An Open Letter to the President

Dear Mr President,

I hope this letter finds you well.

At the risk of appearing to be wishy-washy I think it's time for you to go ahead and admit the whole "invasion of Iraq" idea was a huge, misguided mistake. The NIE report says so (or at least the parts we're allowed to see), same with the ever escalating "innocent citizens" body count. Terrorists activities are on the upswing, last week had the highest number of suicide bombings since the US arrived low these many years ago and if the 60 unidentified dead bodies that turned up yesterday are a clue, we'll end this week at an all time high for bloodletting, our own personal best! It's just not looking good, headline wise. If you want to wait until after the midterm elections in order to help your cronies then I guess that's better than never, but I want a guarantee on that admission. If you agree to publicly admit you screwed the pooch on this one I promise to not call you a flip-flopper and as an extra bonus I'll agree to cutting down on the use of the term "that asshole" proceeding your proper name.

Oh, and the global warming thing? It's a real threat so maybe you should address that, too, while you're at it. Just saying.


Take care!

Suz


PS I hope you got a chance to watch the Scissor Sisters on "Dancing With the Stars" last night, they did an awesome job although they didn't have the same level of energy they usually give off in concert. I know you're busy with important global issues and all but you should make time to relax every once in a while----have you noticed how much you've aged in the last 6 years? And you can't blame it on the hardcore partying, can ya? :-)

Anything [Bad] Can Happen Day! (apologies to Mr Disney)

One thing I am peeved at is the whole discussion on the price of gas. "No, no", the economists say, "the dropping price of gas has nothing to do with the impending mid-term elections. The price of gas is determined by the price of oil, availability and capacity at refineries alone. The administration has no influence on oil companies". I gotta tell ya, I just about wet my panties when I heard that load of crap. I am sure economists think linear and logical and don't take into consideration that Republicans are evil and conniving and will drain the last penny out of a poor person if it lines their own pockets. Oh, and that the current president and his pappy are all cozy in bed with oil big business. Please don't be so naïve. This administration has lied and covered up crap and fabricated reasons for invading countries and release sensitive data to their own benefit but NO!, they'd never stoop so low as to intentionally inflate gas prices and then conveniently lower them once the long delayed backlash sets in. That would never happen in America.

But maybe some shifty country like Texas. I could see it happening there.

And lastly I am pissed at my ever-expanding ass. I sent this e-mail to the Roommate today with the subject line "Fat Memo":

Fat update: RED ALERT!

I think working out/riding bikes/doing something other than only delivering cheese to my mouth is the order of the evening.

I also think I am testing the limits of the seam threads of this skirt. And my thong. Thank god this is a loose sweater........for now anyway.

I'm scared of weighing myself today. And I'm seriously thinking of doing that "Biggest Loser" challenge at the gym because I suspect I could easily need to drop 15 lbs in the very near future. Maybe tomorrow.

I'm sure Hugs & Kisses or the Republicans are the cause of that, too. The whole world's out to get me.

Everything's shiny and new!

Everyone loves new release day, and today's an extra special double release day! First up, Maurice Sendak's first ever pop up book is out---not sure if today is the actual release date or not but seriously, who cares? It's a frickin' POP UP BOOK!!!!!!!!!!! And it's illustrated by Maurice Sendak! I can't wait to get my hands on a copy of this and Rufus can't wait to ruin everyone's good time by ripping it up, because EVERYONE LOVES POP UP BOOKS but NO ONE LIKES RIPPED UP ONES!!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks in advance, you little rat bastard.



And the other release today? Scissor Sister's second CD will be gracing record store shelves! I gotta tell ya this CD is kick ass. A friend got us an---ahem--- bootleg copy and it has been blairing from the speakers for a couple weeks now. We dropped a copy off with a bartender at Crush at brunch the other day just for shits and giggles. Very cool CD and don't you worry, I will be purchasing myself a legal copy----mainly because my Jeep stero doesn't care for illegally burned CDs. So throw the Sister's sophmore release onto the CD player and grab your MOMMY? pop up book and go ahead and make the paper monsters dance to "Don't Feel Like Dancing". Hours of fun and I guarantee it'll be a hoot.

