Local Girl Does Good

Our Storm did it again!

STORM WARNING!

****************************************

Storm was chosen to be the encore performer last night on Rockstar: SuperNova! We all know the girl can sing and she once again gives a great performance but the fact that Tommy Lee (not Jones) wants in her pants very badly can't hurt either. For those of you not from here or not following the show, this is the kind of treat we Portlanders get on a regular basis. She didn't stage-dive this time but that's so 24 hours ago. Check out the encore here and keep watching and voting for Storm---this means you, boytek. Aussie guy is a pansy in comparison. Don't waste your votes.

********************************

I was going to write a little post about Last Thursday and the Clown House but the e-mail with the photos I was going to post have been eaten by the demon internet again. This has got to stop, I'm WARNING YOU, Internet, this is the same damn thing as stealing a coworker's lunch out of the break room fridge. You will be terminated for if caught for this offense.

More blog favs............

Ok, since I have nothing of value to say----and because I caught a shit fire of grief when some were omitted from an earlier post----I will outline some of my ALL TIME FAVORITE BLOGS right here for you to peruse. Hope you enjoy:

This one only comes out once a week but I gotta tell you, it makes Monday morning at Hugs and Kisses a lot better----because I know others are in pure agony. I had read about the book, published about the "event" and traveling art show on Erin's blog (hahahahaha, snuck her in again! Take THAT whiners) and got it for the Roommate. It's nice to know you aren't the only one who has a suck ass life come Monday morning.

This guy has been written about before here and I kinda have a secret crush on him because how can someone be so sad and full of rage while still being funny! Also he doles out great advice (sometimes unsolicited), so check him out. Oh, and he's into Aimee Mann (check out the name) so he's cool in my book (although he cannot for the life of him enjoy Rufus. That's just a damn shame).

Now Will is a pure poet, tells a wicked story and had a childhood that needs to have an After School Special based on it. Will finds joy in random things like robots, hobos and snarky baristas and shares his music on Friday, so if you have an iPOD check him out for that, even if you don't get poignant storytelling.

This is the chick that got me started on blogs in the first place, her story about throwing pooh out her boyfriend's parent's bathroom with a dixie cup. She doesn't post often enough but you can't hate her for it when she finally does.

I enjoy this one a lot but she's on hiatus right now, studing for the bar exam.

This one is pretty cool as well. Self explanatory, too.

This is some random guy who comes up with some weird stuff. Snicker snicker.

But the very best one of all is.........

*****************************************

STORM WARNING!

She rocked out with her cock out last night. Here's the link and stay tuned.

Pool Talk, with Diane M

Now you're probably going to say that we've been hitting the crack pipe just a little too heavily but we actually think it's a funny idea. In case you don't know what I'm talking about, we're going to do a cable access show called Pool Talk; Diane will be the host, the Roommate will be her sidekick. I will be executive producer and director and we'll all do some writing. I think it will be grand. This photo is one of our promo stills and what you see here will basically be our set. I will have to take production training with the cable access people in order to use their facilities and equipment, but until then we'll have to pay someone to do our shooting and editing. I think it's a fantastic idea. Check your local listings.

Happy Rufus's Birthday!

In November of 2003 the Roommate got me an early Christmas present, this cute little bugger here<<<. When we picked him out they had his birthday on his cage, July 22nd. The minute I saw him I knew I had to name him Rufus, after the Gay Messiah, Rufus Wainwright . When July 22, 2004 rolled around the Roommate, Boytek and I took Rufus to a local pizza joint for pizza and beer to celebrate his first birthday. It was amazing this dog made it to his first birthday since he was……..shall we say, handful. Then, the following January I saw a bio on Rufus Wainwright and it mentioned his birthday was July 22, 1973. I literally screamed out loud and the Roommate came running to me from another room to see what the problem was. My Rufus was born 30 years to the day after his namesake was born. I found this amazing. Forward to this year, just after I met Eddy; I told him this very same story and once he heard the tale, he just laughed. I was puzzled at his laughter---was he mocking me?---until he said "Guess what my birthday is?" and I found out it's July 22nd as well. So in my world, tomorrow is a pretty big day.

Happy Birthday, Eddy! Happy Birthday, Rufus! Happy Birthday, other RUFUS! Whoop whoop!

