House of Suz

Happy Easter!

2010-04-03T18:14:00.000-07:00

Watch this spot! The annual Easter Egg contest is tomorrow and I think I have a winner planned. Fingers crossed.

Bing Yourself. Doesn't quite roll off the tongue like "google yourself", right?

2010-02-16T21:56:00.000-08:00

Somehow bing (all lower case? Does someone have self esteem issues?) has decided it is my work computer's search engine of choice so I was a bit dismayed when I searched for "house of suz" and it came up with nothing I thought it would. Said being everything from some person (named Suz, imagine that) in Florida talking about how her house was listed but had gotten NO offers to the post from a couple named "Suz and Trev" in Australia---love the way the Brits shorten stuff--- but not a single mention of MOI. And with that I say WTF??? I asked for bing to find house-of-suz, not some-chick-in-Florida-talking-about-her-house. And I know I've been laying low of late but hell, Google still knows ME. Google always says "Hey Suz, how's Rufus doin'?" whenever I "google" House of Suz. So I know it's not me, it's bing. bing is kind of narrow-minded when you "bing", by design, of course, so I guess it doesn't like to go out on a limb and assume you aren't looking for anything it doesn't think you should be looking for, even if what you typed in it's search field, ie: House of Suz, is exactly what you were looking for. So for that I think it's a perfect tool for the workplace since it keeps you on task and doesn't allow for distractions or creativity. Or accuracy, which isn't necessary in the work place either.

To that end I suggest you take the bing challenge, which has been invented by the marketing department here at House of Suz. Search for yourself in Google and then in bing and see what you get. I'd be interested to see how the two searches differ. Just a little experiment, mind you. I'll check for myself, um, myself, tomorrow, when I'm at work. Because at work I use bing. Because I don't matter there, either.

Blogging for dinosaurs.

2010-02-03T21:19:00.000-08:00

By now we all (meaning just me and the one person who landed here by accident) know that the popularity of blogging has pretty much gone the way of the rotary phone, as evidenced here, in favor of the 140 character message that ADD afflicted America finds so charming, but I have found evidence to the contrary, my good man! We may in fact still be a civilized people! Maybe. Case in point:

Exhibit A: 15 Minute Lunch (of the now infamous JC Penney catalogue post fame) just celebrated his 5th birthday. Happy Blogiversary, Johnny!

Exhibit B: Out of Character managed to out maneuver being wiped off the face of cyberspace---if that at all makes sense. Possibly the best-ever blog post in the history of blogging has been saved for posterity!

Exhibit C: Miss Doxie posted again. Finally.

Exhibit D: I've managed to find yet another blog (without really trying) that I find interesting enough to bookmark, if for no other reason that that adorable banner photo. Cute enough on it's own even if the writing were not as good as it is.

Then again I am pretty easy to please, but that's another, unrelated topic.

So let us celebrate the blog! Raise your glass and toast this ancient story-telling media! It may be wheezing but it ain't dead yet. Hell, lookie here, House of Suz still stands, and that in itself is somthing.

2010-01-17T10:13:00.000-08:00

It is difficult to muster the desire to go to the gym in January. Not because of the weather or the let down of post holiday fun. No, it's because of what I call the Resolutionists, those people who are all on the New Year resolution bandwagon and are hitting the gym and taking up space on the elliptical trainers, space meant for me. I will just have to put up with their gung-ho spirit until they bail on their resolutions come mid February and I have my gym back.

Until then you best not show up at the gym with brand new trainers on because that will automatically fit you into their category in my mind. And I might just stay on the stationary bike an extra 5 minutes out of spite.

2010-01-04T21:38:00.000-08:00

I guess I shouldn't be surprised that no one noticed I was back. My bad.

Duly noted.

Hello twenty-ten. Here's to new beginings.

2010-01-03T12:00:00.000-08:00

Guess who's back? The real question is for how long? Someone gets bored easily.

Oregon has a new law on the books outlawing driving while talking on the phone. I was pondering this while driving on New Year's Day---when the law went into effect---and glanced over to another lane to see a woman driving with a Pug sitting on her lap, its head hanging out the window. The woman was also eating an apple while she was driving. I kind of think maybe that Pug/apple combo is probably going to be just a tad more distracting to a driver than talking on the phone but I don't suspect there will be a law against those two things together anytime soon.