The chicken bit it...........

The rubber chicken bit the dust this weekend, spewing black gook all over the bathroom and into the Roommate's mouth. It was gross and smelled, much like this post. I have been uber lazy and unspired when it comes to The House of Suz and especially my PaD, which has barely been touched in the last month. Un. In. Spired. I am a bad girl and need a spanking, big time, but I'll give it a go today and pretend I am a trooper.

Here's a shocker, I'm a tad bit hung over today. Big drinkfest weekend with the Pirate Party and Grape Stomp and all. And I was lucky enough to be awaken at 3 am by the sound of Rufus barfing up his guts. Seems his little doggie stomach can't digest wood, him not being a termite and all. Once the wood was expelled from his gut he was a happy camper and let mommy get some more, much needed sleep.

I'll post some pirate photos later as I can't download them at work. Stay tuned.

Mr Chavez speaks the truth!

Ok, iamnot, you're gonna love this!

Well, I guess it's official, Bush it the devil! I mean---would Hugo Chávez, the current president of Venezuela, lie to the UN General assembly? HELL NO! Prez Chavez spoke the truth and to prove his point I did a little Google image search, key words "Bush is the Devil". Here's my what I came up with, all undoctored photos, I believe:

And I offer as further proof that "birds of a feather flock together".........

I threw in the "Citizen Kane" photo for shits and grins. It doesn't prove Bush it the devil, but it does prove he's an asshole---in my book anyway.

Arrrrrrrrgggggggggggggggg, maites!!!!!!!!!

"Pirates don't give up, they FUCK shit UP!"

In case you didn't know, it's Talk Like a Pirate Day! Unfortunately none of my customers called me today or else they'd ahve gotten an eeeeaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrr full, I tell ya!

And there's more pirate in the air this week, some big pirate celebration out at Sauvie Island, and a party at Dr Phil's, pirate costumes pretty much required. It'll be fun and Eddy has already rented a proper pirate outfit, complete with metal saber! I on the other hand will fashion one out of my normal clothes and see what that gets me. Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggg!

Photo Essay: My birthday celebration at the cabin in Central Oregon

Eddy and the Roommate (a new sitcom on NBC, Thursdays at 8!) planned a group outing to Eddy's cabin at Three Rivers for my birthday weekend and managed to keep it pretty much a surprise from me. A three day weekend of drinking, days on the beach and over-eating. What more could one ask for?

Here we have Michelle sleeping off her hangover while Kate keeps a watch to make sure she doesn't roll off the picnic table. Minutes later she nearly broke her arm when she was thrown from the boat. It's not a party until Michelle's bruised.

Rusty gets last minute instructions on how to drive the boat. Luckily it was the weekend after Labor Day so there were very few boats on the lake, therefore no need to alert the authorities.

Look at these two shots, a peaceful, civil group enjoying the sunshine, and even Rufus is behaving!

Lest you think it was all innocent fun and games, get a gander at this. My camera is a little slow so we just missed Miss Tammy flashing her taa taas but we did manage to see the whites of Rob's full moon.

Speaking of inappropriate things, what's the Roommate up to?!?!?! Hey, some people were planning on swimming in that lake!!!!!!!!!

As it turned out the Roommate had spilled a bit of salsa on his brand new Diesel pants [with more pockets and loops and latches than a normal person needs anyway]. But that's what the selzer water is for, cleaning the stains.

But damn if it don't look like a "Woops I did it again...".

Another great birthday under my belt. Can't wait till next year when I inch another year closer to 50! Whoowooo!

Randomness, it's what I live for.

This photo of Boytek, Kate and Leigh have nothing to do with the post today, unless you consider it's randomness. I just like the photo.

