP tickets.

Thanks Pat!

Looks like Bosch's Garden of Earthly Delights.

Even Erin got into the act (act being red dress).

Sam made his own get up, guess he didn't break the back on the fabric purchase.

Um, Frankie, I don't think that's very lady-like.

This reveler wasn't with our party but warranted a photo none the less.

Happy Red Dress Weekend!

Red Dress Season Photo Essay

Red

Dress

Party

If you've been reading House of Suz for the last year you will most likely remember the Red DressPosts from 2006. Well, it's April so if you're in our extended group of friends you found it necessary to go to Ross Dress for Less last week to pick up your frock for this year's party.

Seeing guys in dresses is funny.

And is worth the cover charge alone. We pre funked at Miss D's house and then headed out to the venue.

This poor dude faded way too early. The party opened to the "common folks" (those without VIP tickets) at nine and by the time we got there around 11, this guy was already "done". (Some of these photos are cloudy because the flash reflection off the smoke machine.)

When not in the VIP area, we pretty much hung out outside, under the Hawthorne Bridge. We had a tent area with it's very own heat lamp since most of us were skimply dressed.

Good times, good times. Stay posted for more photos.

Yes, I am still alive.

It has been brought to my attention that I haven't been posting regularly of late and to that I say "DUH", I've been busy with work and other stuff but I'm not going to make excuses about it, just gonna squeeze out a quick post before the mob carrying torches encircles my house threatening to burn the place down if I don't post.

So here it is. Ta da.

And while I've got your attention, this weekend is the annual Red Dress Party and I expect it will be even grander than last year. Look for a post about the event....sometime.

Got to get back to work now, maybe you should too, huh?

Martha Stewart kiss my fluffy white tail.

I know you all are chomping at the bit to see the photo essay covering the egg decorating contest but I am pressed for time, so here's a photo essay about the meatloaf (turkey) I made for Easter dinner.

We were going to do Jesus but a bunny seemed more edible, plus we didn't have a big enough pan. You're looking at 5 pounds of ground turkey there. This is what happens when you mix a joy of cooking with an over-active imagination and 4 years of art school.

Look at that attention to detail, right down to the carrot in it's mouth! Wait, what's that you say? You are wondering where it's cute cotton tail is?

There you go, just like a cotton tail, only edible! It's made out of mashed potatoes!

Unfortunately someone shoved some chives in the poor thing's eyes, meaning them to be whiskers, but the wine had been flowing for hours, so someone's aim was a little off.

So I hope you had a happy Easter! No bunnies were harmed in the making of this post.

Thank god it's almost Friday!

For those of you who hate a Rufus post (not naming names but one of your names starts with the letter "Leigh" and the other starts with the letter "Tammy") here is a lovely photo of my precious Rufus, taken just this morning. Isn't he cute? This is my "Rembrandt Rufus", (click on the photo for more detail) all contrast of light and dark and kind of a "self portrait" feel about it just like the artist often used. I am pretty pleased with this shot. And no I didn't tease his hair to make it all crazy-like for the photo shoot, it's naturally like that. That dog is so smart, he knows to sit super still when I pull out the tripod (since I don't use a flash in this kind of natural light); he understands the basic principals of photography, as well as calculus and brain surgery.

The weather here today is just about perfect; it's sunny and warm and should be in the mid 70's by late this afternoon. Unfortunately the beautiful/sunny ain't sticking around for the weekend so I must take advantage today and tomorrow.

Although the Roommate and I are far from religious we are celebrating Easter with an egg decorating contest (just like last year) and the like. I am planning on making a (turkey) meatloaf shaped like a 3-D Easter Bunny. Should be fun.

Ok, I'm rambling, I know. Just kind of anxious and easily distracted. I have 3 e-mail I've started and haven't finished any of them and am skittering around like a ping-pong ball in a drier as far as work goes. And basically not getting anything done. Maybe I should go outside and sit in the sun.

Excellent idea, Suz.

Message in a bottle.

