Happy Halloweenie!

It's Halloween today and guess what I'm doing tonight? That's right, going to an Amy Sedaris book signing and reading. I bet she's have been all over the America's Next Muffin Top Model costume had she gone on the Barfly Bus with us Saturday. Anyway, should be fun.

Ok kiddies, remember to only go to houses where the porch light is on and don't put anything in your mouths until mom has checked it over for unwanted surprises. Or open sores.

Have a Happy and Safe Halloween!

As Charlie Brown always says, "I got a rock,"

So remember when I said we were making our Halloween costumes from a combination of this and this? Well that combo will give you America's Next Muffin-top Model! The imagination on the Roommate to come up with such an idea, and this is what the end product turned out to look like:

After sewing 4 of these outfits I don't want to look at my sewing machine again for a long time. Belly buttons courtesy of the Roommate. He's all over the innies. Diane's muffin top is a little on the lopsided side.

The Roommate getting his groove on with the evening's "signature move".

We're too sexy for our muffin tops, too sexy for our muffin tops, too sexy.

Check out the logo! Check out the Roommate and Dr Phil! Looks like our Marine is trying to pick up a lady....everyone wants to date a model! Even if it's a muffin-top model.

The costumes were a complete success and we even won a costume competition at a bar where the usual patrons could have fit in with our group without dressing up. Good times, good times. I'll post some other costume shots tomorrow.

Hold on a second while I pull an "Oliver!" and bust into my version of "Cheese, Glorious Cheese!"

*
Here at House of Suz "We're the Jesus of Cheeses!"

It has been commented before that the Roommate and I have an inordinate amount of cheese in our fridge at any given moment and I must admit this statement appears to be true. While preparing a cheese plate for dinner the other night, from freshly purchased cheeses just moments before, I noticed this plethera of fomage already in our "cheese drawer" left over from, oh probably the last week and a half and realized we have a dairy problem. We need counseling, and quick.

The Roommate and I have overall similar tastes in food, aside from him not liking what he calls "dirty food" (oysters, livers, mushrooms…) and we both have a weakness for bread, cheese and the ol' oil and balsamic vinegar combo and can easily make that selection of healthy choices a meal (and yes, Mom, I know there's not a single green leafie on that menu, but I'm all growed up and can eat like this occasionally if I like). We have had friends drop by and when we ask them if they'd like to stay for dinner, let me just say they can be a little puzzled by our offerings. But in the long run I'm sure this meal selection is better than sitting down to a double bacon cheeseburger and fries washed down with a chocolate shake, so get off my back. That and the pine nuts will satisfy me. And a couple glasses of Pinot Noir, of course.

This post has been sponsored by the American Dairy Council and the Association of American Dairy Farm Owners.

*This probably looks like a professionally photographed picture that I downloaded from Google Image (and I can see why you'd think that, what with my Google Image obsession) but I actually took this shot in our kitchen. And that's actually our very own cheese----and now that I see it, it looks like we're running low so I got to head over to New Seasons and stock up for the weekend. Boytek will be in town after all. Gotta run. Bye!

Ponder this, you tard!

HowManyOfMe.com

There are: 0 people with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

/

Evidently I don't exist, so what the fuck am I doing at work?

I think I'll be lame for Halloween.

Tonight the Roommate and I will be working on our group Halloween costumes. We are going on the Barfly party bus Saturday night, cruising the dives in East Portland and getting sloshed. Should be fun because the Roommate came up with a fabulous idea involving stuck up, self obsessed sticks and something we'd like a little less of. It's going to be halarious and completely original!

Other than that I got nothing for ya, iamnot insisted on trying to pull me out of my funk and I do feel a little better at the moment. We'll see if that lasts. He's threatening me with visions of shrunk designer sweaters, crippled-puppies-in-buckets-of-water and toast-dropped-jelly-side-down if I don't perk up, so I guess he means business.

Go ahead, say the colors are pretty, they are still the colors of death.

My bad mood is hanging in the air like smoke from a bacon grease fed fire. Seems I've been in a shitass poor mood for a while and I just can't shake it, and it's really been wearing me down. Now I find out I'm spending my 4 day Christmas weekend alone with the spreadsheet eating dog and little more. Fuck the holidays, cancel them for all I care.

