Special shoutout to steven, iamnot and Michelle; I read the Roommate your comments and shared yours and my concerns and he is off the fast! It didn't take much convincing so he must have been hungry, but I appreciate your comments!

Ok, off to Seattle now. Be good and wish me luck!

Out

Ok, kiddos, I'll be out of town Thursday and Friday (maybe I'll have a fun story for my return and I'll try to take lots of pictures!). Be good and don't do anything I wouldn't do. Rufus is in charge until I get back.

Faster, Fast, FASTER!

Now, the Roommate does not eat red meat---no beef, pork, lamb, waterbuffalo not even the random elephant burger. I know, you're asking NO BACON??? That's crazy talk! Why get out of bed in the morning without PORK? Well, about 10 years ago (which was about 5 years before I knew him) he went on the Master Cleanse fast and once he weaned himself back on to solid food he just couldn't stomach it nor did he want to eat it anyway, the taste didn't appeal to him. But fear not, he's not a total vegan, he loves him some cheese and eats chicken and fish, so all's good. Well, anyway he's gone on the Master Cleanse again and I gotta tell ya, although the idea of eliminating nasty toxins from my body is appealing, I would just have to find another way to do it. I'm just saying.

This is what the Roommate's eating. YUM!

This lovely diet consists of the kind of things you'd find when you're moving into an apartment that wasn't emptied out as well as you'd expect. The main staple of the diet is an attractive enough looking concoction of lemon juice that you get to personally squeeze from organic lemons, then mix in some organic maple syrup and cayenne pepper. Yep, you're drinking liquid fire; your mouth and throat will be in such pain that it'll keep you from cheating and eating something else, say......something that actually tastes good.

This fast also gives you the added pleasure of drinking Smooth Move tea, and I have a feeling you know what that shit does. Exactly, shit. I drank some last night and although it tasted pretty good I was awaken several times during the night by stomach cramps and "false alarms". No thanks, I'd rather Metapooh.

And finally, the Roommate gets to drink water with non-iodized salt in it. Salt water---which tastes exactly like salt water. Imagine you're the couple in Open Water and you're out lost at sea for a few days and all you get to drink is salt water. Yum. And want to know what it does to you? You probably don't but it "cleans out the mucus in your stomach". He actually used the word "mucus plug" and I never hope to hear it described again. The Roommate said the salt water makes you want to fart-----but you better not! His friend told him to drink it in the morning and he said "Nope, I don't have a couple hours in the morning to waste hanging around the toilet" so he took it about an hour before bed and I still heard him get up a few times.

The Roommate said a friend told him that someone they knew had just gotten off this very same 10 day fast and said the "faster" looked amazing. I asked if his hearing was going on him what whit his weakened state, and that the person actually described the faster as looking emaciated? I just don't see how this is healthy.

The Roommate is on day 3 (the smelly day) of the fast and that he should smell better tomorrow. Nice. He also said a few days of drinking that cayanne crap and it starts to taste good, considering it's all you get to sustain yourself I'd have to agree. I think I'll stick with my toxic Popeye's; I prefer my body packed with poison.

Oh, and this diet doesn't allow any of the things I can't live without, like Sudafed, Benedryl, coffee or WINE! I rest my case.

You da bomb!

Hopefully I'll be hung again!*

An annual art event in the Alberta area of Portland is having a Surprise of Art/Art of Surprise show next month and I'm entering! The art has to do with a "surprise theme" so I'm going for the biggest and most ultimate surprise of them all----the A bomb! That's a "caught those cats sleeping" kinda joke. I don't have all the details ironed out yet but I have till May 10th for this assignment and you know how I like to procrastinate---like a big dog! We won't have the same mishap as in the 4x4 show, I know I am allowed to enter up to 3 pieces, so of course I'm pushing my luck and shooting for 4!

Also, you can volunteer for the event, which I think would be a smooth move because then they'd HAVE to let you win the show's top prize, if you volunteered too, right? My luck, that would be the surprise part, no winner, winner chicken dinner, even if you brown-nose.


* Sounds like something you'd hear as a punch line here.

"Hey, grab me one while you're in there.........."

