Now, the Roommate does not eat red meat---no beef, pork, lamb, waterbuffalo not even the random elephant burger. I know, you're asking NO BACON??? That's crazy talk! Why get out of bed in the morning without PORK? Well, about 10 years ago (which was about 5 years before I knew him) he went on the Master Cleanse fast and once he weaned himself back on to solid food he just couldn't stomach it nor did he want to eat it anyway, the taste didn't appeal to him. But fear not, he's not a total vegan, he loves him some cheese and eats chicken and fish, so all's good. Well, anyway he's gone on the Master Cleanse again and I gotta tell ya, although the idea of eliminating nasty toxins from my body is appealing, I would just have to find another way to do it. I'm just saying.
This is what the Roommate's eating. YUM!This lovely diet consists of the kind of things you'd find when you're moving into an apartment that wasn't emptied out as well as you'd expect. The main staple of the diet is an attractive enough looking concoction of lemon juice that you get to personally squeeze from organic lemons, then mix in some organic maple syrup and cayenne pepper. Yep, you're drinking liquid fire; your mouth and throat will be in such pain that it'll keep you from cheating and eating something else, say......something that actually tastes good.
This fast also gives you the added pleasure of drinking Smooth Move tea, and I have a feeling you know what that shit does. Exactly, shit. I drank some last night and although it tasted pretty good I was awaken several times during the night by stomach cramps and "false alarms". No thanks, I'd rather Metapooh.
And finally, the Roommate gets to drink water with non-iodized salt in it. Salt water---which tastes exactly like salt water. Imagine you're the couple in Open Water and you're out lost at sea for a few days and all you get to drink is salt water. Yum. And want to know what it does to you? You probably don't but it "cleans out the mucus in your stomach". He actually used the word "mucus plug" and I never hope to hear it described again. The Roommate said the salt water makes you want to fart-----but you better not! His friend told him to drink it in the morning and he said "Nope, I don't have a couple hours in the morning to waste hanging around the toilet" so he took it about an hour before bed and I still heard him get up a few times.
The Roommate said a friend told him that someone they knew had just gotten off this very same 10 day fast and said the "faster" looked amazing. I asked if his hearing was going on him what whit his weakened state, and that the person actually described the faster as looking emaciated? I just don't see how this is healthy.
The Roommate is on day 3 (the smelly day) of the fast and that he should smell better tomorrow. Nice. He also said a few days of drinking that cayanne crap and it starts to taste good, considering it's all you get to sustain yourself I'd have to agree. I think I'll stick with my toxic Popeye's; I prefer my body packed with poison.
Oh, and this diet doesn't allow any of the things I can't live without, like Sudafed, Benedryl, coffee or WINE! I rest my case.
3 comments:
It's interesting that you happened to post this right now. My friend Peter just got out of the hospital because of colon polyps. When we found out he had this problem, the first think that came to mind was all those maple syrup and cayenne pepper fasts that he does. I have no evidence that the maple cayenne was the cause, but I can’t help but wonder if it had a part.
My step-sister is a physician and I recall her saying something about fasts being not so good for the body. She actually said that fasting detoxification is a myth. As you fast, your body tissues don’t have enough fuel to live, so your body starts to eat itself. In that process, your kidneys have to work extra time to convert the consumed body tissue into urine to get it out of your system. .. or something like that.
I'm with Steven's sister-in-law on this one. I think that a short term fast might not be harmful, 2 or 3 days, but it's nutty to do that to yourself for 10 days.
What are the odds that there will be any beneficial flora in his digestive track after 10 days of depravation and abuse?
Tell him to go bury a chicken under a willow by the light of a full moon. It'll be at least as effective, and he'll be able to find a good meal when he needs one.
I've been wondering about the health issues involved with this fast as well and have been constantly asking how he feels, what he's supposed to eat to break the fast, stuff like that. I can't imaging drinking pepper powder and lemons can be good for your empty stomach and why would you want to remove the mucus lining? I'm not sure about the whole thing, and now I'm even less sure.
Hey Roommate, let's go to New Seasons and get some of those vegan oatmeal cookies you like so much.
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