........with fava beans and a nice chianti.......

I'm not feeling well today. Got myself one of those summer colds that simply and thoroughly suck ass and make you wish it was February so you can just go back to bed and not worry about missing a beautiful weather day, but I guess I'll have to post a blog in spite of my lack of energy and general overall bad feelings or ALL HELL WILL BREAK LOSE (ie: I'll get snarky comments left on my most recent post) so here goes. I am writing this at work but will forward it to my home e-mail so my work internet won't convince my blog to show me another lesson about wasting company time when I attempt to post. Nice try internet, this is just crazy enough to work…………..

Rat-dog
"I can almost smell stuff with this on, but only almost"

So, it's been a long time since I've posted about Rufus, so I expect NO arguments from Leigh or Tammy, got that clear? Anyway, the Roommate put his foot down and said "no more Rufus running free in the neighborhood terrorizing children and biting fingers" or else. The "or else" part concerns me and/or Rufus finding another place to call home. In case you just climbed out from under the rock you've been living under for the past 2.5 years, my dog has a biting problem that stems from our seemingly innocent enough attempt to correcting his hearing issues, specifically his "selective" hearing. That dog was born stubborn and the fact that the Roommate shamelessly spoils him (and by "Roommate" I of course mean me. The dog sleeps in my bed, eats what I eat and even has a glass of wine from time to time and has been known to hit me from time to time when I disobey him). Our solution to curing his hearing issues was to get him intense training, shipping him off to doggie charm school for a month where he was introduced to a hearing aid (re: Mr. Shockcollar), which did in fact cure his hearing issues but also gave him a secondary problem: fearfulness. The dog is now afraid of strangers which causes him to attack strangers first and ask questions later. The obvious solution for this was a muzzle, but I could only find the kind that holds the snout closed and therefore prevents wearer from being able to pant, drink water or stick out his tongue more than a quarter of an inch. It also makes him look like a rat, which bothers me more than it does Rufus.

Face Crate
"Just wait till you fall asleep, then I'll get ya!"

When the ultimatum came down from the Roommate I immediately started looking for an apartment, but quickly realized a muzzle was a less expensive solution that didn't involve the renting of u-hauls or packing of wine glasses, so I opted out and hopped onto the internet. I was able to find this lovely Italian-designed "face crate" (as I call it) which allows the wearer to drink water (or wine), pant and even eat a treat or two while successfully preventing him from sinking his K-9s into any unsuspecting person simply wanting to pet his cute little scruffy head. It also renders the wearer a virtual Hannibal Lector look alike. I refer to the face crate as the "cheese basket" when addressing Rufus as he frequently finds chunks of cheese at the bottom (that's how I trained him to put his fearful beak in it) and Rufus has come to realize that wearing it adds the extra bonus of doggie walks down Alberta Street. Without bloodshed, by the way. I don't think we have to worry about screaming masses running from Rufus's gnashing jaws when this puppy is securely in place on his noggin. Added bonus: I don't look like I'm taking a rat for a walk. So at least for now it looks like we have a solution to Rufus's bloodletting. Stay tuned for updates.