Day 30, fade to black

Because I am so madly in love with my dog, here's another shot of Rufus, this one could be hanging in the foyer of his memorial library, he looks so scholarly.

Today's my lucky day! Evidently the last time I wore these jeans I was rich beyond my wildest dreams because I reached into the back pocket this morning and pulled out a twenty dollar bill. Normally when I do a self reach-around I usually pull out a bill I forgot to pay or a debit card receipt I omitted from my checking account balance resolution, so double win for me! Yessir, I'm ahead of the game.

Also, it’s the last day of NoPo…...El...Lem..N..Opie month, where one strives to post daily for the entire month of November. I managed to make it through the month with only missing, hmm, let's see…….one, two, three, four, five…er, let's say a handful of days, to kudos to me! Now it's off to December and slacking BIG TIME again. Yep, back to doing what I do best.

One troubling thing, though, no word from Jesus. I hope he doesn't end up like Baby Grace and wash up on shore somewhere in a Band-Aid tin. That would be soooooooo ungodly. Not to mention bad press for the tiny, clay, Virgin Mother.

Stay pure!

Day 28/29-ish

I had every intention of posting last night but the good ol' home laptop has decided to go tits up on me, so this is a shared post from yesterday as well as today.

Shawna forwarded this blog from a CEO of a competitor of hers in Houston to me today. When she sent it she commented that she wasn't sure if it's a good idea for a CEO to be blogging about his experiences pretending to be homeless but I told her I'd prefer that to CEOs who rape and pillage their company's 401K. Funny, interesting stuff, though.

Day 27: Someone call the FBI

I got an e-mail from babyjesusishostage@gmail.com last night that reads:

Subject: HELP ME>>>>>>>
I don't know where I am...it seems to be dark and I'm on the move.....wait someone's coming I have to go. As soon as I know where I am I'll let you know.....must be home for x-mas................................................BJ

I suspect the Grinch.

When I say I got the e-mail I guess I need to clarify; someone else on the e-mail replied all and I got THAT e-mail. Jesus can't even get my e-mail address right. Bet the devil does.

Day 26

I forgot it was Mute Monday. Here's my #1 Rebel*.

General gripes:
It's cold here. January cold---not November cold. The only thing I can gather from this is that it's going to be one mother of a winter here. I watched Fargo yesterday and am wondering if I need to invest in a parka and maybe some fur lined-boots. Yah? Oh, yah.

I bought a breakfast bar from the local coffee house/lunch café this morning and it has the look and consistency of particle board. In fact it tasted and smelled like particle board as well. It's taken me two hours to choke it down. Yum, that's good eatin'!

Remember when I said I was working at my friend Pat's restaurant because they were between servers? Well, three servers later and I'm still working there, which is great because I am squirreling away lots of tequila money for my trip to Mexico next month, so no gripes there. Except for the fact that we only had 3 customers on Friday night, and only one of them ordered dinner, the other two were just having cocktails. I was sent home at 7:20, two hours after I arrived. I did get free dinner out of it, though.

Still no sign of Baby Jesus.

The Thanksgiving leftovers are almost gone. It's a sad, sad day.

* Mommy's little angel.

Day 25 Where's Jesus?

We have already put out the Nativity Scene, what with our passion for the Christ and all, and wouldn't you know it, some jokester swiped Baby Jesus on Thanksgiving.

Where was Jesus when the lights went out?

So we searched the house and guess what? No Baby Jesus. So far there hasn't been a ransom demand but I'll continue to check the mail. I'm afraid that until BJ is returned there will be no Christmas. You've been warned.

Until the Savior is found we will be experimenting with a few substitutes. What could be more festive than Xmas Suz?

Or how about this little guy? This would explain a lot about the bible.

And Rufus could surely spare one of his babies.

As you can see, I'm headed for hell unless Baby Jesus is returned. Please, save me from the eternal fires! My soul is in your hands.

Day 24: Thanks

I've never been very good at math so that probably explains why I said I was cooking for 8 but the actual total was 11. Silly numbers.

Here's the buffet, I personally made the turkey, stuffing, sweet potatoes (never tried the southern style before) mashed potatoes with sauteed onions, gravy and broccoli with queso sauce. Everything came out perfect and all at the same time. My only screw up (besides the counting blunder) was I forgot to put out the cranberry sauce. No one mentioned the omission so I think we'll all survive.