Segue to: it's a new year. What about that, huh? Thank god since 2009 was a total letdown.

And then there's this for Diane.

Ooops.

2009-07-12T11:49:00.000-07:00

A comment left by Steven alerted me to the fact that I hadn't posted since May 9th. So here's this. Hope you enjoyed your Memorial Day and July 4th celebration!

I feel a hay fever a'brewing.

2009-05-09T11:27:00.000-07:00

Maybe its just me and my allergic reaction to, well everything (beer, cats, work) but doesn't it seem like allergies are worse this year than others in the past? I blame Bush, but I digress. While sniffling and rubbing my eyes until they are red and swollen I came across this article, the 10 worst cities for allergy suffers.

And luck for me not a single one of these cities are on my must-visit-before-I-die list. Heavy sigh (and a little wheezing).

And finally a shout out to my sista, Dana, who had a milestone birthday this week for which we surprised the pants off her with a party last night. Gotcha! Happy birthday, biotch.

Did I sleep THAT long?

2009-05-02T10:05:00.001-07:00

I'm back, just stepped out for a little air and thought I'd post really quickly before I completely lost my audience. And speaking of completely losing, somehow I completely lost the month of April. Now days it seems like there's never anything to write about in the mist of soooooooooo much to write about. Like...

Tropicana's re-design
The company's brand spanking new packaging was dumped because of public outcry when it was streamlined to a very generic off-brand look. Too bad the public can't outcry about something a little more important and get it changed.

Swine Flu---er, I mean H1N1. My bad.
The pork lobby has convinced the government to stop referring to Swine Flu as anything but H1N1 because us dummies think you can get the flu from eating bacon, when in fact we get heart disease from it.

And finally...
I make as much at my current job as I did when I was an assistant manager. At a Mexican restaurant. In 1989. And my 401K is worth as much as that carton of Tropicana.

New Post!*

2009-03-21T13:13:00.000-07:00

I got a shit-load of, well, shit last night at a party because I haven't had a post in forever. So here goes:

Things that are irking me at this moment in time:

Tiresome asshole coworkers. The one in particular who really stomped all over my last nerve this week with her passive aggressive notes has a bizarre habit of licking her lips, especially while talking. This week she got so animated I thought she was going to sprain her tongue. Which would have been sweet.

The lack of parking at the gym, particularly when a yoga class is in session. No available parking on the bottom 3 levels was my clue of a class in progress this morning.

Boring TV at the gym. Why is it required that sports be on all the TVs on weekends? Today there was not a cooking show or Matlock re-run to be seen, just sports (snowboarding grand prix, NCAA basketball---evidently there's a tournament) or pseudo-sports (World Series Poker, golf---which reminds me of my asshole ex). Boring!

Spring-like weather when you know fully well spring-like temperatures won't actually happen here for another two or seven months.

Taxes especially of the "back" variety.

Paint fumes. And painting in general.

Allergies. Especially to paint fumes. And horses. And beer.

Not posting.

*An aside: the "new post" button on my blog dashboard has cobwebs on it. Many pardons.

Forever hitting snooze

2009-02-10T19:11:00.000-08:00

The Roommate and I are switching bedrooms because.....well long story, so let's just say for a change of pace. Rufus and I are settling in to our new digs although the big R is having challenges with the change of routine, as is expected with a pooch. We'll get there, no worries.

Our first night in the new boudoir started out pretty uneventful. Set the alarm for 6:00 (7:30 meeting in the morning and it takes a while to get presentable) and then off to bed. Rufus settled in although he slept way on the other side of the bed--usually he's smack up against me. Other than that all was well. The clock reads 6:00 am and the alarm goes off and up I jump out of bed and take my shower. On my second trip to the kitchen for coffee I notice the cable box is reading 245 and I think to myself "I didn't watch channel 245 last night, that's sports, right?". As I pass the stove I see 245 on the control panel and think "I know I didn't watch channel 245 on the oven door" so the only logical step is to check my cell phone. 2:45. AM! As I climb back into bed I wonder how I could have set my clock sooooo wrong and righted the time on my trusty (at least 10 year old) digital alarm clock.