I found out yesterday that a friend of mine from 20 years ago (from when I lived in Shreveport LA and Dallas TX) that I had actually managed to keep in touch with all these many miles and years dropped dead of a heart attack last week. I'd swear he was very near my age, a little on the heavy side maybe but not enough to die from it. KevDog was a great guy, fabulous party thrower and will definitely be missed, especially this Halloween since Alotta Twat won't be sashaying down the sidewalks of Dallas in a tres chic frock. Fairwell Kevdog, keep the faith.

Let us all raise a jello shot to our fallen comrade, KevDog.

I love google image.

For reasons I don't care to go into at the moment, my new favorite number is 24, and if you google image "24" you get a wide variety of images, of course this one:

You would fully expect to get this image with that search.
But this? Got nothing for ya on this one.

All this has to do with 24 is that it's the date this photo was taken, I think. But google was generous and threw it into the search for shits and grins.
I don't even know what this is, let alone know what it has to do with 24, but we'll leave that to the smart folks at google.

But com'mon, what does this have to do with my favorite number? Aside from him not having any clothes on, absolutely nothing.

Happy Monday and thank god for Ferris Buller!

Rufus strikes again

One of the hazards of working from home, and I had written disconnect order numbers on that spreadsheet! Time for the scotch tape!

Professor Suz says...

Did you know that if you Google "dictionary" (because you want to look up "effecuates") and you misspell "dictionary" as "dictionaar" the first two choices you get refer you to medical dictionaries and all the rest say SEXUAL CONTENT WARNING with key words like "incest porn fuck", "aunt nephew incest" and "incest video manga". So I looked up "dictionaar" in the dictionary because I thought I may be missing something, but it's not a word. So I don't know what's up with Google's obsession with associating porn and the word "dictionaar". Did you also know that blogspot's spell-check does not recognize "effecuates", or "spell-check" for that matter? Just a little trivia for your Friday.

I am working from home today and this work program I am working in on my H&K laptop is so slow (how slow is it? Remember that from the Match Game?) that I am typing this blog on my personal laptop while I wait for my work laptop thinks. I look like some sort of super over achiever or a computer geek, of which I am neither I am proud to say. Good thing I am alone at my dining room table and not at a Starbucks, I could attract a lonely computer geek or some business tycoon. Yeah, wouldn't want to meet someone who could install my CD burner on my computer or someone who has tons of money or anything. That would be useless.

Have a great weekend!

Grass is always greener over the Gateway to Hell!

A couple of friends of a friend of mine from Houston requested a bid on lanscaping their new home and received this e-mail in response from the owners of one Garden Guy Inc.:

Dear Mr. Lord,

I am appreciative of your time on the phone today and glad you contacted us. I need to tell you that we cannot meet with you because we choose not to work for homosexuals.

Best of luck in finding someone else to fill your landscaping needs.

All my best,

Sabrina

Todd and Sabrina Farber
Owners, Garden Guy, Inc.
visit us at: www.garden-guy.com

Member of the Association of Professional Landscape Designers
www.apld.com

So, I guess we know where they get their manure, it's home grown! Hmmmm, wonder if they have a "whites only" sign on their bathroom as well.

Oh, I know it's Texas, but com'mon! "Hey everybody, let's close our minds up really, really tight and not let any enlightenment in. Amen." Well, let me tell you, here at House of Suz we got our collective panties in a wad and took action. I crafted the below e-mail and sent it to the APLD (Association of Professional Landscape Designers, Garden Guy had thoughtfully added that to their e-mail footer) to protest the closemindedness of one of their members:

Dear APLD Officers,
I assume by now your organization has been contacted concerning the completely intolerable behavior of an APLD member. If not I feel it is my duty to inform you of behavior that could greatly threaten the reputation of your organization nationwide. The owners of Garden Guy, Sabrina and Todd Faber, refused to work for an acquaintance, Michael Lord of Houston, Tx (please see e-mail below sent on October 18th) on the grounds that they choose not to do work for homosexual clients. I certainly hope the views the Fabers voiced in this e-mail are not approved of by the Association of Professional Landscape Designers and strongly suggest some action is taken to prevent this type of hate promotion. At the very least their membership should be revoked and Garden Guy should not be allowed to associate their biased and unlawful views with your association. My landscaper is a member of your organization and I know he does not share the views of the owners of Garden Guy and rest assured, I will bring this to his attention. I have also copied the Houston chapter of the BBB for reference.