The weather's been nice here in P-town, so it was no surprise when the Roommate informed me that he had invited some folks over for a BBQ on Sunday. And if you're going to cook out you need to hit the grocery store to purchase something to throw on the grill, so that is exactly what the Roommate and I did. We had been out partying the night before so we were both a little sluggish as we wandered around the store, grabbing items, putting them back and occasionally splitting up and then returning to the cart with the same exact items. We were there for about an hour and really didn't buy that much, but whole process took some time, and you get the picture.

So, we're at the check out area and I realized we neglected to pick up coffee so the Roommate set out into the crowd to get some, which meant that I had to choose a check out line. Let me just say this now, if you ever see me in the check out line at the grocers store, pick ANY OTHER LINE THAN THE ONE I'M IN because I have the worst luck EVER picking a fast line. Never happens. The Roommate returned with the coffee and glanced over at the other lanes and realized the line I picked was the only one not moving because our checker was chatting with the customer in front of us, who was also slowing down production because the customer had a fist full of coupons and then needed to buy some gift cards as well. When we finally got to the checker she started to scan items and then, as she scanned my tampons, she announced "Looks like some cook out!". In my book tampons don't = cook out, but hey, what do I know? The Roommate said "Yep, having some people over for BBQ and beer. May even enjoy a little croquet." "Oh, I don't do that, haven't since the '80s probably" she whispered as she leaned in. "Maybe a shot of tequila and a margarita but that's about it. I'm in school." I was scanning the tabloids so I only heard parts of the conversation, didn't really pay attention, so there I hadn't realized there was a disconnect in the subject flow. As we walked away from the check out line, the Roommate said "That was strange, did you hear any of that conversation?" and I had to admit I hadn't been paying attention. The Roommate said "She must have thought I was talking about smoking pot because she said she was in school and couldn't do that anymore and that she hadn't done it since the 80's when I told her we were going to play croquet." "Oh" I said, "I think she thought you had said you were going to do a little COCAINE". The Roommate's face dropped. "She thought I said cocaine? That I would just announced to a total stranger that we were going to drink and eat and do coke? That doesn't make sense, if we did coke we wouldn't be eating much." The more he thought about it the more he wanted to go back and correct her but the whole thing was water under the bridge already. The Roommate retold the story at the BBQ later on and said "Some people, huh?" I added "That checker is probably in the breakroom right now telling a coworker that some customer told her he was having a BBQ and that they were going to snort some coke, too. They're probably shaking their heads, saying some people, huh?"

Question Answered

steven asked how I got into telecom. Well Steven, like most things in my life it took tons of planning, going way back to when I was in college in the late seventies. The quick answer? I majored in Fine Arts and minored in Anthropology. Bam, telecom---cause what else can you do with an art degree if you don't want to starve.

Also, I married into it; my husband at the time was offered and accepted a job up here in the Pacific Northwest by a west coast based CLEC. That was in the BOOM days of 1998, when you could easily get hired with a telecom co. providing you could tie your shoes OR walk and chew gum at the same time. Considering I possessed both skills necessary for a job in telecom, I was hired on the spot.

Now staying in telecom during the "depression years" just after the bubble burst and 9-11 took some doing. Layoffs everywhere, Enron and the crash of dotcoms put a lot of my coworkers on in the unemployment line or on to more lucrative careers in other areas. Me, I missed the bullet every time layoffs darkened our door. Whenever I consider looking at a career in another field I think of all this fabulous knowledge that will go to waste (like "how many DS1s in a DS3") and we just can't have that. Waste not, want not, so I guess I'm wasting away again in telecomville.

Thanks for the question, Steven, hope I answered it sufficiently.

Another Rufus photo essay

By popular demand, another (and if you're good, final) Rufus photo essay..........

Like most of us, Rufus has a hard time waking up on Monday mornings. Also like us, his weekends are very busy and he really just need another 15 minutes of sleep.....just 15 minutes more.......

Ok, not remarkable you say, well yes. But I started taking indoor photos of Rufus without the flash so I avoid the "red eye" issue plus I don't like the stark light or odd shadows a flash produces in photographs. The draw back is sometimes the photos are a little yellow, depending on the light in the room. Getting this hyper dog to pose has not really been that difficult. He caught on immediately that when mommy brings out the tripod, Rufus has to hold a pose. And he does pretty well, as illustrated here.

