Happy Primary Day!

Hear that creaking? That's the sound of the polls closing in New Hampshire and now the real show is about to begin. You thought the horse and pony show that is the candidates pedaling their wares was the high point but just wait till the news outlets start interviewing each other and tossing around the sound bites. There's a slim chance that I'll have to work tonight and if that is so then be forewarned that this blog will be dark and locked up tomorrow. If I don't then prepare to hear WHAT THE PEOPLE ARE SCREAMING ABOUT (according to the news men and women, filtered through my peanut brain).

But before we cut to live coverage in the Stoner State (or is it granite?) today Mr Prezzie Bush (his Hip Hop name once he gets out of office and starts his NEXT career) called a press conference to remind the country that he was still in charge and there's still plenty of time for him to start WW3 with Iran. I think his exact words to Iran were something like "Don't make me come over there…" and you could just about hear no one in Iran cringe in horror.
Also it appears the "softer side of politicians" is catching on as we not only saw Hillary choke up yesterday but Christine Gregoire (Gov. of Washington State for those of you out of the loop) choke up today when speaking about assisted suicide. And Giuliani choked up today when he mentioned 9-11 for the two billionth time (that man loves breaking records!). Hey, looket me! I'm a crier! I should run for something (and then I can REALLY ball when I lose). My stock tip of the day, one word: Kleenex.

Happy Primary Returns to all and to all a good night!

Not so mute Monday.

I watched the Democratic debate last night and since there's a writer's strike and little to watch on TV, the people watched as well. I must tell you the people were quite glad that there were only 4 candidates on the broadcast because let's face it, we only really care about Obama, Edwards and Clinton in this race and the people didn't even know who that other guy was, anyway. Wasn't that Hugo Chavez? Isn't he already a president somewhere? No matter, let's face it, unless there's a huge scandal catching the three front runners in a particularly racy three-way that fourth dude doesn't have a chance in hell. From what the people saw from the program (when the Roommate wasn't flipping through the channels) all four candidates are all about change---this is our buzz word this week folks, so keep score on how many times we hear it---and there was much talk of reform of the health care system. Oh, and Edwards liked Hillary's suit this time, so she kinda got a leg up there, score one for Ms Clinton! The people thought Clinton did a good job and obviously knows what she's talking about and that Edwards is so smooth butter don't melt in his mouth, as usual. Has anyone ever seen that guy ruffled? He may very well be an android. Obama didn't seem to come off as well as the other two, and that's just my opinion as the people just about wet their pants whenever he opened up his mouth. Hopefully all three will do well tomorrow in New Hampshire because the people want more of this three ring traveling show, our candidates just need to work on their stand up a bit as some jokes fell a little flat, like Ms Clinton saying her feelings were hurt that the people of New Hampshire liked "someone" more than her.

The people also seem a bit tired of the Republican race in general, on the other hand. Big yawns all around. Mitt isn't looking like he'll do very in New Hampshire against McCain and what happened to that momentum Huckabee had in Iowa? I guess the hayseed act isn't impressing the folks up north, Jesus on his side or not. And let's face it, Romney pretty much dropped all the 9-11 references humanly possible already so he doesn't have much left the people want to hear. We get it, you were a mayor. Either say something new or move on.

And aside from that we won't know what the people REALLY think until after the polls close tomorrow. Write in Chief Wiggins's son (yes, I watch the Simpsons last night as part of the campaign trail coverage and all) just to stir the pot a bit.

On the local new front, the Roommate packed up the Nativity scene on Saturday, sans the Baby Jesus. Let's face it, without the BJ it's just a bunch of people standing around with a cow and a donkey. The Republican race is more exciting than that. Yawn.

Election round up: Iowa

When I was getting ready for work this morning I decided that my New Year's resolution would be that I wouldn't comment on politics on this blog at all this year---people get up tight if you don't agree with them and I've come to realize it just futile to voice an opinion. But I've decided it's gonna be too hard not to, what with all the humor laid out before us on the nightly news with "decision '08". So I'm changing my resolution to not commenting on my particular beliefs, just reporting the "voice of the people" as I see it. And knowing how dumb people are, it would be too funny to pass this shit up. So, here is my take on the caucus in Iowa yesterday, broken down to it's most basic meaning.