I hope you appreciate being informed of one of your members promoting hate in the same e-mail they proudly associate your group's website. I would assume members of your organization would not want to be grouped together with such intolerance.

Sincerely,
House of Suz
Portland, Oregon

So, it looks like a bunch of friends both here and in Houston have started an anti-hate gang bang against these narrow-minded landscapers which includes a huge e-mail campaign to not only the APLD and the Garden Guy but also folks at the Better Business Bureau of Houston, the Houston Chronicle and a few local news channels there. It looks like we got ourselves a crusade, and not the usual crusade the Christian couple at Garden Guy are used to. And before you jump down my throat for labeling them Christians just because they are against gays, let me just say they have a frickin' bible verse on their company web site. So there.

I guess the most disturbing thing, along with the fact that someone would actually think like that, is they went ahead and put their intolerance in an e-mail. And sent it. Because nothing in writing ever gets anyone in trouble. That only happens in the movies.

I am interested in hearing what happens in Houston. If I hear anything I'll keep you posted.

Finally, my beautiful Rufus. The other beautiful Rufus, that is.

I had been trying to upload this photo of Rufus all day but for some reason (maybe.....Jesus?) Blogger wouldn't let me. Hehehehehe, I showed you!

Random thoughts

I have lazy eye this morning. My right eye wants to close; the left eye does as well but I think it's just following Rightie's lead. Do you think I had a stroke or do you think Jesus wants me to go back to bed? I keep thinking "All things through Jesus" so I'm leaning towards hitting the sheets.

I hate auto body shops but I hate insurance companies much worse. I am currently dealing with shit ass Safeco trying to get my Jeep fixed from when God threw a big-ass piece of wood at Rufus and hit my car instead. I called the number for the adjuster who is being a dick and got a "this number has been disconnected" message (from a British chick) so I called it again and got a fast busy. Called it again and got another fast busy. So I looked it up in a nifty H&K tool and got the routing number and called that. A different disconnect recording. Fun. I am waiting for a call back from autobody shop for a working number. I am back in "I HATE EVERYONE" mode today. I think I may just kill today.

And now a bit of weirdness:

Last night I had a dream where I was going to meet Boytek and the Roommate at a Rufus Wainwright concert being held in a department store. Somehow I finagled my way to Rufus and hung out. Then he went to the piano to start the concert (the Roommate and Boytek weren't there yet----still) and we realized that most of the audience couldn't see the grand piano because the Lancôme counter was in the way, you see the concert was in the cosmetic department where it really should have been somewhere else, like maybe linens where there was bound to be less traffic. I offered to pull the piano around the cosmetic department while Rufus played, as a joke of course since I felt the situation needed some levity, but Rufus decided to only use an acoustic guitar and serenade specific audience groups one song at a time. Much better idea as each audience member partially got their own private, mini concert. By the time I woke from this dream the Roommate and Boytek still weren't there (probably delayed because they were checking out the shoe department) so I wasn't able to introduce them to my new best friend, a super star. Oh well, maybe next time (i.e.: next time I dream since I have met Rufus TWICE already) and I am sure there will be another Rufus dream as I tend to dream about him about every 4 months. What can I say, I like to keep in touch.

Not sure why I'm doing this but...........

SAVE THE CHEERLEADER - SAVE THE WORLD

SAVE THE CHEERLEADER - SAVE THE WORLD

SAVE THE CHEERLEADER - SAVE THE WORLD

SAVE THE CHEERLEADER - SAVE THE WORLD

SAVE THE CHEERLEADER - SAVE THE WORLD

SAVE THE CHEERLEADER - SAVE THE WORLD

I think it has something to do with Islam or something. But most likely not. Not sure yet but when Will tells me what it means, I'll tell you.

Hey little prick...

Feeling prickly after a good weekend. So I'm going to just leave you with this picture and call it a post. It's fair, ok?

