Santa Rufus shops at Neimans....for the free shipping, of course.

Because the Roommate said he didn't really think he'd wear the reversible Burrberry scarf I gave him for Xmas as much as the price tag warrants, we decided to return it to Neiman Marcus and replace it with another item the Roommate would get more use out of. You know, because we live in Oregon and what with the subtropic climate and all there's little use for cashmere/wool blend scarfs when the temperature hovers around balmy 40 degrees for 9 months. After much deliberating he chose a pair of slacks instead (on sale----knocked down $200 of the original price, they don't call it Needless Markup for nothing). We ordered the pants and were a little shocked at the $16.50 charge for shipping, which was just unreasonable in the Roommate's eyes. He then participated in an online chat with an actual Neiman Marcus employee and basically was told them's the breaks, shipping ain't free, ya know, and the pants are marked down almost 50%. Well, he just hit the roof this morning when he received an e-mail stating that all purchases this weekend would earn FREE SHIPPING---HURRY AND ORDER NOW! He insisted I call immediately and demand the shipping charge be removed from our purchase otherwise we would cancel the order from yesterday and re-order it with free shipping today. It all just bothered him that much but me, those little things don't bother me which also explains why I'm always broke. Anywho...one quick and very civil call with a nice lady at Neiman's later and the shipping charges were reversed without so much as a single treat of cancellation or ceremonial cutting up of gold Neiman's card (the latter being a completely idle threat*). I'm sure the poor woman in the Neiman's India call center was thinking "You are paying $250 for a $450 pair of slacks and you find a $16.50 shipping charge unreasonable while I slave away in this un-air-conditioned Bali call center to scrape up enough money to buy a bowl of curry? Capitalist pigs!" It all seems so silly in hindsight, wouldn't you say? Do the crime, do the time----I mean pay the shipping.

Note: In all due respects, the Neiman Marcus call center is in the Dallas/Fort Worth area----and that explains why they need to charge $450 for a pair of men's slacks. Plus shipping, of course. American capitalists labor ain't cheap, even with the employee discount.

* Please also note that the Neiman's gold card with it's completely unnecessarily high credit limit is only used to buy Christmas gifts for others. Which I promptly pay off----before the next holiday season, that is. You won't see me caught dead in a $450 pair of men's slacks, mister.

Hang in there, baby!

I've been trying to add this photo to today's post and only now have finally accomplished it. Not sure what Blogger's problem was aside from the fact that it wants nothing to do with post Christmas humor.

You're probably wondering where the rest of the Key West photo essay is…..truth be told, I am too. I'm also wondering why I dragged my ass all the way to Tigard to an empty office when I could have worked from the comfort of my couch and watched movies at the same time. Evidently I am one of two employees of the entire H&K work force that decided to show up today. Lucky me, at least I won't be getting any stupid e-mails today.

The weekend in Seattle was the drunken drunkard-fest I expected. The game was fun, after which Rusty and I wandered around the city on foot (and in our Seahawks rain ponchos, always fashionable) and stopped in the nicest hotel in town to drink more (!) and eat a dozen oysters. It is reported that I told a strange woman at the bar that I had a "fucking asshole dog" and that I told the Roommate "My joke is 7. Isn't that funny?!?!? 7!" or some such thing. Evidently he didn't get it. I also reportedly fell down once, and if the sore elbow is any evidence, I guess I did. In spite of all this fun and booze when Christmas morning rolled around it didn't really feel like Christmas; I woke up with a hang over (that part felt like Xmas) and then ate the biggest chicken fried chicken dinner at the 5 Point (for breakfast, mind you) with Miss Sarah, Rusty and Jonesy----this after having already eaten 3 tangerines and one orange. This gorge-fest was followed by a nice uneventful drive south back to Portland. The most amazing thing about the weekend was that Rufus behaved himself, except for the growling-in-Jonesy's-face-while-he-slept incident. Other than that he was mommy's little angel.

Yesterday I cooked a 20 pound turkey and had dinner ready and waiting for the Roommate's arrival home from Canada. We ate, drank champagne cocktails and opened presents----and then it finally felt like Christmas. I got a lot of great presents (shopping spree at an art supply store from Rusty and Sarah and sea-monkey boots from the Roommate!) but I guess the best present of all would have to be my great friends, who are pretty much my family here in the Pacific Northwest. God bless us, everyone! Next stop is New Years Eve and then jumping on that resolution list. I am bound and determined to have a better '07 than '06 was, cause this year kinda sucked.

Hope you all had a great Christmas! Only a few more days and we can put the holidays behind us. Hang in there, baby.

Merry Holidays and Happy Christmas.

Sarah and Rusty called from the mall last night---all drunken at 7:15---to let me know they haven't gotten me a Christmas present because they can't find a store that sells coal.

Yeah, it's going to be that kind of weekend.