I was stuck without an idea for today's post and as luck would have it I was given a mission from VE. Here is my thank-god-I-just-happened-to-pack-this list in the unlikely event I am stranded on a deserted island.

One ipod song: Well, considering I am the only person on the face of the earth that doesn't own an ipod and would I likely need a solar powered laptop to charge it, I'm going to suspend disbelief and say the Police's "Message in a Bottle", for obvious reasons.

One DVD: Again that solar powered laptop will come in handy here (thank god I invented it before I left home) I think the one DVD I could really use is the complete Gilligan's Island series. Excellent reference guide on making coconut phones and the like.

One book: Obviously the bible, since I never read it. Ooops, surely it's not cool to josh about the good book. I would pick Johnathan Franzen's "The Corrections" since it's the only book I've ever purchased and just couldn't get through. Luckily I've brought it on this trip although because of it's size it is considered my carry-on luggage.

One type of drink: Bottled water. Surprised you there, huh? Well it just so happens I am stranded with Jesus, so I can have my water and drink wine too.

One kind of meal: Spaghetti. I guess.

One dessert: Wine, I'm not a huge fan of sweets. This is just in case Jesus is lazy about the water to wine thing.

One toiletry item: Razor, I hate hairy armpits. But in case I just happened to have it all lasered off before my trip, shampoo.

One photograph: Hmmm, I guess this one since I think it just might cheer me up.

Anyone who wants to play along feel free. Let me know in comments so I can read yours.

To suck or not to suck, that is the answer.

Taking my cue from Lola, the House of Suz list of 10 things that suck and 5 that don't.

First the suckers, in no particular order:

1. Bush and his cronies (ok, this is #1 on purpose)
2. Empty wine bottles
3. Cramps
4. Dead end jobs that suck the life out of you
5. Most Mondays
6. The end of vacations that find you in a cab to the airport, crying
7. Empty checking accounts when there's still checks left
8. Online orders that take too long to arrive and then don't fit or disappoint in some other way
9. Senseless deaths (as though there are any really deaths that make sense)
10. Flat tires, or having to replace tires in general. We'll file this one under "tires" just to cover all bases.

And now, things that don't, similar order description:

1. Happy boys, especially the Roommate and Rufus
2. Unexpected bonus checks
3. Summer and roof-off-the-Jeep-for-three-months
4. Oregon Pinot Noir
5. Possibilities

Dinner done gone

If there's one thing I can do well, it's gotta be making a frickin' excellent lasagna. And if there's one thing the Roommate can do exceptionally well, it's eat, anything really but I gotta tell ya he can put a hurting on one of my lasagnas.

As I've mentioned before, I "action cook" meaning I tend not to follow recipes therefore I never make a dish the same way twice. Yesterday evening I made two lasagnas and as of 22 hours later, this is all that remains of the first---say your prayers for the second (and these are normal sized lasagnas, here). Somehow the combination of the ingredients and their portions hit critical mass and a masterpiece was born. I'm getting hungry just looking at the photo. Boytek, I know you are hoping for a smidgen of lasagna come Friday night but it ain't looking good.

I'd offer to give you the recipe but you'd be sorely disappointed. Awe, what the hell, here goes:

House of Suz secret lasagna
around a pound of ground turkey
6 turkey Italian sausage (roommate doesn't eat pork or beef), casing removed
many cans with tomato stuff in them in (as in paste, sauce and whole), more the merrier
big ass onion
garlic, enough to choke a vampire
enough salt
enough pepper
more fresh basil than you'd expect
fresh oregano
big box of lasagna noodles
ricotta cheese (here's a secret, I used more than I usually do and you can tell. Yum!)
mozzarella cheese (same here)
Parmesan cheese (duh, it's cheese! Tons!)
throw away pans because I ain't cleaning up too

Prepare and bake. Eat all in one serving. Evidently serves 2 although I believe the Roommate could have killed it off alone if necessary.

Evidently I am not destine to be a cook book writer.

I'm gonna eat. Bon appetite, ya'll!