After a while I fell asleep but was soon awaken by the alarm. For a second time I saw that the clock read 6:00 but just to be on the safe I checked the cable box before I got out of bed. It read 4:30. I'm a smart one and realized the alarm clock wasn't working but I wanted to know what was up. I reset the clock and then lay there a few minutes; when the clock read 4:38 I checked checked the time on the cable box. Then I counted the seconds until the time changed to 4:39. It wasn't 60. I got up, set my cell phone and went back to sleep.

Yesterday on my way home from work I stopped at the store and picked up a new alarm clock. After I unwrapped the unit I plugged it in. Instead of reading 12:00 like your everyday clock prior to setting my new one read "1PG8" and it wouldn't let me set the alarm or change the time from 1PG8. I even read the instructions to see if I was doing something wrong but it turns out my many decades of using digital alarm clocks proved I knew what I was doing. That puppy's going back to the store, pronto.

Which leads me to believe that I am meant to sleep in. I was made to be unemployed. Unfortunately I am not. Yet.

2009-01-10T09:47:00.000-08:00

Guess what I haven't done yet? That's right, I haven't thought up what to do with House of Suz, both here and the nifty other House of Suz that Buddy Bart set up. But I've been busy, dude. We had our huge launch at the new job and if you live in the Portland metro area you've probably seen the media blitz (hint, think cupcake). I've spent way too much time at my job, and I don't mind telling you I shocked myself yesterday when I realize I am really good at it. Pay still sucks which leaves a bad taste in my mouth come pay day. This is the year we learn to live with mixing the good with the bad, I guess.

But since Bush is almost gone there'll be a little less bad---fingers crossed.

Here's to the new year! May only happiness fall at your feet.

2008-12-31T17:48:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year! Here's hoping '09 is less sucky than '08. Or '07. Or '06..........ad nausaum.

I am trying to think of ways to make this blog more interesting to me. Screw you guys, if I like it you'll damn well like it, too. I've got some changes so look for good things in the near future. Or not, maybe it'll be just like before. No promises, K?

Have a good one tonight and stay safe; there's bound to be drunkards out there tonight.

Cue the streamers and balloons.

I didn't realize Baby Jesus was one of a set of triplets!

2008-12-28T10:59:00.000-08:00

Jeesesy Cresey, it's been a MONTH since I've posted. I know the negative one reader out there has probably missed me. Yes, I draw so few readers now that we are in the minus status now. I have to read other people's just to catch up.

So, since Thanksgiving I've been to LA, been snowed in and been broke (just about every day, in fact). The Roommate took me to LaLaLand to attend Aimee Mann's Christmas show (since she didn't come to Portland this year) and we had a blast. A few of the highlights:

Taking public transit to Beverly Hills (Where's your bus stop all up in here?)
Not being allowed in a Korean restaurant (We no have Engresh menu.) The staff literally blocked the door, so I fully mean the racial slur---na NA!
Attended the Vanity Fair show at LACMA
Borrowing another table's appetizer at a trendy restaurant in Malibu
Ferris wheel at Santa Monica
Almost missing our plane home.

Good times, good times.

I have noticed that not only have the blogs I frequent stopped posting of late but some have up and closed their doors. Is it the end of an era? Is House of Suz next? We'll see what the new year brings.

Be safe.

Let the shopping begin.

2008-11-28T09:32:00.000-08:00

The only thing worse than being a WalMart employee is being killed at work, wearing that stupid vest.

Happy shopping. Wear a helmet.

Gobble gobble!

2008-11-27T10:47:00.000-08:00

When the alarm went off at 7:30 this morning, my fist thought was "what the fuck". Although I didn't know why I wasn't going to work, I knew it wasn't a work day. But when I saw the time I realized it was time to put the turkey I cleaned and stuffed last night into the oven. The plan was to go to the gym but a short snooze back in bed is actually what happened.

