It is difficult to muster the desire to go to the gym in January. Not because of the weather or the let down of post holiday fun. No, it's because of what I call the Resolutionists, those people who are all on the New Year resolution bandwagon and are hitting the gym and taking up space on the elliptical trainers, space meant for me. I will just have to put up with their gung-ho spirit until they bail on their resolutions come mid February and I have my gym back.

Until then you best not show up at the gym with brand new trainers on because that will automatically fit you into their category in my mind. And I might just stay on the stationary bike an extra 5 minutes out of spite.

I guess I shouldn't be surprised that no one noticed I was back. My bad.

Duly noted.

Hello twenty-ten. Here's to new beginings.

Guess who's back? The real question is for how long? Someone gets bored easily.

Oregon has a new law on the books outlawing driving while talking on the phone. I was pondering this while driving on New Year's Day---when the law went into effect---and glanced over to another lane to see a woman driving with a Pug sitting on her lap, its head hanging out the window. The woman was also eating an apple while she was driving. I kind of think maybe that Pug/apple combo is probably going to be just a tad more distracting to a driver than talking on the phone but I don't suspect there will be a law against those two things together anytime soon.

Segue to: it's a new year. What about that, huh? Thank god since 2009 was a total letdown.


And then there's this for Diane.

Ooops.

A comment left by Steven alerted me to the fact that I hadn't posted since May 9th. So here's this. Hope you enjoyed your Memorial Day and July 4th celebration!

I feel a hay fever a'brewing.

Maybe its just me and my allergic reaction to, well everything (beer, cats, work) but doesn't it seem like allergies are worse this year than others in the past? I blame Bush, but I digress. While sniffling and rubbing my eyes until they are red and swollen I came across this article, the 10 worst cities for allergy suffers.

And luck for me not a single one of these cities are on my must-visit-before-I-die list. Heavy sigh (and a little wheezing).

And finally a shout out to my sista, Dana, who had a milestone birthday this week for which we surprised the pants off her with a party last night. Gotcha! Happy birthday, biotch.

Did I sleep THAT long?

I'm back, just stepped out for a little air and thought I'd post really quickly before I completely lost my audience. And speaking of completely losing, somehow I completely lost the month of April. Now days it seems like there's never anything to write about in the mist of soooooooooo much to write about. Like...

Tropicana's re-design
The company's brand spanking new packaging was dumped because of public outcry when it was streamlined to a very generic off-brand look. Too bad the public can't outcry about something a little more important and get it changed.

Swine Flu---er, I mean H1N1. My bad.
The pork lobby has convinced the government to stop referring to Swine Flu as anything but H1N1 because us dummies think you can get the flu from eating bacon, when in fact we get heart disease from it.

And finally...
I make as much at my current job as I did when I was an assistant manager. At a Mexican restaurant. In 1989. And my 401K is worth as much as that carton of Tropicana.

New Post!*

I got a shit-load of, well, shit last night at a party because I haven't had a post in forever. So here goes:

Things that are irking me at this moment in time:

Tiresome asshole coworkers. The one in particular who really stomped all over my last nerve this week with her passive aggressive notes has a bizarre habit of licking her lips, especially while talking. This week she got so animated I thought she was going to sprain her tongue. Which would have been sweet.

The lack of parking at the gym, particularly when a yoga class is in session. No available parking on the bottom 3 levels was my clue of a class in progress this morning.

Boring TV at the gym. Why is it required that sports be on all the TVs on weekends? Today there was not a cooking show or Matlock re-run to be seen, just sports (snowboarding grand prix, NCAA basketball---evidently there's a tournament) or pseudo-sports (World Series Poker, golf---which reminds me of my asshole ex). Boring!

Spring-like weather when you know fully well spring-like temperatures won't actually happen here for another two or seven months.

Taxes especially of the "back" variety.

Paint fumes. And painting in general.

Allergies. Especially to paint fumes. And horses. And beer.

Not posting.


*An aside: the "new post" button on my blog dashboard has cobwebs on it. Many pardons.

Forever hitting snooze

The Roommate and I are switching bedrooms because.....well long story, so let's just say for a change of pace. Rufus and I are settling in to our new digs although the big R is having challenges with the change of routine, as is expected with a pooch. We'll get there, no worries.