This is the first photo I took of Rufus inside the house without a flash. I braced the camera on the floor and since Rufus had tired himself out running around like the basket case he is, I didn't have to get him to pose. It is not often one sees Rufus like this and therefore this photo exists here as proof that he does get tired. Occasionally.

When I posted this shot on my PaD I called it "Devil's workshop". I'm sure you get why. On another note, the Roommate taught Rufus to cross his paws while he's lying down when he was just a puppy, so now he does it all the time, on cue or not.

This shot shows Rufus's playful side, as well as his stubborn side.

This abstract was taken when we just got Rufus, he was just over 4 months old. When I posted it on my PaD I titled it "His Mother's Legs" since they look like long, spindly sticks, just like mine.

That concludes the Rufus photo retrospect. If you find you require even more shots of the self proclaimed "Cutest Dog in the World" just let me know and I'll whisk it away to you in no time. Or you can check out my PaD, which has more than enough shots of Rufus to keep you busy for years (click on the photo to get into each gallery---don't be scared).

One more thing...........

I self-cencored my post from yesterday. I may want to still work here.

It's photo essay time again!

Now as I'm sure you all know by now, I have the most adorable dog in the world---that is when he's not biting you. I decided that since I have absolutely nothing going on to write about today it's time for a RUFUS-ONLY Photo Essay!!! Say it with me, WE LOVE RUFUS and can't get enough photos of him! Anyone who's visited my PaD site might disagree, but no one likes them anyway. This photo, above, is one of my favorites of Rufus, looks like he's trying to sniff an ant's butt. Never thought ant butt sniffing would be so cute, did you? Well, now you know.

This is a rare B&W (black and white to us professional photographers) and the only reason it's here is because it's rare that I photograph in B&W because I've forgotten where the setting is on my camera. Enjoy.

After I took this one I noticed that Rufus had closed his eyes. I found that funny since people always say "Wait, my eyes were closed". Happens with dogs, too.

I like the perspective of this, as I know for a fact that Rufus looks down on me. Ah, the symbolism!

A while back I did a photo a day series of shots of Rufus, trying to make them interesting. This was a pretty good shot. The reason I did a Rufus series is because people were posting comments on my PaD that I took too many photos of my mangy dog. I showed them!

I know, I know, I've posted this one before (way back in the beginning of my blog history) but it's still cute. This photo also shows why he bites so many people, he looks so darn cute you just gotta pet him; the cuteness wears off once he's got his teeth sunk into your hand.

Anything can happen day........

So, someone asked me about my shit flying day yesterday, this was my response:

I am having a better day today, thanks. It's funny, and this is probably going to sound like a bunch of telecom techno-babble, but I had a customer who ordered 4 T1s of internet and only needed them for a few days for a trade show. The circuits were to go from our data pop in Santa Clara CA to the hotel site in Santa Clara. The circuit is partially on our network (on Net) and partly off net (from SBC, to connect to our circuit to complete it to the customer/hotel). Two of the 4 off net circuits were ordered correctly. Hit me if I'm talking down to you. The other two were not, the off net didn't originate at the same central office as where our on net circuit ended and instead went from a central office in San Jose to Santa Clara. It was going to cost my company $4k to expedite a correction order with SBC to make the customer's due date and the expenditure was approved. Then I asked* "Is it possible to re-design the On Net circuit (which we had control over) to meet the incorrect Off Net that we already had (instead of paying $4K to move it) and that's what we ended up doing. Sometimes being creative is necessary in telecom, but it rarely happens. Bell heads don't think outside the box. So anyway, I got no credit** for getting the customer taken care of within their timeline or for saving our company big bucks. Yeah, you're welcome; any time.


Ok, I'm done bitching. Go have fun out in the sunshine now.

* Always ask seemingly dumb questions. Sometimes they make you look smart.

**I later actually did get a small, almost insignificant pat on the back. Yea me!

***Helloooooooooo, 28! Duh!

Oh MY LAN-TA!

