Talk about random.......

I saw on MSN today that Portland has had more UFO sightings---and earlier sightings---than Roswell and I mention this because it kind of proves my point that Portland is a city full of weirdoes and crazies. This is not a rant, I love the weirdoes and crazy folks, they make life a little more interesting here, especially in the downtown area where they seem to congregate. A coworker said she was on the bus today with a well dressed middle aged woman who was behaving a little oddly. She changed seats several times for no apparent reason and would shout out seemingly unrelated statements like "I am a Caucasian" and "Thirty-six thousand dollars!" while digging around in her purse. I was able to one up my coworker with a crazy sighting of my own this morning. Sitting at an outdoor table of a local coffee shop was a man dressed in Middle Eastern garb; authentic looking Arab dress including long flowing white robes and an Yasser Arafat kitchen towel head dress. Now that's not a get up you see every day here in Portland but it wasn't completely odd either. What was odd was he also had a barrette like a mime would wear on top of his headgear. And he had an opened, oversized duffel bag on the ground by his feet. And in the bag was a banjo, I kid you not. I think he was a terrorist because nothing spells torture more than a banjo toting Arab. So I'm thinking I won the "My weirdo was crazier than yours" or was it "My crazy was weirder than your"? I'm not sure. But I do think I won.

Photos of last night's Last Thursday Tape Baby Drop to be posted soon!

Ticking phone bomb.

Sunday was all about HOT. First, our street had a block party and the Roommate called the fire department to come out for a visit. They do that here for block parties, you know, let the kids climb all over the truck and give them little junior fireman hats---only the Roommate actually called them out for a visit because he knows I like hot firemen. He's cool like that----screw the kids, they were happy enough throwing around a nerf football and picking on each other.

Then we went to the Chameleon for Pat's birthday party and aside from all the booze and food and go go boys he had a fire dancer. Hot. So the evening was about fire starters and fire putter-outers.

I just had a piss fight with Verizon (my favorite carrier ever!) over an install fee and I think I'm going to win this one. Jennifer* at Verizon stated that I ordered the inside wiring because "her order says so". Jesus, as if she'd even remember writing an order for one POTS line (plain old telephone service---we love our acronyms!) two months ago---so I just went ahead and forwarded their response to my e-mail order with the INSIDE WIRING NOT NEEDED all over it. Yeah, I expect a credit and an apology. No, I am not holding my breath. Winning an argument with Verizon is not very satisfying as it is exactly like tricking a kid into eating ice cream or getting Rufus to ruin a leather couch----just not that frickin' difficult.

Busy week here, tomorrow I will be watching the not-gonna-happen shit hit the telecom fan when I don't meet a customer's unrealistic deadline. Yea me! Wonder if I can blame it on Verizon……….hold the phone**, that idea is just simple enough to work.

*Her real name because she is NOT innocent.

**Telecom reference in a telecom joke! I am so clever, double points!

Tears streaming down my face.

Funniest thing I've seen in a long, long time should be right here.

Now don't be looking at all that other stuff.

Paint update.

Sherwin Williams
Bitter Chocolate

It's definitely not outrageous green.

PS I tried to link the colors but Sherwin Williams doesn't roll like that. You'll have to paste the color names in tne search field yourselves. Just a warning in case you're lazy.

The jury has reached it's verdict.

The Roommate hates the green wall. And the light green walls. And the purple chair. And he's not so sure about the orange couch but I think it's kinda staying. The only thing that's staying, that is. So tonight we will probably be painting the green accent wall dark chocolate brown (which to me, on the paint chip anyway, looks like a really deep maroon, but I ain't saying nothing) but thank god I've put the "so light pink it's almost white" paint for the other walls on hold, at least until we figure out if the coco is gonna take. This exact same thing happens every time we paint, we start out with one color and end up on the other side of the color wheel several stops later---that is when we aren't inventing colors not seen in nature and smearing them all over the walls, too. That little trick takes extra work, too.

Yea. It's almost the week end. I can hardly contain my glee.

Oh, and now that I'm thinking of it............

.........here's a photo of the Roommate and Boytek sitting on the big orange couch. I sent it to the Roommate because he was out of town when it was delivered and was afraid the couch would be too big for the living room. I think this photo dispels the fear that the couch is on the large side.

Ever e-mail photos of an orange couch at 2 am? I can scratch that off my "to do" list now.

