Photo Essay: My birthday celebration at the cabin in Central Oregon

Eddy and the Roommate (a new sitcom on NBC, Thursdays at 8!) planned a group outing to Eddy's cabin at Three Rivers for my birthday weekend and managed to keep it pretty much a surprise from me. A three day weekend of drinking, days on the beach and over-eating. What more could one ask for?

Here we have Michelle sleeping off her hangover while Kate keeps a watch to make sure she doesn't roll off the picnic table. Minutes later she nearly broke her arm when she was thrown from the boat. It's not a party until Michelle's bruised.

Rusty gets last minute instructions on how to drive the boat. Luckily it was the weekend after Labor Day so there were very few boats on the lake, therefore no need to alert the authorities.

Look at these two shots, a peaceful, civil group enjoying the sunshine, and even Rufus is behaving!

Lest you think it was all innocent fun and games, get a gander at this. My camera is a little slow so we just missed Miss Tammy flashing her taa taas but we did manage to see the whites of Rob's full moon.

Speaking of inappropriate things, what's the Roommate up to?!?!?! Hey, some people were planning on swimming in that lake!!!!!!!!!

As it turned out the Roommate had spilled a bit of salsa on his brand new Diesel pants [with more pockets and loops and latches than a normal person needs anyway]. But that's what the selzer water is for, cleaning the stains.

But damn if it don't look like a "Woops I did it again...".

Another great birthday under my belt. Can't wait till next year when I inch another year closer to 50! Whoowooo!

Randomness, it's what I live for.

This photo of Boytek, Kate and Leigh have nothing to do with the post today, unless you consider it's randomness. I just like the photo.

Back in March I went on Future Me and sent myself an e-mail dated Sept. 8th, my birthday. Here it is in it's entirety:

Dear FutureMe,
If you are still with [Asshole Co.] you are  lazy
a dumb ass and need to get off your butt
and do something about it.

Oh, and happy birthday.

If you are interested in sending yourself or someone you want to torment a future e-mail, check out FutureMe.org.

------------------------------------

I dropped off Rufus at the vet's to have his nails trimmed this morning; because he's such a handful and it takes 3 vet tech to hold him down and another to trim his nails and the last time he got them trimmed to broke free and fell off the table, I now have to pay to have him sedated to have his nails trimmed. I just got a call from the vet: $110 dollars for the services. The Roommate told me when I go to pick him up to tell them to put the damn nails back on, I'm not paying it, the Asian ladies down the street will do it for far less. Hospitalization fee? I wanna see his "semi-private room", thanks. We'll see how that goes.

Have fun!

Scary, Stary night!

Oh My-lanta! Where the hell have I been? Last time I checked Star Jones was the size of Rhode Island and now it appears someone stole about two-thirds of her! Doesn't it work that if you're newly married and not working either, for that matter, you're suppose to pack on the lbs? Hmmm, and something tells me those are NOT Payless even thought she weighs less (snicker snicker, I like to rhyme).

Here's MSN's catty write up for this outfit. It was funny so I decided to post it along with the photo.

A Star Is Worn: For the multitudes out there who have been wondering what Star Jones has been up to since being booted from "The View" (and by "multitudes," we mean the seven of you hanging your heads in shame), the answer now appears clear: She's been getting her hobby corner in order. The minimized Mrs. Al Reynolds proves what a woman of leisure can accomplish with only an "Origami for Dummies" book, a staple gun and a dream, stepping out in a glittery gold skirt sprouting dozens of her namesake celestial bodies, a creation she pairs with a prissy peasant blouse that manages to put the "oy" in coy. To complete her look, Star breaks out her trusty glue stick and very best rhinestones to fashion a cincher so sparkly it's just a few bits of bling away from being held triumphantly aloft by Rocky.

Thank god celebrities-who-shouldn't-be-famous make us feel better about ourselves. At least they're good for something.

Apology from yesterday's post

Ok, I may have been a little harsh yesterday. I went to the gym a few minutes earlier today than normal and---gasp!---there were no parking spots to be found. Three other cars circling the rather small lot like vultures looking for a quick lunch. I made a self-satisfied "I'll show them" look to myself in my rearview mirror and drove around the building to the parking garage that I had always promised would give me plenty of options for parking---level one meaning "feeling lazy today", level two meaning "I've got energy!", level three meaning "I can take these flights faster than you and still work out for 10 hours" etc ad nauseaum----but when I drove around the building I found that the parking garage was only for the students and faculty of the business school in the same building as the gym. That wasn't good. So a long drive around several blocks (Beaverton loves them some one way only streets) and I got back to the parking lot I usually park in just in time to see a bunch of gym members leaving the building with their rolled up exercise mats. Seems there's a noon yoga class that hogs all the spots at lunchtime, hence the need for the valet, so I guess I'll be waiting till one to go to the gym from now on.

So to all the lazy-asses----er, sorry, didn't mean to be bitter---I may have offended yesterday I would like to say I see your point. You can't park on the street. You can't park in the car lot across the (one way) street and you can't park in the grass. Or the parking garage, so I may have been a little hasty with my lambaste. I may be a hot head but I am also big enough to eat my crow…….and now I only hate the yoga people, hoggers of the parking spot, the lot of them.

But I still hate the city of Beaverton.

This one goes out to the lazies

*

Here's my bitch session for the day on a subject my mom likes to refer to as Height of Laziness: Today's winner would be the pampered gym-goers at 24 hour fitness in Beaverton Oregon, and for one simple reason only: valet parking. Now I could just go on and on about this one, the obvious being Hello, you're going to work out! Why not WALK from the parking lot to the gym since you're going to do 45 minutes on the elliptical trainer anyway. And I know this is the suburbs and you're all probably spoiled housewives but looking at that ass you're supporting you could use way more than the two extra minutes cardio between the lot and the curb---better yet use the parking garage and TAKE THE STAIRS. *Gasp!* Next thing you know you'll have a caddy to tote your gym bag for you. Better yet send the "help" to the gym to work out for you, what with you being too busy with all your social clubs, soccer car pools and "ladies who lunch" and all. And while you're at it, why don't you go ahead and get a life.

I think we need to get a group together and boo and hiss at all the lazies dropping their cars at the door with the valet. Or at the very least make them pay for the valet parking, because it's "free" which usually means I'm paying for it somehow.

Next up: People who drag their feet when they walk.

Hmmmm, bitter much?

*Special location catering to lazy people conveniently located in Downtown Beaverton (your driver knows where exactly)

Life List

I borrowed this from Lola because I have no post for today. And I'm lazy.