Because I wanted to start my turkey day with a caloric deficit I did drag my ass to the gym after a short nap and wouldn't you know it, the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade was on, and I have to admit I got a little choked up with the memory of my annual childhood viewing of this staple. It has been at least 10 years since I've viewed this program and it only took a few minutes to realize why I don't watch it. NBC was all about statistics today. It's Macy's sesquicentennial but this is only the 82nd parade. The first Thanksgiving was in 1621. The Smurfs are celebrating their 50th anniversary although this is the first time there's been a Smurf balloon in the parade. The Rockettes started off the show and NBC made sure they got several tight closeups of the only African-American in the bunch. Way to pander to the Obama fans.

Two marching bands into the program and I was done, especially because of the threat of Miley Cyrus lip syncing in our near future. No wonder I went through such a long dry spell.

Happy Thanksgiving! I need to baste the bird now.

No on Prop H8!

2008-11-21T07:11:00.001-08:00

I am starting to know what Iamnot feels like, seems my days are all gobbled up now that I am working. Plus I was sick, that was fun. 5 months of not working and wasn't sick A DAY but the second I get a job---BAM, laid up.

Even though I was sick I was able to drag myself to the No On 8 rally in Portland last weekend. Even sick and protesting I manage to look stylish. Had to, there were gay guys there and they have taste.

My question to you today:
Why do those who fail (65% divorce rate) get to decide who is fit to marry?

Look at me blogging so damn early in the am! Thanks to Erin for the photo. More about civil rights later.

'Bout frickin' time.

2008-11-07T12:27:00.000-08:00

Remember this list? Well let's just add a few items to it, shall we?

Made 2 tutus (that would be 8, right?)
Made tons of fairy wings
Cleaned out the basement
Had said art show
Successfully acquired gainful employment

Well, it's not that gainful, the pay is about half what I made at my last job but at least I'll be out of the house come Monday morning. Let the games begin.

In case you live under a rock....

2008-11-05T17:25:00.000-08:00

Yesterday's election was quite historic, indeed.

Because an African American was elected President?
Because a woman was on the GOP ticket?
Because one team's mascot was a tax-avoiding non-plumber?

No, because for the first time in my 30 years of voting I voted for a presidential candidate who was YOUNGER THAN ME.

I am officially old. I should have voted for McCain---no one's older than he.

Did you vote yet?

2008-11-04T11:48:00.001-08:00

Vote like you think it matters.

Pucker up

2008-11-01T14:20:00.000-07:00

Evidently Dick Chaney wants Obama to win the election on Tuesday because today he gave McCain the kiss of death---his support. Kind of punctuates Day of the Dead, doesn't it?

If you want the real truth about the candidates, check this out.

Get out the vote!

2008-10-31T09:18:00.001-07:00

In Oregon we vote by mail; no lines at the voting booth and the ballot comes right to your door! A group of our friends got together Wednesday to discuss the measures and candidates and in the end I picked up three ballots to drop off at the designated sites (you can either mail them in or drop them off, if you are keen on saving the stamp).

Just about any place can be an official drop off site but I opted to pass on the McDonalds in Hollywood---french fry-scented ballots just didn't seem to have the right vibe for a presidential election with no candidates from the deep south. Aside from driving all the way downtown, the only site I was aware of was the Obama headquarters on Killingsworth. Seems like a possible conflict of interest there but it's close to the house so that's where I went. When I walked in I held up the three ballots encased in their double envelopes and asked the ancient ladies at the desk where I should deposit them. The entire place broke out in cheers, people clapped and banged on pots---it was quite a show and extremely loud. I felt like a 3 year old using the toilet for the first time, Look who made a boom-boom in the potty! I've previously voted in, what, 7 presidential elections, and this was the first time I was congratulated on it. That's right, 'bout time I got my props! Just to ease my mind that I was actually voting one of the ancient ladies had me fill out the form, sign for each ballot and deposit them in a locked, wooden box. Democracy in action.

Yesterday afternoon someone from the Obama campaign called to remind us to vote (registered Democrats we are); I let them know we'd already voted and I was told we'd be taken off their reminder list. What about the commercials, can you make them stop as well? I wanted to ask. I voted, as far as I'm concerned it's over and I'm just waiting for the victory party on Tuesday, but still I'm going to have to sit through the radio and TV commercials for another 5 days, and the local ones are just plain constant. I bet the Mattress Giant is chomping at the bit to get a commercial on TV because it seems like I haven't heard from him in a while.