Back in March I went on Future Me and sent myself an e-mail dated Sept. 8th, my birthday. Here it is in it's entirety:

Dear FutureMe,
If you are still with [Asshole Co.] you are  lazy
a dumb ass and need to get off your butt
and do something about it.

Oh, and happy birthday.

If you are interested in sending yourself or someone you want to torment a future e-mail, check out FutureMe.org.

------------------------------------

I dropped off Rufus at the vet's to have his nails trimmed this morning; because he's such a handful and it takes 3 vet tech to hold him down and another to trim his nails and the last time he got them trimmed to broke free and fell off the table, I now have to pay to have him sedated to have his nails trimmed. I just got a call from the vet: $110 dollars for the services. The Roommate told me when I go to pick him up to tell them to put the damn nails back on, I'm not paying it, the Asian ladies down the street will do it for far less. Hospitalization fee? I wanna see his "semi-private room", thanks. We'll see how that goes.

Have fun!

Scary, Stary night!

Oh My-lanta! Where the hell have I been? Last time I checked Star Jones was the size of Rhode Island and now it appears someone stole about two-thirds of her! Doesn't it work that if you're newly married and not working either, for that matter, you're suppose to pack on the lbs? Hmmm, and something tells me those are NOT Payless even thought she weighs less (snicker snicker, I like to rhyme).

Here's MSN's catty write up for this outfit. It was funny so I decided to post it along with the photo.

A Star Is Worn: For the multitudes out there who have been wondering what Star Jones has been up to since being booted from "The View" (and by "multitudes," we mean the seven of you hanging your heads in shame), the answer now appears clear: She's been getting her hobby corner in order. The minimized Mrs. Al Reynolds proves what a woman of leisure can accomplish with only an "Origami for Dummies" book, a staple gun and a dream, stepping out in a glittery gold skirt sprouting dozens of her namesake celestial bodies, a creation she pairs with a prissy peasant blouse that manages to put the "oy" in coy. To complete her look, Star breaks out her trusty glue stick and very best rhinestones to fashion a cincher so sparkly it's just a few bits of bling away from being held triumphantly aloft by Rocky.

Thank god celebrities-who-shouldn't-be-famous make us feel better about ourselves. At least they're good for something.

Apology from yesterday's post

Ok, I may have been a little harsh yesterday. I went to the gym a few minutes earlier today than normal and---gasp!---there were no parking spots to be found. Three other cars circling the rather small lot like vultures looking for a quick lunch. I made a self-satisfied "I'll show them" look to myself in my rearview mirror and drove around the building to the parking garage that I had always promised would give me plenty of options for parking---level one meaning "feeling lazy today", level two meaning "I've got energy!", level three meaning "I can take these flights faster than you and still work out for 10 hours" etc ad nauseaum----but when I drove around the building I found that the parking garage was only for the students and faculty of the business school in the same building as the gym. That wasn't good. So a long drive around several blocks (Beaverton loves them some one way only streets) and I got back to the parking lot I usually park in just in time to see a bunch of gym members leaving the building with their rolled up exercise mats. Seems there's a noon yoga class that hogs all the spots at lunchtime, hence the need for the valet, so I guess I'll be waiting till one to go to the gym from now on.

So to all the lazy-asses----er, sorry, didn't mean to be bitter---I may have offended yesterday I would like to say I see your point. You can't park on the street. You can't park in the car lot across the (one way) street and you can't park in the grass. Or the parking garage, so I may have been a little hasty with my lambaste. I may be a hot head but I am also big enough to eat my crow…….and now I only hate the yoga people, hoggers of the parking spot, the lot of them.

But I still hate the city of Beaverton.