The Roommate was in charge of setting the table. And not burning the rolls, both of which he managed to do beautifully, with flair and grace.

Katie, Donna and Heather all made pumpkin pie, thank god too, because I am not that much of a baker. And the wine flowed, wii played and the evening ended in the hot tub. Needless to say, the holiday was a raving success.

Yesterday was spent on the couch, watching movies and eating left overs. Tomorrow I'll be making turkey soup, in honor of cold and flu season.

Day 21 or some such.

The road outside my window is pretty busy this afternoon, I suspect because everyone is hurriedly rushing home from work early to start their Thanksgiving traveling or cooking. But not me, nope, I'm still here at the office because everyone else has left and all hell it breaking loose. Customers calling in because shit is hitting the fan left and right and the only one here………just happens to be the only one who is completely useless when it comes to just about anything technical. Yea me! Good thing I know how to dial the phone and then beg someone to help me. Mostly I'm calling coworkers working from home or out at other customer's locations working on their separate traumas. Fingers crossed everything just heals itself.

Making dinner tomorrow for 8. Kind of a more intimate crowd this year but then again I'm making the turkey for the first time in about 4 years, so it looks like poison control won't have to take as many calls as if I were cooking for, say 16 or more. Something to be thankful for, certainly.

Get your gobble on! Have a good one.

Day 20: I can't do a thing with my hair.......except scratch it.

Rufus went to the vet yesterday. My poor boy has dry skin. I think it's the very expensive Aveda shampoo I use because when we used their less expensive rosemary mint shampoo he didn't have itchy skin. Poor booboo, now I have to spray him with skin conditioner that smells like sour apples. Rufus doesn't like that smell and he certainly doesn't like anything in a pump spray.

I got a spam e-mail message today with a subject line reading "Buy Viagra soft tabs". Not exactly the best choice of words for that product, but maybe that's just me reading into it.

Yesterday when I was downtown I saw an entire family, mom, dad, 5 kids, all dressed up as pilgrims crossing a busy road. Aprons, silly hats with buckles, bonnets and all. It just made for an odd site; had they waited a few days it wouldn't have been quite so out of place, what with the brand new Macy's downtown.

Special shout out for Rusty: GOBBLE GOBBLE!

Mute Monday

Fashion.

Day 16: Do you believe in tragic?

Britney Spears has definitely made the career change from "performer" to "tabloid fodder" and I have a feeling CNN will start a daily segment starting with the words "Today in Britney-train-wreck-news….". They'll probably have a musical intro using a clip from her tragically ironic song "oops I did it again". The Britster ran a stop sign Tuesday while text messaging---with the kids in the car. Then on Thursday she ran over a photographer's foot….while text messaging. While the courts decide to take away her kids they should also consider taking away her phone or car. Or both. Ya'll, not all folks from Louisiana are this dumb so don't be dumping me in that pile of trash, hear? Keep your eyes peeled for news on her custody hearing in court today; who would have thought Kfed would turn out to be the more model parent?

In other tragic news Amy Winehouse and I have something in common besides drinking and bad hair. Just like when I play "Guitar Hero", the woman with the outrageously unkept beehive was boo'd off the stage in London Wednesday night (although I am not boo'd in London, only my living room). Unlike Amy, I am boo'd because of my talent, or lack there of. Ms Winehouse was boo'd** because she was in a drug and drink induced, slurring and bobbing mess-mode. I think she even cried a little. Well, I'm in that same condition a lot myself but I NEVER allow it to impact my performance, as I am an artist!!!!!!! It's all about my fans, you see.

Oh no, tomorrow is the WEEKEND and we know how lazy can I get on weekends. Hopefully I'll do better than last weekend and remember to post at least one of the two days.


* Stolen from "The Pants" but I'm not sure if she's posting anymore, so I think I'll claim it as my own, maybe make it a regular thing.

** Hope I spelled "boo'd" right because I sure used it a lot in this post.

Day 15

You probably noticed that there was no "Day 14". I never woke up yesterday, I swear. I would never miss so many days on this 30 day November marathon. Pinky swear.

Well, really the sad fact is I thought about posting but I was so busy at work I didn't have a chance and then my busy social life got in the way. *cough cough* It's the thought that counts. Right?

The good news is THIS counts as today's post. 15 down, 15 to go.

Lucky Day 13!