It has been most busy here in my cube today! All sorts of shit has hit the fan, and I'm talking pebbly shit all the way up to cow pie-sized shit and I didn't wear a rain slicker. One customer's order got screw up by someone other than moi and the expedite will cost $4K to get to them by Thursday, another carrier prematurely took down 11 toll free numbers. And a little old account code in Tucson isn't working for some reason, but shakes alive, I got them all taken care of it appears, with a minute to spare. That's the good news. The bad news is this is it as far as the blog today, so read it again and enjoy every morsel. Hopefully there'll be tons of fun tomorrow.

Because tomorrow is "Anything Can Happen Day".

Egg-stravaganza!

As I'm sure all are now well aware, yesterday was Easter and for some bizarre reason the fact that Jesus rising from the dead (I personally think he was sleeping off a good drunk) means we need to paint eggs in bright yet finger-staining colors. At our house, where we have our ever-competitive Roommate, this innocent tradition becomes a competition, and one that will surely leave bruises to boot.

Please note the Boy is decorating a beer can.

The Roommate's mother, who instigated the whole knockdown, was on hand to compete; she's actually been training all year for this event and takes it quite seriously. Here she is laboring over her patented finish that requires multiple colors layered and stripped, layered again, stripped again.

JoDee painstakingly applying several coats of color.

Each egg takes hours, well, maybe minutes, but the product is breath taking.

The Roommate, arranging the contestants.

Also attending the event are the Boy, Frankie and Jonathan. Now Jonathan grew up in Mexico so the whole concept is pretty much beyond him, because rightfully so, the entire tradition makes no sense, even to someone who grew up with it (mainly me) and Frankie comes from a family that preferred to decorate beer cans and hide them instead of eggs. This twist on an established tradition actually makes more sense to me as there's more incentive and the pay off is much better. Frankie's family gets two Suz thumbs up on their Easter hunt version.
After a few intensely creative hours of decorating, involving new applications and sources for finishes, we presented our line up of anxious hopefuls; 18 excited and nervous eggs, decked out beyond belief, were assembled on stage for all to admire. Spot lights were adjusted. Eggs were arranged and rearranged according to height and color, as to enhance each egg's appearance.

The Roommate's egg, Mr Guido, an early favorite.

And this being a beauty pageant and all, we pretty much silently, to ourselves, pick apart the competition. Hmmm, she's wearing THAT color with THAT stand? And that one, that finish is SO LAST YEAR. And missy thing on the end? Should have hit the gym before parading a shell like that. We assembled our judges, which also happened to be all the contestant's artists, and wrote our top choices on a paper and deposited them in the oh-so-appropriate chicken pitcher, taking the "secret ballot" route.

The original line up.

We were able to remove quite a few contestants the first elimination round and were down to 8 lucky eggs. The voting just got a little more difficult but our judges hung in there and made their next elimination list. We were down to 5 eggs.

Now egg judging is hard work, there are so many different aspects to decorating an egg, finish, theme, skill, creativity, and all our eggs had a lot of care go into them. But this is America, and we strive for perfection and weed out inferior specimens at will, and our judges know we were also tasked to uphold the American tradition of beauty and so ugly had to go, and anything less than fabulous would be voted off the island.

We voted again and we had our winners. A very impressive "Church Lady" deservedly was awarded the bronze position at 3rd place. An interesting combination of orange, pink and yellow, with a copper patina was given second, and the Roommates strong favorite, Mr. Guido, was the lucky 1st place winner, hands down. Just goes to show that a little pube hair in the right place and an overall attention to detail (only the Roommate would look at a "press on smile" and see a G-string) is appreciated by a discerning judicial committee. All our contestants really showed creativity, incredible skill and a sense of humor. In this judges eyes, every egg was a winner. And tasty, too.

So here's to a new tradition, competitive egg decorating. I hear it's soon to become an Olympic sport, and considering it's background, we'll get stiff competition from Poland, Germany and Eastern Block nations.