This one goes out to the lazies

*

Here's my bitch session for the day on a subject my mom likes to refer to as Height of Laziness: Today's winner would be the pampered gym-goers at 24 hour fitness in Beaverton Oregon, and for one simple reason only: valet parking. Now I could just go on and on about this one, the obvious being Hello, you're going to work out! Why not WALK from the parking lot to the gym since you're going to do 45 minutes on the elliptical trainer anyway. And I know this is the suburbs and you're all probably spoiled housewives but looking at that ass you're supporting you could use way more than the two extra minutes cardio between the lot and the curb---better yet use the parking garage and TAKE THE STAIRS. *Gasp!* Next thing you know you'll have a caddy to tote your gym bag for you. Better yet send the "help" to the gym to work out for you, what with you being too busy with all your social clubs, soccer car pools and "ladies who lunch" and all. And while you're at it, why don't you go ahead and get a life.

I think we need to get a group together and boo and hiss at all the lazies dropping their cars at the door with the valet. Or at the very least make them pay for the valet parking, because it's "free" which usually means I'm paying for it somehow.

Next up: People who drag their feet when they walk.

Hmmmm, bitter much?

*Special location catering to lazy people conveniently located in Downtown Beaverton (your driver knows where exactly)

Life List

I borrowed this from Lola because I have no post for today. And I'm lazy.


1. Bought everyone in the bar a drink
2. Swam with wild dolphins
3. Climbed a mountain
4. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
5. Been inside the Great Pyramid---no, but been in a not so great one
6. Held a tarantula
7. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
8. Said "I love you" and meant it
9. Hugged a tree
10. Bungee jumped
11. Visited Paris
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise ----so many times that it makes up for all the things I haven't done yet.
14. Seen the Northern Lights
15. Gone to a huge sports game
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
18. Touched an iceberg
19. Slept under the stars ---just this weekend in fact
20. Changed a baby's diaper --------and not gonna happen ever!
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
22. Watched a meteor shower
23. Gotten drunk on champagne---Duh!
24. Given more than you can afford to charity---fortunately doesn't take much either
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
27. Had a food fight
28. Bet on a winning horse
29. Asked out a stranger
30. Had a snowball fight
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
32. Held a lamb----nope, allergic to wool
33. Seen a total eclipse
34. Ridden a roller coaster
35. Hit a home run
36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
39. Had two hard drives for your computer
40. Visited all 50 states
41. Taken care of someone who was shit faced
42. Had amazing friends
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
44. Watched wild whales
45. Stolen a sign ----but didn't keep it
46. Backpacked in Europe
47. Taken a road-trip
48. Gone rock climbing
49. Midnight walk on the beach
50. Gone sky diving
51. Visited Ireland
52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger's table and had a meal with them
54. Visited Japan
55. Milked a cow
56. Alphabetized your CDs
57. Pretended to be a superhero
58. Sung karaoke
59. Lounged around in bed all day
60. Posed nude in front of strangers
61. Gone scuba diving
62. Kissed in the rain
63. Played in the mud
64. Played in the rain
65. Gone to a drive-in theater
66. Visited the Great Wall of China
67. Started a business
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
69. Toured ancient sites
70. Taken a martial arts class
71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight ---nope, not a nerd
72. Gotten married
73. Been in a movie
74. Crashed a party
75. Gotten divorced
76. Gone without food for 5 days
77. Made cookies from scratch
78. Won first prize in a costume contest
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice
80. Gotten a tattoo
81. Rafted the Snake River - or was it the Colorado River? ---but it was Deshutes.
82. Been on television news programs as an expert
83. Got flowers for no reason
84. Performed on stage
85. Been to Las Vegas
86. Recorded music
87. Eaten shark
88. Eaten fugu (pufferfish)
89. Had a one-night stand
90. Gone to Thailand
91. Bought a house
92. Been in a combat zone
93. Buried one/both of your parents (stepfather)
94. Been on a cruise ship
95. Spoken more than one language fluently
96. Performed in Rocky Horror Picture Show
97. Raised children
98. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour ---duh, Rufus
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn't stop when you knew someone was looking
103. Had plastic surgery
104. Survived an accident that you shouldn't have survived
105. Wrote articles for a large publication
106. Lost over 100 pounds---no, I'd only weigh 27
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback
108. Piloted an airplane
109. Petted a stingray
110. Broken someone's heart
111. Helped an animal give birth
112. Won money on a T.V. game show
113. Broken a bone
114. Gone on an African photo safari
115. Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
118. Ridden a horse
119. Had major surgery
120. Had a snake as a pet
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours---once when I had the flu
123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
124. Visited all 7 continents
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
126. Eaten kangaroo meat
127. Eaten sushi--Yum!
128. Had your picture in the newspaper
129. Changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about
130. Gone back to school
131. Parasailed
132. Petted a cockroach
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes
134. Read The Iliad and The Odyssey
135. Selected one important author who you missed in school, and read---soooo many times I can't count
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
137. Skipped all your school reunions---no reason to go
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
139. Been elected to public office
140. Written your own computer language
141. Thought to yourself that you're living your dream---but it didn't last long
142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
143. Built your own PC from parts
144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn't know you
145. Had a booth at a street fair
146. Dyed your hair
147. Been a DJ
148. Shaved your head
149. Caused a car accident
150. Saved someone's life

