It's fun to stay at the Y M C A !

My dear nephew, Jared, who only ever attended public school for less than 1 day and spent his entire K through 12 schooling at private, Catholic schools and is currently enrolled in a non-Catholic college, sent this one out. He has my family's sarcasm jean, that's for sure.
*****************************************
Britney, Britney, Britney. What's a horrified public to do? Poor thing is on a one way boat to doom, despair and a career as a Wal-Mart greeter if she doesn't get her act together. "Train wreck" doesn't do her existence justice. And watching the whole thing unravel is like picking at a hangnail----a little bit of guilty pleasure and a whole lot of pain---watching this dimming-star implode. Someone stop her before someone, probably on of those poor, inbreed babies, gets hurt.
***************************************
Did I tell you the Roommate and I are a Nielsen Family? Well, it's just for a week starting today, but still. If you are of a certain age, like yours truly, you will remember the power and prestige associated with being a rater in the 70's and 80's. Now, not so much. Especially since our household does not watch that much TV (network or cable) and even less now that the writer's are on strike and TV is even more a wasteland than it used to be. I fear our TV watching diary will be mostly blank. Sorry, we'll do the best we can do.

Batter batter SWING batter.......

Two biggies are out of the race for the white house, Edwards with the perfect hair and Giuliani but fear not, there's still a handful of bozos still in the race.

Last night the Roommate and I went to Rumpspanker's for dinner last night. It’s a little hole in the wall with huge portions and tasty treats. And the biggest stack of shoestring potatoes you'd never think you'd finish---but will.

Prior to dinner the Roommate and I went and picket out material for a new shower curtain. Of course it will be a complicated assembly and it was costly too, considering I bought way too much fabric. Are matching throw pillows ok in a small bathroom?

The namesake of "the Binford" googled himself and was horrified to find his toenails (or lack there of) talked about on this blog. I've just got to say that's probably the funniest "I googled myself and..." story I've ever heard. Check out Monday's comments and this entry to hear the rest of the story.

Tired. Ready for a crisp glass of wine after the gym. Later.

Mute Monday: Collections

It appears the only thing I have collected in photos, aside from wedding self-portraits, would be photos of my Rufus. So it appears you all must suffer through these cute snapshots---some you've seen before, some not so much.

The roommate and I have gone on a 30 day detox. Shocking, I know. I am afraid I will end up like the Boogie Man from Nightmare Before Christmas, when his burlap wrap comes undone all that's left is a mound of all things gross, snakes, germs, bugs, you get the picture. Only in my case once the toxins are gone, so am I (hence the new banner blurb).

The Roommate's birthday surprise went swimmingly! I had told him I was taking him to dinner for his birthday at Acadia but arranged for a surprise wine tasting/birthday party for him at Cork instead. He had already informed me that he didn't want a party but I knew better, so a party is exactly what he was given and a fun time was had by all. Thanks to everyone who participated!

I'm working a lot this weekend, picking up a shift for Benjamin tonight, regular Friday and Saturday shifts and then working the Hat Party on Sunday. I'm tired just thinking of it.

I had the pleasure of waking up to the smell of dog shit this morning; Rufus had a nasty case of diarrhea all over my comforter this morning and I'm sure you can imagine how much fun that is to deal with at 6 am. I believe it's a sign of the day ahead of me.

Pray for me.

Happy Birthday Roommate!

Someone's a big boy today!

Happy Birthday Roommate!

Remember the jury duty I got summonsed on a week or so back? I had been told that jury duty in Multnomah County was a one day affair which I didn't think was any big deal. Well I looked at the cover letter a little more closely to check out the location I was required to report to and noticed it was a Grand Jury I was being called on. And when I looked even more closely at the bold-faced, underlined portion of the letter I read the words "your service is for one trial (so far so good, right?) which is estimated to last 5 weeks starting on 1-25-08". FIVE WEEKS. I ran this by my boss and was applauded for serving my civic duty but was informed that the company only foots the bill for one week of jury duty and I could use vacation (two weeks) for the remainder and/or not get paid. Listen up, if I'm taking a month's leave from work it ain't gonna be to sit in no court room. I'm thinking a sunny location with a beach and open bar so I scoured the letter searching for a phone number to call in and weasel out of the whole matter. Inconveniently the only number on the 2 page letter was for the juror information hotline, where I was to call the day before my trial. Called it and got a recording listing panel numbers and the dates they were to convene. As luck would have it panel number 2902, on which I am juror 2927936, has been cancelled and I do not have to show up for my 5 weeks in unemployed hell. I guess someone accepted a plea bargain. Works for me.

