Ok, I'm back......

Oh-my-lanta! What an end-to-the-shit-job/holiday weekend/wine tour/start-new-job whirl-wind! Sorry about the absence, I promise I'm not disappearing just not able to blog at work just yet and haven't had the time outside work either. And Hugs and Kisses is all about just that, hugs and kisses! (more about that later). But since I was drunk-o (only kinda) I didn't take many photos (ie: my hands where kinda busy with the New Guy) of wine-o 2006, so I'll have to steal someone else's photos (don't tell Emma) and I promise I will write about that soon. So look for that later, OK?

............anyway, my dog, Rufus the beast, had his very first professional photo session last night. I kid you not! He didn't bite anyone and was so cute..........so cute until I spilled a glass of red wine on his white hair. Then he was kinda pink about the back until the Roommate washed him off with a pitcher of ice water, to which Rufus said "Thanks tons dad, I was going to lick that off". Like mother, like son I guess.

The dry cycle.

So the little ball of energy wrapped in slightly pink fur was ever so cute and a real crowd pleaser until............

.............the Great Danes (yes, plural, people!) showed up and stole the show. Then to add insult to injury, two goddamn-cuter-than-shit puppies showed up (7 weeks, no less!). So Rufus lost his luster pretty damn quick and probably didn't get very much camera time, either. Oh well, maybe next time.

And if all that wasn't enough, this week I got to visit the New Guy for lunch at "heaven on earth", the Nike campus! Yes, Hugs and Kisses' office may be a long ass drive away from the Suz and Roommate's casa, but it's pretty close to Beaverton, Oregon, where Nikeland is situated. What a huge glob of very attractive buildings nestled in a virtual national forest complete with a lake and real live ducks (with the swoosh on their wings, even!). I bet you didn't know this but athletes who are signed to Nike and fall on hard times have to work in the Nike cafeteria to fulfill their contracts. It's true.............I swear*! I wouldn't lie about that**.

*Ok, huge lie, just like the ducks with swooshs painted on their wings, but it was funny anyway.
**Apparently I would.

Today is my Day of Lasts, my last day at this employer for the last 7.5 years. Last time I have to drive to Washington for work, last time I talk to some of my customers. Last time I'll shit in this building or be shit upon, for that matter. It's all so bitter sweet. Except the shit, it's never sweet.

It's really an odd feeling, leaving something that has been such a big part of me for so long. And being the kind of person who doesn't like change, well, this is a big change so part of me is fighting it. I'm scared to go to Hugs & Kisses and feel like I'm stupid for a long time until I know the ropes, because I know this place inside and out.

But change is good.

I sent the above picture out to everyone in my address book letting them know I'm outta here. I also requested that they remember me as I appear in the photo above. That got a lot of laughts I bet. I think I posted this shot before, but it's the Roommate and I after a 36 hour drinking binge in Prague. The binge involved a train ride to the ghetto, too. Always a good time.

So this is the last time I will be wasting this company's time and resources writing this blog. Next week I start wasting at Hugs & Kisses.

Whoopie!

I've been all busy transitioning my accounts to my replacement that I haven't thought of a topic for today's blog. So I'm taking the easy way out (no Leigh, not another Rufus photo essay). I had written up this list of questions for the new guy and he sent his answers back and requested I answer them as well, so here goes MY answers (his will remain a secret):

1. If you knew for sure that you could commit murder and are guaranteed not to get caught, would you do it?
No, I was raised Catholic and the guilt thing is something I can't shake, even if I am a backslider.

2. Name the situation in which you felt most betrayed.
I think it was when the Roommate left this company. He was angry at the world and for the tiniest bit of time he resented me for still being here. Also at the same time a manager here questioned my integrity and loyalty, what with the Roommate's exit, and that rubbed me the wrong way. I was getting it from both sides.

3. Where and/or when were you happiest?
I'm going to say I can actually pin point it to a specific moment, the time I was on a sailboat in Hawaii, just sailing along. About the only time I was ever overcome with joy.

4. Name a hidden talent you possess that would surprise others if they learned of it.
I kind of have a gift for listening to customers and know what they're saying, even when they don't say it exactly. When I worked for the display company my boss and I would meet with customers and come away with completely different ideas about what the customer wanted. I was always right. Same thing here at this company.

5. What do you think is your most striking or attractive feature? What would others point out as your most striking or attractive feature?
I would say my tits. I've got pretty great tits for a broad my age. Other people would say its my being so tall and skinny, although most of the time I feel fat.