Interesting

With the recent trial of al-Qaida terrorist Zacarias Moussaoui and the description of the events from Flight 93 heard in the court room, I've been thinking about 9-11 a lot recently. There was plenty of coverage of the planes that slammed into the twin towers and considering the mind boggling number of deaths, it's understandable there was a lot of talk and coverage of that tragedy. The same about the crashing of flight 93, because of the heroic efforts of the passengers and tragic end. But I always wondered about the terrorist attack on the Pentagon. It was overshadowed a bit by the other attacks that day but I always wondered why more stress wasn't put on the crash into the Pentagon basically because it's the central location of all our military big wigs and it just seemed to me that if you could hit the Pentagon, well then of course other spots were more vulnerable. It just didn't seem like this fact cause as much of a wake up call in the press, I mean the symbolism of an attack on our military headquarters just seemed major news. Anyway, Michelle sent me this link today and now I've got other questions. The first being, are the facts presented here true? If so, why haven't we as citizens already been presented this information ages ago. What actually happened that day and why does there appear to be a cover up? Why have the surveillance tapes not been released? What was gained by not releasing this information? And my biggest question of all WTF?

Anyway, just asking.

Last night the Roommate and I went to the Winterhawks hockey game; the Roommate works for a company that is a sponsor for the Winterhawks so we got playoff tickets! Ka-CHING. I don't know a whole lot about hockey but most of the players are super hot even under all the padding and the helmet and all and it's fun to watch them beat the crap out of each other, so I always jump at the change to go. And then there's the other reason I love the hockey games here: mullets! This sport attracts some of the most red neck looking people around (our group excluded) and you can see why. THE FIGHTS! So I get to do a lot of people watching, said mullets on the gentlemen and tube tops and bleached frizzy hair on the ladies. Evidently it's all about class.

Where's the blood on the ice?

Last night we sat with some friends in a very high up area of the coliseum where there were not that many people sitting because our friends "are loud"---their words. The game was very close, in fact out team scored, then their team scored, ours scored again, then theirs. By the final period it was neck and neck and the crowd was going wild, me included. We were all on our feet clapping when the final buzzer sounded. And I was clapping too, as I watched the ring on my left ring finger go flying off my hand and into the empty seats about seven rows in front of me. "My ring, did you see that?" I asked the Roommate, and he had indeed also noticed my silver one-of-a-kind ring flying forward, ever so gracefully. I immediately got up and walked to the row it looked like the ring flew to and looked under the row of chairs. No ring. I looked under the row in front of it, thinking the design of the ring, a spiral sort of thing, would be particularly bouncy and spring like. Still not ring. By this time the Roommate was helping me look. I looked under the row in front of that one, which actually had people sitting in it, and peered under the seats. I got strange looks from the people on this row and the row in front of it. I explained what had happened and that I was looking for my ring, which the Roommate said had a diamond on it, evidently thinking that if someone else had lost a ring with an actual diamond on it, I would get that too. The folks on these rows started half-assed looking for my ring as well. About then a coliseum usher came over to see what was going on; I again explained. The usher started looking for it as well.

The Roommate's lame attempt at looking like a red neck.

We searched and searched and then the "overtime" period was about to start and everyone including me lost interest in locating the missing ring. The usher disappeared and came back with a blond usher who told us she was an expert in finding lost jewelry. I assume she was hired just for this special skill, so she went to work while we watched the rest of the game. The other team scored after a while and the game was over, a defeat for our team. Add to that disappointment the fact that the "finder usher" hadn't located my missing ring so no wonder there were sad faces all around. We filed out of the bleachers and into the inner walkway of the coliseum to exit and return to our homes, dejected. As we were just pushing the security bar on the doors to leave the building we heard a woman yelling "Wait!" and turned to see the "finder usher" running to us with my ring! Amazing! I hugged her and thanked her profusely and the Roommate tried to give her twenty bucks for her trouble but she declined. Turns out she does if for the thrill of the hunt.

Reunited, and it feels sooooo gooooood.

So thank you, Finder Usher, you found my ring! It's amazing that she could find such a small piece of jewerly in such a big space with peanut shells and empty beer bottles everywhere, but I guess that's why she makes the big bucks. And is honored by the name "Finder Usher". Lord only knows what else she finds but I'd rather not know.

We will now observe a moment of silence for Finder Ushers everywhere. Without you we would all have nekked fingers.

This I believe

I believe.................

.......that Michelle and I (pictured here*) make the cutest lesbian couple ever to go to prom, even if I do look like I have a sneer on my face!

