It's a great big beautiful tomorrow all right!

In 1964 my family went to the New York World's Fair. Yes, I'm that old, stop your snickering and I will NOT stomach any old-fart jokes, I'm just not in the mood. Anyway, at the World's Fair there was an exhibit sponsored by GE called something stupid and early 60's like "Great Big Beautiful Tomorrow" or something (because I can to this day still sing the theme song) and showed all the gadgets that will be invented in the future to make life easier, you know, things like built in dishwashers, bagel toasters, flying cars and robot maids. The product that this post is about was definitely not one of those fantastically futuristic products to look forward.

Because I am a real sweetie and evidently gullible I purchased a fabulous automatic egg cooker for the Roommate because who doesn't love hard boiled eggs, and not just at Easter! The handy user guide boasted gushingly about how versatile this amazing product is, evidently because it cooks not only hard boiled eggs, but soft and medium boiled as well! Made it sound like this gadget was so useful you practically needed one for each room in your home!!! So advanced that all you had to do fill the water resouviour with the correct amount of water for the style of egg you wanted, insert the egg tray, place the eggs in the tray, poke a small hole in the top of the egg (to keep them from EXPLODING!!!!), plug into any outlet and turn the machine ON! No dial to set, no thought process to go through, just PLUG IT IN. Yes it's that simple. So the other night, after a rousing night of drinking wine, the Roommate and I followed the instructions, plugged in the time-saving device and promptly went to bed. What we failed to notice in the instruction booklet was that this handy devices, while on the one hand will let you know when your eggs are done, on the other hand it will not turn the fucking machine off. I woke up at 6 am to a god-awful buzz letting me know that our petrified eggs were ready to be eaten. Or thrown at an intruder to render them senseless. Or just point at and laugh but most likely thrown away. I really wish I had cracked one open and cut it in half with a jackhammer to see what a "6 hour egg" looks like on the inside but that would probably not smell too pretty.

So rush right out to your neighborhood Target and pick up one of these little kitchen miracles, or better yet, go online since they are on sale there (save $3! until you pay the shipping). In fact while you're there you might want to get one of these, these or maybe even one of these because frankly, how have you survived this long without any one of these great products? And seriously, you can never have enough fresh soy milk.

Plus Mother's Day is coming up and you know how much Mom loves a time-saving, piece-of-shit gadget that could quite possibly set the house on fire!