1. Bought everyone in the bar a drink
2. Swam with wild dolphins
3. Climbed a mountain
4. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
5. Been inside the Great Pyramid---no, but been in a not so great one
6. Held a tarantula
7. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
8. Said "I love you" and meant it
9. Hugged a tree
10. Bungee jumped
11. Visited Paris
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise ----so many times that it makes up for all the things I haven't done yet.
14. Seen the Northern Lights
15. Gone to a huge sports game
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
18. Touched an iceberg
19. Slept under the stars ---just this weekend in fact
20. Changed a baby's diaper --------and not gonna happen ever!
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
22. Watched a meteor shower
23. Gotten drunk on champagne---Duh!
24. Given more than you can afford to charity---fortunately doesn't take much either
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
27. Had a food fight
28. Bet on a winning horse
29. Asked out a stranger
30. Had a snowball fight
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
32. Held a lamb----nope, allergic to wool
33. Seen a total eclipse
34. Ridden a roller coaster
35. Hit a home run
36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
39. Had two hard drives for your computer
40. Visited all 50 states
41. Taken care of someone who was shit faced
42. Had amazing friends
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
44. Watched wild whales
45. Stolen a sign ----but didn't keep it
46. Backpacked in Europe
47. Taken a road-trip
48. Gone rock climbing
49. Midnight walk on the beach
50. Gone sky diving
51. Visited Ireland
52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger's table and had a meal with them
54. Visited Japan
55. Milked a cow
56. Alphabetized your CDs
57. Pretended to be a superhero
58. Sung karaoke
59. Lounged around in bed all day
60. Posed nude in front of strangers
61. Gone scuba diving
62. Kissed in the rain
63. Played in the mud
64. Played in the rain
65. Gone to a drive-in theater
66. Visited the Great Wall of China
67. Started a business
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
69. Toured ancient sites
70. Taken a martial arts class
71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight ---nope, not a nerd
72. Gotten married
73. Been in a movie
74. Crashed a party
75. Gotten divorced
76. Gone without food for 5 days
77. Made cookies from scratch
78. Won first prize in a costume contest
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice
80. Gotten a tattoo
81. Rafted the Snake River - or was it the Colorado River? ---but it was Deshutes.
82. Been on television news programs as an expert
83. Got flowers for no reason
84. Performed on stage
85. Been to Las Vegas
86. Recorded music
87. Eaten shark
88. Eaten fugu (pufferfish)
89. Had a one-night stand
90. Gone to Thailand
91. Bought a house
92. Been in a combat zone
93. Buried one/both of your parents (stepfather)
94. Been on a cruise ship
95. Spoken more than one language fluently
96. Performed in Rocky Horror Picture Show
97. Raised children
98. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour ---duh, Rufus
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn't stop when you knew someone was looking
103. Had plastic surgery
104. Survived an accident that you shouldn't have survived
105. Wrote articles for a large publication
106. Lost over 100 pounds---no, I'd only weigh 27
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback
108. Piloted an airplane
109. Petted a stingray
110. Broken someone's heart
111. Helped an animal give birth
112. Won money on a T.V. game show
113. Broken a bone
114. Gone on an African photo safari
115. Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
118. Ridden a horse
119. Had major surgery
120. Had a snake as a pet
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours---once when I had the flu
123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
124. Visited all 7 continents
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
126. Eaten kangaroo meat
127. Eaten sushi--Yum!
128. Had your picture in the newspaper
129. Changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about
130. Gone back to school
131. Parasailed
132. Petted a cockroach
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes
134. Read The Iliad and The Odyssey
135. Selected one important author who you missed in school, and read---soooo many times I can't count
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
137. Skipped all your school reunions---no reason to go
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
139. Been elected to public office
140. Written your own computer language
141. Thought to yourself that you're living your dream---but it didn't last long
142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
143. Built your own PC from parts
144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn't know you
145. Had a booth at a street fair
146. Dyed your hair
147. Been a DJ
148. Shaved your head
149. Caused a car accident
150. Saved someone's life

Storm Large - Wish You Were Here (Rockstar Supernova)

Here's her performance from last night. You be the judge. Read the earlier post (below) for the full story.

Oh, the humanity.......the humanity!

W T F ? ? ? ? ? ?

I am still not beliving this.

It just does not make sense.

I mean, none of us wanted her to actually front that band of no-talent has-beens, but seriously, W T F ? And that's not sour grapes, she's too good for this lackluster bubblegum rock band, I seriously doubt there'll be any serious music coming out of these jokers.

In case you haven't heard (it was on OPB---local NPR station---news this morning, after all) our Storm was booted off Rock Star last night. I am just not believing it! She did such a kick ass job on Tuesday and all. The band told her that her original song was the best one, either season. The biggest tragedy is that talentless one note skank, Delana, is still on the show. This after she threw a 3rd grade hissy fit, broke a wine glass and cut Magni's head open with it and then had a meltdown. And last week she gave us a substandard with a little Yoko Ono channeling thrown in to add insult to injury. Anyway, I'm rambling....

I'm to upset to deal with this right now. Watch her performance from last night for yourself and you be the judge. Guess we won't be going to Dante's to watch the finale next week. Actually guess I won't be watching the finale at all, come to think of it.

Storm Large - Ladylike (Rockstar Supernova)

Our Storm kicked major ass last night on Super Nova. If she ends up in the bottom 3, in spite of there being only 5 rockers left, I will be totally and completely surprised. Tune in tonight for more.

I predict Ms Large will be in the final 4 and we can finally say goodbye to that skank, Delana, for good.

In dreams, in dreams of youuuuuuuuuu!

Last night I had this dream: My friend Bart and I inadvertently crossed the border into Germany along with a trainload of illegal aliens from Mexico. Once across the border I found $329 Deutschmark on a flight of stairs so Bart and I decided to have a few cocktails. While sitting at the bar we discovered we failed to bring passports with us and our bartender informed us it would be impossible to cross back out of Germany without passports. There was a discussing as to if we could get new passports from the American embassy but in this post 9-11 atmosphere it looked doubtful. Upon that realization we had another drink which seemed the best thing to do at the time.

So, let's tear this puppy apart.
First off, crossing the German border from an unnamed country with a trainload of illegal Mexicans……….Eddy Izzard would have a field day with this one because one would assume the night time illegal entry with a boatload of Mexicans would only mean we crossed into Germany from Mexico. Next stop: the Hanging Gardens of Babylon. Then Rhode Island.