6. Is there something in your past that you are so ashamed of that you
would never tell a soul? (yes or no, no specifics unless you really, really want to go ahead and cleanse your soul)
There's not really anything I'm so ashamed of that I wouldn't tell a soul but then again, I wouldn't tell you if I was that ashamed, now would I? But seriously, no.

7. Who are you closest to? Who would you share secrets with and seek advice from, a family member, clergy or close friend?
I'm not that close with my family so I guess I'm closest to a friend, the Roommate to be exact. He knows everything about me and is the one I go to for advice.

8. If you were granted a wish giving you one earthly possession, what would it be?
Beach front property with a great post modern house, please.

9. Same as number 8 only a talent, what would it be?
Be able to play the violin. I should have taken lessons in 5 th grade, like I wanted to but since I bailed on the piano I didn't think my parents would let me. Turned out years later I asked and they both and each said they would have encouraged me. Catholic guilt again.

10. What person, living or dead, do you admire the most?
Walt Disney, I'd kill for his genius.

11. If you could re-choose your career, would you change and if so to what?
Yes, something creative again. I got out because I was burned out but miss it again.

12. Which is wiser to own if you could only have one pair of dress shoes, a black pair or brown?
Once you go black, you never go back. I do not even own a pair of brown shoes.

13. If you were to compare the positive aspects of your personality to an animal or plant, what would you most be like? What about negative aspects?
A puppy for both. I'm playful and like to have fun but not responsible enough, at least I don't think so.

14. If you could change one thing from your past, what would it be?
I would have put a little more thought into my career path, it's all over the place.

15. If you could change your sex or your sexual orientation, would you change (one, either or both)?
I wouldn't want to be a man unless I was also going to be gay, so that would be yes to both or no change at all. But no, I'll stay where I am please.

Hmm, my last answer made me laugh. What's up with that?

Wine-o Tour, 2006!

I admit this photo has nothing to do with Wine-o Tour 2006, but it's just a funny shot. The Roommate passed out in a cookie induced sugar coma on the couch, and if you look closely at the uni-bomber look alike you will even see cookie crumbs on his chest. This is how he spent his Sunday afternoon. Very productive weekend, huh Roomie?

Ok, on to other things. I'm in the process of cleaning out my cube here at work, taking care of customer issues I should have taken care of before and generally getting rid of damaging material on my computer, so I just have a sec to tell you about Wine-o Tour, 2006. Up here in Oregon, we produce some of the best Pinot Noir you can imagine and the vineyards and wineries are a mere one hour drive from our beloved Portland. Every year on Memorial Day Weekend all the wineries open their doors for tastings and every year I organize a wine tour which consists of a breakfast of quiche and mimosas at our house, load our soon to be drunken asses into a limo and head out to drink primo wine.

This year, living up to his motto of "Just say yes to another excess", the Roommate found a 26 seater limo Excursion that we will be enjoying for our tour and into it we will pour 22 drunken wine-os. Last year we had an 18 seater and I guess our party was a little large, the point punctuated by the fact that Katie let us up and leave her boyfriend at one winery and she didn't even notice until we were miles away and someone pointed it out to her. This year, in order to avoid such a mishap, I am going to provide one of those ropes with loops in it that kindergarteners grab a hold of when taking a stroll with the class. This may allow us to avoid losing anyone. Maybe, but I can't be sure. Look for a future post about the zany antics on Wine-o Tour, 2006! It should be a good one. I'm only saying.

Sneak Attack!

The Alberta Art Hop was this weekend and in true Suz/Roommate form, we completed our paintings Thursday and Friday morning respectively. Oh, and the paintings had to be turned in Friday, FYI. Typical.

So the theme of the art show, if you will recall, was The Art of Surprise/The Surprise of Art and my piece (see above) was titled "You dropped the bomb on me, baby" and featured a small nuclear explosion mushroom cloud on it. My logic being that getting a atom bomb dropped on your ass is the ultimate surprise. It is a smallish painting (8 X 10) but considering that was the only size canvases I had, it's what I got.

The Roommate's painting is much larger and much more graphic. If Rob is reading this right now I know he's laughing; just about every photo of Rob has him making this sign with his hand. I'm sure some feel it is a gang related sign. Not so, this is simply "two in the pink, one in the stink" and the uplifted thumb is the added extra "sneak attack". And the ever clever Roommate called the painting "Sneak Attack".