About frickin' time.

I finally finished the Roommate's triptyc. I say finally since they were his birthday present and were started in January.

Here's a detail.

I have to admit I am pretty happy with the outcome.
Happy Belated Birthday, Roommate!

Where's that little green frog?

Onward and upward! I shot this rainbow from my backyard about a month ago (since it's my neighborhood I can imagine the pot o' gold was already long gone, used to buy meth and some malt liquor no doubt) and thought I'd use it as a symbol of renewed hope. We'll just leave it at that unless you want to discuss the "multi-colored frown" aspect of a rainbow.

On to other news, I have been instrumental in the closing of a 10 Mg Ethernet deal and am working on an additional colo and 4 T1 deal as we speak. Customers like me, they really like me. And that's just with the customer I met on Monday. Watch out, I'll be visiting more customers soon.

Had a verbal duel with a redneck from West Virginia about the whole homosexuality vs. predatory sexual offender issue (thank you Mr Foley) and I got to admit I think I won. I had been forwarded an e-mail from this dude, shall we call him Bubba, who attacked a friend of mine who posted a similar comment on a message board. At first Bubba was surprised that my gay friend "knew any girls (yes, he used the term girls) since {friend} is gay". I do have to admit that it took a while for me to respond to Bubba's e-mail as it took several minutes for my laughter to subside and then I had to just shake my head as I dumbed-down my response back to him. Suffice it to say Bubba is probably wondering why he ever learned to use the internet since it delivered my "intolerant opinions" to him, his exact words by the way.

And that's about it for me for today. Storm *show tomorrow night (wonder if I can sneak in a camera----or my camera phone) and if memory serves it's her first show post Rockstar Super Nova. And oh, Our Rusty will be coming in from Seattle for the show! Yea! Where ever's there's Rusty....there's fun! (or something broken) That's Our Rusty!

*Rumor has it she's been hanging out with Dave Navaro in LA a lot, much to the chagrin of his most recent "lady friend". Storm insists they're "just friends".

I must have a buzz, I'm not hating people so much now....

An Inconvenient Truth

The Roommate said it's time to ditch the test pattern and get back on the air and so today's post is my cleansing breath.

So, teacher, here's my note for my unexcused absence earlier this week (only yesterday technically). I told you I wouldn't be gone long, and I'm not a liar (but someone else is).

In the last 4 days all of the following have darkened the door of House of Suz:

1) I didn't get "something" I really wanted and needed

2) I pulled a muscle in my back at the gym and am in a lot of pain

3) I found out a friend was not what she made herself out to be

4) I got dumped by my boyfriend

5) I died of a massive brain hemorrhage

So, pretty full a schedule of disappointments so far. All I need is a fiery car wreck and my dog being kidnapped and my week will be complete. Of all these items listed above I have to admit that #3 is the one that stings the most. I don't trust easily and value honesty and loyalty in friends and this bitch pretty much stomped all over that, then proceeded to rewrite history and blatantly LIE about it after the fact (whatever helps you sleep at night, I guess). If you're going to be greedy just go ahead and admit it….looking out for #1 and all that, and don't turn it around on me and try to snow me into thinking you're innocent. Tacky is as tacky does and I really don't need that kind of shit in my life anyway. You're not fooling ANYONE, toots and I give all my chances up front; when I cut someone off, game over, I'm done. Hope the payoff was worth it for you.

As for the other items, well, I'm sure I'll be ok. There's got to be a better "something" out there for me and hopefully I'll find it. I've pulled muscles before and this won't be the last (although it is very uncomfortable to sleep in this pain). Eddy and I parted on fairly good terms and the ending came as no surprise, really (I truly hope he finds what he's looking for). As for the final item, I'm feeling better already.

Kudos to my friends who have been there for me, especially the Roommate who has been my rock (only way cuter). I certainly hope the ex-friend gets what's coming to her (and then I remember Uncle Fester and I pretty much know she has).And with all this turmoil it's kind of funny that it's sparked a creative urge and I'm flooded with ideas for paintings (and now there's one less I have to do). And things will be fine now that I've lost that ugly 135 pounds, too.

Hummmm.........