Oh, and remember to vote. Don't make me call you.

Trick or Treat

2008-10-30T12:37:00.000-07:00

I'm making a Domokun costume (just the head) for a friend's son for Halloween. Let's see how it turns out.

Nice to hear from the WASSSUP guys.

2008-10-29T16:42:00.001-07:00

Money Matters

2008-10-28T12:56:00.000-07:00

What with all the economic turmoil in the world today, it's good to know where to move to find a job when you get your pink slip in the next few weeks. Luckily for us lazy folks, MSN has compiled the lists of the top 25 best places to find a job and the top 25 best places to remain unemployed. Take a moment to click on the links and review our choices. Don't worry about me, I'll just keep on making tutus* while you window shop.

---Musical interlude---

Ok, we're back. So, looking at the best places to find work as listed by MSN, the first thing that pops into my mind is the question "Who in the hell would want to live in any of these places, anyway?", aside from hermits or farm workers or people that don't like to go out much. Now before I hear any comments about me being "elitist" (the new "upity") let me just remind you that Odessa, Texas is on the list. What a cesspool west Texas is and Midland/Odessa (the bad taste twins) are only a rock's throw from Crawford, future retirement home to our own George W. No thanks, I think I'll pass, even without the future ex-president in the place polluted by same said ex-president's good work as the governor of Texas. Bravo, well done there. The only place on the list I'd even consider living is Portsmouth, NH, because it seems quaint and the leaves are probably beautiful right about now but soon the whole place will be blanketed under a couple feet of snow, and I'm signing up for the thanks-but-no-thanks column, sight unseen.

Now on to the losers---hard luck Michigan and California! Out of the 25 pee-you cities on our worst-of list, seventeen of these stinkers are in your two states! Thanks for taking it for the team! I did notice not a one were in Oregon, which suites me just fine, but ouch, 9% plus unemployment just plain smarts. Unfortunately in our house the unemployment rate is 50%, so I can't afford to dole out any sympathy for you all. Sorry, them's the breaks.

*We will be fairies for Halloween. There's so much tulle in my living room it looks like a bridal shop threw up in here.

It'll all be my fault

2008-10-24T14:38:00.001-07:00

Google it

2008-10-22T13:28:00.000-07:00

A friend sent me a graph charting the comparison of jobs created during the Clinton administration compared to the Bush administration, but don't worry, I'm not going to harp on that (fyi: 23 mil compared to 4.8) but instead talk about our helpful pal, Google. I use Google mail (gmail for the cool kids following along at home) and Google has built in a search engine that pulls info from your e-mail and suggests possible websites to go along with it, a "read more about" if you will. So, considering the subject of the e-mail I described above, two of the 4 google suggestions would make sense:

McCain Campaign
Obama T-shirts and Hats

The next item, government grant kits---ok, a bit of a stretch but the e-mail was about administrations so I guess we'll let that one slide. The last one I just don't get, a site about "center flow pilates". Did either Bush or Clinton support pilates in government programs because the blurb noted free private lessons to boot. That'll give me something to think about when I'm at the gym, exercising my rigth to.....uh, exercise. I'm going to have to pay more attention to what google thinks I'd like to learn more about, because evidenlty the google god thinks I have very broad political interests.

Have a great workout!

Art for sale

2008-10-17T13:41:00.000-07:00

I have created 13 pieces for an art show/wine tasting I am participating in tomorrow to benefit an organization that uses horseback riding to help kids with emotional and physical disabilities. When I heard they were having a silent auction I volunteered a painting (with this photo included as a transfer) because iamnot had spoken highly of a similar organization his son belongs to; I thought it was a worthy cause. The organizers like the painting so much they asked me to have a booth at this fund raiser tomorrow, so that prompted me to paint.

I'm finishing up the 13 paintings today. Here's hoping I sell at least a few tomorrow.

Good work if you can get it.