Happy Roommate's Birthday, ya'll!

What the...?

Thompson dropped out of the Republican race for President? I hadn't realized he was serious---I mean I thought he was as serious about running as my dog Rufus was about being his running mate. Which wasn't that serious. Rufus could feign interest for about as long as it would take to get the "chickychicky" treat our of your fist, so that's not very long.

Bad day today, don't have the time or energy to do anything funny here. Besides, Heath Ledger's dead and you know how much I like the young ones.

Mute Monday: elements?

http://periodic.lanl.gov/default.htm

We're having a recession and everyone's invited!

If everyone is saying the signs look like we are slipping into a recession, chances are we're already there.

Just saying.

Wasn't there a primary yesterday?

Because I have recently dipped my virtual pen in the political inkwell (thank you Creative Writing 101) a friend sent me a link to a blog she has been reading lately, specifically the Moby's take on the presidential candidates in this year's election. The candidate's run down I particularly liked was for Obama:

barack obama. first off, he has the single worst name anyone could ever have in the history of politics ever ever ever. barack(rhymes with iraq) hussein(like the guy who tried to kill gw's daddy) obama(one consonant away from bush family pal osama bin laden).personally i see his terrible name as being kind of a plus, as it really couldn'tbe worse unless his name was satan hitler babyeater.he's the least experienced of the candidates but he's also really smart and principled and telegenic. he seems like he would be fun at a barbecue but he'd also be good if you needed help doing your taxes and he'd definitely be nice to you if your goldfish died. ironically i think he's the democrats best chance to win. ironic, as he's:
a-inexperienced
b-1/2 muslim*
c-possessed of the worst name in the history of politics

Wouldn't that be a great bumper sticker? Satan Hitler Babyeater '08!

Click on the link and read his take on the presidential race; with my reader's help his audience should jump by two or three readers!

*Cut and pasted from Moby's blog verbatim, so don't come looking for me because I dissed the Muslim religion by not using a big "M". Chill out, you'll be ok.

Mute Monday: Dixie

French Quarter, New Orleans

It takes the thinking out of voting.

Finally, a quick and easy way to decide who you should vote for in the primaries....introducing the RONCO Pic-a-candidate! Compact, convenient and look, no messy clean up! So simple to use a monkey (or hillbilly with dialup) could choose a candidate! Choose your next Commander in Chief now, while supplies last!

Oh, and it looks like I'm voting for another Clinton.

TORNADO! RUN!

My friend Rob was in Vancouver today and took this photo of the tornado.

Tigers: The New Terrorist Threat

What's with tigers these days, trying to take the headlines away from pit bulls and the Taliban? First a tiger attacked 3 young men on Christmas Day (killing one) and now a tiger attacked a cute fluffy stray dog in Memphis, the city that killed MLK. Minutes from now you should see all kinds of news outlets converging on zoos across the country, just waiting for the next tiger incident. These tigers must be stopped! Tiger terror code "golden-retriever red"!

And if anyone is wondering about that whole "climate change" issue let me just tell you now that a tornado touched down about an hour ago in Clark County Washington, just across the Columbia River from Portland. For those of you in or from tornado alley who are scoffing at this news since this is an almost daily occurrence in your parts, this is HIGHLY UNUSUAL for springtime or summer weather, let alone winter weather, here in the Pacific Northwest. Snow we sometimes get, ice, sure sometimes. And if it's NOT raining, then we wonder. But thunder storms or tornado warnings? Those just don't happen 'round these parts.

The end of the world is neigh. If the tigers don't get ya, the tornados sure will.