.......that the outfit I am wearing today (not pictured) just does not work. I must make a mental note not to wear this skirt with this top ever again. And the boots? Phleeze! Had the Roommate seen me this morning he would surely have put a squelch on it, after he got over his uncontrollable laughter, that is.

.......that this "Asshole Company" buying my current employer is going to give me a stroke yet. I do not want to work for "Asshole Company" as I know for a fact that I am above them. Anyone want to hire an overpriced customer service rep who posts blogs during business hours and can't dress herself? Hmm, just as I thought.

.......that people should spend more time listening to public radio and less time listening (and calling into) talk radio. Very little good comes from it, at least I think so.

.......I should be able to drink at work. Period. If everyone can have bowls of chocolate candy on their desk causing mid-afternoon sugar comas, I should be able to have a bottle of a nice Oregon Pinot Noir perched right by my computer monitor. Sorry, no sharing.

.......I am afraid for our country and the world. It has recently come to my attention that our president believes "End Times" are near and having a dooms day approach to governing isn't a very positive practice in my eyes. Seriously, is this any way to run a country? It does explain his implied need for his personal crusades in the Middle East (making Jesus points there?) and his total head-in-the-sand approach to the environment (Global warming? Who cares, the world's ending any day now!). I do question his family's obsession with being in bed with Saudi oil men and the whole "gotta get Haliburton rich" campaign, though. I may not be religious but I do subscribe in the "you can't take it with you" school of thought.

.......that Aimee Mann and Rufus Wainwright should be elevated to the position of songsters to the gods as each has a voice of an angel and writing tallents unsurpassed. And they both need to put out new albums immediately. Someone's jonesing.

* Thanks Rob Rhino for the photo. Hope it's ok I used it without permission, I got the inspiration from Bush's permissionless wire taping---the man's a genius.

Random thoughts with lots of links

So I'm sure my avid readers are wondering how my Lenten "give it up for Jesus!" pledge is going. Well, pretty much like the Jerry Lewis Telethon; you keep looking at the calendar wondering "When will this shit be over with?" because I'm dying for a Pop Tart and refuse to buy a BOX at the store. That's a commitment with processed food I DO NOT NEED. One sleeve at a time out of the vending machine is a totally different story/commitment.

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I did my 2005 taxes last night. If you take my combined refunds from my Federal and State taxes it still isn't enough to counter that stupid Multnomah County Income Tax. If I promise not to have kids that will end up in public school can I not pay it this year?

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I'm a huge cheat. The Roommate took this photo that I posted as my picture today on my PaD site. Not only did I not take the shot but it surely wasn't taken today. Try September. Hey, but I cropped it myself, that should count for something!

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I bought a pair of jeans over the weekend, first pair I've purchased since Rufus ruined every other pair I owned (except the pair that's so short it wouldn't have gotten wet in New Orleans last fall---that one he saves for me) when he was an out-of-control chewing monster. The new pair is really cute but it's snug fit makes me think I'm going to have to double up on the gym visits from now on. So that means pilates with the Roommate tonight and yoga (for the first time ever) on Thursday with Michelle. Ouch. I hurt already.

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Words of wisdom: Stop picking at scabs or it will never heal. You know who you are (no link).

Photo Express

Someone who is a fantastic photographer recently let me know that I'm "getting all artsy" with my Photo a Day shots and I must admit that with some inspiration from him, I have been getting pretty lucky----at least with the photography that is. Aside from the ones I've taken of Rufus the photos I've been posting have been rather lackluster in the past. Well, not this one, but most. Imagine my surprise when it dawned on me that I could ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING to make them better. Like paying a little more attention to cropping in order to enhance the composition, like here. Duh. Or messing around with light (Michelle's photo to the right) to add interest. Playing with a combo of depth of field and cropping like in this shot just to see what it ends up looking like. So, finally after about 9 months of posting a photo-a-day on this site I am actually putting a little more thought into the photographs, but then again I've always been a late bloomer.

Now maybe I should consider reading the owner's manuals for my camera. That might be a step in the right direction, too.

