Tis the season to break bones

There must be something about a 4 day holiday weekends that causes people to O.D. on dumbass pills. On my way to work this morning I was stuck behind an SUV going 20 mph in a 40 mph zone. For at least 15 blocks. I didn't want to actually go to work today either, but driving that slow only prevents the inevitable.

And what was with all that carnage at the malls this weekend? Pushing, shoving, trampling; screaming, punching, grabbing. Please, it was a fucking laptop, no need to lose what little dignity you scrounged from your white trash upbringing for a super deal on a computer! Coincidence that there weren't reports of angry mobs and out of control fights at Neiman's? The only thing to give thanks for in this holiday season is that I had the sense to stay home and far away from the malls, all weekend and continuing through the season of giving. If you can't buy it online it's not worth giving.

Perhaps some of those shoppers should pick up an etiquette guide while they're at the mall. It's doubtful they'd be on sale, but them's the breaks.

Introducing the Mistress of Darkness

Rounding out with the final household member, let me introduce Miss Kitty-Pooter

Way before Rufus joined our happy family, Kitty-Pooter was the only four-legged creature who ruled the household and very much liked it that way. So, from that statement you can pretty much figure out that there's a constant struggle for power between this black cat and one hyper terrier. We've had Rufus for 2 years now and Kitty-Pooter still acts like he just fell off the turnip truck and is NOT WELCOME IN HER HOUSE, all caps and one big, bold period. Her favorite thing to do is to hide on a dining room chair (as in the picture here) and when the unsuspecting Rufus prances by, he is attacked out of nowhere by one swift moving, claw bearing paw. And then Kitty-Pooter says "guess I showed you".

People told me she would eventually warm up to that cute, cuddly pooch, but so far she has proved them all wrong. Her house, and that's it. Perhaps one day...............

LET THE EATING BEGIN!

Nothing says "America" like a four day eat-a-thon weekend. God Bless America, and the red states, too (I'm feeling generous, tis the season and all). You gotta love a national holiday where you are encouraged to commit one of the Seven deadly Sins. I'm all about going to hell this weekend.

Usually The Roommate and I host "orphans Thanksgiving", where we invite our friends over to have a spectacular feast and avoid our own families, but this year our friend, Leigh insisted she get to be the organizer. At first I pushed back a little but when The Roommate mentioned that this means we not only DON'T HAVE TO SLAVE AWAY IN THE KITCHEN ALL FREAKING DAY, we also DON'T HAVE TO CLEAN UP THE MESS AFTERWARDS. The Roommate is wicked smart. So not only am I not making 1) a turkey 2) stuffing (and not the kind in the box either, I am all about "scratch") and 3) every imaginable side dish ever to grace a holiday table---my contribution to the pot luck dinner is----------a Caesar Salad. We of course will make our own croutons, but other than chopping up some lettuce, that'll be it. NICE. So not only am I not spending this evening shopping, getting up at the crack of dawn (8 am-ish) and then cooking all fricking day, I'm actually getting off pretty damn easy. And this will leave me more time for my favorite Thanksgiving tradition, drinking wine.

And for that I give thanks.

The Roommate

This is The Roommate, although that title isn't quite adequate. He is actually my best friend, bestest drinking buddy and closest confident. He is also Rufus's Daddy. The Roommate is going though a challenging time at the moment and I am proud of his strength and optimism. I am sure he will come out of this on top, as he usually does (oh, snicker snicker! I'm so clever!).

So, anyway.......The Roommate and I have cohabitated now for three whole years and gone through a lot together in the time we've known each other. We've traveled extensively, have been drunk together in 4 foreign countries and countless US cities. Yes, we are very proud of our accomplishments. He is a talented artist and the most clever and funniest person I've had the pleasure to meet. As you can probably tell, I think the world of him and he's my favorite person ever.

So everyone reach out and give The Roommate a nice pat on the back and a heart felt "hang in there". Everything will be ok and the sun will shine tomorrow. Now, straighten up the house and take the mutt to the doggie park, goddamnit. ;-)

The dog only knows one word, MINE! But isn't he CUTE?

So, about two years ago the Roommate decided I needed a dog. "No, no, no, I don't need a dog" quickly answered with "I know what I'm getting you for Christmas", which I again replied with "No dog, I not only don't need a dog, I don't WANT a dog. Isn't the cat bad enough?". Then he said "If you could have any kind of dog, what kind would you have?", to which I responded that I liked Golden Retrievers. "Um, no, what other kind?" Ok, German Shepard. The Roommate then held up his hand, put his index finger to his thumb and said "No, no, no, something with a turd this big".

And that is how we got Rufus. The pet store said he'd not be bigger than 10 lbs, and oh, isn't he cute and loving? Sure, in the pet store they always are! Once we got him home he immediately learned "sit" and "down" the very first day we had him (and he was so young, only 4 months old! Isn't he precious!). Once he felt he had successfully wormed his way into our hearts Rufus the Monster reared his ugly head. We sent him away to boot camp where he came home with a shock collar, because he just won't listen. This dog is very pigheaded, stubborn as a mule. And as you can see from the picture, anything that belongs to anyone else actually belongs to him. This dog eats MONEY, people! And CELL PHONES. He's destroyed my comforter, charge cards, uncountable shoes and actually tried to dig a hole through the seat of the leather couch.

So now my precious boy is 2 1/2, 24 lbs and he's starting to calm down a little bit. He still occasionally does the "devil possessed crazy walk up the wall backwars" thing, but he's getting so much better all the time. And his turds are still only this big.

Knowledgable AND Worldly

So, a few weeks ago the Roommate and I were driving to the gym (because we're health conscious and like to look at cute men), just chatting away because we're clever and witty. We were also listening to NPR because we are worldly and knowledgeable and we could do two things at once, like listen to news of the world as well as banter on about all things fun and funny. At the top of the hour a newswoman with a British accent announced " Israeli Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin was assasinated today" and both the roommate and I stopped our chatter. My mind raced. "Isn't there enough unrest in the Middle East? Is this backlash because of the war in Iraq? Will this cause the next world war? What is this going to do to the economy?" Then an American newswoman's voice announced over the radio speakers: "That was the BBC headline ten years ago today". I looked at the roommate. He looked at me. We both realized we had been thinking the same thing and all there was to do was crack up.

Worldly and knowledgeable, my ass.

Welcome to ME!

Hi, it's me, Susan. Welcome to what shall forever more to be known as House of Suz. The photo to the left is me, yes, I'm actually that attractive! Anyway, I plan on posting here when I can for all the world (or no one at all) to see. Hope you enjoy.

A bit about me, I'm OLD (forty-something, although you'd never know it by looking at that doctored photo) and I live with my bestest friend Trey, our crazy dog Rufus, a devil-worshiping cat, Kitty-pooter and a cast of a thousands (friends, that is).

Gotta run, I have a date waiting.