It's got to be the morning afterrrrrrrr.......

The good people of New Hampshire have spoken, as they are wont to do when a media frenzy has swept into their sate powered by the major networks, PBS and CNN. I imagine the entire state looks like an old west ghost town now that all the press has vacated, tumble weeds a blowing.

If this first primary after the first caucus has shown us anything it is one or all of the following:
1) Pollsters are not infallible
2) New Hampshire is the John Kerry state of the US (flip-floppers)
3) Crying works on more than just traffic cops
You have to admit that this race is getting interesting and it doesn't appear anyone in either party is a shoe-in. The Thompson/Rufus ticket may just have a chance after all.

Speaking of Rufuses, the OTHER Rufus is coming to Portland for a concert again. Yea! March 14th, mark your calendar, tickets go on pre-sale Friday.

Happy Primary Day!

Hear that creaking? That's the sound of the polls closing in New Hampshire and now the real show is about to begin. You thought the horse and pony show that is the candidates pedaling their wares was the high point but just wait till the news outlets start interviewing each other and tossing around the sound bites. There's a slim chance that I'll have to work tonight and if that is so then be forewarned that this blog will be dark and locked up tomorrow. If I don't then prepare to hear WHAT THE PEOPLE ARE SCREAMING ABOUT (according to the news men and women, filtered through my peanut brain).

But before we cut to live coverage in the Stoner State (or is it granite?) today Mr Prezzie Bush (his Hip Hop name once he gets out of office and starts his NEXT career) called a press conference to remind the country that he was still in charge and there's still plenty of time for him to start WW3 with Iran. I think his exact words to Iran were something like "Don't make me come over there…" and you could just about hear no one in Iran cringe in horror.
Also it appears the "softer side of politicians" is catching on as we not only saw Hillary choke up yesterday but Christine Gregoire (Gov. of Washington State for those of you out of the loop) choke up today when speaking about assisted suicide. And Giuliani choked up today when he mentioned 9-11 for the two billionth time (that man loves breaking records!). Hey, looket me! I'm a crier! I should run for something (and then I can REALLY ball when I lose). My stock tip of the day, one word: Kleenex.

Happy Primary Returns to all and to all a good night!

Not so mute Monday.

I watched the Democratic debate last night and since there's a writer's strike and little to watch on TV, the people watched as well. I must tell you the people were quite glad that there were only 4 candidates on the broadcast because let's face it, we only really care about Obama, Edwards and Clinton in this race and the people didn't even know who that other guy was, anyway. Wasn't that Hugo Chavez? Isn't he already a president somewhere? No matter, let's face it, unless there's a huge scandal catching the three front runners in a particularly racy three-way that fourth dude doesn't have a chance in hell. From what the people saw from the program (when the Roommate wasn't flipping through the channels) all four candidates are all about change---this is our buzz word this week folks, so keep score on how many times we hear it---and there was much talk of reform of the health care system. Oh, and Edwards liked Hillary's suit this time, so she kinda got a leg up there, score one for Ms Clinton! The people thought Clinton did a good job and obviously knows what she's talking about and that Edwards is so smooth butter don't melt in his mouth, as usual. Has anyone ever seen that guy ruffled? He may very well be an android. Obama didn't seem to come off as well as the other two, and that's just my opinion as the people just about wet their pants whenever he opened up his mouth. Hopefully all three will do well tomorrow in New Hampshire because the people want more of this three ring traveling show, our candidates just need to work on their stand up a bit as some jokes fell a little flat, like Ms Clinton saying her feelings were hurt that the people of New Hampshire liked "someone" more than her.

The people also seem a bit tired of the Republican race in general, on the other hand. Big yawns all around. Mitt isn't looking like he'll do very in New Hampshire against McCain and what happened to that momentum Huckabee had in Iowa? I guess the hayseed act isn't impressing the folks up north, Jesus on his side or not. And let's face it, Romney pretty much dropped all the 9-11 references humanly possible already so he doesn't have much left the people want to hear. We get it, you were a mayor. Either say something new or move on.