Secondly both Bart and myself have traveled internationally, so why would we a) forget our passports and b) sneak into a country w/o said passports knowing we'd most likely be stuck there. We were lurking around under the train trestles and made a dash across a field to get into a country that now that I think about it appears we really didn't know where we were going…….hmmm……..

Which brings us to this bit of trivia: a $329 deutschmark. Although I was only in Germany briefly I'm pretty sure that's not a real denomination. And I'm thinking they're on the Euro now, anyway. In the dream the bartender wouldn't take the bill as it was ripped at one edge.

And finally: Going to the American Embassy and requesting a new American passport with little to no identification. "Yes Mr. Embassy Clerk, I would like a brand spanking new passport and I offer my Oregon driver's license and my 24 hour gym membership card as proof of citizenship. I'd like to pay the passport fee with this $329 deutschmark bill. Thanks, I think these Mexicans are next in line for passports…………"

Can't wait to dream tonight, better than TV anyday.

Not bad for an old broad.

*

Well, my birthday is this weekend and if I were to say I'm not exactly looking forward to it I wouldn't be lying. In the past I've always embraced my birthdays and always looked forward to them but not so much anymore. You see, once you get dangerously close to 50 (gasp!) you definitely want to put the brakes on the whole aging process, all Fred Flinstone style.

I do believe it was Cher in her infamous wisdom who said "There's nothing good about getting old" and I'm here to add an AMEN SISTER! to that one. I actually have to wear old lady reading glasses now and have found a few (15 is still a few, right?) grey hairs since I've let it go natural and have gotten rid of the unnatural highlights that conveniently obscured the grey. So far the body is holding out but with these spindly legs I'm sure to fall down and break a hip any day now and it's getting harder to lose weight now a days as well. When my mom was my age my dad took to calling her Pumpkin, not out of affection but because she was rounding out. Although Eddy says I look great and am, in his words, "hot" the Roommate brings me back right to earth by letting me know AARP just sent me a special invite to join the old folks for a shindig at the retirement center. Just wait till January and he hits the big 4 0! Paybacks are a bitch and so am I.

So, now it's your turn to reverse the damaging effects of The Roommate's words and kiss up to me for my birthday. I need all the love and support(hose) I can get.

* No, that's me in the middle, asshole.

God strikes again! News at 11!

You probably noticed there was no Friday post for House of Suz; after you spent hours crying your eyes out and then making frantic calls to the authorities, you most likely calmed yourself down with a glass of wine and a shot of Jack and then proceeded to completely forget your worries. Well, put that bottle down, I’m ok, no thanks to God who has regularly been taking pot shots at me for no damn reason---the latest being him throwing huge wooden structures at my Jeep. Unprovoked and for no good reason that I can see.

The Roommate and I took the Jeep (with Rufus in tow) to Alberta for a little lunch yesterday, taking pains to make sure Rufus is parked somewhere in the shade. After our lovely Mexican meal and a stop at our local wine shop, Cork (20% off Labor Day Weekend sale) we started our walk back to the Jeep…which consisted of crossing Alberta---which is all of crossing a single street. As we neared the Jeep (about 20 paces) I noticed a large plywood and 2 x 4 panel, which had moments before been resting on the side of the building, start to quiver in the (rather strong) wind, a slight sort of spastic dance. Within a few more steps the panel started to wave back and forth frantically and let me tell you, I knew exactly what was about to happen next. The whole 12 x 16 piece of wood made a wild leap and hit my Jeep, with poor frightened Rufus stuck in it, who had to watch the entire disaster unfold. Damn God, goddamnit. He did it on purpose, dented the quarter panel and alternately scrapped the paint off and left a nice beige paint streak all the way up the fender. Nice job, God, way to fuck up my Jeep and my day.

Now I know accidents happen, but usually it’s someone’s fault, someone makes a miscalculated turn, ignores break lights, just messes up and allows human nature to do what it does best. This little accident had nothing to do with me or anyone fucking up supreme being being a little cranky. What’s even more unbelievable is Rufus wasn’t the cause of the whole diseaster either. Unless he taunted God that is, which is highly possible.

So err on the side of caution when parking your Jeep, God’s in quite a mood now days. Have a fun and safe Labor Day!

Storm Large - Helter Skelter

I'm hung over (watched Super Nova last night with some friends---and by friends I mean 4 bottles of wine---so I'm going to let Storm do my blog today. I'm afraid Lady Storm is nearing the end of her 15 minutes of fame, on TV anyway. She was in the bottom three last night (first visit) but she rocked out and bought herself another week. Get her while you can.

Enjoy.

Feed me................MONEY!

This little guy, also know around the homestead as "mommy's little angel", seems to know how to really get at the Roommate----right through the wallet. Seems this little cutie loves tearing up money into tiny 1/4 inch squares and then scatter the pieces all over the house so the destroyed bills are no longer rebuildable. Seems you've got to tape them together with the serial numbers still verifiable in order to cash it in for a whole, yet equal value, bill. Rufus has been ripping though money since we got him 2.5 years ago and I figure he's most likely eaten through enough money to equal the amount it would cost to replace him with a decent, non-shredding dog, but the new and improved version would probably have some other equally annoying bad habit, like quietly sitting at your feet while you watched a movie or actually fetching a ball thrown for him. Yeah, pretty scary getting stuck with something like THAT? Leave well enough alone, I say.

I can totally understand the allure of dirty, smelly, sweaty money and how wonderfully tempting all those smells are for a dog, I know I wouldn't be able to control myself when I saw a small mound of wadded up bills sitting on the buffet in the dining room. But checks? He chews up checks too, and not just ones filled out for may dollars, pay to the order of the Roommate, which would most like have the scent of whomever wrote out the check---that I could see. He also chews up entire checkbooks, fresh, clean and waiting to be filled out. The Roommate thinks he has an obsession with money, so I say we toss him a roll of quarters and let him go to town.

Oh, here's a thought……maybe he has a gambling problem and he tears up money so we can't tell how much he lost exactly. And the check books, we wouldn't know if any were missing or how much they were written for. He has been hanging out in front of the local bingo parlor lately and I've caught him playing craps from time to time with the cat. I think I'll drop him off at gambler's anonymous on my way to the reservation's casino, I think it's on the way.

Self Promotion Day!