W T F

Is it just me or is the world coming to a bloody fucking end? Here’s proof:

Fact: More than 2,500 (and yes, that is a two with a comma and then followed by a five hundred, in case you don‚’t get words as numbers) troops killed in Iraq and Afghanistan to date? I‚’m going out on a limb here but I do believe that is more people than I’ve slept with ergo: a lot. There’s something fucked up about that equation.

Fact: Some rapper named Boots Riley has a song on his “Coup” CD titled “Baby, Let’s Have A Baby, Before Bush Does Something Crazy”. That sounds like desperation in desperate times to me. Just saying…….

Fact: I heard the whole-mess-in-Iraq referred to as “an exercise in democracy” today on the radio and I didn‚’t know if I wanted to laugh, cry or throw up.

Fact: And this gets a bold print WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON WITH LEBANON AND ISREAL and why can’t people just get along???? Seriously!

Fact: 100 Iraqui civilions have died every DAY for the last two months because of our imposed democracy. That is also a lot of people. Oh, shall I add INNOCENT people, just like the innocent lives Bush is saving by vetoing the stem cell legislature.

I'm sorry, my head hurts. You guys figure this all out and let me know what you think we should do.

Storm update

Here's a link to Storm's performance Tuesday that is easier to get to than the instructions I gave you yesterday. For the lazies out there (that means you, iamnot).

Bloggs awayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!

I was killing some time today because the training session here at Hugs & Kisses bored me to distraction, so these were a few of the blogs I visited while I was supposed to be learning about our "online add, move, change, disco" form. The training was as bland as the title of the form, but these sites are not (bland that is) and are a few of my new favorites*:

http://boobsradley.blogspot.com/ I just came across this blog a little bit ago and this chick is funny. Lots of pop culture references and I find it hard to believe she's in her early 20's because her references sometimes go way back. This blog is perfect for the hyper cool person-on-the-go; her posts may be on the short side but they pack a big wallop.

http://outofcharacter.blogspot.com/ Ok, this blog isn't new to me (I've been reading Erin since she called herself Estella) but hers is actually one of my favorite blogs ever. I couldn't list any fav's without throwing this one in even thought I've posted about it many times before.

http://vegasstarlet.blogspot.com/ I've been reading and enjoying this blog about a bartender in a Vegas dive for a few weeks and today she threw me a curve. I will definitely be returning to find out what's going to happen next.

http://moustachio.blogspot.com/ I just found this guy today and he is OFF THE FUCKING HOOK. As in crazy. At first I thought he was weird but turns out he just funny in a very disturbing way. I kept IMing bits and pieces of his posts to my friend Michelle who was forced to fake her own death just to make me stop. Definitely worth a look-see.

http://freshpepper.blogspot.com/ I did NOT visit this site because the crybaby that writes it is "on hiatus", like he's a TV show or something; I just think he moved back into his parent's basement and doesn't want to admit it. He mentioned that he couldn't do any "serious writing" if he continued to waste his talents on his two line blog posts, so he skedaddled . Don't bother going to his site as he removed all his archives because his fans blasted him for being a quitter. I guess he showed us.

*If your blog isn't on here don't cry, I still like it.

Random thouhts..........

Today I received my very first phone call on my Hugs & Kisses cell phone. Yes, I've been here nearly 2 weeks and that was my very first call; problems you may ask?

A) The caller was looking for Dorothy
B) I am not Doroth

Flash back to a month ago:

When I got my phone I loved the number, 503-560-X60X* and I thought it was a GREAT NUMBER because it was so easy to remember. Then when trying to call from my cell to my desk phone---so I could find out what the number was after a few days because I had forgotten---I was greeted by a message saying I had to dial a 1, as in long distance. Being in telecom I immediately assumed the 503-560 was a new area code and not yet loaded in the Hugs and Kisses switch, which was very possible since H&K is slower than shit. Then I got suspicious. That area code and exchange seemed eerily familiar. So I did a LERG search (checked the "503-560" to see where it lived, in lay terms) and it confirmed my suspicions: this was a McMinville phone number. For those of you not familiar with the layout of Oregon, it goes Portland->Newberg->Beirut->Cancun->the Hanging Gardens of Babylon->McMinnville. So it was LONG DISTANCE to Portland and therefore long distance charges for my customers. I requested and was given a new number that wasn't nearly as exciting but wasn't long distance either.