It's a great day in America because the people of Iowa have spoken! Not sure what they said, it was a little garbled and kinda sounded like a very faint "see, we're not that racist" * but according to the news outlets, they've said something loud and clear! Let the bells ring out and the banners fly, a new day is upon us! As far as the Democrat's race is concerned, I think the people pretty much said they don't particularly care for a certain former first lady (and they wish to point out that they are using the term "lady" loosely) and that they like her slightly less than Edwards, mainly because he did not spend enough money on advertising in their fair state, hence not doing his best to help the local economy. The people of Iowa also said that while they'll go ahead and throw a vote to a person of color, they are drawing the line at crazy religious freaks of the Mormon persuasion although they are A-OK with crazy Southern Baptist freaks. Also it appears they don't like pushy New York City mayors in Iowa either, 9-11 or not. My dog Rufus was not on the ballot but I wonder if he'd have scored at least a vote or two; he's got a little less experience than Obama but knows how to "praise Jesus". As a geography exercise, let's see if we can find the state of Iowa on a map (hint: it's not in Europe).

But wait, catch your breath and don't celebrate (or pout) too long. New Hampshire is right around the corner! All this craziness has already wound itself up into a frenzied in the North East! Climb on the campaign bus and hold on, it's going to be a bumpy year.


* According to what I heard on CNN last night, Iowa has never chosen an African American in any election; they said "any", I'll say "any major election" to be on the safe side. Although I did not check this fact (too lazy and apathetic and it sounds like I'd have to google it or something) I am going to accept it as the truth---until someone else does the leg work and proves it false. Then I'll meekly recant.

'08, it's the new 07*

Happy New Year, although so far this one seems pretty close to the last one. Today I wore an new top to work and went through half the day before I realized I had a small sticker with the letter "M" on the front of my shirt, on my stomach just under my left tit. Took me that long to notice, and evidently no one else had.

Over the last few days I have heard several tales of what has happened to the Baby Jesus, and none are as cute as the photos on his web site. A few things I have heard is that he's broken, that he was put through a wash cycle and that he was eaten by a dog. It's not looking so good for the BJ and it appears we're going to have to come up with some sort of permanent replacement. And of course this means we're going to cancel Easter. Unless he can really come back from the dead. Only time will tell.

The Roommate got me an iPOD Shuffle for Christmas (the green one) as I was the only person on the face of the earth up until that point that did not already own an iPOD. It's even inscribed for me, Muz for Suz. I am still in the process of loading as much Rufus Wainwright, Travis, Amy Winehouse and Aimee Mann onto the damn thing as space will allow. Of course I'll need to buy some accessories for it as well, an auto charger and some sort of protective case so it doesn't bang around in my purse until it reaches it's early and untimely death. This thing is one of those items that you never in your wildest dreams imagined you needed until you get one in your grubby mitts. Now I'm going to have to buy a new car that is iPOD ready because I obviously can't drive this outdated, pre-iPOD Jeep anymore. It's so 4 years ago.

* I heard this type of comparison has been deemed over-used, so I just HAD to use it.

Mute Monday: Winter

Winter at the Oregon Coast.

Winter in Key West.

Take a wild stab at where I'd prefer to be.

Oh, yeah, and Happy New Year!

Taken at our hotel in Cabo. Yes, I'm only just getting around to uploading the photos.

Sweet Holy Jesus!

If you are a regular reader of this blog you already that The Baby Jesus has been kidnapped! The Roommate and I thought he might have turned up while we were in Mexico, lying on a tiny towel on the beach, but he did not. We also thought he might miraculously appear in his ceramic manger on Christmas Eve, but he did not. We were hoping for a Christmas Miracle, yet again, he did not show. Yesterday evening a mass e-mail went out to a handful of his followers with the following message:

BJ here,
http://babyjesusishostage.bravehost.com
Here is a website they have done about my trials and tribulations in the last month.....please...pray for my safe return. I may be sending a replacement for the next year during my travels.
BJ

Evidentially BJ is enjoying his travels, even if he was taken against his will. Pray for his safe return.

