Let's try this one more time........

Just a short post to update the whole "giving up something for lent" thing. It appears the masses aren't exactly behind the "give up paying for my own drinks" promise; I've gotten comments like "see ya", "gonna get kinda parched, aren't ya" and "hope you like water", as well as my favorite "good luck with that", so I'm thinking this probably is going to end up falling into the "backfired" column. With this realization just one day after my global announcement, I put on my thinking cap and decided to trie another idea. Since it's still Ash Wednesday, the opening ceremonies for Lent, I figure I still have time, at least till midnight officially. So this morning I set about trying to come up with an alternative "give up", and I have. I basically wanted to do something that would:

a) provide "grace" as in being a "holy fuckpants"
b) save me some moula
c) be at least a little healthy without going so far as giving up fried chicken or booze
d) avoid as many curt responses as possible

My solution? I'm giving up my closeted friendship with the vending machines here at work. For a few dollars a day my friends in the basement provide me with all kinds of empty calories, unwanted carbs, dangerous trans fats with their only request in payment being my hard earned change. I'm sorry soda machine, crunchy snack machine and spinning turnstiled stale sandwich dispenser, I am breaking up with you. Although you make me feel good for a short time, the glow wears off quickly which leaves me with a longing in my soul, thicker hips and an empty pocketbook. We'll call it a "trial separation" for now but you have to realize the possibility that this may just be it for us, you know, I really probably need to move on. Just like with Mr. Cancer-in-a-Capri-box, my "skinniest cigarettes in the world" chum, I will most likely come to the conclusion that I really don't need your negative impact on my life. Don't worry, there'll be others and if you've see the cows walking around here, you know won't be missing me long.

Farewell fat dispensers, takers of my lowly wages, you will be gone but not forgotten---since I have to pass your portal every working day. So long, fuckpants!