When I went to pick up the paintings yesterday evening the curator told me that she didn't get the meaning of the Roommate's painting at first but when a group of young people were looking at it and cracking up she knew it had to be something sexual. A friend of hers came in and started laughing when he saw this canvas so she asked him what it meant. You know, of course, that the Roommate LOVED that story. Once again he's grabbing the spotlight. I was proud of him for doing the painting and even more proud for making a scene with it. Can't wait till Rob sees it.

PS: Sarahbeth, this is your painting. Not sure when I'll get it to you since you aren't coming down for Wine-o Tour '06. And Leigh, I did one for you too, same theme, different painting, so no bitching. I'll give it to you next time I see you (since you weren't at Michelle's birthday party. Party pooper). And I know, Michelle, you need one too. I have to finish The Roommate's tripytic first. It's soooo hard to have soooo many fans.

A Special Weekend Edition.....

This picture is especially for Leigh and Tammy because they made the mistake of telling me they HATE the Rufus photo essays. What I'm wondering is how can you hate adorable photos of this darling rag-a-muffin, like the one here of him chewing matches. Such a cutie and flame retardant too! I'm afraid, here at the House of Suz, that we're going to be forced to publish a weekly Rufus photo essay now. Yes, I'm sorry that you all will be punished because of the careless words of a few not so well meaning people, but them's the breaks, Charlie. You can thank the team of T & L. Thanks kids!

************

Now on the "announcement" front, having turned in my resignation letter and fully expecting to be walked out of the building immediately I was shocked and surprised and a little impressed at the actual outcome. The director of Customer service for my company and the VP of CS for Asshole company called me into an impromptu meeting and actually presented me with a counter offer that was quite attractive. I told them I had to think about it over the weekend. It turns out I am a hot property and one that Asshole Co insists they keep and are not going to go down without a fight. I went home to get a sanity check from the Roommate, who convinced me Hugs and Kisses is the right choice for me, so it looks like I'm going to be moving on to greener pastures. But it was nice to get the counter offer; perhaps someone at my current company should have let me know that I was a valued employee, oh, I don't know, maybe sometime in the last 7 and a half years----perhaps my exit wouldn't be happening now had someone given me an adequate pat on the back in the past.

I promise I won't birthday again until next time

Our Bart had all kinds of fun at Beaches for his birthday! He got to play the fishy game and won a prize! Such a big boy and definitely how a 29 year old should ring in the last of his 20's, except he forgot to get strippers.

*****************************************

Ok, and now on to what you're waiting for, the announcement!

*tap, tap* Is this on? Is this on? Can you hear me? Good, ok...............

As you probably remember from a recent rant Asshole Co. is purchasing our company, and The House of Suz is not happy about the whole sit-out-the-bullshit-and-hope-for-a-package thing while the rats leave the sinking ship and pile their work of those of us dumb enough to stay. Well, remember when I went to Seattle on a secret mission? Well, the mission was a third and final interview with Hugs and Kisses Co., disguised as a visit with Our Rusty and Sarahbeth (who finally posted, by the way. YEA! It's about time!). So, yadda, yadda, yadda, Hugs and Kisses LOVES THEM SOME SUZ so as of the end of this month I will be working at a company that hands out rainbows and sunshine on a daily basis and it rains gumdrops* for desert. So as of a week from today I am OUTTA HERE! I'll be leaving behind almost 8 years of hard work and dedication with nothing to show for it except for 4 "support person of the month" awards. And Asshole Co can kiss my happy *bleep*.

* Got that whole gumdrop thingie from Scott. He evidently doesn't post regularly but that's ok, he's just lazy like that. Look out Asshole Co, here comes Scott!

W T F

Let me just take a moment (and that's all I have by the way) to ask how I am supposed to cover the work load for a person who works 6 to 10 hours of overtime a week for said person for a couple days while she's on PTO and still be able to get my own shit taken care of. See, that's the kind of logic I'm questioning. Ok, gotta run. Nice talking to you.

Oh, and if you're wondering, the big announcement* will be tomorrow. Stay tuned.

*Has something to do with Asshole Co. but at the moment I am not at liberty to share.

Oh Lord, here we go again..........

At the risk of turning this into a fucking birthday site, I thought I should mention that today is Michelle's birthday. Now you are probably wondering why Michelle doesn't get a blog-a-thon like Our Rusty did and the answer is quite simple. Michelle isn't that much of a klutz (she will probably say that's the nicest thing I've ever said about her and she may just be right) and I don't have tons of embarrassing photos and stories about her. She's probably getting a little worried right about now that I'm going to mention an incident that rhymes with "bunch flub" but I'm not. We'll just leave that little misjudgment in a dark, dank closet somewhere, where I'm sure we all know it belongs.