Flash forward to today:

First phone call, person looking for Dorothy.
Quickly followed by second phone call, person looking for Dorothy.

Therefore we can deduce that:

A) Dorothy is popular.
B) I am not.

I think I want my old number back; at least I won't feel so rejected when it doesn't ring, rather than when this one rings and it's not for me.

***************************************

Storm rocked last night on Super Nova. She left Tommy Lee (not Jones) speechless. You gotta love that, shutting that motherfucker up, she did. About time someone did. Anyway, no links available so go to

http://rockstar.msn.com/, click on "Performances" and reject the first two performers until you can click on Storm. Definitely worth the few minutes it takes to wade through their talentless crap.

Oh, and officially: I am not a "fan" of reality shows, nor am I addicted to them in general or this one in particular. I am, on the other hand, a close personal friend of Storm's so back off, she's relying on me to help her through this exciting and stressful time in her life. And I'm not a reality-tard. Seriously. I can quit anytime I want……..but as long as Storm is on the show, I'm watching.

*******************************

And finally, to you lovelies who read and commented on my short story yesterday, thank you for the love, affection and support but most of all the attention. Thank you for the comments and e-mails but especially the praise. It really means a lot to me, it really, really does. But I just want to say you all are sick fuckers, she doesn't kill him with the knives or performs any Loraine Bobbitt procedure, she merely gets a little passive/aggressive revenge by charging more money to the hubby's credit card. Or............maybe she does cut off his dinker, you never really know, do you? That's the fun of it and the purpose fo the story!

*******************************

And finally, it's going to be over 100 degrees this weekend here in Portland. Now I'm sure Shawna is poo-pooing that but it's not commong here and our homes don't have central A/C for the most part, so it's a pretty big deal.

******************************

Take care! Watch Rockstar SuperNova tonight, but only long enough to make sure Storm isn't in the bottom 3----although I think she's Tommy Lee (not Jones's) bottom pick. Snicker snicker.

* not giving any of you ammo for prank calls.

A first.............

...........my first blush at short story fiction.

The Gift

Madeline glanced down at her watch again, now five minutes since the last time she checked. He’d always been late, ever since they’d met in fact, although in the beginning it was usually because he had stopped to pick up some flowers, a small box of chocolates or perhaps a trinket for her. These last few years he had continued to be late but all he’d brought with him were excuses, never so much as an apology for his tardiness. She glanced around anxiously and spotted him across the street, on his cell phone as usual, speaking quickly into the phone. He was obviously engrossed in his conversation---business most likely---and did not seem overly concerned that he had kept her waiting, yet again.

When he was at her side he lighlty kissed her cheek and mumbled something about a meeting running long---no apologies again. She said she would have been happy to take care of the errand herself if he was too busy, he could have called her and it would have already be crossed off her “to do” list by now. No, he said, it was his brother’s wedding and he should have a hand in the gift selection, the least he could do as best man.

They entered the store and were immediately greeted by a “bridal gift” display, and he hung there in front of all the gleaming appliances for a moment. “That toaster will do just fine” he announced and hoisted a box containing a handsome black toaster with chrome trim and started for the cash wrap. “But that item isn’t on their registry, in fact there isn’t even a toaster on the list at all” she stated but he waived her off. An oversight on the bride-to-be’s part he imagined aloud, "After all, what newly wed couple wouldn’t need a toaster?" he stated, matter-of-factly. He whipped out his gold American Express and paid the sales lady for the purchase.

“And can you gift wrap it? Something that says it’s expensive?” he asked with a chuckle. The sales lady said of course, but it would take a few minutes as there was a bit of a back up in gift wrap, it being a Friday in June and all. He nodded to his wife and said she’d wait for the package as he had a meeting he was late for. She watched as he walked out the door without so much as a peck on her cheek.

Madeline looked at the toaster sitting on the counter in front of the sales lady. “On second thought, could we get this set of carving knives instead? I’ll wait for it to be wrapped” she said softly, pointing to the gift registry she had printed off specifically for this shopping excursion. The sales clerk was more than happy to replace the toaster with the expensive, in fact deluxe, German-made knife set; this purchase would single handily ease her over her weekly sales quota. “That would not be a problem at all, and I’ll have them hurry on the gift wrap for you. Yes, it is a fine wedding gift…..” she said as she hurried past Madeline.