I leave for Seattle in a bit so take care and have a great holiday. Look for me in the crowd at the Seahawks game Sunday, I'll be wearing a team jersey and waving. Don't worry, you'll see me.

Happy Holidays!

Ho ho ho!

I just made the STUPID mistake of going to the mall. I know, I know, I swore I wasn't setting foot in a mall this time of year but Neiman Marcus let me down; the last present for the Roommate I was planning on is on back order until mid March (WTF???), so I had to replace it with another item. Fortunately I came up with another idea; unfortunately I can only get it at a mall or via the internet, which is out of the question since I'm not left with enough time for shipping. I checked with a store at a mall in the same quadrant of town as my house and they had the item but since I work on the opposite side of the city from my home and there's a huge mall literally right around the corner from my office, I thought I'd just pop in the same store over here and save myself some time.

Yeah, right. First it took me 20 minutes to get THROUGH the parking lot to the vicinity of the enterance I needed, only to finally get to the store to find out that this particular location didn't carry my item. It took me even longer to get OUT of the parking lot than it took me to get in, so I'm a little peeved. Not only because I could have saved myself some time by calling the second store after I had already called their other location but now I still have to go to the other mall later. I think I'll save that for VERY early tomorrow morning.....since I'll be "working from home". The part of town around my office has been a constant traffic jam this past week because of the mall and tomorrow will only be worse. People trying to get to the mall, get out of town or just get home early. No thanks, I'll be on the couch.

I am so glad this madness is almost over.

The Roommate is going to Boytek's family Christmas in Canada, so that left me without holiday plans. The good people of the House of Suz Seattle branch office have kindly invited me up to their Christmas festivities----drinking, drinking, Seahawks game, drinking----so the Roommate and I will be celebrating our Xmas on Tuesday. Should I fail to get my last gift item tomorrow, there's always Seattle malls to battle. Yea, right again. Like I said, I'm glad this shit is almost over.

Ho Ho Ho

I'll return to Key West photo essay tomorrow. I know you'll want to take a look at the S&M Barbie collection, just in time for Christmas. How does one giftwrap a tart?

Back to the Key West Photo Essay Stuff

If memory serves, my last Key West post ended with our sunset sail on our first night on the island (and you thought you'd seen the last of these posts! Silly reader!). Looking though the rest of the photos it occurs to me that I kind of put down the camera and picked up the bottle more as the week went on. Here are the photos from Day Two, the day clouds rolled in.

After partying late-ish (who knows how late) and having a silly fight (who knows what about) and wandering around the island looking for the missing hotel, we work up late searching for a place for grub. On the way to Pepe's (look it up, good breakfast, or so I'm told since we didn't stumble in until after 12:30---breakfast only served till noon) I glanced down an alley to observe this sight---seven cats. If you've not been to KW you would be interestsed to learn that the island is teeming with cats....and chickens. You'd think the former would take care of the problem of the latter, but it doesn't appear so. Cats everywhere. Roosters and chickens everywhere as well. It is an island, after all and we know neither cats nor chickens like to swim. Or they're not very good at it, if the Olympic swimming competition is any clue. Anyway, so many cats in one location not also popluated by a "crazy cat woman" seemed photo-worthy at the time.

After lunch served by a lack-luster waitress (sorry to bother you, jeeze) we decided to wander the island. Someone said when the sun goes in, the only things to do on Key West are drink and shop, so that's what we did. Bought some silly refrigerator magnets with thermometers on them (which never made it home, mysteriously), a couple of lighter/bottle opener combos (genius!) and assrted trinkets. Seriously considered buying a parka because it was so cold, but the local souvenir shop was strangely out of them. Then we happened upon Captain Tony's bar. This bar is the oldest one on the island and the original site of Sloppy Joe's, Hemmingway's hang out. As we settled in I noticed names on the bar stools; my stool's namesake was unknown to me, but guess who the Roommate sat on completely at random?

Fitting.

After listening to a musician do his gig for a bit we decided to shove off (but fear not, we'll run into him later) and I decided to show the Roommate the other place where folks go on the island to celebrate the sunset, the tallest building on the island. The observation deck of the La Concha Hotel. Just look at the Roommate enjoying the sun (re: cold wind) on his face!

A view from the deck. Try to imagine it bathed in sunlight. After this kind of excitement we were ready for a nap before the evening's events, of which I will tell you on the next installment of our Key West adventure. As a teaser, the next post will include a little Barbie S&M bondage and serves as a handy Christmas gift giving guide as well.

S&M Barbie, complete with Barbie handcuffs, leather whip and sex swing!

Going forward like a brave soldier.

We're putting the Key West Holiday Photo Fest on hiatus today because I don't have any of the photos handy and because I'm feeling a little thoughty and sentimental today. Maybe it's the holiday season, I don't know, but there's little to nothing you can do about it so I suspect you're stuck with this post as is---so buck up and suck up.