Storm Large - Wish You Were Here (Rockstar Supernova)

Here's her performance from last night. You be the judge. Read the earlier post (below) for the full story.

Oh, the humanity.......the humanity!

W T F ? ? ? ? ? ?

I am still not beliving this.

It just does not make sense.

I mean, none of us wanted her to actually front that band of no-talent has-beens, but seriously, W T F ? And that's not sour grapes, she's too good for this lackluster bubblegum rock band, I seriously doubt there'll be any serious music coming out of these jokers.

In case you haven't heard (it was on OPB---local NPR station---news this morning, after all) our Storm was booted off Rock Star last night. I am just not believing it! She did such a kick ass job on Tuesday and all. The band told her that her original song was the best one, either season. The biggest tragedy is that talentless one note skank, Delana, is still on the show. This after she threw a 3rd grade hissy fit, broke a wine glass and cut Magni's head open with it and then had a meltdown. And last week she gave us a substandard with a little Yoko Ono channeling thrown in to add insult to injury. Anyway, I'm rambling....

I'm to upset to deal with this right now. Watch her performance from last night for yourself and you be the judge. Guess we won't be going to Dante's to watch the finale next week. Actually guess I won't be watching the finale at all, come to think of it.

Storm Large - Ladylike (Rockstar Supernova)

Our Storm kicked major ass last night on Super Nova. If she ends up in the bottom 3, in spite of there being only 5 rockers left, I will be totally and completely surprised. Tune in tonight for more.

I predict Ms Large will be in the final 4 and we can finally say goodbye to that skank, Delana, for good.

In dreams, in dreams of youuuuuuuuuu!

Last night I had this dream: My friend Bart and I inadvertently crossed the border into Germany along with a trainload of illegal aliens from Mexico. Once across the border I found $329 Deutschmark on a flight of stairs so Bart and I decided to have a few cocktails. While sitting at the bar we discovered we failed to bring passports with us and our bartender informed us it would be impossible to cross back out of Germany without passports. There was a discussing as to if we could get new passports from the American embassy but in this post 9-11 atmosphere it looked doubtful. Upon that realization we had another drink which seemed the best thing to do at the time.

So, let's tear this puppy apart.
First off, crossing the German border from an unnamed country with a trainload of illegal Mexicans……….Eddy Izzard would have a field day with this one because one would assume the night time illegal entry with a boatload of Mexicans would only mean we crossed into Germany from Mexico. Next stop: the Hanging Gardens of Babylon. Then Rhode Island.

Secondly both Bart and myself have traveled internationally, so why would we a) forget our passports and b) sneak into a country w/o said passports knowing we'd most likely be stuck there. We were lurking around under the train trestles and made a dash across a field to get into a country that now that I think about it appears we really didn't know where we were going…….hmmm……..