I have known Michelle for many years and worked with her for many years until she jumped ship and hauled ass outta here. She had been a good friend (hence me not mentioning "bunch flub") and a fan of Popeye's so she's ok in my book. Today she is 30 years old*.

Now I suppose I should give this character his on post as well but like I already mentioned, I don't care to turn this blog in to a birthday site so the goofball in the tard suit below is Bart. Hmmm, I see you are confused as to which outfit is the tard suit, so Bart is the one that doesn't appear a total Si Fi freak. Hmmm, a little too vague again. He's the one in the unitard-tard suit.

I probably wouldn't have posted this photo here but somehow I think he deserves it. Bart's birthday was actually Tuesday and he is a little closer to 30 than Michelle, so there you go. Our big boy turned 29 on Tuesday! Oh, what a big, big boy. We all pitched in and got you Star Wars action figures for you birthday. Many happy returns.

Oh, back to your regularly scheduled program, already in progress.

* Not really, she's only 26 (or is it 27?). But that makes her way too young compared to me, so today she's 30. Get over it.

Beep beep beep beep beep

I was punching a text message into my phone at work today, a rather long message at that. My coworker to my left sarcastically asked if I was calling China. "No, text messaging Chile" I answered as I kept on pressing the buttons spelling out my message. A little while later I told my coworker that the man I am currently seeing is in South America and I was actually texting him earlier and she cracked up. She thought I was being sarcastic back with my response to her "calling China" comment.

Can't wait to see that cell bill.*


* Even more sarcasm. We've got buckets of it here.

The end of the rainbow......

Today finds us at the end of Rusty blog-a-thon 2006. It's been quite the ride but like any other over indulgence, it's time to back away slowly. Here are the last of the photos I pulled to share with you about Our Rusty.

I've posted this one before but it's such a crowd pleaser, Lingerie Croquett, and that's Rusty in the foreground under that "pimp hat" that some guy bought me in New Orleans (and when I say "bought" of course I mean "shoplifted"). It's a bloody shame I don't have the the ones of Rusty in my lingerie since those shots go well with the events of this past Saturday evening.

Wufus wooooves his Uncle Rusty! Wufus woooves him soooooo much he pees on the floor when you even mention the words "Uncle Rusty". Um, to clarify, Rufus pees, not Rusty.

This photo is of our dashing Rusyt, world traveler. This one was taken in a boat on a river in Prague. Yes, that is a can of "Erektion" in his hand. Not the first erection he's had in his hands but that one was a little too easy, huh?

Pride last year, and I have a feeling his is where Our Rusty honed his desire to be a drag queen. Oh, sorry AWARD WINNING drag queen. I smell a new career path for our dear friend.

So that's it, say so long to Rusty Blog-a-Thon 2006. Hope you had fun*.

*And as usual it's at Rusty's expense.

Rusty blog-a-thon

My sources have forwarded a photo of the crowning of Miss ECSA, Our Rusty! His upset win cause more panic and confusion than when Mt St Helens erupted!

Remember the spring of 1980? Although it was 26 years ago, in this part of
the country the memory of the day Mt St Helens blew is ever fresh in our
collective minds. On clear days, as we've had lately, Mt St Helens is
clearly in view, and many days a small plume of smoke---a wisp, if you will---can be seen hovering above the mountain. Letting off a little steam is what's happening but yesterday
I found out (yes, just now!) that the volcano has actually been in a constant state of eruption
for the last two years now, and although it's not spewing massive clouds of
steam or rivers of molten lava it's erupting, in it's own quiet "sneak
attack" kind of way. The photo above was taken a little over a year ago and it's the largest steam cloud we've witnessed so far (the Roommate and I had played hookey and got to witness this sight from the bar-by-the-putting-green at Edgefield, where we had spent the afternoon pretending to play golf and pretending we weren't drinking heavily. Quite an impressive sight, not the golfing/drinking, but the volcano, silly.

Simmer down, Helen, keep a lid on it. I'm not ready for a major eruption right now.

***********************************

On a Rusty blog-a-thon note, Our Rusty won his drag competition Saturday night, lip sinking to "She Works Hard for the Money" and showing his junk. His answer to the question portion of the competition was "Magenta is my favorite color in the Crayola box", and still he won! Shocking because the question had something to do about peace in the Middle East.