“Yes, a fine gift indeed. If only someone had purchased the same thing for me when we were married” she said to herself, as a slightly wicked look danced in her eyes. “I’d have put them to good use a long time ago”.

She looked down at the registry again, supremely pleased with her gift choice.

Ah, life is good............

The Roommate was put in charge of our friend Di's pool for the weekend so we took full advantage of the sun time. I am dark now, in some places more so than others as my right hand/arm is a shade darker than the left but I think that's the Jeep's fault. I gotta tell ya, a friend having a pool DOES NOT SUCK, in fact it's probably better than actually having a pool of one's own since one doesn't have all the added responsibilities that go along with one (cleaning, chemicals, repairs, insurance). The hot tub is bad enough and it's a thimble in comparison. The photo is not actually of Di's pool, rather a friend of a friend in LA's pool; that extra degree of separation doesn't suck either. Anyway, the Roommate, Eddy and I sat out Saturday and then again on Sunday with Trey's friend Heather. Only downfall----and you will see it isn't much of a downfall at all----is this is Oregon, and even though it's July the water was a little on the frigid side, or shall I say refreshing? Eddy asked where the glacier that feeds the thing was hidden, but we enjoyed it all the more for it's refreshingness, since it was pretty hot out yesterday.

In the sun and all.

By the pool, you know.

Last weekend we hung out at the pool and the Roommate needed something from the car so he went out front and on the sidewalk came across a small boy, about 5 or 6 years old. "Are you having fun ssswimming?" he lisped, "I sure wish I could go sssswimming!" he added as a hint. The Roommate told him he would have to ask Di, at which point the boy dropped his head, slumped his shoulders and walked off. Evidently the word on the street is that Di doesn't need any new 5-year-old friends. Poor kid, maybe his mom will get him a sssssslip-n-sssslide and he can barter some pool time. I bet Di'd be up for that.

Hope your weekend was as enjoyable as mine was! If not, hope you have a slip-n-slide.

Dead Babies: A Field Guide

There is a terrible occurrence in the Pacific Northwest as mysterious as the legend of Big Foot, and that is the dead babies littering the terrain, grotesquely mutilated animals, some so disfigured they are not recognizable. The Roommate gave Rufus his first baby, a furry hedge hog who squeaked when tightly squeezed, when he was still only a pup; the hedgehog met an early and untimely death. Currently there is a plethora of dead bodies littering our home and the grounds surrounding it.

This is the common household frog baby, scientific name froggae; notice the lack of eyes which are always the first to go as well as any other facial feature. This dead baby was found in the diningroom. The poor thing looks eerily peaceful.

This is the very rare "egg baby"; the egg baby started out it's life as a stuffed egg in the hands of a stuffed Easter Bunny and is only a mere 2.5 inches in length. The bunny is long gone, quickly ravaged as are most of the larger species of babies. There is a vast difference between the lifespan of a regular sized baby and that of the smaller versions; this baby is roughly 9 months old. It's larger counterpart, the Easter Bunny, only lasted about 6 weeks; not nearly the longevity in comparison

This polar bear baby was found on the back deck and it is truly a gruesome sight. You will notice how the victim's throat has been ripped out, along with it's eyes. This baby actually got off relatively easy as the nose and mouth remain intact.

The tiny "tweety" or Popeye baby is also very small, only about 4 inches long. As already mentioned, the smaller babies fend much better than the larger babies, this one having only lost an eye. This is a favorite baby of the predator.

The grey bear baby is a particularly slow species and as you can see this one has been decapitated, it's cute little fuzzy head has been ripped right off. The head has not yet been found to this day. It is not expected to be recovered.

Caught in the act. This beast must be stopped and your cash contribution* could help bring the massacre to an end. Give until it hurts.....hurts like your eyes were plucked out, your head ripped off and you downy cotton stuffing splayed across the floor.

This beast, and the killings, must be stopped!

*Please make checks payable to "Paganmonster Suz".


All photographs are genuine and have not been tampered with or altered in any way.