Last of the Red Dresses

Ok, the final posts from Red Dress Party '06. These are photos that didn't make it into the official post but they are worth showing none the less. Out-takes if you will. Enjoy.

Another cute shot of the Roommate, but then again how could a shot of the Roommate not be cute. I am troubled by the hand in the lower right portion of the photo, though. Is that a "Kids In the Hall" I'm crushing your head or is that a jab at the Roommate's "manliness"? Perhaps we will never know.

Cute group shot featuring Dr Phil in the middle---and this is an anniversary of sorts, the Roommate and I met Dr Phil last year at the Red Dress Party.

A not hideous photo of the Suz in my "light red" dress.

Rusty and Michelle are making out! Rusty and Michelle are MAKING OUT! Oh, wait, they're just sharing an apple slice. Never mind.

Who is that with the ladies? Well it's the ladies man himself, Rusty. He makes friends so easily, and he's not very discriminating either, is he?

The Roommate washing my dirty filthy feet after the swamp that was Red Dress Party '06. Very Jesus-like, don't you think? Ok, that's it for this year. Already looking forward to next year's event. That wasn't so painful, was it?

Random ramblings

When our (mostly useless---did I say that out loud?) director of customer service left the company last week she gave each CS rep two free hours off with pay as a friendly parting gift: I used mine this morning, thinking I'd sleep in, but Rufus had different plans. So after we had our "ride in car" to "doggie park" I moseyed my happy ass into work at 10:05; so far all I've done is answer a few e-mail and read my daily blogs. If you count eating 2 mini Hershey's dark chocolate bars and munching a couple hand fulls of potato chips as "work", well then, it's been a busy morning. I love Fridays, and today is pay day as well, which means I won't be broke for at least the next 24 hours. After that I'll be scrounging for "budget wine" money in my change jar and pulling left overs out of the freezer. I need a higher paying job but I never see any listings under "Independently Wealthy" in the want ads. I suspect it's a hard field to break into unless you know someone. And to that point, I've put on my "to do" list for this weekend: buy winning lottery ticket. If it's a winner you only need one. The Roommate always buys lottery tickets when he's unhappy with his job situation or the jackpot hovers around $200mil, which it happens to be nearing now. People always say they'd keep working but as Daffy Duck says, not this little black duck. I'd make it a point of coming into work a good 45 minutes late, drop a few F-bombs on conference calls and e-mails and then hand out Krispie Kreme donuts as I'm escorted out the door. Then I'd buy a home in Cancun and a beach front bar there as well. Because I want a bar like Varuca Salt wants an Oompa-loompa. Which means NOW. And if one is going all out and wishing for a bar, one might as well wish it were situated on the beach in a clean resort town. So I want that and specifically in Cancun, please. I also want to be 15 years younger while we're at it, but if that's a deal breaker then we can remove it from the table. I wouldn't mind being younger but as long as I look ok in a bathing suit I'm good. And one thing that makes you age is sun damage (not to mention the added bonus of skin cancer) so I'd be wearing a lot of sunscreen with that bathing suit. But only in the winter months, in Cancun that is, not the sunscreen, as I'd probably prefer to live somewhere not so fucking hot in the summer and don't get me started on the hurricanes you get that time of year. Last year hurricanes hit three of my favorite spots in the world, Key West, Cancun and of course New Orleans. It was almost like God was out to let me know I wouldn't be taking any vacation this year, because it's looking like I'm not. You know, money's tight and the situation won't be getting any better unless I get a new job (see "Independently Wealthy" above) or win the lottery (also above), each of which are highly unlikely, especially if I forget to buy my lottery tickets today. Or just ticket, as long as it's a winner.

Can you tell I don't want to be at work today?

Red Dress Party, part 2

If you thought the Red Dress Party was all fun and pretty up to this point, you are correct. If you suspect that it eventually gets a little soiled and ugly, better grab some money and pick up a lottery ticket. Not because you're lucky, just psychic.

So we made our way to the warehouse which was housing the Red Dress Party for the evening and everyone was at least a little buzzed. As we stood in line the Roommate instructed everyone to stick together...........until a bouncer announced that if you had a VIP pass, you could skip to the front of the line. The Roommate and I had been given VIP passes by our buddy Pat, so of course we were all about "See Ya!" and headed to the entrance, stating that we were going to the VIP lounge to get free drinks and have them waiting for our friends once they were let in. Yeah, they bought it.