I saw on the internet that Paris Hilton has thrown her celebrity clout behind a cause very near and dear to my heart, drunken elephants. It appears Ms Hilton feels that this very serious cause is worthy of her attention, and I am afraid I have to disagree with the heiress; I'm fearful that she is excusing the elephant's behavior just as she downplayed her own responsibility when it comes to overdoing it with margaritas in her case (rice wine in the elephant's). I feel the only way we can cure this dreaded disease is to help the elephants admit they have a problem and seek treatment. When the pachyderm is already behind the wheel, well my friend, it's just too late for everyone. I'm wondering if this cause is what forced Paris to postpone her charity work in Rwanda, because I think it should be something as important as this cause, since I don't want elephants getting into my boxed wine.

Too bad the writer's strike is going on, I would love to hear what Jon Stewart has to say about this news nugget.

In other news, Oooops, she did it again. Britney Spears ran a red light with the kids in the car; a photographer caught the songstress texting with her nose while she ran the light---talk about multi-tasking. I'm waiting for Darwinism to kick in.

Ooops, what happened to Day 10 and 11?

If there's one thing I have plenty of, it's party pics.

I had every intention of posting every day this month but I competely forgot this weekend. I could have cheated but decided against it. I think I should get points for my honesty.

Mute Monday

Ooops, what happened to Day 10 and 11?

Number nine, number nine, number nine....

This morning I woke up with that stupid "My milkshake brings the boys to the yard" song stuck in my head. I hate that song, it's just so crass and juvenile. As I was drying my hair I thought "Well, at least it's not "Slow Ride". Guess what song is stuck in my head now.

As I mentioned before (I think I have, at least) The Roommate bought a wii and he then added that Guitar Heroes game to the list when it was released. He even went so far to pre-order it and have it shipped to the house, that's how much he wanted it. I've probably played 50 times, each time choosing "Slow Ride" because it seems pretty easy and by this point I've played it so many times I know the tune. I will say I've "mastered" the song, my definition of "mastered" being I managed to finally finish the song before I missed so many notes I was boo'd off the stage by the crowd. So you can see how that tune would be my albatross.

Yesterday when I was doing my rounds downtown I got a little surprise. Now although it was chilly it certainly wasn't cold enough to snow, but white flakes were falling from the sky. I was not the only pedestrian surprised by this turn of events, other people were looking up in the sky and looking around with a look of confusion on their faces. The sky was very overcast but the forecast did not call for even a slight chance of precipitation and the temperature was in the 50's somewhere, so snow? WTF? While everyone was looking up into the sky a man on the sidewalk thought out loud "I hope it's not Mt St Helens" because that's still fresh in people's minds around here. Then a construction guy pointed at a building being renovated and said "We're applying flame retardant" so my mind of course went form "It's snowing?" to "Does this shit cause cancer?" and I picked up my pace. That dumb stuff sticks to polyester-blend pants, too.

I finally finished making the new pillow covers for the big orange couch. The Roommate and I picked out fabric last Saturday but I had been battling my sewing machine for the past week. I still have no idea how I managed to remove the little gizmo the bobbin rests in, since once it is removed it won't fit back in, but I finally managed to take apart enough of the machine to put it back without having to drop it off at a repair shop. Then the thread kept getting all knotted up inside the machine and I couldn't find my operator's manual. And they don't post them online. I remembered from the past that it was something super easy to fix this problem but couldn't remember exactly what it was. So finally I just decided to try re-threading the machine and that fixed it, after about an hour of frustration searching the house and internet for the manual. They pillows look good so now I get to take a class to learn how to make curtains. I hate sewing.

Have a fun weekend! I think I will be working at the Chameleon again tonight and tomorrow night, so if you're in P-town drop in!

Day 8

Google is trying to tell me it's 94% humidity outside, which is crazy since this is not New Orleans. I think Google has gotten too big and distracted (what with all the trouble Youtube is getting because of that school shooting in Finland) and is going unchecked, providing incorrect information to the masses. It's never 94% humidity here, even when it's raining, so I'm a little concerned. Plus Google is telling me congress overrode a presidential veto and I'm sorry, that just can't be right. It would meant that congress actually DID something and I think we all know how likely THAT is. Plus toy beads cause comas according to Google, and that's not even by putting them in your nose.

Oh, looks like crisis may be averted; Google says the humidity has dropped by 1%. Whew, that was a close one.

FYI, this counts as today's post! 8 for 8!

UPDATE: Wow, the humidity is down to 81%. I'll keep you posted since I am sure you are as intrigued with this as I am.