I want you to die

Found it! Enjoy. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YjFrtmvIh_g&search=storm%20large

I flat out stole this from iamnot. What the hell, haven't done one of these in a while:

GRUB-OLOGY
What is your salad dressing of choice? Balsamic Vinaigrette
What is your favorite fast food restaurant? Popeye’s Fried Chicken, mmmmm, making me hungry........
What is your favorite sit down restaurant? Bernie's Southern Bistro or Acadia
On average, what size tip do you leave at a restaurant? 15-20%, depending on if the Roommate is with me, he doesn't allow overtipping.
What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of? Cheese or Fried Chicken (see second question)
What is your favorite dish to order in a Chinese restaurant? Kung Pow Shrimp/scallops from PF Chang's. I don't like crap Chinese
What are your pizza toppings of choice? Mushroom and Canadian bacon
What is your favorite type of gum? Used to be Trident Bubble Gum but they changed the formula. Now something minty, lasts longer at the gym.

TECH-
What is the number of contacts in your cell phone? 79, do any ever call? No.
Number of contacts in your email address book? Work computer, not many. I'm new to Hugs and Kisses
What is your wallpaper on your computer? Standard Hugs and Kisses Logo
What is your screensaver on your computer? Standard Hugs and Kisses screen saver
Are there naked pictures saved on your computer? Standard Hugs and Kisses porn
How many land line phones do you have in your house? 5, and then there's another 2 in storage, just in case.
How many televisions are in your house? 2
What kitchen appliance do you use the least? Blender, food processor, mixer, coffee grinder
What is the format of the radio station you listen to the most? Not sure what you'd consider NPR. News programming?
How many sex toys do you own that require batteries? Not saying. I choose to be a woman of mystery.

BI-OLOGY
What do you consider to be your best physical attribute? I'm gonna say my tits, Bob.
Do you like your smile? No, my genuine one shows too much gum. My fake one looks too fake.
Have you ever had anything removed from your body? A couple of wisdom teeth and assorted splinters, foot from my mouth. Oh, and a couple of wedding bands.
Do you prefer to read when you go to the bathroom? Depends. Seriously, I wear Depends so I can do ANYTHING I WANT while I go to the bathroom.
Which of your five senses do you think is keenest? Hearing. I'd have said sight a few years ago but I'm getting old.
When was the last time you had a cavity? Never had a cavity. Last time I had a cavity filled? Sunday night. snicker snicker
What is the heaviest item you lift regularly? 25lbs, my darling Rufus.
Have you ever been knocked unconscious? No, but I've drank myself there.

MISC-OLOGY
If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die? Nope
If you could change your first name, what would you change it to? Simone or Chad
How do you express your artistic side? Painting, writing, cooking, sex
What color do you think you look best in? Chuh, look in my closet. Black.
Have you ever swallowed a non-food item by mistake? Yes, but I don't swallow anymore.
If we weren’t bound by society’s conventions, do you have a relative you would make a pass at? Maybe one of my cousins when they were younger but we don't have a big family so not much to choose from.
How often do you go to church? As little as possible. When my mom comes to visit I have to take her, but she hasn't visited in about 5 years.
Have you ever saved someone’s life? Not that I'm aware of.
Has someone ever saved yours? Yes, The Roommate.

DARE-OLOGY
For this last section, if you would do it for less or more money, indicate how much.

Would you walk naked for a half mile down a public street for $100,000? Fuck yeah.
Would you kiss a member of the same sex for $100? Sure, I'll even throw in the tongue for free.
Would you have sex with a member of the same sex for $10,000? Sure, but I doubt I'd know what to do.
Would you allow one of your little fingers to be cut off for $200,000? Yeah, but it would make blogging a little difficult.
Would you never blog again for $50,000? Sure. Dear readers: start saving up.
Would you pose naked in a magazine for $250,000? If someone's willing to pay it, why not?
Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000? I'd give it a go, not sure if the body's willing, though.
Would you, without fear of punishment, take a human life for $1,000,000? No, wouldn't be able to live with myself after.
Would you shave your head and get your entire body waxed for $5,000? Sure, but only if I was already being treated for cancer.
Would you give up watching television for a year for $25,000? Not a problem, most TV shows suck.

Now, I've just about killed the entire morning so far. Thanks iamnot!

A Storm's a brewing..........