Potty IMing

We interrupt this blog-a-thon to bring you this breaking (wind-breaking, that is) story:

As you may or may not know, the Roommate and I enjoy toilet humor and tend to take it to extraordinary levels. Here is a conversation we had over instant messenger this morning. I'm still chuckling about it.

roommate: Oh. And I meant to tell you. When I was pulling into my garage this morning and I was on the phone and not really paying attention when I let a really hot, moist and nasty air biscuit (with gravy). So Richard, the 70 year old parking lot attendant that parks my car got to smell fresh biscuits cooking in my Volkswagen Dutch oven.

paganmonster: Just a sec

.............(on the phone)............

paganmonster: LOL!!!!!!!!

paganmonster: VW Dutch Oven is funny!

roommate: Did ya cackle?

paganmonster: I'm STILL laughing

paganmonster: It's the 'with gravy' part that really got me.

roommate: I liked that part too. Speaking of parts.....Do farts have hard parts?

paganmonster: They shouldn't, by definition.

paganmonster: Parts would make it pooh.

And with that we return to Our Rusty's Blog-a-thon, in just a bit...........stay tuned.

I can't believe I missed this one!

In your mind please add this shot to this collection. Thanks. I can't believe I omitted it. Many pardons.

Oh, and I tried to upload a short film I have of Our Rusty in this dress and a blond frizzy wig, closing his car window with the song "Good Hearted Woman" in the background but it didn't work. If anyone knows how to do that please let me know.

More Rusty Blog-a-Thon!

So, now we continue with photos of Our Rusty, this time without a specific theme, unless you consider "Rustiness" a common thread for these pictures.

When Rusty travels he usually wears sweats (comfort value) but for the return trip from Los Angeles, he decided to be a little more festive, wearing this lovely hat on the transport bus at LAX. Even in Lala Land this getup got some looks.

Ah, Vancouver BC, and in preparation for Our Rusty's arrival the city erected (snicker snicker I said erect) this sign pointing out Our Rusty to citizens and tourists alike.

One Sunday I got a call from The Roommate and Our Rusty saying they were locked out of the house and could I come let them in? Well, I could but I was at the bar with Sarahbbeth (I know, post something new already, girl!), so it took quite a few frantic calls to actually get our asses in gear. When we arrived home I went in the house and out the back door since I hadn't seen hide nor hair of the two, asuming they were camped on the deck with a 12-pack. Out in the back yard there was no sign of them, well except both pair of their shoes and Rusty's sweat pants (his Sunday best as well, evidently) nor where they in the garage or anywhere I could see, for that matter. Then they popped out of the top of the apple tree, causing piss-inducing laughter from both Sarahbeth and myself. They had been hiding in the tree for hours, waiting for us to come home for our surprise. One of their funnier moments moments I might add (fightclub is NOT funny).

This is Dana with Our Rusty, bestest friend from way back (and I mean waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay back, like first grade or something crazy like that). There are some really funny stories through out the years about these two, probably some I could write down here, but they're way funnier when Dana tells them, so I'll not ruin it for you.

And although Leigh has requested that I tell a "certain Rusty story", I will have to put that off as I do not currently have the associated photos to go with the tale. Look for that in the next few days. And to Leigh, chill sista. I'll post it, I swear.

It's a RUSTY Blog-a-thon! All Rusty, all WEEK!

Although Our Rusty has the destructive energy of the Enegerizer Bunny, seeming to keep going and going and going ad nausium, he does need his occasional down time. Odd part is his down time tends to be in the daylight but I guess that assists with the "party all night" mode he is most accustomed to. Below are just a few such public* naps enjoyed by Our Rusty.

Wow, riding in a horse drawn trolley all the way around Stanley Park and stealing the poor horse's blanket (see extreme bottom of photo for evidence) certainly have a way of tuckering a poor soul out. Rusty pauses to recharge, mid park.

Evidently drinking bloody marys on a flight from Portland to LA is also a real energy buster as well. Here he is sleeping on the sidewalk in front of LAX waiting for a taxi.

According to Our Rusty, any place, even the hood of a stranger's car, is an appropriate place for a little nappy-pooh. Here I am using my womanly charms to awaken the sleeping prince. Nope, didn't work. No shocker there.

After a good night's sleep (if you consider 5 am to 9 am a "night's sleep") of stealing covers, peeing on the wall and using his bedmate's stomach as a pillow (bedmate = me) what's the first thing you do upon leaving the hotel? Plop your ass down in hotel's driveway (like a homeless person) and grab a little shut eye. Who cares if you're in a foreign country? There's time for sight seeing later.