2008-10-14T12:57:00.000-07:00

So far on my unemployment I have:

Organized our Fire on the Columbia float for Gay Pride
Re-caulked the tub
Had a garage sale
Helped my friend Pat paint his closets and cabinets
Put together Pat's patio furniture
Scrubbed and stained the deck
Added another coat of stain to the deck
Painted the hallway
Painted the french doors and frame
Made curtains for the living room
Completely rebuilt and upholstered Rufus' chair
Completed a painting for charity
Am currently in the process of completing 13 additional paintings for an art show
Helped coordinate and set up Fire on the Columbia
Did a bunch of gardening including producing a bumper crop of tomatoes (bumper for me, anyway)
Helped install a new kitchen sink and rebuilt the plumbing when the old plumbing no longer fit
Designed and constructed a halter top
Put together a garden design for Diane
Rewritten my resume and cover letter three times
Started the new endeavor of fund raising for a non profit (surprisingly I am not the non profit)

The one thing I have not been able to accomplish:

Acquired gainful employment

I tell ya, it's tough out there, only getting tougher as the economy slides into the crapper. It appears the only jobs available out are of the $10 an hour variety, and I bring home more than that on unemployment. Dire times indeed (although the house looks fabulous).

Our mess, in the middle of the street.

2008-10-10T16:08:00.001-07:00

For probably the first time in six years the house in disarray because of me. There are paintings lying around in different stages of not-yet-done-ness, Rufus' "new chair", actually an old mid-century modern chair I am in the process of re-upholstering, scattered around in equal parts both old and new. Add to that assorted mail (mostly of the bill variety), wine corks, notebooks and candy corn, and you've got yourself a real mess. One that doesn't appear to want to rectify itself, which means it looks like I'm going to have to do it.

Which brings me to the point that it's about time it's my mess, considering I've lived here 6 years this Sunday.

Happy Anniversary, of sorts.

Yo, Joel!

2008-10-10T14:19:00.000-07:00

A short shout out to Joel in SoCal, who let me know he reads my blog. Not like there's much to read here lately.

Yo, dawg.

Funniest. Thing. Ever.

2008-10-06T11:25:00.000-07:00

VP or VIP?

2008-10-02T23:42:00.000-07:00

I don't think a debater's performance should be deemed a success for the simple fact that she didn't completely make an ass of herself, but I guess that's just me. Avoiding the questions and rambling on about sludge is just okay-dokey, I suspect.

Jesus, she winked at the camera more than a used mattress salesman. Yesser, let's vote her in, because com'mon, her running-mate has a 1 in 3 chance of having a heart attack within his first term.

Gosh, and golly gee! She's just like me!*

*By that I suspect I mean she has the same experience as I do.

Cheers!

2008-10-02T10:49:00.001-07:00

Today's "that day", the day Oregonians dread---the day you look at the 10 day forecast and realize the rain is starting. Every year early-October-ish the forecast starts looking a little heavier on the rainy-ish side than the drier partly-cloudy-ish side, which is the precursor for full-out-rain-ish-ness, or what we like to call Fall/Winter/Spring. This is the time of year I feel sorry for the transplants who moved here in early Summer, when the world was warm and golden, and they never saw this shit coming. Welcome to Portland, have a nice gray.

In preparation for the gray days, the Roommate went out and bought enough fireplace logs to last us through Halloween. I, in turn, decided earlier this week to throw a cautionary extra coat of stain on the back deck. And just in the nick of time, as I'm sure you've gathered. As soon as we stow away our flip flops and haul the window units back to the garage the house will pretty much be winterized. Now if I could only locate my close-toed shoes.

Make sure you catch the VP debates this evening. I keep hearing about Palin's wicked debating skilz but I'm thinking she better not count on those "deer in the headlights" looks if she's expecting to make a good show of it. I think a drinking game is in order to make the process a little more interesting. Everyone has to take a shot whenever she answers off subject and you have to drink two shots if she pulls out the "lipstick" joke one more time. Could make for a messy evening.

2008-09-24T09:24:00.000-07:00

Ever been in a situation where you were in way over your head, no matter what you did you just kept going under until finally you desperately wanted to just be done with it already? That was me in my interview yesterday. Seriously it was as if I was interviewing for a completely different job than the one I interviewed for on the first go round. So we'll just say we've still got our feelers on and are still looking---only problem is there ain't a whole hell of a lot out there, even less than before.

Hard times, hard times.