I don't know if you've been keeping up with Rockstar: Super Nova* or not but our group of friends has had an unhealthy obsession (played at Jeff's birthday party, spanked Leigh over her knee and serenaded Rusty) with Storm Large of Storm and the Balls ("hanging with the balls") for a few years now, so the e-mails went-a-flying once it was announced that she would be on a national TV show and not Jerry Springer. Our Storm is known for some intensely sexual shows and is a pro at putting her hecklers or overzealous fans in their place. She's playing it cool on the show for now (I'm just waiting for her to tell those pompus has-beens off) but you can expect big things from her as the competition progresses, especially if she is allowed to perform her own song, "I Want You to Die". I was going to add a link to a video of that song but it seems she's locked down her web site since she's been associated with the show---probably because of some extremely suggestive photos---so about all you can do on it is check out the comment board or order merch. Anyway, at the end of the "Die" video she interrupts the song to make an audience member bring her the phone he had been chatting on while she sang and proceeds to call her friend in New York on said phone, right there on stage. She leaves her friend a long message telling him about the asshole who dared to have a phone chat while she performed and then added "Call me back at this number because I'm keeping his phone". She then finished the song.

Check her out, watch the show and vote early and often!

*Dumb, lame ass show but we got Storm Love!

And because I like to share the grossness....

.....I thought I'd share my left overs with you. Note to Roommate, I used a paper plate since I know how grossed out you are by the very thought of piggy tongue being in your fridge, even it it's wrapped and in a container and all, I wouldn't dare place it on one of your plates. After I snapped this photo I left the room for a second and when I came back the tongue was gone. Rufus was smiling. Three guesses, first two don't count.

Yummmm, can't you almost taste it? *snicker snicker* Get it, taste it?

If you're happy and you know it stick out your tongue!

Eddy and I met a couple of his friends for dinner last night at this cute little Cuban restaurant here in Ptown. This cute little carrot man adorned a slice of Island Carrot Cake. It was so cute I took a photo. So while my dining partners chose normal entrees, I decided on the Lengua en Salsa----sounds lovely, doesn't it? Well, it's pig's tongue and I ordered it because the waiter said it was really good and the menu said it was a "chef favorite". That's all well and good but a tongue is a tongue is a tongue. Nuff said. Indigestion all night, but I'm sure that was more the fault of the salsa than the tongue. I should have taken a photo of it because the chef did nothing to disguise the meal; it was a plate of tongues and they looked like tongues. Very tender though. Oh, and lots of jokes like "Oh, I just bit my tongue" and "Grab a spoon, I swallowed my tongue". Hey, that carrot looks a bit like a tongue, now that I think about it.

Hey, while I'm thinking about it, check out this blog. It's pretty funny and very random. We like random.

It's funny......

I am lazy, an underachiever and a procrastinator and I was going to post that on my blog, when it got eaten by the internet monster in my laptop. It is soooooooooooo Monday. My ass has been dragging and I've gotten frighteningly little done at work today. Planning pays off in the future but procrastination pays off now.

I don't feel like writing now so I'll do it tomorrow. Bye Honey!

A Phallic Photo Essay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Since we're talking about penises, and who isn't these days, Eddy and I went on a little phallic tour of the Oregon coast last Sunday, and when you'’re mind'’s on dick, you tend to see it everywhere, or things that somewhat resemble dicks, anyway. But I'’m not going bore you with childish potty humor, but I will take you on a little photo tour of The Column at Astoria.

So, you're thinking "That sure looks like a regular ordinary column, the kind you see on palatial mansions every day of the week" but look closer----no, I wasn't going to say it looked like a dick. I was going to say "That's not an ordinary column, there's people on the top!" and yep, see, up there on the observation platform there are gawking tourists, just like me. Hmmm, but now that you mentioned it, it does kinda look like a dick.

Eddy took this shot from the top; see my Jeep? Wait, my photos got out of sequence!

On the way from Seaside to Astoria Eddy asked casually if I was afraid of enclosed spaces or heights, like it was normal car chatter, and I answered negatore to the former and positivo to the latter. The Suz is highly afraid of heights, in fact I'm even uneasy standing on a chair, so when I saw this tower and realized we were going to climb up it I was a pillar of strength, all "I'm going to conquered it" until I started climbing the spiral staircase inside. And while you're climbing up, some dumbass is climbing down, being all spastic and clumsy, why you have to grasp the center stair pole just to say on the stairs!