And aside from that we won't know what the people REALLY think until after the polls close tomorrow. Write in Chief Wiggins's son (yes, I watch the Simpsons last night as part of the campaign trail coverage and all) just to stir the pot a bit.

On the local new front, the Roommate packed up the Nativity scene on Saturday, sans the Baby Jesus. Let's face it, without the BJ it's just a bunch of people standing around with a cow and a donkey. The Republican race is more exciting than that. Yawn.

Election round up: Iowa

When I was getting ready for work this morning I decided that my New Year's resolution would be that I wouldn't comment on politics on this blog at all this year---people get up tight if you don't agree with them and I've come to realize it just futile to voice an opinion. But I've decided it's gonna be too hard not to, what with all the humor laid out before us on the nightly news with "decision '08". So I'm changing my resolution to not commenting on my particular beliefs, just reporting the "voice of the people" as I see it. And knowing how dumb people are, it would be too funny to pass this shit up. So, here is my take on the caucus in Iowa yesterday, broken down to it's most basic meaning.

It's a great day in America because the people of Iowa have spoken! Not sure what they said, it was a little garbled and kinda sounded like a very faint "see, we're not that racist" * but according to the news outlets, they've said something loud and clear! Let the bells ring out and the banners fly, a new day is upon us! As far as the Democrat's race is concerned, I think the people pretty much said they don't particularly care for a certain former first lady (and they wish to point out that they are using the term "lady" loosely) and that they like her slightly less than Edwards, mainly because he did not spend enough money on advertising in their fair state, hence not doing his best to help the local economy. The people of Iowa also said that while they'll go ahead and throw a vote to a person of color, they are drawing the line at crazy religious freaks of the Mormon persuasion although they are A-OK with crazy Southern Baptist freaks. Also it appears they don't like pushy New York City mayors in Iowa either, 9-11 or not. My dog Rufus was not on the ballot but I wonder if he'd have scored at least a vote or two; he's got a little less experience than Obama but knows how to "praise Jesus". As a geography exercise, let's see if we can find the state of Iowa on a map (hint: it's not in Europe).

But wait, catch your breath and don't celebrate (or pout) too long. New Hampshire is right around the corner! All this craziness has already wound itself up into a frenzied in the North East! Climb on the campaign bus and hold on, it's going to be a bumpy year.


* According to what I heard on CNN last night, Iowa has never chosen an African American in any election; they said "any", I'll say "any major election" to be on the safe side. Although I did not check this fact (too lazy and apathetic and it sounds like I'd have to google it or something) I am going to accept it as the truth---until someone else does the leg work and proves it false. Then I'll meekly recant.

'08, it's the new 07*

Happy New Year, although so far this one seems pretty close to the last one. Today I wore an new top to work and went through half the day before I realized I had a small sticker with the letter "M" on the front of my shirt, on my stomach just under my left tit. Took me that long to notice, and evidently no one else had.

Over the last few days I have heard several tales of what has happened to the Baby Jesus, and none are as cute as the photos on his web site. A few things I have heard is that he's broken, that he was put through a wash cycle and that he was eaten by a dog. It's not looking so good for the BJ and it appears we're going to have to come up with some sort of permanent replacement. And of course this means we're going to cancel Easter. Unless he can really come back from the dead. Only time will tell.

The Roommate got me an iPOD Shuffle for Christmas (the green one) as I was the only person on the face of the earth up until that point that did not already own an iPOD. It's even inscribed for me, Muz for Suz. I am still in the process of loading as much Rufus Wainwright, Travis, Amy Winehouse and Aimee Mann onto the damn thing as space will allow. Of course I'll need to buy some accessories for it as well, an auto charger and some sort of protective case so it doesn't bang around in my purse until it reaches it's early and untimely death. This thing is one of those items that you never in your wildest dreams imagined you needed until you get one in your grubby mitts. Now I'm going to have to buy a new car that is iPOD ready because I obviously can't drive this outdated, pre-iPOD Jeep anymore. It's so 4 years ago.

* I heard this type of comparison has been deemed over-used, so I just HAD to use it.