Eddy hooked me up with that site counter thingie, where you can see where your readers are from and who their ISP is and all that fabulous info and I got to tell you it's pretty interesting reading. House of Suz has a reader from Key West. I recently had one from Germany (hope they understand English) and New Jersey and San Diego and Miami and on and on. (One reader was even from the Red Cross, and I just gotta say they should be checking out the weather in Florida and gathering the bottled water and blankets together, not reading this drivel.) Quite a few readers from Oregon----what's with that? Who knows anyone in Oregon? So as you can see there are basically MINUTES of fun to be had looking at all this interesting, interesting data. Minutes, I tell you, maybe even four.

What is interesting though is when one tracks what site one's readers are coming from, what brought them to the blog. Many of you readers give me your readers, the referrals are shown as proof. Variant E, you give me readers. iamnot same thing. Vegas Starlet--sorry, I mean Barbie, Will, Mark, Miss Doxie, all ya'll! Thanks tons for sharing! I also get readers from my PaD site which is mind boggling since I get about 8 viewers for artsy photos like this and this but for crap (photo quality, not subject matter) like this I get over a hundred views. Just proves there's no accounting for taste. Which explains why they eventually land here at House of Suz.

I also get viewers shoved upon my House from Google, but normally I can't find what was googled to get these folks to House of Suz. Someone googled the lyrics to an Aimmee Mann song and got the French Aimee Mann site and also got ME! And that's it, just two sites in all of cyberspace have those lyrics on them. Yep, just me and Aimee, we're thick as thieves.

On an unrelated note:
It's raining here but you wouldn't know that if you looked at the weather channel, which only shows a 20% chance or rain (and it always says 20%, FYI) and this is according to the good folks who should have a handle on that shit. I am at work (re: blogging) in the dungeons recesses of Hugs and Kisses so I have no window access. And it's appears to have been raining. Probably for hours. And my Jeep looks just like this, sans the sun and if you're paying attention, sans the roof. Nice, who wants to come over for a pool party in my glove box? We at the House of Suz are NOT amused.

Here I go again.............

OK Go - Here It Goes Again

I am kind of in love with this band..........

………..but then I do that. I hear one song by someone I previously didn't know existed and then go crazy and buy all their shit. Did that with Rufus, Travis, Aimee Mann (although I knew about her in the 80's when she fronted Till Tuesday, just never knew she did solo stuff). So OK Go is my new musical obsession and this video is what did it for me (thanks Eddy!).

There was a story on NPR lately telling about some study some professor did about "adventure windows" and how they close on when you get older and you end up being stuck in a musical rut. And even if you're still a youngster I know you know these types…..people that only listen to 70's southern rock or 80's new age even though it's no longer 1972 or 1986. Basically they stop being adventurous about music and stick to what they listened to in high school and college and are like that until they play Miss American Pie at their funeral. I (and the Roommate for that matter) are exceptions to that rule, I keep finding new stuff that I like---case in point OK Go--- and I just keep on evolving musically……….and I'm OLD. So I guess maybe age really is in one's head.

And this is good news since I will be celebrating another birthday soon.

My only problem is I only listen to NPR, so I only hear the news stories about shit like this and don't actually hear the new music that I would love if I only listened to it. I need to do something about that, but I'm kind of a news junky. Looks like it's time for rehab.

I Will Survive - Jesus Cristo

Since it's Sunday and all and I ALWAYS feel all religious and Christ-y on "The Lord's Day", here's a little inspirational film to fill you up with the spirit of Jesus. Enjoy.

Here's an IM conversation I just had with my friend Sarahbeth in Seattle; just a little insight into my world. Yep, I'm getting a lot of work done today..........

Sarah: yeah that is true, although i am on call next friday, i am covering for meaghans wedding aniversary and she is going to cover one of my seahawk sundays

me: That's good. Hard to open trouble tickets from a dumpster.

me: Last night the Roommate and I did one of our bike rides. We rode to a Thai place for dinner and cocktails, then tooled around until we came upon a Mexican place and had a Margarita. The we rode home. We're going to ride to the gym tonight and probably hit Chameleon.

Sarah: thats sounds fun

me: Yup. We mix a healthy activity with drinking. Works for me. My water bottle was filled with Mike's Hard Lemonaid.

Sarah: lol

me: Barely touched the Mike's. It's hard to ride bikes when you're drunk. I want to make sure you saw this comment earlier: me: That's good. Hard to open trouble tickets from a dumpster.

Sarah: yes i did, i laughed out loud

me: Just checking. I didn't want to waste it, was too good.

Sarah: i finally told my co-workers at our little function the story they barely flinched

me: LOL! Do they know you that well? That something like hiding in a dumpster to get into a Seahawks playoff game without a ticket is everyday for you?

Sarah: i guess so

me: That's good. So when you come to work on a Monday with a banana peel in your hair and reeking of garbage they won't look at you funny.

Sarah: lol yes

Hertz donut?

On my way in to work this morning (half an hour late, thank you very much) I hit a donut. Not a squirrel or a bird, but a donut. It was lying in the street and I didn't see it until it was too late, or maybe it's that I didn't recognize it was a donut until it was too late, because common, you don't expect a donut to by lying on the highway, now do you? Oh, and in you're case you're wondering, regular glazed. If you're missing one it's on Hwy 217, just before the Progress exit, east bound in the far left lane. Slight evidence of Jeep tread marks, but it may have puffed back up by now, if it's a Krispie Kreme that is.

Now, because of a recent post of mine some of you out there, the mean spirited at heart, will accuse me of willfully hitting the donut. Please let me assure you that this is not the case. I would never purposely harm a donut, I have no real ill feelings towards donuts, or any pastries for that matter. It was just an accident, wrong place at the wrong time. I am truly sorry and wish to extend my heartfelt regret to the family of the glazed donut. Funeral services will be held tomorrow, at the Krispie Kreme on SE 82nd, 3 pm. The red sign will be on in honor of the dearly departed.

Shit, now I'm craving a donut.

More Random Thoughts

This is what the inside of my head feels like when I am confused. It feels like this a lot.

I think that if Bush wants to continue with this foolish, deadly and completely out of hand situation in Iraq then he and Dickey-the-face-shooter should either fight it themselves or foot the entire bill from their personal fortunes. Or both.

I did not see my shadow this morning.....6 more weeks of summer!

If one submitts 5 disconnect requests to Hugs & Kisses and they get ONE of the 5 completed correctly.......well let's just throw a fucking party. Somehow I was not surprised at this discovery. JOB WELL DONE GUYS! KEEP UP THE LACKLUSTER WORK!