The column, or penis pole, if you will, is highly decorated and amazing to look at, just like a real dick, only this one tells the story of Oregon, or something. It appears I lose interest in this one faster than a real one. Which is a good thing.

So, anyway I make it all the way to the top and manage to stay there just long enough to have my photo taken, then I bolted right back down those stairs and knocked over an old lady or two on the way down. And look how far I am away from the railing! Could I plaster myself any closer to that wall?

When we were finally safe and sound on the firm earth, we paused to let a passerby take our photo in front of the Great Big Tall Bridge. Only that passerby decided we needed the Asian woman absorbed in her book as our backdrop. So we get that for the photo album.

So that was a small portion of our trip to the coast, a day full of chilly weather and giant penises. No better way to pass a Sunday afternoon. On second thought I can think of one better way.......

Curses, foiled again!

He warned me. The new guy (now to be known as Eddy) had mentioned he didn't like putting things together. I found this hard to believe because he's so good with mazes, puzzles and his hands........um, but that's another matter. So he was a little leary when I asked if he could take me to Homo Depot to "look at" a grill as a surprise for the Roommate.

Howdy, welcome to Crazy Eddy's House of Grills!

The Roomie's grill had developed this amusing little habit of shooting flames out it's front, from under the actual grill part, with the sole intent of flame broining your private parts. I was having none of that, so I convinced Eddy to take me in his SUV to "look at" a new grill---simply looking---since no grill worthy of cooking on would fit into my Jeep, even with the top off. I assured Eddy that should I pick out a grill, he would not have to assemble said grill since Homo Depot did the assembing for free! And gladly! One could tell this was a truth since each and every grill had a big sign hanging off of it boasting "Assembly Free!", adding "fuck, it even cooks shit itself, no human necessary!" So we walked around the stainless steel grills, the black as night cast iron grills (I suppose they were cast iron, can't really tell but they seem a lot like the skillets I grew up with in the south), the cheap ass grills you wouldn't be caught cooking on in a trailer park, etc. Anyway, I pointed out all the lovely "Assembly Free!!!!" tags and we went off looking for a sales clerk to bring forth our pre-assembled grill. Turns out that the very grill I had picked out was the only model that only had the "display model" pre-assembled, and it being the National Holiday Weekend of Grilling and all I couldn't take that one. So please help Eddy load that un-assembled fucker into the SUV, thanks.

Shiny, shiny, pretty, pretty

Eddy groaned, he sincerely did not want to spend the last evening of his 4 day weekend putting someone else's grill together, and that point was driven home when we opened all the boxes, boxes inside boxes in fact, all containing tiny parts just waiting to be screwed into other parts with the sole intent of becomining a shiny new grill, pre-assembled to the lucky but not so much to us. I bribed Eddy with Mike's Hard Lemonaide and promises of a hot tub after and before long we had a shiny new grill......

Looks like they need to join the junk drawer crew!
....with only a scant few extra parts left over, obviously an oversight on the manufacturer's part. I'm sure it's ok, sturdy and all. And it probably won't shoot flames out the front, at least for not a while. Well, that's what I'm hoping, anyway.

Who volunteers to light the first BBQ?

*crickets chirping*

As much I thought.

Git along little doggie

New Guy, Rufus (with crate face) and I went for a little stroll down Alberta St yesterday after a day trip to the coast. Now on the curbs of older streets in Portland you will find small rings anchored into the cement; these rings were put there long ago in "olden days" so horses could be tied up, as horse drawn wagons were the transportation of the day. While we had our little walk I noticed a small plastic horse with aircraft cable attached around it's waist (if horses do in fact have waists, perhaps I should have used the term "midsection" instead but it's too late now) and clamped onto one of the horsey rings. I thought it was an excellent photo op and New Guy suggested it would make a great PaD shot.

Here's an alternate photo that shows the ring and cable. Believe it or not these shots were not taken in B&W, this is the setting's natural, living color.

Alberta St is know as a somewhat eclectic area so this wasn't that odd of a sight. I'm glad someone had the sense of humor, equipment and energy to actually pull off this cute, harmless prank. It made my evening.....and now my blog.

Have a happy and safe Independence Day! Don't blow your fingers off!