Shit has hit the proverbial and so I am signing off briefly. Ever so briefly, my pretties. In times of stress (and stress ladled upon stress) it is wonderful to be surronded by loyal friends (and you know who you are---if you're not sure check with the Roommate, he'll set you straight).

In the mean time check out my new favorite:

http://www.girlsarepretty.com/

.....dude is off the wall and fucking funny.

It is official........

......pine nuts are the miracle drug of the millennium; I have lost 4 pounds since last Thursday. Granted, those pounds were recent additions to my frame therefore easier to lose but those pounds were acting like they were ready to sign an extended lease and move their freeloading relatives in as well. Pine nuts may be spendy ($14.99 a pound when purchased in bulk at New Seasons, ridiculously costly when purchased prepackaged) but I even tested their appetite suppressant value on the eating machine that is the Roommate and it worked on controlling his cookie cravings. He's sold on this plan and so am I! As I reminded him this morning: Make sure you put the nuts in your mouth and thoroughly take care of them BEFORE you attempt the burrito.

I read about some study where obese women were given some amount of pine nuts with the equivalent of 3mg of some substance naturally found in pine nuts over a certain amount of time and the group averaged some dramatic amount of weight loss. Ok, so that sentence isn't exactly chocked full of details and statistics but the study was reported in a reputable magazine dedicated to life longevity, I just didn't bother to take notes when I read it, being that I am dubious of anything I read. None the less I was all about trying it out for myself. Who would have thought: PINE NUTS, miracle cure for muffin top. And yes, unfortunately just pine nuts--not peanuts---so if you're like the Roommate and don't exactly like the flavor of pine nuts before learn to like them, he was able to.

Additional information:
I'm adding these links to this post.
Pine nuts to curp eating
Pine nut oil works too!
And this

We at the House of Suz consider this our PSA for the year. We did the research and lab tests so you won't have to! Ok everyone, let's get thin! Let's give Nicole Richie a run for her money and call her a fat slut without chuckling! Cause you know she is.

More ducking out today!

After more than a month of not posting, Not well planned has officially called it quits today (which begins the laborious task---for someone else----of removing her link from the House) and I must admit this is quite disturbing. Not because I was such a huge fan that hers that quitting would leave a huge hole in my life but because her leaving cyber-lit-land is just one more exit in a disturbing trend of exits. Fresh Pepper quit. Be the Boy is on hiatus. Lawdawg is on internet vacation. The Sneeze hasn't posted in nearly a month and Itsnot has become sporadic at best. Even the House of Suz has been teetering on slipping over the edge to lazydom. Has blogging become blasé? Has this fad faded out? If you were thinking of throwing in the towel I think now is the right time, since everyone's doing it. Go ahead lemming, jump.

Oh, and enjoy the second duck shot. I kind of like the subject matter.

The word for today is......

Duck!
















I took this shot out at the Nike campus the other day, poor thing is the only one left out there as all the other have flown the coop for winter. Wonder if this guy's already headed out or if he's going to stick around for free french fries.

Only time will tell.

As Boytek said, the New Abba...

Boytek sent this picture out yesterday, a phot of Our Rusty and the Roommate. Pretty damn good photo for a phone, actually, considering phones are to call people. I just thought I'd share since I'm all about giving. That's damn weird, my computer just posed this twice.....and I didn't even punch the post button. Maybe my laptop will take care of all those disconnects for me, too. I'll just run out and do some shopping while the computer does my job.

Also in the news, evidently it's popular to shoot up school kids again, what with this rash of crazy gunmen shooting innocent students lately. And what's with the new "molest the girls, too" twist. As though school shootings or being molested weren't stressful enough alone, now the gunmen need to add a little extra terror and take two great tastes that go great together to make being an awkward teen even more un-fun. I seriously do not get crazy people, seems like they are always doing something kooky, snseless and off kilter. Glad I'm not like that, that's a real pet peeve of mine. Anyway, back to the senseless killings, so what did this dude have against an Amish school? I guess peaceful folks without technology are a real threat to the world. Yeah, glad that got straightened out.

Rambling now, so I'll skiddadle for now. Have fun and keep away from the schools, they're dangerous places now days.