After all that I think I need a nap. Rest up as we will continue RUSTY BLOG-A-THON tomorrow! Sweet dreams!

* We do not want to get into the other stuff Our Rusty does in public, no sir.

That's our Rusty!

This is Our Rusty, he's got a birthday coming up so I thought I'd post a little blurb about him. We've been friends with Rusty for a few years now, traveled with him to Canada, Prague and LA, and have marveled in his Rustyness. Like the time he was planting a tiki torch in the garden, hit and punctured the underground watering system and instantly became drenched in a geyser. As he walked away from the scene of the crime, he spouted these now infamous words: "This is who I am and this is what I do". Yes, those words shall go down in history, along with "We have nothing to fear but fear itself" and "Ask not what your Rusty can do for you, but what you can do for your Rusty".

Our dear Rusty moved to Seattle last year so we don't get to see him nearly as much as we used to. In spite of the distance we still hear word of his major achievements such as catching an outfield hit softball with his forehead and ending up in the ER. Some other things that Rusty has been known to do are:

---Pee on the room wall of a 4 star hotel
---Steal a horse blanket from a horse drawn carriage in Stanley Park
---Fall off of the cocktail table he had been dancing on, at the rooftop bar of the Wilshire Standard in LA, no less
---Super glue his lip to his tooth
---Damn near dislocated Rufus Wainwright's shoulder and embarrass me in front of Allan Cummings

And the list goes on and on. So, in celebration of Rusty, please leave comments on your favorite Rusty moments in the comment section. We'll have a field day with it.

My NEW Car!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, I went out and did a crazy ass thing this weekend and bought this kick ass car. Yeah, the one below!

Now you're probably thinking "How in the hell can she afford that" and all I can say is I lied about my income. It's a sweet ass car, got it up to 180 on the interstate and even though the weather was looking kinda nasty, I had the top down, because HELLO, it's cool with the top down.

Ok, so I lied just then, the car actually belongs to this little darling's grand dad, but I did take the photo and I did actually get to touch the car.

Considering Baby Ella's grand dad has a kick ass car, why isn't she smiling? Because there's no place for the baby carseat, that's why.

It's a Cinco De Mayo photo essay, ya'll!

If you can squint your eyes and think really, really hard, you can probably remember back in December when I told the story about The Time The Roommate Gave Me Cancer while on our trip to Cancun. Well, in honor of Cinco de Mayo (and FYI, May 5th is not: a) Mexican Independent Day or b) about or having anything to do with Hellmann's, ya big dummy) I am pleased to share a short photo essay concerning ancient Mexico, the photos from a tour that my cancer got us.

When the Roommate and I went to Cancun last year we visited lovely downtown Chichen Itza on a super duper fucking hot day. We took a tour which consisted of being bused two hours on a plush tour bus with a very knowledgeable Mayan tour guide who had a cooler full of ice cold Coronas for our touring pleasure. He told us that when the Spanish explorers came they asked the Mayans "What is this place called?" in Spanish and the Mayans replied in their Mayan dialect "Chichen Itza" so the Spanish said "Oh, ok, this city is called Chichen Itza!" Only problem is that "chichen itza" in this particular Mayan dialect means "I don't understand you". So welcome to a short photo essay of the ruins of I Don't Understand You.

I switched the camera to B&W here, evidently I decided that either it's more artsy without color or the colors were unnecessary and distracting to the photos. Please bear with me.

This is the Roommate and I sitting on the temple stairs. Each individual stair is quite tall and not too terribly deep (by that I mean not deep at all, half your foot would fit on it) so it's difficult to climb even if you're not afraid of heights.

Now we were lucky enough to have gone to I Don't Understand You in April of 2005 because that was the last year that the Mexican government would let common tourists like ourselves climb the pyramid. This is the view down the steps from the top platform. Feeling dizzy yet? It almost looks like the stairs are more like a slide. See what I mean about the stairs being definitely "not deep"?

This is also a view from the top of the pyramid, of another temple in the city of I Don't Understand You. As you can probably tell, it's kinda high.

See that little speck with her hands on her hips? That's me. Remember when I said the stairs weren't deep and the climb scary even if you're not afraid of heights? Well, turns out I'm afraid of heights so the Roommate climed up and took these lovely shots for our viewing enjoyment. Thanks Roommate! Have a shot of tequila on me!

And to my readers out there, wherever you are, have a fun and drunken Cinco de Mayo, ya'll!

What am I going to do with............