I am just all broken up and about to throw a hissy fit about Pluto being downsized to a tropical storm. I mean dwarf. This is just an INJUSTICE! Less than 5 percent of the world's astronomers voted on the whole downgrade issue so I think we need a re-vote. Wait, does this mean we can call it a midget now? That would be fun, 8 planets and one Gidget.

Since Pluto is no longer a planet I think we should blow it right the fuck up.

Oh, and while we're at it can we blow up Paris Hilton, too? She bugs.

Summer, come back to me....

If you’ve never lived in the Pacific Northwest (pity party for you) you probably aren’t aware of the subtle differences between god’s country and that hell hole you live in. Up here we have a beautiful rocky coast with cliffs toward the north and massive dunes to the south. Your coast is probably just flat and dull---that is if you have any coast at all. We have lush, green mountains and volcanoes (in fact Portland is the only city on the contential US with a volcano within it's city limits, Mt Tabor) as well as high deserts in central and eastern Oregon. Our summers here are glorious, yet painfully short---the rain ends in mid July and starts back up in mid October, so we cherish the sun while we are treated to it. A great part of the summers is that the sun comes up early and stays out well past nine o'clock at night. (The drawback to that is that it sets before 4:30 in December, but we'll worry about that in a few months.) That said, when I got up this morning at 6:00 the sun was not yet out; up until this morning the sun was at least peeking in between the curtains of my bedroom by the time the alarm jolted me out of my slumber. Yesterday evening the sun was setting just after 8. The horror! Winter is upon us, my friends, and for that I'm more than just a little pissed. Insult to injury, the high today will only be 70. Hellooooooooo, it's August! What happened to global warming? I want my summer back, and I want it back NOW!

When I first moved here from Dallas I worked with a ditzy blond who, in her singular moment of brilliance, commented on the extended rainy season, saying "If it was beautiful like our summers all year everyone would want to live here". True dat. I just thing we need to re-negotiate for a slightly longer season, and then make sure the weather sticks to it's end of the bargain. It's the least we deserve for putting up with 9 months of soggy weather.

So if any of you, gentle reader, are from Florida or Arizona and have some extra sunshine and warm weather lying around that you don't think you'll get to, please send it our way. We will not abuse it and we'll love you forever. Hell, we'll let you live here in the summers, too! We'll make room.

Prick prick prick...........

I'm feeling a little like the photo here <--------- today as I didn't get a great night's sleep last night. I watched the first installment of the Spike Lee documentary, When the Levees Broke, on HBO last night and didn't get to bed until later than I should on a "school night". Then Rufus and I kept getting awaken by bumps in the night so it was not restful at all. I guess what I'm saying here is don't expect anything great out of me today, it just ain't gonna happen.

I don't know about you but I am pretty good about keeping secrets……..but right now I seem to be sitting on a bunch of them. One's ok, two's manageable, but I have several going at the moment, all rattling around in my head, and it's making me antsy. Good thing I drink because it makes me forget things and then I don't blab them. Bad thing is it makes me forget to not tell stuff, too. Oh, what to do, what to do.

That's why I have Rufus, I tell him secrets all the time and that dog has YET to tell a soul! He's a good boy, keeps his thin little doggie lips tightly sealed…..usually around someone's hand.

For not being a TV watcher I certainly do have a dilemma this evening; Storm is on Rock Star: Supernova at 10 (it's usually on at 9) and the second half of the Spike Lee Katrina story is on at 9 till 11. Oh, what a tortured life I lead! I didn't get enough sleep to be able to really think that one out and make an informed choice.

Maybe I'll just sleep instead………….

Feeling a little cheated today....

I'm just going to have to put it out there and reveal this total shocker: weekends are too damn short, summer weekends in particular. There just never seems to be enough time to get all the fun things I want to do done, there's always something left un-crossed off on my to do list, always the regret that fun was left un-had. Like this weekend, I bought 3 potted cannas and I was going to plant them in the back yard but never got around to it, they're still sitting out in the garden (where the Roommate placed them, I didn't even do that much) in their pots trying not to die of thirst. Another thing I didn't get around to was the clipping of Rufus's toenails so he's still walking round the house making a click click click sound and I swear he looks half an inch taller than usual. I also wanted to ride my bike a bit but didn't get around to that and I don't feel as thought I got nearly enough floating time in Di's pool, but that one's kind of a given. Basically I feel cheated and for that someone needs to pay.

I was at the Dallas Museum of Art once several years back and there was an exhibit concerning this tribe in the African Congo who carve these idols out of wood, which are then planted in the yard. I guess they're not really idols since the figure at the top of the long pole isn't a god, but stick with me here. Anyway, these people believe that any bad thing that happens to them was caused by someone else and therefore revenge is required. Property goes missing? Well someone must have taken it since to their thinking that it the only plausible cause. Since the wronged person probably doesn't know who actually wronged them, the victim needs revenge so to get even he just hammers a nail into the figure on the top of the pole planted in the yard and that small act evens the score. Instant revenge! And that has got to feel good banging away at the miniature human figure with a mallet and a big ol' rusty nail. I love this concept because it's not just used for obvious wrong doings…someone backs into your car, cheats with your wife, steals your pig, anything….it's also utilized in case of accidents and acts of god. Storm knocks a tree onto your hut? Hammer a nail. Flood drags away your cow? Hammer a nail. Kid gets chickenpox? You get the idea.

So anyway, long story short, I need one of these pieces of yard art desperately. I also need a box of rusty nails. And I need me a goddamn hammer, forchristsake, because the weekend's over and I still have fun to be had and also my paycheck is mysteriously missing from my checking account and I only just I got paid Friday---and someone needs a slapdown for THAT one, I tell ya.

Photo provided by Boytek.

Vacation..............

And we're back. Wow, that vacation/hiatus really did the trick. I think everyone needs to do the same. Look for tons of great, creative posts because sincerely, I am so refreshed!

Hugs & kisses!
Suz

Vacation, all I ever wanted. Vacation all bla bla bla.....

It seems a lot of bloggers are taking "hiatus" for creative or lazy or whatever reasons, so I think I need to as well.

See you soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What doggie heaven looks like.

With apologies to Mr. Letterman........

Please read this post, silently or out loud, as if you were Mimi Bobeck:

Top 10 signs that your job may suck mightier than an Oreck vacuum:

10. When asked how your workday went you reply "Pretty good, I only cried twice today".

9. You look up your company's mission statement and under "objective" you see: Remember that time you lifted 5 bucks in nickels out of your grandma's change purse when you were 9? This is your punishment, with interest.

8. You actually look forward to the hour-and-a-half long, 10 mile commute home simply because it’s better than being at work.