I am sore. I spent the entire weekend working, picking out paint colors, looking at vintage furniture and painting. Work was busy Friday night, extremely busy, and it just about wore me out. Then on Saturday night is was DEAD so I spent a lot of time standing around and cleaning. Then I painted most of the day yesterday after walking up and down Hawthorne looking at funky fifties furniture (say that three times fast). This morning when I work up and rolled out of bed my body politely reminded me I'm old and need to park my wrinkled ass in that purple chair in the living room more often----meaning all the time---isn't Lawrence Welk on now?

Damn, I'm glad I didn't go to the gym on top of all that. Just thinking about that makes me want to take a nap.

Anyway, did you catch the part where I said I painted? That would be the dining room and half the living room, thank you very much. I didn't paint the wall in this photo because with all the furniture moved around and painting supplies everywhere, I just couldn't imagine where I'd stack all those paintings. I guess I'll be doing that tonight since the Roommate wants it done and painting is my part of the bargain. And although Boytek and the Roommate wanted the accent color to be dark chocolate brown, I went with lime green (about the color of the banner above), because that's how I follow directions. And because I spent 2 hours playing with colors on this site (click "launch color visualizer") and the only thing that worked with the orange couch and purple recliner was lime green---with red coming in a close second. Go ahead, play with the colors, I'll wait. Thank god I went to art school and studied color theory and all because that 4 year stint is finally paying off.

Anyway, it looks great and I couldn't be happier with how it's turned out so far. I also can't wait for it to be finished.

The only other thing I did this weekend was spend a little time hating people. People can be so stupid (present company excluded, of course). On Saturday I was driving down a half commercial, half residential street when I noticed a guy on the sidewalk (of the residential part) doing that hand waving motion that means "slow down". I didn't realize I was driving that fast to I glanced down at the speedometer and noticed I was going 25 mph. I also noted a sign saying 30 mph. Since I was on my way to the grocery store and we all know how much I hate going grocery shopping (because of all the stupid people) I was probably already on cranky street, so the dude with the wavy arms and sour look really pissed me off. I immediately turned around, drove over to where the guy was still standing, slowed down and yelled at him "Hey Barney Fife, I was only going 25. Just wanted you to know, have a nice day!" and drove off, not waiting to hear his stupid response. The comment did piss him off though, so one point for me. After that I went to the grocery store where everyone checks their IQs at the door, so you know how much I enjoyed that experience. People……….jeeze.

If you're old enough.........

...............do your remember where you were when you heard the King was dead?

Today's post is brought to you by the letter O (for orange)

"Before shot", stay tuned for "after"

The Roommate and I had a glass of pink wine and headed to IKEA on Thursday to check the place out. It's been open since the 25th of July but you wouldn't see us in any of that "grand opening" craziness just for the chance to get a free chair. Now if they had an open bar that would have been a completely different story, but I digress.


While strolling through the bathroom section the Roommate made a b-line to the shower curtains. I loudly said "No, no shower curtains. Whenever we get a new shower curtain we end up redecorating the entire bathroom. No shower curtains". The couple looking at shower curtains just about busted a gut when they heard this because obviously this scenario only happens at our house. I have a feeling they will be laughing out the other side of their mouths when they get that shower curtain home and realize the paint just doesn't quite match and wouldn't new towels and a rug freshen the place up? Before you know it they'll be replacing the fixtures and facets and that just sounds like too much trouble to this little black duck.


So instead the Roommate is buying a new couch. Not from IKEA but from super trendy Hip Furniture. The new sectional's of modern design. Oh, and it's orange. Imagine the Wave, only in orange. Great sectional and even greater price so the Roommate snatched it up for a song. Only problem is our current living room is more the style of Pottery Barn and kind of traditional, so the cocktail table, side tables and console won't work with the new sofa. And the fireplace screen is all wrong, and it matches the sconces, candle stands and lamp. And the antique rocking chair will HAVE to go. As will the curtains. And the walls will all have to be repainted.


So it looks like we will be doing a bit of painting in the very near future and making a few trips to IKEA to pick up some accessories. But you won't catch us anywhere near the shower curtains, because that just sounds like too much work.

"Do you want fries with that?"

Here's a little known House of Suz fact: I am waiting tables again. No, I did not get canned from my regular job, nor am I obsessed with using work to avoid a personal life, I am helping out a friend. I have mentioned him here before and know I have mentioned his restaurant as well but my friend Pat owns and is the chef of the Chameleon here in the lovely Hollywood district of Portland. Seems one of his bartender/waiters is off to live in Prague and since Pat closes his place for the month of September every year he doesn't want to hire a replacement who will then have no job for a month. The Roommate suggested I temporarily fill the personnel gap and that is just what I am doing. Besides, I can always use a little extra cash.