................this crack-smoking rat-bastard seen here ---->? He's lovable as hell one minute and running-out-in-front-of-moving-cars-in-order-to-bite-a-cyclist the next. He went to doggie boot camp for a month to curb his "wanting to run away and play in traffic" disorder and came back a "finger-biter". The second trainer did some good but he loses his head when he should really know better, it seems he can resist anything but temptation (like a certain Roommate I know). I need a wish granted to make him be a good dog (Rufus, not the Roommate).

................Sarahbeth's blog? I've been looking at these poor, stale partially-eaten bunnies for weeks. Every time I crank up her blog I get the urge to raid the candy bowls here at work for chocolate. And I don't really like chocolate. Please Sarahbeth, make the bad bunnies go away before my teeth rot and I gain 3 lbs (the horror!).

................my idea for my "Art of Surprise/Surprise of Art" painting for the upcoming show? I have to have it done by next Wednesday and so far I have.......a concept, but that's it. I need motivation in an IV drip, stat.

................my life. Probably too late for me to become a nun----I just made myself laugh out loud and pee my pants a little at that one!! Can you imagine ME a NUN---what with my filthy mouth, hunger for man meat and lack of belief in a superior being and all? A career change is out of the questions at this stage, so what to do? I know, my answer has two words: lottery tickets! When (not if) I win I'll buy a bar in Cancun and I'll be set for life.

Can someone loan me a couple dollars to play lotto?

The first time I saw the Roommate

*
Recently my attention was pointed in the direction of a long ago memory about the first time I saw the Roommate. I have a clear picture in my mind of the meeting because the occasion involved embarassement, and nothing sticks in my mind like being embarassed. This first blush at what would become a great friendship pretty much says everything about our relationship that you need to know, which is: I was born to provide entertainment for the Roommate.

One work day in early spring, oh, about 5 years ago (so it was pretty much 5 years ago from around now) I had walked across the street from our then downtown Portland office with the sole purpose of getting a latte from Starbucks. It must have been fairly early in the day because the place was packed and there was a long line not only to order but also to pick up coffee once made. I made the unfortunate mistake of timing my arrival in line just after an older woman whom I had never met--no, wait---never even seen before, who turned around and started talking to me as though she knew me, and knew me well. She was telling me about work and about her kids and basically...about everything, as though I was a close friend or member of her family. As she continued with her one-sided conversation I realized she either thought I was someone else or that she was just a crazy nut case. Crazy because she was acting like we've known each other for years, and although the back up at Starbucks was unusually long that day, it didn't warrant a couple-of-years-length relationship. The longer we stood there the more animated the woman became and the more her volume increased. It had gotten to the point that I was aware that other people were listening in because she had started to tell me some "colorful" things about her daughter that one didn't usually spout out to strangers, especially not in a loud voice within hearing range of other strangers. I also realized that we were getting glances from other patrons and that in their eyes the crazy woman was dragging me along to her crazy level---I was also now a nut job! As I glanced around at the knowing-looking faces I noticed a very attractive, well dressed man across the room looking directly at me. Well, I assumed he was looking right at me because not only did he have on a well tailored suite and was holding a briefcase, he also was wearing sunglasses. Inside. On a cloudy day. But the reason I KNEW he was looking at me is because he had the biggest grin on his face that told me a) he knew I didn't know the crazy woman, b) that I was being held captive in crazy land because of my dependence on caffeine and c) that entire situation embarrassed the hell out of me. That was a first class Cheshire Cat grin if I'd ever seen one and he did not look away, he wanted me to see and to know he was enjoying the show at my expense. Luckily my coffee was announced and I squirreled away to the corner to mix in my "sugar in the raw" away from the gazes of onlookers. As I was walked toward my building I realized I was directly behind the attractive looking man who had been amused at my predicament. I followed him across the street, into my building and onto the elevator where he pushed button for my company's floor. I did not look his way and as the elevator doors opened, he stepped out and took a left while I walked down the hall to the right. A few days later a group of coworkers went out for drinks and this man was in attendance. I told an off color Jesus joke which got no laughs except from the soon-to-be-Roommate and he proceeded to tell an equally off color Jesus joke of his own. The rest is history.

So, that was my first encounter with the Roommate and I have to admit that through the years I've seen that same Cheshire Cat's grin on his face many, many times. And more times than not it's been put there at my expense.

* An early photo of the roommate and I. You can tell it's an early photo because I'm smoking and I look way younger in it.

Let's hit the beach!