What would Jesus do if he was hit with a broom?

What is the world coming to? Priests brawling at the birthplace of Christ. Can't we all just get along? Evidently Armenians are a little bit possessive of their turf, if you will.

Religions should be banned. They cause nothing but trouble.

Post Christmas Post Mortum

House of Suz tip of the day:
Plan your visit to the DMV on Christmas Eve. I had to renew my license and was in and out in 10 minutes and the normally grumpy and less-than-helpful employees evidently had been bit by the Christmas spirit bug. I kid you not, it was easily the most enjoyable DMV experience of my life.

Sunday the Roommate announced that his mission for the day was to buy a new car, so off to the BMW dealership we went. The Roommate had been batting around the idea of getting a BMW for some time, had test driven a few; as with most things with the Roommate, immediate gratification set in, decided he was tired of his "hoopty" Jetta and he HAD to get a new car that very day. We test drove a nice 330 something or other (they don't have names, just model numbers. You'd think at those prices they'd hire a marketing department to dole out sexy names for those things) and the Roommate was ready to buy it but one problem, they didn't have the loaded version in the color he wanted, so he decided to try another BMW dealership. Since he was leaving empty handed I suggested we swing by a Toyota dealership and we take a peak at a Prius, being the responsible option what did we have to lose? I am happy to report that the Roommate is now no longer part of the problem, he purchased a gunmetal grey Prius, loaded with leather interior and all. 50 miles to the gallon, baby---we'll wave at you as we pass you at the pumps. I am so incredibly proud of his decision, especially since several of our coworkers are Beamer drivers and they were pressing him to join their club, but it's hard to argue with 50 miles per gallon in the city. The BMW he looked at got all of 19.

On Monday the Roommate was going to run some movies back to the video store and he decided to take Rufus with him---that dog love rideinthecar---so he asked if he could take my Jeep. White dog hair in a brand new car with a gray interior is a big no-no, yesk it is just not done. As I handed him my keys I asked "Are you sure you remember how to drive a stick?" and he smugly responded "Yes, I do recall how to ruin the environment".

He put a big bow on his car and left it like that in the driveway for 2 days.

And finally, Christmas came and went without a visit from The BJ. We are all very saddened. Some bastard is going to smoke a turd in hell for that one.

Personality of the Year

It's that time of the year when publications roll out their "The Year That Was" issues and present their "Person of the Year". Time recently named Vladimir Putin their Man of the Year. Stephen Colbert was named the most influential person of 2007 yesterday, but I can't remember who presented him with that honor. So now it's time for me to announce the official House of Suz Personality of the Year.

Rufus the Wonderdog

Status determined by the number of times the winner graced the pages of this site.

Sorry

Sorry I haven't written, I'm just busy ignoring the cold and rain and trying desperately to pretend myself back to Mexico. So far it ain't working, but my momma didn't raise no quitter.

I'm (almost) outta here.

So far this week I've:
-Purchased all the Xmas gifts for my family, wrapped them and packaged them for shipment to Florida
-Addressed our Xmas cards and mailed them
-Cleaned the bathroom
-Decorated the house for Xmas
-Made arrangements for transport from airport to the hotel*

Still need to:
-Give Rufus the Beast a bath
-Trim said Beast's toe nails (with Benedryl's and Boytek's help)
-Put away all the printers and supplies from the Xmas card making extravaganza
-Sweep and vacuum
-Pack
-Situate the Beast with his sitter
-Get the frog and cat prepped for their sitters
-Exchange dollars for pesos
-Call Volunteers of America to come pick up some crap the Roommate wants to get rid of

After all that I WILL need a vacation, even if it's a short one. Chat with ya later! Adios!

*The funny thing is I used my personal e-mail address when I book the transfers---so now I am getting spam in Spanish. El Spamo!

Mute Monday

Submission

Suz the weathergirl, part 2

Outside

Right now

It's SNOWING.

I'm soooooooooooooo glad I'll be in Mexico in a few days.