7. They guy with the plastic pocket protector and center-taped glasses is the "cool guy" in the office.

6. The devil taps you on the shoulder to remind you that your soul is his for another 2 weeks every time you cash your paycheck. Then he does that evil laugh thing we all think is so cute.

5. You find yourself blogging about how much you hate your job instead of actually working. A lot.

4. Your coworkers snicker every time your job title is mentioned.

3. It took a long time to replace the person who had the position before you and they offered you the job before the drug screen or background check, both of which you probably failed anyway.

2. You often find yourself fondly remembering what now sees like a dream job----“tank sucker and cleaner” for Honey Bucket.

1. You have a job.

Reality TV is nothing like LSD....or is it.

This evening, after viewing Rock Star: Super Nova---------and let me just break here to say that yes, at "some point" in the voting Storm was in the bottom 3 but it didn't last, thank you very much-------------the Roommate and I checked out some reality TV shows because let's face it, we don't do reality TV (disclaimer: with the exception of Storm on Rock Star) and inquiring minds want to know. Having half a bottle of wine left (each) we thought what the fuck, why not check it out and see what all the fuss was about. Turns out not much. We toggled back and forth between "So What You Can Dance?" and "America's Not Talented" and guess what? All I can say is....yawn!!!!!!!!!!! And if you really want to know our opinion....................you'll have to wait until after this commercial break*.

*A little trick we learned in about 15 minutes of viewing.

Now back to our program........

So, what we really want to say is turn the TV right the fuck off RIGHT NOW, you're not missing a thing. Our lives make their realties look like acid trips. So skip the TV and take a hit of whatever you have lying around....or wait around until the river dancers do the chain saw tossing----I know I'm waiting for it, too.

Oh, and Benji,....no, this Benji "woof" (from "so what you can dance") is the Gene Kelly of our era----an era that does NOT need a Gene Kelly, thanks for playing--and also guess what----America is not talented. Period. My Rufus is WAAAAAAAAAAAAY more talented than all these fuckups stacked together and he does donuts!!!. Just saying.Oh, and Benji won! Tears for queers all around, and why not, he gets a contract to dance with Saline Dijon and a $100K at her show in Las Vegas so who's the loser here...start your voting now.

Vote at 1-800-TVSUCKS. We're voting for America!

PS. We love wine! It makes TV go down easier.

Post script: SUCCESS! This post was funny the day after the wine binge! Another first brought to you by House of Suz and the Roommate!

My humble editorial on things that don't matter one tiny bit, actually.

Driving in to HELL (aka: H&Ks) this morning I was listening to a story on NPR about a big ol' meeting of the space nerd/geeks going on in Prague today. Astronomers from around the world are planning to determine the specifics concerning the requirements to qualify heavenly bodies as planets. I know………..I'll give you a moment to catch your breath and wrap your brain around THAT one. Well, I guess I can think of dumber reasons to visit Prague (like mine: party!) but seriously, I thought we had the whole what-constitutes-a-planet thing down already, what with the nine already-agreed-upon planets we have and all. The dilemma appears to be Pluto: planet, yea or nay? One astronomer said he had gotten a ton of hate mail from elementary school children (terrorist threat perhaps?) begging that Pluto not be downgraded to lesser than planet status! Silly children, it's not like being downgraded will impact property values there or cause Disney to rename that yellow dog or anything major like that. The problem appears to be that keeping Pluto in a "planet" status may force astronomers to qualify three other "things" out there as planets as well, including the "mass" pictured here (where I am definitely planning to purchase beach front property---just look at that view!). And to all this I can only say: WHO GIVES A FLYING FUCK? Maybe it's because I'm not into science fiction or maybe it's that we have a few other pressing matters here on earth, oh like all that turmoil in the Middle East, global warming and how I'm going to be able to afford $4 for a gallon of gas soon, that all this planet crap seems just a little frivolous. Even Kate Hudson and the questions surrounding if she and Owen Wilson are "an item" seem a little more interesting than "Is Pluto Too Puny to Be a Planet?". Seriously, maybe this collective brainpower should be used for something more relevant and possibly focused on fixing THIS PLANET (if in fact we decide we actually deserve that term). But that's just my humble opinion, and I've been wrong about way more important stuff before. Evidently invading Iraq was't the huge mistake I originally suspected it would be, so there you go.

Where's my Oscar????

Our friend Greg Bourdeau had a short film he was making a few years back and he asked if he could do some principal filming at our house. Duh, both the Roommate and I are waiting for our close-ups, Mr. DeMille so we agreed. Then we had to vacate the premises---um, I mean the SET----with the very young and barking Rufus, so we begrudgingly did so. A DVD of the film, which had made the rounds of many a film festival, happened to surface at our casa so on a quiet evening alone I put it in my laptop (because the fucking DVD player has decided to go tits up) and watched it. So I was sitting there watching "The100%perfectgirl" on my laptop, very decent film I might add, and low and behold, there's our mantle (with the clock) and our backyard (not our park bench) and evil Kitty-Pooter even got a walk on part (that bitch! That's probably what she's been whinnying about all these years "WHEN'S MY MOOOVIE PREMIER, MEOOOOOOOW!). And the Roommate and I got a special thanks in the credits!!!!! So, I guess this means a "wold premier" at our house, once we get a working DVD player.

So check out the movie, I give it a thumb up (Rufus is holding out since the cat got in the picture and he was snubbed) and support your local movie folk. Good things happen here.

Oh, and where's my danm Oscar!?!?!?!?

More questions....

Diane, from Pool Talk sent this so I am obliged to answer:

1) How old do you wish you were?
The 35 range, which just so happens to be my exact age!

2) Where were you when 9/11 happened?
Getting ready for work listening to Howard Stern. I thought his description of the first tower going down was yet another of his tasteless bits until I turned on CNN.

4) Do you consider yourself kind?
Yes, too much so.

5) If you had to get a tattoo, where would it be?
I would never do such a thing………..now, anyway. I did get one way before it was fashionable and regret it.

6) If you could be fluent in any other language what would it be?
I'd say French but Spanish would be more practicle (shut up, Carol, leave it with French). Or, I don't know, maybe English.

7) Do you know your neighbors?
Yes, and I do have to say I live on a diverse block.

8) What do you consider a vacation?
The time tested beach and cocktail combo

10) Would you move for the person you love?
I should have once a long time ago and didn't, so I would have to say no, doubtful I would now.

11) Are you touchy feely?
Not overly. People have koodies, you know.