Rufus the "don't want to get my paws wet" beach bum

Friday I rushed home from my secret mission in Seattle with the sole intent of getting back in town in time to soak up some sun because, hell, it was going to be 80 degrees! In Portland that is JUST UNHEARD OF IN APRIL! I got in town, grabbed Rufus, some beach chairs, Michelle and her dog (and a couple 6-packs of Mike's hard lemonade) and headed out to Sauvie Island to hit the beach because you HAVE TO take advantage of that kind of kick ass weather. Well guess what, it's windy on the river and that made it a little chilly. We got there around 2 and contacted our friend Vanessa to make sure she was planning on joining us with her dog Diego. Which she did, so I'm sure we were annoying to everyone not wanting to be tormented by 3 crazed running-around-like-maniac dogs.

Aside for a couple of 16 year olds trying to pick up Michelle, it was an uneventful day. That is until Plan Nine from Outer Space started.

Plan 9 from Outer Space

The Columbia (or is it the Willammett??? Eh, I guess it really doesn't matter) River is a major thoroughfare to the Port of Portland and points beyond, so it's not unheard of for tankers and all sorts of watercraft to be seen chugging up and down the river. But out of nowhere came this really odd looking boat that kind of looked like scaffolding on a big-ass barge chugging up the river right around the time a bunch of kite-boarders hit the water. This scene looked like something out of Battlestar Galactica, only weirder. The kite-boarders look like smaller attack crafts bombarding the mother ship, well, at least it did to me. I was drinking, ya know.

So I'm hoping to catch a few more rays before the rain starts up again. I'm sure this great weather we've been having for the last few weeks isn't going to hold up, considering it should be raining through Independence Day. And I'll keep my eyes peeled for alien space craft.

People of Earth, BEWARE! Portland is sunny and warm! Be on alert!

Whirl wind trip to Seattle

Thanks for being patient with my being out of town and not posting.
Well, this may sound all smoke and dagger like but the "Mission to Seattle" was a success and the task at hand was easy to take care of (look for details soon) and I was able to immediately switch into "Party Suz" mode Thursday afternoon around 3.

Sarahbeth and Christine

I met up with Rusty for a cocktail and then we were quickly joined by Sarahbeth. Now the place we all met, Pesos on Queen Anne is famous in our group for causing memory loss and occasional bouts of falling down (and sometimes pants wetting) but because this was a school night for everyone but me, everyone (but me) behaved (ie: drank) responsibly. The Plan was to collect some other friends and go to one of 150 local restaurants participating in an AIDS benefit where 30% of proceeds are given to AIDS charities. When we left Blottos---er, I mean Pesos, we stopped by Rusty's casa to pick up his roomie, Christine---and off we went to collect Rusty's other friend Rusty. While we were walking down the street "Other Rusty" was looking our at us, chatting away and walked BAM! right into a street sign. With a look of amazement he said "I never do things like that" and I told him "Our Rusty" does all the time (!!!!!) saying That's Our Rusty and perhaps it was rubbing off.

Two Rustys and an Ian

We decided on a restaurant (Julia's on Broadway, I think, because I found a charge card receipt in my purse today) and were able to get the only available---table which just so happened to accommodate 6 adults and settled in for our evening; the Rustys's (possessive, plural) friend Ian was going to be joining us. Christine was telling us about an exercise ball she sits on and Rusty decided to imitate what she looked like sitting on it. He leaned back in his chair and as I sat next to him the thought occurred to me that he might fall back, but my mind dismissed the thought. Well, my mind should have kept in mind that this was Our Rusty leaning back in a chair in a packed restaurant, and then perhaps I might have actually gone ahead with my original thought and steadied his chair so he wouldn't fall backwards. Which he proceeded to go ahead and do. Whap! onto his back he feel, and into the back of the man's chair behind him. The restaurant went quiet and then broke into applause. Rusty got up, gave the crowd a bow and I said loudly That's Our Rusty!. A woman from the far end of the restaurant came up and presented him with his score, an impressive 9.8 for a full back flip with legs in the air. Any mother would have been proud.
Once Ian arrived in time to see us scarf up the last of our dinners (mine was chicken fried chicken with mashed potatoes) it was time for the floor show, which was the obligatory drag/lip synch show. After that performance Sarahbeth decided we needed to bow out of the "going to the Cuff for another drag show" event as we were tired and needed to get to bed. She had to work the next day and I had to drive back to Portland so I could meet Michelle to go to the beach with her dog Molly and her boyfriend Rufus. Which translates into going Back to Pesos for more cocktails---hello, this is Sarahbeth and I we're talking about. Photos from the beach tomorrow, but for now just remember these closing words, That's Our Rusty!