So if you're out and about in Portland on a Friday or Saturday evening in August and are looking for an excellent meal (and so-so service---meaning me) come out to the Chameleon and tell 'em Suz sent ya. I'll make sure you get a complimentary glass of water.

I love working in downtown Portland

On a very short walk (of all of two blocks) today I saw one Gremlin, two multi-colored mohawks and one Elvis. A pretty good day by anyone's standards.

Too many crazy street people to count, though.

Birthday e-mails. Check and done.

Now to complete my trifecta of promised posts, here are Rufus's (dog, not drag queen) birthday e-mail greetings:

Of course the first came from Rufus's Mommy:

Hello Rufus! Let me be the first to wish you a happy birthday!

Next was from Diane:

Rufus,

Congratulations on turning 4 and getting your own email box! Not many dogs have one, your mommy must love you very much. I know you have been scared of me because of "the sound" incident and I think it's time I came clean and let you know something important so listen carefully - guess what? It wasn't me who made "the sound", it was your Aunt Tammy! That's right, Aunt Tammy did it so I guess it's good that she's dead now, huh? You'll never have to worry about hearing that terrifying fart noise again. You must have been tortured by someone with extreme flatulence as a little pup, I can't imagine the sheer horror!

Anyhoo, I hope you slept well last night with a full belly of pizza, birthday cake and a pleasant little beer buzz and had magical dreams of chewing up little babies and chasing big fat rats.

Love,

(your favorite) Auntie Rusty*

Oddly enough the next e-mail came from Tammy:

Sorry to have missed your b-day party; I bet it was a hoot. I feel much better today – not as young as we used to be.

Anyway tell your mom hi and I hope you all had fun yesterday.**

Next came the e-mail greeting from iamnot which simply consisted of a YouTube link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HGq1MRPDO6I



Then came the greeting from Our Rusty:

Hey Rufus,

I hope you had the bestest birthday weekend!

your uncle rusty really misses you (yep i said it...i miss rufus)!

I wish i could have been there so you could have run out to say hi by peeing on my shoes!

love you, rufus

uncle rusty

And finally, the last birthday greeting was from Dana and baby Ella:

Rufus,

Happy belated b-day. You have just grown up so fast. And been being so
well behaved! Kudos. Be thankful your Mommy is not like Britney. Cute
pics looks like you liked the cake.

Cheers!

Dana and Ella

Thank you everyone who participated in Rufus's birthday weekend and sent greetings to Mommy's Little Angel. How am I going to top this next year?

* As my friend Pat says, "Your dog is weird". Rufus has no problem with real farts but if you make the fart sound with your mouth he freaks out a little bit. Diane did it once and Rufus wouldn't go near her for a couple months.

** Then on Rufus's birthday Tammy was hung over and couldn't make the party so instead of breaking his little doggie heart and telling him Tammy was bailing on his party I told Mommy's Little Angel that Tammy had died and that's why she couldn't make his party. He was ok with that.

Packing tape babies. Check.

My friend Erin mentioned something about changing poopie diapers but I wonder what packing tape baby diapers would look like? The world may never know.

This is the only baby the Roommate and I "stuck" somewhere. We ended up giving the rest of them away because everyone loves packing tape babies! We stuck this one in a potted tree at a restaurant. There was a group of people assembled celebrating "Christmas in July" so I gave them a tape Baby Jesus.

Our friend Erin told us about an unveiling of a mural at a restaurant on Last Thursday and we ended up giving the artist a baby. He ended up using his baby as a pointer as he showed off different parts of the mural.

Pregnant with a tape baby.

We ran into our friends Kate and Rob on Alberta so we gave them the first baby of the evening. Thank god they stuck it to a stop sign, otherwise the one we stuck in the tree would be the only ones posted around town. But fear not, we plan on making more and sticking them up for August's Last Thursday. Keep your eyes peeled for them if you venture out.

Meme. Check

The only thing worse than being the kid not picked for kick ball is being picked for a meme. Thanks iamnot. Because I am not good at following directions I am not going to tag anyone. Yeah, I’m a rebel like that. Also, I think everyone who has ever even thought about having a blog has been tagged with this one already.