Our first night in the new boudoir started out pretty uneventful. Set the alarm for 6:00 (7:30 meeting in the morning and it takes a while to get presentable) and then off to bed. Rufus settled in although he slept way on the other side of the bed--usually he's smack up against me. Other than that all was well. The clock reads 6:00 am and the alarm goes off and up I jump out of bed and take my shower. On my second trip to the kitchen for coffee I notice the cable box is reading 245 and I think to myself "I didn't watch channel 245 last night, that's sports, right?". As I pass the stove I see 245 on the control panel and think "I know I didn't watch channel 245 on the oven door" so the only logical step is to check my cell phone. 2:45. AM! As I climb back into bed I wonder how I could have set my clock sooooo wrong and righted the time on my trusty (at least 10 year old) digital alarm clock.

After a while I fell asleep but was soon awaken by the alarm. For a second time I saw that the clock read 6:00 but just to be on the safe I checked the cable box before I got out of bed. It read 4:30. I'm a smart one and realized the alarm clock wasn't working but I wanted to know what was up. I reset the clock and then lay there a few minutes; when the clock read 4:38 I checked checked the time on the cable box. Then I counted the seconds until the time changed to 4:39. It wasn't 60. I got up, set my cell phone and went back to sleep.

Yesterday on my way home from work I stopped at the store and picked up a new alarm clock. After I unwrapped the unit I plugged it in. Instead of reading 12:00 like your everyday clock prior to setting my new one read "1PG8" and it wouldn't let me set the alarm or change the time from 1PG8. I even read the instructions to see if I was doing something wrong but it turns out my many decades of using digital alarm clocks proved I knew what I was doing. That puppy's going back to the store, pronto.

Which leads me to believe that I am meant to sleep in. I was made to be unemployed. Unfortunately I am not. Yet.

Guess what I haven't done yet? That's right, I haven't thought up what to do with House of Suz, both here and the nifty other House of Suz that Buddy Bart set up. But I've been busy, dude. We had our huge launch at the new job and if you live in the Portland metro area you've probably seen the media blitz (hint, think cupcake). I've spent way too much time at my job, and I don't mind telling you I shocked myself yesterday when I realize I am really good at it. Pay still sucks which leaves a bad taste in my mouth come pay day. This is the year we learn to live with mixing the good with the bad, I guess.

But since Bush is almost gone there'll be a little less bad---fingers crossed.

Here's to the new year! May only happiness fall at your feet.

Happy New Year! Here's hoping '09 is less sucky than '08. Or '07. Or '06..........ad nausaum.

I am trying to think of ways to make this blog more interesting to me. Screw you guys, if I like it you'll damn well like it, too. I've got some changes so look for good things in the near future. Or not, maybe it'll be just like before. No promises, K?

Have a good one tonight and stay safe; there's bound to be drunkards out there tonight.

Cue the streamers and balloons.

I didn't realize Baby Jesus was one of a set of triplets!

Jeesesy Cresey, it's been a MONTH since I've posted. I know the negative one reader out there has probably missed me. Yes, I draw so few readers now that we are in the minus status now. I have to read other people's just to catch up.

So, since Thanksgiving I've been to LA, been snowed in and been broke (just about every day, in fact). The Roommate took me to LaLaLand to attend Aimee Mann's Christmas show (since she didn't come to Portland this year) and we had a blast. A few of the highlights:

Taking public transit to Beverly Hills (Where's your bus stop all up in here?)
Not being allowed in a Korean restaurant (We no have Engresh menu.) The staff literally blocked the door, so I fully mean the racial slur---na NA!
Attended the Vanity Fair show at LACMA
Borrowing another table's appetizer at a trendy restaurant in Malibu
Ferris wheel at Santa Monica
Almost missing our plane home.

Good times, good times.


I have noticed that not only have the blogs I frequent stopped posting of late but some have up and closed their doors. Is it the end of an era? Is House of Suz next? We'll see what the new year brings.

Be safe.

Let the shopping begin.

The only thing worse than being a WalMart employee is being killed at work, wearing that stupid vest.

Happy shopping. Wear a helmet.

Gobble gobble!

When the alarm went off at 7:30 this morning, my fist thought was "what the fuck". Although I didn't know why I wasn't going to work, I knew it wasn't a work day. But when I saw the time I realized it was time to put the turkey I cleaned and stuffed last night into the oven. The plan was to go to the gym but a short snooze back in bed is actually what happened.