Additional UPDATE: I checked about a half hour ago and the humidity was down to 64% but now it's back up to 75%. Wacky.

Day Seven.

Check out the comments from She Does Windows. Go ahead, I'll wait.

Yesterday evening, after the sun set, I turned to the Roommate and said "I don't think he's coming by" and as I turned back to the window I saw Steven giving me the secret blog sign. I cracked up laughing. It's a small world indeed.

Steven, next time stick your head in the door and say Hi.

Day 6

This is the funniest thing I've read on a blog in a long time. Special thanks to Joel for sending it to me. It certainly got me out of actually writing a post AND you get big laughs at bad fashion's expense.

Mute Monday, Day 5

I will be the first to admit that this post is a little on the lame side, but it still counts.

And I guess I'm one of those crazy pet owners who assigns emotions to her pet since these photos have a heavy Rufus content.

Hmmmm, I'm not being very mute, am I?

defiance

joy

curious

annoyance

flirtatious

guilt

Day Four

I heard on NPR yesterday that Disneyland is having to close down "It's a Small World" to trench out the river. Seems Americans are tons fatter (pun intended) than they were 50 years ago when the ride was built and the boats are scraping on the bottom of the canal and getting stuck. It's not such a small world after all, is it?

Four for four, I'm so proud.

Day Three

Day three and I'm already struggling. So much so that I am forced to post my Craig's List ad for living room tales. All serious offers considered.

Like New: Complete set of Pottery Barn Mission Style tables

2 end tables that double as seating, 18" x 9" x 21" high

1 coffee table, 48" x 18" x 18" high

1 couch or side table 48" x 15" x 30.5" high

Paid $1200, asking $500

Update! Only the cocktail table (coffee for you tea toadlers) is left, it's yours for a steal, $150. Hurry, they're going fast.

Day 2

Wow, day two and already I'm struggling with something to talk about. Hmmm, does this count as a post?

Hey iamnot, isn't Friday free association day? In that case I can just drone on and on about anything that pops into my head….

I have abandoned Rufus's kennel months ago because it just seemed cruel and unnecessary, so when I'm away from the house he has the run of my bedroom. Er, HIS bedroom, I forgot that it was his now. So this has worked out pretty well for the last 6 months, for everyone involved. He barks less when he's not in the kennel and he enjoys the lap of luxury, sprawled out on his king size bed. But here lately we've noticed that sometimes when we come home he's no longer in the bedroom and has freed himself to gain all-house-access. Not sure how he managed to escape but I guess he has somehow grown an opposable thumb and turned the doorknob. That's mommy's little angel, he's all about talent.

And now my head is empty. Continue with what you were doing.

She does windows.........again.

I wrote this post yesterday but wasn't able to download the photo until this morning. So the post is kind of stale---sue me. I brought the tape ladies to work since our new building has a store front with lots of windows; I decided to dress them up for Halloween, kind of like what Google does on holidays, so the glorious photo to the left is what held up this post.

Ah, Halloween, as close to a religious holiday as you can get in my book. I brought the three tape ladies to work and have them in the window of my office, all dressed up for the occasion (will post a photo later, brought my camera but am not able to download on my computer here at work). Tonight I am going to a little soirée at a wine bar, the sole purpose of which is to avoid trick or treaters at the house. Now I'm not a total Grinch and have no problem handing out candy to the kiddies, but the constant door bell ringing drives Rufus crazy which in turn drives me crazy, so I'm avoiding the whole situation. With wine---now that's what I call a treat. Bonus!

Thinking back over the years, I have to admit I've has some pretty interesting costumes. I went as a black voodoo queen a number of years back, when I lived in south Louisiana. Wonder if I offended anyone. Also, one year I went to a party as "crime", black "cat burglar" jacket and pants and a burglar's mask (not ski mask, though) and when I ordered drinks and the bartenders told me the price I just said "I'm crime, and crime doesn't pay" and walked away. Got away with that quite a few times, I tell ya. One year I had a "Come as Someone Dead" Halloween party; Jack and Jackie, Marilyn and Mickey Mantel, David Koresh and even God attended. Last year a group of us went as "America's Next Muffin Top Models" which was fun. This year I think I'll just show up as I am and go as a lush.

UPDATE! According to Erin it's NaBloPoMo. This should make my reader (ie: Rusty) happy because it means I just might be guilted into posting daily-ish. Or not, I'm checking the rules for loopholes as we speak.