Fun with marshmallows.

I was just at the gym and as I cycled on the stationary bike (a metaphor for my life) I observed a rather rotund young woman position a large pink exercise ball in place and then sit on in. For a minute there it looked as if someone had stacked one marshmallow on top of another and then gently smashed them together a little. I'm afraid I laughed out loud, but just a bit.

Suz the weather girl

Weather forecast for Cabo San Lucas:

Mostly sunny and temperatures in the low 80's

........................................

Forecast for Portland OR:

Overcast and rain, temperatures in the low 40's

Even the "sunny" graphic is better quality than the rainy one. I am sooooooooooo looking forward to Cabo next week.

Save me, it's Christmas!

You gotta love Christmas shows, especially variety Christmas shows with Aimee Mann! I had purchased tickets back in October for her second annual Xmas show (last year's show didn't make it to Portland) and although I was expecting a normal concert was delighted when it turned out to be a surprising mix of traditional and original Christmas tunes, funny short films, stand up and guest singers, and concluded with everyone singing a finale. Very fun and never boring---Aimee even played a few of her non-holiday fare, including my favorite anthem "Save Me" (as a special Christmas bonus here's the live version and the star studded version here). Great show and third row seats, wootwoot!

While she was singing "Save Me" I remembered another Aimee Mann concert from a few years ago; as she sang the opening song I leaned over to the Roommate and whispered "I wish I were Aimee Mann" and without missing a beat he replied "I wish you were Aimee Mann, too". Nice, always full of compliments.

A feature of the show included three short funny films, all featuring Aimee trying to convince Hollywood celebrities to do her show with her. There's a portion where she's trying to ask Ben Stiller, who is behaving like the pompous ass he portrayed in that episode of "Extras" to perfection; as Aimee gives up and walks away, Stiller yells "Hey, in your show why don't you sing that song, the depressing one. Yeah." with a smirk, which is a scream and had to be ad libbed.
After the show we hung out at the bar for a couple cocktails and a plate of french fries and a couple of Aimee's band members showed up. I gave the cute bass player a thumbs up and he smiled and nodded back, so I guess you could say we partied with the band. At least that's what I'm saying when I retell the story.

And finally, since I'm being all holiday-generous, here's a bunch of bonus clips from last year's show. So get in the Christmas spirit, already and remember, Jesus is coming, look

busy.

She works hard for the money, so hard for it honey!

My hands reek of bleach. Last night I got called into my "other work place" to be the bartender and waiter all by my lonesome, front of the house all at my mercy. Thank god it was a slow night, I was dreading a huge rush and me loosing my shit all over the place. I managed to make some perfect drinks (martinis and Spanish coffees!) when called upon and had no problem with the wine list or the food menu. A job well done, if I do say so my self. Yea me! Plus I got to squirrel away some more tip money for Cabo.

I dreamed that I was dreaming and woke up and saw that I had two and a half hours until my alarm would go off. Yea! More sleep, I thought. Then my alarm went off. In real life. Just feel cheated.

Only one more week of getups before heading to Mexico. Big Yea! And while in Cabo we will be checking out this place because they have a chef there named Jesus, and he may just be my missing Baby J. And sadly, no, there has been no further contact from the abducted Baby Jesus. I am thinking of adopting a little brown baby from Africa or an Asian tot perhaps, a la Angie Jolie, to replace him, what with the holidays quickly approaching and all. Problem is I only want the kid through the holidays and I don't think they let you rent them by the day. Bummer. I guess I need to post another blog about the abducted Christ figurine to see if I get another e-mail. Hint hint.

Disclaimer:
Yes, I know this is a lame post but I just wanted to get a few paragraphs of type in between the banner and that picture yesterday.

Surprise!

Still no word from Baby Jesus, the e-mail trail dried up faster than it materialized. Scrooge certainly took Christ out of Christmas this year.

Mute Monday: Color

I learned over the weekend that Rufus is "red" in Latin, but since I posted a photo of him just the other day I'll spare you.

C o l o r

pink

red

violet

yellow

gray

green

orange

And happy anniversary to me, last Wednesday was my 2nd!