I had a lovely weekend full of fun and good friends. I often take my rather large group of friends for granted, probably since they are so accessible and willing to do just about anything called upon to do without the slightests complaint. A good portion of them read this blog so I figured I could trick them into reading how much I love them and that way I wouldn't have to actually say it. Out loud and all. I'm not really all touchy-feely like that. I'm more of the punch-you-in-the-arm-and-you-have-to-figure-out-that's-my-sign-of-affection type of person---I guess that explains my love life (or lack there of). So there you go. Although every one of my friends and pretty much the entire planet know I adore the Roommate and Boytek, few actually know I also adore Leigh, her kooky, "seemingly uptight but anything but" cousin Tammy, Dana (I'm fixin' to become her new best friend, you know), Kate (who always leaves parties too early), the other Kate, Rob (the cutest couple that are so made for each other it makes you want to upchuck), Diane, Frank, Heath, Julio, Jon, Emma, her cutie-pie husband Kirt………..hmmm, who else……Erin, Heather, Jeff, Des, Jack and Julie, Katie, Sarah, Rusty, Etip (of our Seattle branch), Jen, Phil, Vicki, the fabu Pat….I sense you're nodding off right about now……Bart, Vanessa, Mark, Kristie Reffleffleffleffeson, my Sailor. There's others I know I'm missing but I'm old and senile and forget stuff a lot, so if I omitted your name it's not that I forgot you, it's just that I temporarily misplaced you, like us old people do with our keys, glasses and driving skills. I'll say a little prayer to St Anthony (patron saint of lost items like my soul and mind----no wait, St Jude* would get my soul) for help with that. Therefore, if I left your name off completely by accident and you know in your heart of hearts it should be added to my list of "lovelies", please, please, let me know. I'll take your request under consideration and add it if it's deserved. I just know I forgot someone important and I'm going to be eating a big steaming bowl of regret later today----in fact probably the second I click the "post blog" button.

Now, let's get down to business. Since 2006 is nearly over (how in the hell did that happen so fast?!?!?!?), tradition dictates that I must make a New Year's resolution (cue dramatic musical score, daa daa DAAA) or two. I suppose I could wait till New Year's eve and just pluck something out of the air (like I did when I decided to quit smoking in 2005---which by the way I accomplished successfully) but chances are I'll more likely than not pick something impractical like "levitating more often" or "finding all my missing socks" so I decided to come up with something before my Xmas weekend in Seattle (and the hangover week to follow), when I'm less likely to be drunk and pick something too random to attain in the coming year. Because I hate taking orders I choose NOT TO actually make resolutions, per say, but instead I've decided that I shall come up with something with a friendlier, easier to obtain, term than your common resolution. To figure out just what this term should be I decided to make a synonym of the word "resolution" so let's break the word down a bit. The prefix "re" indicates "again; "solution" indicates mixing one substance with another………..so here's my 2007 New Year's AgainBlendz (spelled with a "z" so it seems hip to the kids):

1. Get a new fucking job already. As any frequent reader of this blog will tell you, my current job and the company I work for SUCKS ASS completely. Totally useless company. I made the decision to move to H&K from my former employer because it was being purchased by another company and although it was a good idea to get the hell out of that Dodge (as I learned in a conversation this weekend with a former coworker who's still there) I probably could have picked a better company than H&K to bail to. Mickey D's would be a step up from here, work wise, but the pay there sucks. So I'm a'looking---have been for some time now, just under the gun now since this place is making me crazy as a barn owl.

2. Have a show already. If you don't know it already, I am an artiste. I create odd paintings that some folks with excellent taste seem to like quite a bit. Problem is I give these paintings away as soon as I paint them so I never have anything "in stock" for a show. This year I intend to do a bunch of paintings, squirrel them away and have a show somewhere, in a bar or coffee shop since no gallery in their right mind would hang an artist that gives shit away for free. No money in that for them. Maybe I'll force the Roommate to join me in this endeavor.

3. Get my finances in order. The way I handle money is a joke, therefore I am always poor. I'm broke the day after pay day and that is no way to live.

4. Get my wig on straight. In general.

5. Have a goal for my life. I need to come up with some business that I can start up for myself and do for the rest of my life since I'm getting pretty old and I need to work for someone who doesn't mind having a senile employee. I gave up the retirement fund along with everything else when I got divorced, so I need to get a start on taking care of my golden years.

Ok, that's a start. I'll add anything else I think would be a groovy addition and reserve the right to delete anything that I change my mind on (because it's too hard, most likely). I challenge all you, my dear and loyal readers to come up with your own 2007 New Year's AgainBlendz. Not to post or announce in any way, just as a guidepost for the coming year. I'm thoughty and like to give back to the little people but then again, that's how I I roll (I love that term by the way).

So here's your assignment: sharpen that pencil, put your thinking cap on and get that list together. Time's a wasting and none of us are getting any younger.


*Patron saint of lost causes.