12) Do you believe that opposites attract?
Yes, and for good reason.

13) Dream job?
Yes please, I'll have that now. Something creative, where I would either design objects, print material or spaces. And something that doesn't involve me banging my head on my keyboard all day.

14) Dream vacation? A year to travel all over the world with unlimited funds!
Yes please, I'll have that now. Hit every tropical island on the planet

15). Favorite place to go on weekends?
A bar. Duh. It's not just for breakfast anymore.

18) Do you trust people easily?
I would say I appear to but I never really do deep down.

19) What are your phobias?
Heights, and it gets worse with age---maybe I'm getting taller.

20) Do you want kids?
No, not mine or anyone else's for that matter.

21) Do you keep a handwritten journal?
No, but I blog like a motherfucker.

22) Where would you rather be right now?
In bed. Other than that anywhere but here.

23) What is your favorite TV show?
Used to be Six Feet Under until it ended. The only thing I have been watching recently is Rockstar: Supernova, but just because Storm is on it. The second she leaves it's history.

25) Are you paranoid?
No-------should I be?

26) Are you impatient?
I have the patience of Job to a point, then it's all downhill.

27) Who can you relate to?
People who "get it", see the humor in the bizarre, the Roommate. Diane because she thinks adults falling down is a scream.

29) Have you been burned by love?
I tend to be the burner. When I'm done, I'm done.

30) What's your life motto?
I've got two, you get what you settle for and actions have consequences.

31) What's your main ringtone on your mobile?
Boytek put "Let It Be" on my phone over a year ago, and I've got to admit it's getting old.

32) What were you doing at 7PM last night?
Walking to the theater to see "Little Miss Sunshine" with Eddy

33) Who was your last text message from?
From Rusty, it said "I can't wait and it better be dirty".

34) Do you feel accepted by your family?
They're still trying to figure me out but they do accept me as long as I keep my distance (as in they are in Florida, I'm in Oregon). Works for me.

36) What is your favorite sports team?
I don't know, something soccer-ish, because the men get all sweaty and then their uniforms cling to their bodies. Oh my god, I'm drooling….

37) Name three things you have on you at all times.
Chap stick, gum, dog hair

39) How much cash do you have on you right now?
Around $7 American and $35 Canadian. Yeah, go figure.

41) What's your favorite town/city?
Gonna have to say New Orleans.

42) I can't wait till:
I grow up and am responsible.

43) Who got you to join myspace?
I'd rather cut off my arm than be a joiner. As Groucho said, I'd never join a club that would have someone like me as a member.

44) What did you have for dinner last night?
A lovely Oregon Pinot Noir, garnished with salmon cakes and brochettes.

Rock on!

You know how sometimes there are wacky occurrences in nature, just funny little odd things (kinda like Paris Hilton being famous) that you just stumble upon on your nature walk. Like a big boulder perched atop another boulder. Just really random rock formations like the one below.

And you look at it and think "Damn, that's funny" in a Britney-married-that-dumbass-Kevin-and-can't-stop-having-kids sort of way. Oddities like these just don't happen that much now a days........until you stumble across another, and then you have TWO odd occurrences, and what do you do with that info? I mean, what are the chances and how do your wrap your pea-sized brain around that one.....................

And then you come across more, and damnation, don't that look like it's almost been put there on purpose? Damnest thing.

And then they start looking like they'll slide right off if you so much as sneeze, or talk a little too loud. Or fart. But still they've probably been there for years.

And then there's more of them, all clustered together like shoppers around the grocery store sample table and it gives you pause and you commence to ponder. Was the bottom rock pushed up by some volcanic force and the top boulders just happened to be trapped on top and just happened to stay right there like they were super-glued in place to remain like that for centuries? Or was it an ice flow that deposited the top rocks there during the ice age, but ice flows aren't that meticulous and balance wouldn't really come into play if you were ice going around positioning boulders for affect. Or maybe some ancient tribe heard about Stonehenge and did a little copy-catting, boulderhenge if you will? And then you realize hell, it's Oregon and even ancient people with little to do but hunt and gather wouldn't be ambitious enough to move huge boulders just to make the clearing nice for company. I mean, this being America and all, we have been a lazy people since day one.

And then it hits you and you know what just had to have caused it. Couldn't be volcanic force, because these formations are all right here, together and everyone knows volcanos are forceful all over the world, not just here in the Pacific Northwest. Can't be ice flows, because there was ice all over the world, and again, these are all together right here in Central Oregon. Couldn't be original people (although you have to discount the whole "original" part since they would have to have stolen the idea from the Druids) because of the lazy American factor. And then it hits you and you know you've figured it out.

ALIENS! And they probably got a little help from Big Foot. And I wouldn't be surprised if Elvis had his hand in it, too. Anything to make a buck.

Batterbatterbatter SWING, batter........

Rusty called from Florida a few minutes ago to let me know he and his softball team had made it there for their league's World Series ok (what with all the terrorists highjinks and all) and that they cristened the tournement with quite the party last night. Sounds like it looked a little like this only with less fabric.

Hit one out of the ballpark for Portland Suz!

Feel the Hate

Donuts are evil.....especially at 11:30 at night accompanied by that fifth glass of Pinot Noir. Evil, evil, evil donuts.

Also:

Some people dislike their jobs. Some people are bored or do not feel challenged by their job. Not me! I just.............hate my job. I hate my job. I hate my job. I hate my job. I hate my job. I hate my job. I hate my job. I hate my job. I hate my job. I hate my job. I hate my job. I hate my job. I hate my job. I hate my job. I hate my job. I hate my job. I hate my job. I hate my job. I hate my job. I hate my job. I hate my job. I hate my job. I hate my job. I hate my job. I hate my job. I hate my job. I hate my job. I hate my job. I hate my job. I hate my job. I hate my job. I hate my job. I hate my job. I hate my job. I hate my job. I hate my job. I hate my job. I hate my job. I hate my job. I hate my job. I hate my job. I hate my job. I hate my job. I hate my job. I hate my job. I hate my job. I hate my job. I hate my job. I hate my job. I hate my job. I hate my job. I hate my job. I hate my job. I hate my job. I hate my job. I hate my job. I hate my job. I hate my job. I hate my job. I hate my job. I hate my job. I hate my job. I hate my job. I hate my job. I hate my job. I hate my job. I hate my job. I hate my job. I hate my job. I hate my job. I hate my job. I hate my job.

And I also hate donuts.

Random thoughts..........