"Each player lists 8 facts/habits about themselves. The rules of the game are posted at the beginning before those facts/habits are listed. At the end of the post, the player then tags 8 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know that they have been tagged and asking them to read your blog."

1. I have become quite shallow in my old age, well in the looks department anyway. I just can’t be attracted to a man who is slack about grooming, can’t dress himself or isn’t smart and witty. But then again, if a guy expects me to be all the above, don’t expect me to let you get away with it, either.

2. I really don’t like the vast majority of people out there. Seriously.

3. The happiest I have ever been was on a sailboat in Hawaii. And it was in spite of who I was with.

4. I am not one of those women who adore shoes. I would wear flip flops every day if I could get away with it. That probably contradicts #1 but whatever. Sue me.

5. I love having a Jeep in the summer but it’s just “eh” the other 9 months of the year (when it rains in Portland).

6. I put the needs of others before my own way too much. In moderation it’s a good thing, too much is ridiculous.

7. I don’t think I will ever be at a point financially to retire.

8. I guess I’m “in a mood” today and should have left this for another time. Ooops.

Rufus Wainwright and Rusty have more in common than I suspected

So, packing tape baby photos, meme and Rufus birthday e-mails are all still in the works but I just wanted to get this posted while it's still fresh in my mind. In fact I think it's kind of burned into my brain, but you know.

Tuesday was the day I had been waiting on for about 2 years, a Rufus Wainwright concert I could attend. Mind you, he has been touring but overseas, there were the concerts in Seattle I couldn't get tickets to and his sold out recreation of Judy Garland's 1961 historic Carnegy Hall concert in NYC last fall but I couldn't make any of those, so I made sure I bought my tickets for his Portland show the second they went on pre-sale.

The Roommate (also a big fan) and Tammy (not familiar with his music but intrigued enough by my stalker-like devotion to cough up the $40 for a ticket just to watch me scream like a teenager) were having our pre-concert dinner around the corner from the venue when the subject of when Rufus took the stage came up. The ticket said “show starts at 9” but was that the main event or when the opening act started? I was chosen to walk the 2 blocks and ask at the venue’s box office.

On my way I thought about asking if John Lennon’s son went on at nine or was it Loudon Wainwright III’s son that went on at 9 but at the ticket window I just asked if Rufus or Sean went on at 9. Turns out neither, some band from LA went on at 9, Sean at 9:30 and Rufus not until 10:30. Now call me old but isn’t that a little late for the headliner to start? Once I repeated the time table to my friends it was decided we order more wine and wait at the outdoor café for the star to shine.

When we got into the venue Sean was still performing (and he had a singer that was a ringer for his mom when younger---someone page Freud) we ran into an acquaintance of the Roommate’s. I did not use the term “friend” because a FRIEND calls you and gives you the head’s up when he is going out to karaoke with Thomas Lauderdale from Pink Martini and RUFUS FUCKING WAINWRIGHT. Bastard. We then headed to the balcony to wait for the main act. (By the way, Sean inherited more of his musical talent from his mom as opposed to from his dad. Just saying.)

Rufus did his usual grand performance (with an intermission so he could change into lederhosen for the second half of the show) and surprised me when he came out for his finale (without the band) in a terrycloth bathrobe and sat down at the piano to play Halleluiah. When the song ended to thunderous applause he got up and stood at center stage, pulled a tube of lipstick out and applied it to his lips. Then his band, now all dressed in matching black suits, stood in front of Rufus and he momentarily disappeared from the audience’s veiw only to emerge in a black fedora and a black suit. And the suit didn’t have pants, it had a short black skirt and he was wearing huge glittery earrings that caught the light. And then he proceeded to sing a Judy Garland song. My music hero was doing drag, only without the lip-sync part, he was really belting it out in true Garland style. To say this sight was disturbing is an understatement because let’s face it, I don’t want Rufus to be a drag queen. It’s not how I picture him---and I have NOTHING against cross dressers, just as long as it’s not Rufus.

It’s like finding out Jesus wore ladies panties----it’s not wrong but it’s just not quite…..right? It doesn’t fit in with my image of Rufus but I guess I need to get over it and get used to it at the same time. He did dress as a woman for the cover of Want One (or was it Two?) after all so yeah, I guess I gotta deal. Rusty did drag and it didn’t kill me. I guess I can work through this.

Keep your eyes peeled for a YouTube video, one’s bound to come out. Looking over the last few posts it dawns on me that perhaps I should rename this blog "dude looks like a lady".