Oh, and it's snowing right now!

Guess I was right the first time with the "snow day" comment.

SNOW DAY! Or more like WIND DAY!

Yesterday and the day before I worked from home because I wasn't feeling well but I convinced myself this morning that I needed to go into the office today, if only for appearance sake. Well, it took alot of stern talking but I motivated myself to drive the half hour out to my office and as I approached the area of town my place of employment is located I noticed traffic signals were out and store fronts that were usually lit were dark. It was particularly windy yesterday evening and night and evidently many power lines were downed by fallen trees. I secretly hoped that the outage reached my office park because I'’m like that, meaning of course lazy. Well, the stars were in alignment today because my office building was dark as well and my security pass didn'’t work either. Yea! Working from home again today, there is a baby Jesus! You can'’t see it but I'’m doing a happy dance at the moment.

Speaking of working from home, our friend, Jen, from San Francisco is in town, in fact she baby sat Rufus while the Roommate and I were in Key West. Earlier in the week I was telling her I that I had hoped to work from home a few days and she commented that she loved that concept but that her supervisor frowned upon that practice, which got a good laugh out of everyone. You see, she'’s a flight attendant. She said she offered to bring home the demonstrationtional oxygen cup and seat belt but still no go; anyway, she'’s a hoot and we'’re glad she was able to come up for a visit.

I am unusually optimistic at the moment, this after being in the dumps for a few days, which I'’m sure had something to do with my shitty job situation, lack of money and end of vacation. Maybe the cheery outlook has something to do with updating and rewriting my resume yesterday. Let'’s hope this feeling sticks around until I land another job, at least.

Ok, now time for Paradise Vacation Photo Essay, part two (or whatever I called it yesterday).

First thing we did upon landing at Key West and checking into our hotel was walk around the island to get our bearings and check out places to visit while there. As you can see from this photo we must have been pretty giddy; we'd had to be if we thought a butterfly on a cactus was photo worthy.

As you can see by this smile we were successful in finding the bar by the nude beach. Well, actually it was a beach front bar near the clothing optional beach but who's counting. It's a bar/beach combo, who cares if they're wearing bathingsuits.

Every evening in Key West the entire island celebrates the sunset. A little simpleton-ish you may say but what the hell, it's fun! I suspect if you live there it may be a little on the monotonous side but for visitors it's a fun little treat, so bear with us.

There are several ways to enjoy the sunset in Key West, Mallory Square, with street performers, from atop the tallest bulding on the island, the historic La Concha Hotel or from a boat. Our hotel package at the lovely Eden House included a sunset cruise, so we took advantage of that treat the first day since we learned from the hotel front desk clerk that the weather was supposed to be a bit "iffy" the following two days.

So this is us on the deck of the sunset sailboat we were on that first day; I wish someone had told me to pull my top down over my Buddah belly.

Obviously we aren't the on the only ones enjoying the view via the deck of a sailboat.

Again, please someone tell me to pull my shirt over my pot belly! Luckily all the walking and biking on the island helped get rid of it by the end of the visit.

So, that was our first day on the island of the Conch Republic. Stay tuned for more fun and have a great weekend! Look out for falling trees!

Time for a vacation photo essay!

We are back in soggy Portland, and I managed to come back with a cold, too. Gotta love that. So since I'm feeling under the weather and all, I am going to give you the first installment of "Florida Photo Essay, Grand Vacation 2006". Don't get too excited, the funner stuff comes later.

A shot of the lighthouse on beautiful Captiva Island. Luckily the day we were there was warm and sunny as we walked the shore line and looked for shells.

This guy had just fished out a net full of minnows to use as bait, but this pelican, an egret and a seagull were all taking turns trying to steal his catch. It was pretty funny, the guy swinging at the birds while trying to pick up the flopping minnows.

The next day the Roommate and I boarded a boat for our 3 hour sail to Key West. Yea! Booze Cruise! We all know that's the way to make Suz smile!

Here's the Roommate on the top deck of the boat. If you scan the crowd it appears the Roommate made a little fashion faux pas and omitted the requisite Hawaiian shirt that all the other male boatmates are wearing. Guess he just doesn't have cruise fashion sense.

Beautiful day, booze cruise and 2 dolphins jumping out of the water in the boat's wake, what more could you ask? A great start to a grand vacation----fuck, I'm ready to go back RIGHT NOW! Apply sun block and stay tuned for the next installment.

SEE YA!

I'm outta here. Have fun without me.

Crunch time.

It's busy-busy time at H&K since I am expected to perform miracles before blasting off for Key West. Tis the season to hunker down so I can't stay, gotta run. Just when it seems darkest, it gets a little darker. Looking forward to getting the hell out of Dodge but I have a lot of ground to cover before I head out. Can't really say I'll be missing it here……

Can I use any more catch phrases?

Money ain't for nothing....wait, it is!