Thought for today:

Instead of calling them "terrorists", a term that sounds powerful and threatening and very Snidley Whiplash-like, I think we should call them "kill-joys", "party poopers" or "wet blankets" as those terms have more of a derogatory feel to them. Makes it less glamorous and more socially unacceptable.

Or "scum-sucking-assholes" might even be better. Just saying.

Hello Canada!

As I said, we went to Canada this past weekend for the International Fireworks Competition and Gay Pride. I say if you're gonna celebrate two events, lump 'em together and make a weekend of it. And since I took all of 4 photos this weekend I thought I'd make it a BIG CANADA PHOTO ESSAY! Here is the Roommate and Boytek enjoying their sangria. Dr P didn't have any sangira since he was "the only one NOT driving" home. Dr P certainly can be a witty one.

Dr P (you can tell by the medical cross on his chest, even though it isn't red) saw fireworks of a different nature. Here he is enjoying the deck at a restaurant overlooking the beach.

That Roommate sho do loves the ladies, even ones whose combined height (hair and platform shoes) makes it look like he's standing in a hole. And you just don't see these hairsyles everyday, now do you. They are a dying breed.

Unfortunately the parade was a little on the boring side, should have been called the Pride Yawnfest. The lovely folks at Gillette were giving out ladies razors, which was kind of odd as how many lesbians actually shave? Here is the most interesting float we saw, a drag queen doing his "I Love Lucy" impersonation. Wooowoo, that's entertainment.

Our little group actually had two FANTASTIC meals while there, those being a wonderful tapas meal at Tapastree on Robson St (make sure you have reservations) and the best Indian food at Vij's on Granville (they don't take reservations). Be forewarned about Vij's, we arrived around 9:30 on a Sunday night and were told there would be a 2 hour wait----which I figured would be more like an hour, but actually turned out to be just over 2 hours! The bartender did hand out samples the whole time (as it's bad for business if people perish from hunger in their
lounge) and the service was impeccable, although spendy.

So we had a great weekend and are still trying to recover from the non stop partying. Next time I'll plan on sleeping a little more and drinking a little less.

Or not.

iamnot is right, I'm weird.

Since I am pretending to work from home and therefore have my computer on anyway I decided to post a conversation that I just overheard. And when I say overheard I mean I just had it with myself in my head:

Me: So, where did you meet your boyfriend?

Other me: Online.

Me: Oh, online dating, huh?

Other me: Uh no, Ebay actually*.

Me: Ebay? Are you serious?

Other me: Yeah.

Me: You got a human on Ebay?

Other me: Yeah, I was the highest bidder.

Me: You're joking.......right?

Other me: Nope, I won the bid. $310, and I gotta tell you at that price he was a steal and there was no way I could pass that up. Short bald, ones with small dicks usually go for way more.

Me: You mean you just picked out a guy, waited to win the bid and put it on your charge card?

Other me: Paypall, actually*.

Me: Oh....

Other me: Of course he was slightly used and you know they lose value the second you drive them off the lot, but still, $310. You can't even touch a pygmy for that price!

* For Michelle.

Bye, ya'll!

*

I am outta here, going up to Vancouver BC (not Vantucky, WA) for Gay Pride and the international fireworks festival! Dr Phil, the Roommate and I are driving up early tomorrow morning and meeting up with Frankie, Heath and Boytek to party our asses off all weekend. I won't be back till late Monday evening, so don't expect a post till Tuesday but I'll try to take lots of photos and gather some fun stories.

Packing my passport, a vat of vodka and some sun screen! Need me to pick up any prescription drugs for ya?

* Photo taken in Stanley Park a few years ago. Hopefully we won't have any of that foolishness this trip.

Thanks you for your diligent guessing, but no one answered correctly. I covered some of the items in comments but here's the rest:

I had a hamster named King of Hearts in high school, I believe. That's kinda weird.
I have been to Intercourse PA.
I've me Rufus twice, the first time here , the second time I haven't blogged about yet. Saving it for a rainy day.
I've lived with 3 men as roommates and 2 husbands……also kinda like roommates.
Speaking of roommates, the Roommate and I got on a train while in Prague and ended up in the ghetto.
I did of course trip on acid in New Orleans, many, many times.
My uncle had a 33 ft yacht that he used to let me steer.
My then 3 year old niece and 6 year old nephew lived with me and the ex for a year. I taught them to be weird.
Will & Grace, yup.
Believe it or not you can cram 8 people into a Le Car, as long as there's a huge sun roof and everyone is drunk. Then the Le Car overheats.
Ford, Hemmingway and Williams all had summer homes in Florida and I've been to all. William's home is still a private residence, if you can believe it hasn't been made into a tourist trap yet.
I did parasail in Mexico and it was pretty cool. Although I could have died---those guys aren't certified or anything, I'm sure.

So that just leaves:
Bartended in a gay bar in Dallas. To which I reply: believe it or not, I've never worked in a gay bar, period. I know, hard to believe, huh? Pretty easy and I even made it the first one!

So yes, iamnot, I guess this proves that I am weird.

Everybody's doing it.......

I stole this from iamnot who stole it from variant e. So sue me.

One of these things I did not do:
Bartended in a gay bar in Dallas
Decorated an Xmas tree with a 60' cherry picker in a mall
Had a 3-way with 2 guys
Owned a hamster named King of Hearts
Been to Intercourse, PA
Have only lived with men, no women (As an adult)
Met Rufus Wainwright twice
Been to the Prague ghetto
Climbed the temple at Chitzen Itza
Tripped on LSD in New Orleans
Sailed a yacht
Raised a 3 year old and a 6 year old for a year
Been a "Grace" to more than one "Will"
Had a duck as an indoor pet
Worked as a layout person for a yearbook company
Drove a Le Car with 7 passengers wedged in it
Been to the Moon
Been to the homes of Henry Ford, Ernest Hemmingway and Tennessee Williams
Parasailed off the Mexican coast
Took an airboat ride in the Florida Everglades

Ok, not nearly as exotic as the boys but it's all I can come up with.

Multi-talented, and I'm not talking about myself.

Sorry I forgot to remind you all to watch Storm last night on Rock Star SuperNova, I was kinda busy at H&K.

*********************************************

STORM WARNING!!!!!!!!!

Our girl did a kick ass rendition of Bowie's "Changes" last night, she's really becoming the stand out performer of the group. You can watch it (or re-watch it if you're a super duper Storm fan) here!

And if you're Tommy Lee (not Jones) and you want to "see more" of Storm, click here. Careful, could be a bit naughty so be mindful of those around you, You've been warned.