Which brings us to this bit of trivia: a $329 deutschmark. Although I was only in Germany briefly I'm pretty sure that's not a real denomination. And I'm thinking they're on the Euro now, anyway. In the dream the bartender wouldn't take the bill as it was ripped at one edge.

And finally: Going to the American Embassy and requesting a new American passport with little to no identification. "Yes Mr. Embassy Clerk, I would like a brand spanking new passport and I offer my Oregon driver's license and my 24 hour gym membership card as proof of citizenship. I'd like to pay the passport fee with this $329 deutschmark bill. Thanks, I think these Mexicans are next in line for passports…………"

Can't wait to dream tonight, better than TV anyday.

Not bad for an old broad.

*

Well, my birthday is this weekend and if I were to say I'm not exactly looking forward to it I wouldn't be lying. In the past I've always embraced my birthdays and always looked forward to them but not so much anymore. You see, once you get dangerously close to 50 (gasp!) you definitely want to put the brakes on the whole aging process, all Fred Flinstone style.

I do believe it was Cher in her infamous wisdom who said "There's nothing good about getting old" and I'm here to add an AMEN SISTER! to that one. I actually have to wear old lady reading glasses now and have found a few (15 is still a few, right?) grey hairs since I've let it go natural and have gotten rid of the unnatural highlights that conveniently obscured the grey. So far the body is holding out but with these spindly legs I'm sure to fall down and break a hip any day now and it's getting harder to lose weight now a days as well. When my mom was my age my dad took to calling her Pumpkin, not out of affection but because she was rounding out. Although Eddy says I look great and am, in his words, "hot" the Roommate brings me back right to earth by letting me know AARP just sent me a special invite to join the old folks for a shindig at the retirement center. Just wait till January and he hits the big 4 0! Paybacks are a bitch and so am I.

So, now it's your turn to reverse the damaging effects of The Roommate's words and kiss up to me for my birthday. I need all the love and support(hose) I can get.

* No, that's me in the middle, asshole.

God strikes again! News at 11!

You probably noticed there was no Friday post for House of Suz; after you spent hours crying your eyes out and then making frantic calls to the authorities, you most likely calmed yourself down with a glass of wine and a shot of Jack and then proceeded to completely forget your worries. Well, put that bottle down, I’m ok, no thanks to God who has regularly been taking pot shots at me for no damn reason---the latest being him throwing huge wooden structures at my Jeep. Unprovoked and for no good reason that I can see.

The Roommate and I took the Jeep (with Rufus in tow) to Alberta for a little lunch yesterday, taking pains to make sure Rufus is parked somewhere in the shade. After our lovely Mexican meal and a stop at our local wine shop, Cork (20% off Labor Day Weekend sale) we started our walk back to the Jeep…which consisted of crossing Alberta---which is all of crossing a single street. As we neared the Jeep (about 20 paces) I noticed a large plywood and 2 x 4 panel, which had moments before been resting on the side of the building, start to quiver in the (rather strong) wind, a slight sort of spastic dance. Within a few more steps the panel started to wave back and forth frantically and let me tell you, I knew exactly what was about to happen next. The whole 12 x 16 piece of wood made a wild leap and hit my Jeep, with poor frightened Rufus stuck in it, who had to watch the entire disaster unfold. Damn God, goddamnit. He did it on purpose, dented the quarter panel and alternately scrapped the paint off and left a nice beige paint streak all the way up the fender. Nice job, God, way to fuck up my Jeep and my day.

Now I know accidents happen, but usually it’s someone’s fault, someone makes a miscalculated turn, ignores break lights, just messes up and allows human nature to do what it does best. This little accident had nothing to do with me or anyone fucking up supreme being being a little cranky. What’s even more unbelievable is Rufus wasn’t the cause of the whole diseaster either. Unless he taunted God that is, which is highly possible.

So err on the side of caution when parking your Jeep, God’s in quite a mood now days. Have a fun and safe Labor Day!