I need to start my own business because I am learning all kinds of clever ways to make money from nothing at my job here at H&K. I have a customer who has a non-working toll free number and we are charging them $11K a month for calls to it. And when you call the number you get a fast busy (if you're not in telecom that means the number isn't working but hasn't been officially disconnected). What genius, charge for NOTHING! Talk about great margin! I wonder who in marketing came up with this? Certainly they got a huge raise and a promotion for this brainstorm!
Can you feel the sarcasm?

Other creative money making ideas with painfully little or no overhead:





Hello, there aren't any; even holding up liquor stores have costs: panty hose, gun, get-away car gas. Great ideas like this (and pet rocks) only come around once or twice in a life time. The only thing I can come up with as an "add on" to this sale is possibly a late fee when they refuse to pay it or maybe something cryptic like an "inconvenience fee" or "go ahead and try to stop us fee". I'll keep my thinking cap on and report any instant cash schemes I come up with so you all can be millionaires, too. I'm all about sharing the wealth.

Oh, and about yesterday's post, I always spell POO with an H, as it looks classier as pooh, kind of French and all. You know, not as shitty.

Something in the air...................

Yesterday it was sub-zero here at work, today it smells like pooh. I think I liked yesterday better.

Sometimes I think there's just no pleasing me.

Cheese-food, it's what's for dinner

I guess I took advantage of the 4 day weekend---in more ways than just eating and drinking too much---and went ahead and took myself a little blog vacation as well. Better get used to it, next Tuesday I am going on a real vacation to somewhere with sun, sand and surf and probably not a whole lot of internet, so tumble weeds will be blowing across this page. And I think I deserve a little warmth since I am sitting in my cube here at work with my coat on and my gloves on as I type this, which ain't easy. Typing on a laptop is kind of odd with gloves, I keep getting bonus letters in my typing, but since I am freezing it is the only way I can work without losing feeling in my fingers. Our office must be run by Scrooge or our building run by a slumlord, because if it's cold outside, it's colder in here. Not sure where that logic comes from but it was snowing when I drove in this morning, so you probably can imagine it's a little on the fridgid side in here. So thank god for Key West and I am officially counting down the days till next Tuesday.

The Roommate and I hosted the annual orphan's Thanksgiving and I must say it was quite fun, about 15 folks came for the feasting. Everyone brought a side dish or wine and our friend Frankie made the bird so I was freed from the majority of the responsibilities and was able to focus on the stuffing (my own recipe and quite tasty, I must say) and a few side dishes. I even slummed a bit with a comfort food dish, broccoli with a Velveeta sauce, and wouldn't you know it that dish was completely devoured. Who'd have thunk it? Yum all around and a good time was had by all.

I am happy to report I have officially started my holiday shopping and vow as god is my witness that I will not enter a shopping mall to purchase a single gift. The internet is our friend and personal shopper after all and a happy holiday is a click away.

I'm wondering about this beta version of Blogger? Anyone feel it's time I switched? I'm just a little scared about the "no turning back" part and losing my comfort zone. Anyone have any horror stories to report that will scare be away from beta?

And now I leave you with these parting words of wisdom: the worst part of a 4 day weekend is coming back to work a 5 day work week, it's probably going to feel like a 7 day stretch. I wish I were still in bed this very minute and doubt if anyone would even miss me if I had slept in.

Happy Sucky Monday everyone! Try to stay warm!

Seriously, I'm really pretty boring...

When iamnot tagged me, he said I could only list 6 weird things about myself, like I could go on for days. I don't think I'm that weird, it's more like VE to go weird overboard.

According to the rules…..
Write 6 weird things about yourself
Tag 6 people who then have too write their 6 weird things on their blog.
Leave a comment letting them know they are tagged and to read your blog.

My weirdnesses:
1. I hate working out, get no rush or feeling of well being from going to the gym, but work out religiously out of guilt.
2. I would pay $525 for a gift for a friend, but would never dream of spending that kind of money on myself.
3. I am uncomfortable in fabrics that have a pattern to them. I almost exclusively wear solid colors, and most of those colors being black.
4. I love a bargain but feel that using a coupon makes me appear cheap.
5. I'd rather be funny than rich. Lucky for me that worked out.
6. I love the smell of beef cooking but absolutely hate the taste of beef and really can't even stomach it. Oddly enough I have no problem with pork----which by the way tastes like beef smells.

And I shall choose VE, Shawna, Erin, Starlet, Will and Conti (because he needs to post already).
Ok, go ahead, get weird.

Jesus, I'm just like a husband!

Somehow I missed my one year anniversary doing this lousy blog, Nov. 15th---how I managed that I do not know. I'm usually REALLY good at remembering dates and shit but for some reason I was thinking the 28th of November was the day I started this crazy ride. Turns out I was wrong.

There, I said it. I. Was. Wrong.