Our buddy Bart showed up in one of my red dresses, and it really showed off his figure.

*

At one point in the evening I was in line for a drink in the VIP lounge and happened to look down and see a small baggie with about 14 pills in it. Thinking that since this is a "rave" setting and it is the VIP lounge, these were probably DRUGS and I quickly scooped up the baggie and jammed it in my purse. I kind of forgot about it until a bit later (preoccupied with my drink) when I was standing with a group of friends and reached into my purse to get chapstick and re-discovered the baggie. I announced that I have found a bag of pills and they were immediately removed from my possession. Someone took them to the restroom and tested each and every one of them and.................they were mints. Well, hell, it was April Fools Day and I bet someone had quite the laugh about that one.

At some point in the evening I decided to lick Bart's chest*. No one knows why or remembers for that matter but I suspect he spilled some of his drink and I was simply cleaning up the mess. Cleanliness is next to godliness.......or would it be waste not want not?

Rusty spent a lot of time making (re: tormenting) new friends.

To give you a little clue on how many folks showed up for the party, take a look at these photos I took by holding the camera above the crowd and just shooting.

The glowing red crowd in the very back of the photo are dancers on a platform lit up by red spotlights. Gives you an idea of the size of the room and the mass of people there. The fire marshal stopped admission for a while because of capacity issues.

This lovely shot shows where the Red Dress Party turned into the mud pit from Woodstock. Can you say gross? It was so bad the Roommate washed my feet once we got home, they were so nasty.

There always comes that part of the night when you're just not drunk enough to enoy what's going on and the line for drinks too long to bear. I reached that point around 1:30 am and Michelle realized it about the same time. Rusty wasn't having such an epiphany but we made the judgment call for him, and a good thing too----this is Rusty in the cab home, with a quick drive through at Popeye's. Later on after he crashed on the futon in the basement we tried to film Rufus humping his head but I was too wasted to get the camera to work. Ah, missed opportunities.

I decided to post some more random Red Dress photos tomorrow, so stay tuned.

* Photo courtesy of Rusty's camera.

RED DRESS Photo Essay, part 1

"FINALLY!", you are probably whispering to yourself under your breath, "I thought she'd NEVER post those bastards!". Well, you are proven wrong my friend, I AM hereby posting the photos from the Red Dress Party----only a little later than I had planned but what the hell. Hope it was worth the wait (but hello!, men in red dresses, always worth waiting for!).

Here's the ever cute Roommate in Cowboy mode. Some men are just so macho they are still hot in a halter/spaghetti strap combo dress.

We had started the pre-pre-pre-funk at our casa at around 3 pm, even though the Roommate had stated days in advance that he didn't want to start drinking until 6 (since it was going to be a long night). Yep, no self control around this gang; once Rusty hit town all bets were off.

Here's a group shot of the boy, me and Rusty. Rusty went for the "unwashed red neck" look, ever popular in Vancouver WA, but a little unseemly in Portland. Sorry Dude, that hair is JUST NOT SEXY, even if it is fake it shall not be excused. Also, I guess it's kind of obvious from this photo that my dress was a little on the pink side. I simply called it "light red" and left it at that.

Look how cute and lady-like Michelle is with her legs crossed and all. Lady like? Oh, honey, I could tell you stories.......

Bad asses, that's all I can say about these two. Don't leave your red patent leather clutch lying around without supervision if you see these two in the vicinity.

The Pre-pre-funk was actually at a restaurant where I assume the sight of about a dozen people, men and women alike, sitting around a large table all wearing red dresses wasn't that uncommon. We only had one stranger brave enough to come forward and ask for a photo. Cosmopolitans were the order of the day, in keeping with the "light red" theme.

The official pre-funk was at Mitch's house and he was serving up some strong red drinks, not sure what they were but at that point we didn't really care. We were getting our collective buzz on. You will be happy to know we cab'd it the entire night; better red than dead, I always say.

Ok, Kiddos, that's it for the pre-funks. Stay tuned for the main event. Hopefully tomorrow.