Because I wanted to start my turkey day with a caloric deficit I did drag my ass to the gym after a short nap and wouldn't you know it, the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade was on, and I have to admit I got a little choked up with the memory of my annual childhood viewing of this staple. It has been at least 10 years since I've viewed this program and it only took a few minutes to realize why I don't watch it. NBC was all about statistics today. It's Macy's sesquicentennial but this is only the 82nd parade. The first Thanksgiving was in 1621. The Smurfs are celebrating their 50th anniversary although this is the first time there's been a Smurf balloon in the parade. The Rockettes started off the show and NBC made sure they got several tight closeups of the only African-American in the bunch. Way to pander to the Obama fans.

Two marching bands into the program and I was done, especially because of the threat of Miley Cyrus lip syncing in our near future. No wonder I went through such a long dry spell.

Happy Thanksgiving! I need to baste the bird now.

No on Prop H8!

I am starting to know what Iamnot feels like, seems my days are all gobbled up now that I am working. Plus I was sick, that was fun. 5 months of not working and wasn't sick A DAY but the second I get a job---BAM, laid up.

Even though I was sick I was able to drag myself to the No On 8 rally in Portland last weekend. Even sick and protesting I manage to look stylish. Had to, there were gay guys there and they have taste.


My question to you today:
Why do those who fail (65% divorce rate) get to decide who is fit to marry?

Look at me blogging so damn early in the am! Thanks to Erin for the photo. More about civil rights later.

'Bout frickin' time.

Remember this list? Well let's just add a few items to it, shall we?

• Made 2 tutus (that would be 8, right?)
• Made tons of fairy wings
• Cleaned out the basement
• Had said art show
• Successfully acquired gainful employment

Well, it's not that gainful, the pay is about half what I made at my last job but at least I'll be out of the house come Monday morning. Let the games begin.

In case you live under a rock....

Yesterday's election was quite historic, indeed.

Because an African American was elected President?
Because a woman was on the GOP ticket?
Because one team's mascot was a tax-avoiding non-plumber?

No, because for the first time in my 30 years of voting I voted for a presidential candidate who was YOUNGER THAN ME.

I am officially old. I should have voted for McCain---no one's older than he.

Did you vote yet?

Vote like you think it matters.

Pucker up

Evidently Dick Chaney wants Obama to win the election on Tuesday because today he gave McCain the kiss of death---his support. Kind of punctuates Day of the Dead, doesn't it?

If you want the real truth about the candidates, check this out.

Get out the vote!

In Oregon we vote by mail; no lines at the voting booth and the ballot comes right to your door! A group of our friends got together Wednesday to discuss the measures and candidates and in the end I picked up three ballots to drop off at the designated sites (you can either mail them in or drop them off, if you are keen on saving the stamp).

Just about any place can be an official drop off site but I opted to pass on the McDonalds in Hollywood---french fry-scented ballots just didn't seem to have the right vibe for a presidential election with no candidates from the deep south. Aside from driving all the way downtown, the only site I was aware of was the Obama headquarters on Killingsworth. Seems like a possible conflict of interest there but it's close to the house so that's where I went. When I walked in I held up the three ballots encased in their double envelopes and asked the ancient ladies at the desk where I should deposit them. The entire place broke out in cheers, people clapped and banged on pots---it was quite a show and extremely loud. I felt like a 3 year old using the toilet for the first time, Look who made a boom-boom in the potty! I've previously voted in, what, 7 presidential elections, and this was the first time I was congratulated on it. That's right, 'bout time I got my props! Just to ease my mind that I was actually voting one of the ancient ladies had me fill out the form, sign for each ballot and deposit them in a locked, wooden box. Democracy in action.

Yesterday afternoon someone from the Obama campaign called to remind us to vote (registered Democrats we are); I let them know we'd already voted and I was told we'd be taken off their reminder list. What about the commercials, can you make them stop as well? I wanted to ask. I voted, as far as I'm concerned it's over and I'm just waiting for the victory party on Tuesday, but still I'm going to have to sit through the radio and TV commercials for another 5 days, and the local ones are just plain constant. I bet the Mattress Giant is chomping at the bit to get a commercial on TV because it seems like I haven't heard from him in a while.

Oh, and remember to vote. Don't make me call you.

Trick or Treat

I'm making a Domokun costume (just the head) for a friend's son for Halloween. Let's see how it turns out.