Take a good hard look because that may be your only chance to see those three words in print together here on this blog. Maybe.....you might see those "three little words Bush will never mutter" again in a sarcastic form (shocker there, huh?) but I rarely will admit something like that in print, for all of history to mock.

So, fricking happy belated anniversary to me!* (Maybe I should register for gifts?!?!?!) Hope you are enjoying my babble and rants, 'cause I got a million of 'em.

*Isn't this where I'm supposed to say I'm taking a break or quitting or something? Let me know in comments if you think it's time for me to pull the plug.

....for this I give thanks.

Its Thanksgiving week, and I was thinking this would be a good time to reflect on things that I am thankful for. Now before you go thinking that this will be a weepy testimonial about the blessing of good friends, or loyalty of a faithful companion, let me just set the record straight. There'll be none of that blubbering here. Well, not today, anyway, because……

…………..today's post is all about the joy of SOCK MONKEYS! (For some reason blogspot is being a total ass and is not letting me upload this photo, although it did a few minutes ago but I tarded out and accidently deleted it. Not thankful for that at all.)

As a kid I never had a sock monkey, didn't have any friends that did and in fact I only had a vague notion that they existed, in theory only, really and only that they were popular in the Depression or something. But as an adult I developed an odd interest in the idea of sock monkeys but never actually got one until the Roommate woke me up at 3 am one morning to give me one he had purchased in the middle of the night somewhere, evidently in the general vicinity of a bar. And for some reason I named it Elvis. Months passed and then one night the Roommate once again woke me up in the wee hours to present me with Elvis's secret gay lover sock monkey, so then I had 2. Then Our Rusty bought me a leather-clad motorcycle biker sock monkey but it was separated from him somehow, a long story that involves said monkey being hidden in a shrub in the middle of the night but never retrieved the next day. Oddness, yes. But Rusty did eventually purchase a replacement monkey, sans bike leather though. So I now have 3 sock monkeys who sit on the top of a book shelf in my room. Rufus sometimes catches a glimpse of them which causes him to moan and whine, because those sock monkeys need their eyes pulled out something awful, and Rufus is just the person for the task. Perhaps if I were a better mom I'd let him de-eye them, but they're sock monkeys, for Christ sake. SOME things are sacred.

This is an example of the carnage one would witness if Rufus got a hold of a truck load of sock monkeys, only there would be a thick dusting of monkey-gut cotton batting covering the floor as well as sock monkey carcasses. I do believe this is what my mutt dreams of at night and once he learns to climb a bookshelf, those babies will be his.

So as you reflect on all things you are thankful for this holiday week, say a little prayer of thanks for our dear friend, the sock monkey. Hell, set a place for them at the dinner table Thursday, show them you care. Seriously, where would we be without them?

Google Image fun again!

Damn, it's cold here (and outside, too!) and since the Roommate and I are going to Key West in less than 3 weeks, I thought I'd google image Key West. Here's what we're in for; thought I'd share so you could virtually enjoy the sun and also feel good and jealous at the same time.

This is the southern most point on the contential United States (duh, it's right there on the lable) and a favorite photo op for tourists. Since I first went to Key West ages ago, I've already done that gig, but since this will be the Roommate's first trip, I will be sure to drag him here for a photo.

I love quaint old lighthouses (and as luck would have it, Oregon has tons of them. Only this time of year they're a little on the soggy side).

Last one in the water is a rotten egg! And possibly shark bait! Ooops, don't mention that last part to the Roommate; I have a feeling he'd be more open to the idea of rotten eggs.

Every evening the sunset is celebrated on Malory Square---street performers, cocktails and lots of people watching the sun dip into the Gulf. If you listen closely you can hear it sizzle.

Ah, we'll be seeing (and lounging on) some sandy beaches!

But what we won't be seeing is any of this nonsense. Hurricane season ends as of next week, so it should be smooth sailing for us. Fingers crossed.

Nothing like google image for a free virtual vacation. And no need for sunscreen! Only problem is I'm still cold. And still here.

Have a good weekend! Our gang will be going out to watch Storm tomorrow evening and it should be a grand weekend over all. Keep warm and dry!

Post script.....

The internet lies. I google imaged Portland, Oregon because I wanted to start this post off with a soggy, rainy, cold photo of what it's usually like this time of year and after weeding through 36 pages of indoor shots or outdoor shots of sunny, blue skys, I gave up. I guess truth is bad for tourist business. Then again the sun's out today, so maybe google knows that. Mental note, check again on a rainy day.

I really do think I have an obsession with Google Image

Just for shits and grins I google imaged "oxymoron" and I got this image, to the left. I have to admit I like it better than the others, even the sign for "Death Valley Health Center", the "trespassing by permit only" notice or the "sanitary sewer" manhole cover. Yep, this one made me chuckle, but then again, I'm not a Republican. And for an added little jab, "oxy" in Latin is sharp, while "moros" means dull (see illustration).

The reason I decided to google image "oxymoron" is because I was e-mailing a coworker, asking if H&Ks had a data integrity group. Almost snorted tea out of my nose as I typed it, I gotta admit. So from that you can imagine the day I've been having today, here in H&K land, where an oxymoron is only a moment away.

Oh, and google image is always a cure for writer's block, too. And I'm not even going to charge you for that tidbit.

And finally, on a side note, gas was $2.59 today. Just saying.

Welcome to Rant Wednesday! UPDATED!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is what I put up with here at H & K:

Two months ago I entered an order to disconnect telephone services for a customer, back-crediting to January 31st of this year.....because that's when it was supposed to have been disconnected, low these many months ago. Keeping in mind that I didn't start working here until June of this year I think you can start to get a handle on the cause of my frustrations. (And no, this isn't the only customer I am having to "clean up" for, just in case you're wondering.) When the disconnect order was complete I was shocked to find that the date we decided to stop charging the customer for these services was actually July 1st, 2006 instead of January 31st…..I guess because January-thirty-first is soooooo close to July-first, depending on the logic you use I suppose. So I entered a credit adjustment to remove charges from February 1st through June 30th, since they were supposed to be credited already, and while I was at it I requested that all taxes and surcharges associated with these services be credited as well (because telecom is way over taxed) and even gave the billing people the exact amounts to be credited, just to be clear. My adjustment was rejected because taxes would be automatically "figured by the system" and not necessary on my request, so I re-entered my credit request sans a credit for taxes. Come to find out "the system" needs a math lesson, or a tax class or at the very least a calculator since it only credited about a third of the taxes that we charged in error. So today I was given the extra treat of entering yet another adjustment to fix that fuck up that didn't fix the original fuck up that never got taken care of in a timely manner. And I had to also request a credit for the late fees we also decided to charge the customer for the taxes they should never have been charged in the first place. Can you say inefficient? I sure can, since it's my fucking H&K mantra.

And all these inefficiencies cause me to bitch. And they causes me to hate. And over-drink. Which causes me to pick stupid fights with the Roommate. Which causes me much pain and sorrow later on. H&K is ruining my life and sanity---and yes I am, so if you hear of anything………………..

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Confidential to Tammy: No photos of Boytek and the big rat so far, only a shot of Diane on a merry-go-round horse. Will that do?

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Confidential to the Roommate: Three weeks to Florida. Thank god.

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UPDATE!!!!!!! And I apologize to all those not in telecom for this next tech babble-filled addition.

Hey, all you coworkers over at my former employer who read this blog (yes, I seeeee you), help me figure THIS one out:

I have a customer who wants me to make some changes to his 5 PRIs, which all are one big massive PRI of 144 channels (and I know 144 channels = 6 PRIs, but don't tell me, tell TBS). Hmmm, ok, we're only billing him for 4. And we've only ever billed him for 4. 5 are in service in TBS though---found the order for the first 2 and the order for the 4th and 5th, just can't find where we've ever put the 3rd one in service. And I can't figure out why there are 144 segments when they are all sequencial without breaks, but I'll figure that out when the LSD I got out of the break room first aid kit kicks in. Prize to anyone who can figure out how the 3rd PRI was installed without an order----that prize being my job of course. With your wicked understanding of TBS you'll be great at it.

Here we go again! Onward and upwards!

First off, sinus headaches suck. And what's with me wanting to sleep all the time?
Ok, I'm not usually one to be all introspective, especially not on my blog as I prefer to leave this forum purely for entertainment value. But here lately I've been in a funk/hate-everyone-mood (yes, you too, because I know how you are) and that makes it hard to be funny at times. But let's try to push all that "downerness" to the side and address a pressing issue that I predicted and goddamn it if it isn't coming to fruition.

The price of gas is inching up again.

About 2 months back I predicted the price of gas would slowly go down in order to assist the Bush administration in keeping a stranglehold on Congress and the Senate (actually I didn't predict the Republicans would lose control of both houses because I truly thought Americans were too stupid to pull their collective heads out of their asses, but I appreciate being proven wrong on this one. Thanks, America!) because it appeared the biggest issues this past summer were a) the war in Iraq, b) immigration and c) the price of gas, considering it was a little on the stupidly high side. It appears the Bush administration can't make any headway with Iraq and that ridiculous wall between Mexico and the US is a JOKE and no one is falling for that as a solution, so the easiest band aid would logically be on the gas issue, and let me tell you, we did hit a measly $2.25 per gallon on election day right here in Portland, which was a bargain compared to the $3.09 we were paying just a handful of months before. Well, I've been keeping an eye on the price of gas at 3 stations on my way to work, and the price has been inching up a few cents a day since last Wednesday, the day after the elections. We're up to $2.53, average, for the three stations I've been checking and way higher at a couple of other stations I pass regularly. Coincidence? I think not. I think we're being punished for voting for the Democrats. But then again I'm a left-wing conspiracy theorist and all, who additionally happens to be on a bad mood loop. I could be wrong because I'm told that it's just impossible to fudge the price of gas, although I've also heard economists say the price of gas is impacted by emotion before. And anger is an emotion. But like I said, I could be wrong.

I guess that's enough for that rant before the big oil/right wing hate mail comes flying in.

On the brighter side, the Roommate and I had a "human scavenger hunt" birthday party for Boytek this weekend, and a super big thanks to all who participated! Hopefully I'll have some photos (memory card full, DUH!) to post but it was a good time. Thanks again to everyone who helped pull it off.

Now I've got to rush out and get some of that bargain $2.53 a gallon gas before it's really expensive tomorrow. I predict $2.59 or higher by Thursday. I'll keep you posted. Oh, and I truly wish I had been wrong on that predicition, my commute can be killer, on the pocketbook anyway.

Under the weather

Hello all. I have a raging sinus headache so I won't be posting anything today. Except this, but it hardly counts.

Have fun and take care.

Just for fun!

Go to this site, type your name in the box and see what happens! Your name translated into Russian!

Insert happy dance here.

Ok, this is the 6yh attempt at posting today's rant. Let's hope six is a charm. (Update: I had to remove some links in order to post, something's wrong with Blogger today and I think it has to do with sore losers.)

Everyone hates a bad winner but I gotta say it's turning out to be a pretty damn good day today. Our dear friend, Rumsfeld*, will be stepping down---seems he's finally gotten A HINT or something. And it looks, at least at this writing, that the Dems have a pretty good chance of taking over the Senate along with the House, in spite of this cat's not so white teeth, but then again he ran in Montana, where evidently white teeth are only ever seen on ousted Republican scum. Of course we need to not throw confetti (hoarded from the shredder for just such an occasion) just yet as the official counts are not yet in---and I don't want to even think about the lengthy recounts---so I'll be saving the happy dance for later. But the sun did come out this morning, both literally and figuratively, and if I could just get my employment situation taken care of I'd be one happy camper. If only for today.

I love the irony in the fact that the GOP used the threat of gay marriage to get Bush re-elected and now the stories of less than hetro-sexual antics from those in their own ranks actually brought their party down. Talk about karma.

Bush has invited some top Democratic leaders to the white house today for lunch and I understand there will be crow on the menu, at least for the host.

And finally, here's a little election day humor for you from Erin. Don't worry, it's non-partisan and I think she'd have made an excellent Proposition 48.

Happy Post Election Day!

*Spell check wants to make him "rusted" and I must agree that is an excellent suggestion

Ooops, she did it again....almost forgot about the first one.

I wonder if she thought she wouldn't get much press is she filed on an election day?


And just let me add I think I actually heard the audible and obligatory gasp of surprise by the entire fucking world when this shocking news was released. Seriously, who saw THAT coming?

You can all put your hands down.

As Angela Arden said in "Die, Mommy, Die".....it is your duty....

Today's the day. It's only very early in the election day follies as I write this but I have a feeling it's going to be icky-nasty come results time. Lots of finger pointing, accusations, bitching, tears. Hopefully by this time tomorrow we will be hearing a fat lady singing, but if recent past is any indication, this could go on for a while, as we recount, regroup and reinvent history.

So get out and do your civic duty, 'cause remember, you can't bitch if you don't vote.

Getting up on my soapbox.....

Are you a liberal or a conservative? Either way make sure you vote.

I'm sure iamnot will have a field day with this one.

Welcome to Oregon, got moss yet?

Friday Nov 3 Rain High 56 °F Low 53 °F Precip: 80% Wind: S at 13 mph UV Index: 1 Low Humidity: 90% Sunrise: 6:53 AM Sunset: 4:55 PM Cloudy with periods of rain. High 56F. Winds S at 10 to 20 mph. Chance of rain 80%. Rainfall around a half an inch.

Saturday 4 Rain / Wind High 58 °F Low 52 °F Precip: 90% Wind: S at 13 mph UV Index: 1 Low Humidity: 87% Sunrise: 6:55 AM Sunset: 4:53 PM close details Rain likely. High 58F. Winds S at 10 to 20 mph. Chance of rain 90%. Rainfall around a quarter of an inch.

Sunday 5 Light Rain High 58 °F Low 55 °F Precip: 70% Wind: S at 7 mph UV Index: 1 Low Humidity: 88% Sunrise: 6:56 AM Sunset: 4:52 PM Light rain. Highs in the upper 50s and lows in the mid 50s.

This is the weather we are expecting this weekend but unfortunately this is also the extended forcast till, oh I don't know, mid July---and I'm not exagerating. Only the temperature will drop about 10 degrees soon, but other than that, I expect to be damp. Now you see why we jump up and down and nearly shit ourselves in delight when "summer" rolls around sometime after Independence Day. Who wants to move here?