Signs you can tell it's Autumn in Portland

2008-09-22T11:09:00.000-07:00

1. Cornfield Maze on Sauvie Island is open for business.

2. Weather forecast calls for high temperatures no warmer than the low 70's for the entire week.

3. Everyone is either talking about the Ducks' or Beavers' games.

4. Rufus refuses to go outside to go potty because the deck is wet with rain.

5. The top is back on my Jeep.

It's all about choice.

2008-09-18T17:11:00.000-07:00

I read this article from Dan Savage and I just gotta post it. Because this shit matters and he's summed up what I've been thinking...

The 17-year-old daughter of Sarah Palin, the GOP's vice-presidential nominee, is pregnant. The news was released by the McCain campaign during a busy news week—a major hurricane, the Republican National Convention, Dick Cheney getting us into a war with Russia—so it may not have received the coverage it deserved. So allow me to bring you up to date, gentle readers...

Seventeen-year-old Bristol Palin got her ass knocked up five or so months ago by 18-year-old Levi Johnston. Among the hobbies listed on Levi's since-yanked MySpace page—"fishing, shoot some shit, and just fuckin' chillin'"—was this revealing tidbit: "I don't want kids." But Bristol, says her mom, "made the decision on her own to keep the baby," and is now engaged to Levi "Shootin' Shit" Johnston.

As the adoptive parent of a child born to a pair of unwed teenagers, I'm certainly not in favor of abortion in all circumstances. But I believe that it's a choice teenagers should be able to make for themselves—with input from their families whenever possible—and, so it seems, does the GOP's VP nominee. Sarah Palin is pleased that her daughter made the decision—on her own—to keep the baby.

But Sarah Palin doesn't believe that other girls should be able to make their own decisions. Sarah Palin believes abortion should be illegal in almost every instance—including rape and incest. So Bristol Palin is being celebrated for making a choice that Sarah Palin would like to take away from all other American women. Apparently, today's GOP believes that choice is a special right reserved for the wayward daughters of Republican elected officials.

Oh, and Sarah Palin also believes that birth control shouldn't be made available to teenagers, she opposes medically accurate sex education, and she backs abstinence-until-marriage sex "education."

Sigh.

The GOP has poured hundreds of millions of dollars into abstinence "education" programs during the Bush years. I believe this enormous investment of public funds begs the obvious question: Are our children abstaining? Sarah Palin's aren't. Despite this massive outlay on the part of the American taxpayer and the example set by her Christian parents, Bristol Palin became sexually active while still in high school. Excuse me, but if abstinence education can't keep the daughter of the evangelical governor of Alaska off the cock, what hope is there for the daughters—and some of the sons—of average Americans?

I'm a cad for even writing this, of course, because shortly before Bristol and Levi were paraded before cheering throngs at the Republican National Convention, the Palins asked the media to respect their daughter's privacy.

Another special right: When it comes to respecting your family's privacy, Palin and the GOP see no need. They want to micromanage the most intimate aspects of your private life. And if their own kids fail to live up to the standards that Palin and the GOP seek to impose on your family, well, that's a private matter between the Palins, their daughter, their God, and the thousands of screaming imbeciles in elephant hats waving McCain/Palin signs on the floor of the Republican National Convention.

...........I have always felt that if you are against abortion, don't have one.

What's the difference between Sarah Palin and Dan Quayle?

2008-09-18T10:54:00.000-07:00

You guessed it.

I'd vote for Tina Fey for VP!

2008-09-14T11:09:00.000-07:00

Watch this while you can. It's already been removed from YouTube for copyright infringements.

A little something for everyone.

2008-09-12T11:27:00.000-07:00

Sing along, if you will.

Happy Birthday to me, indeed!

2008-09-09T10:04:00.000-07:00

The Roommate got my friends together and got me this tiny token of appreciation for my birthday. They said they had ulterior motives for the purchase, that being that they want me to blog more---there's always a catch, isn't there? So now I no longer have to surf the internet on my hoopty, dead-screened laptop with an additional monitor attached. I guess I'll get rid of that crick in my neck from typing with my head slightly turned to the left.

So Thank You, Thank You, Thank YOU to Tammy and Jenn the Neighbor and Dana and Rich and Todd and Tracy and Katie and Diane and Vicki and Boytek and mostly The Roommate. As Aimee Mann always says in concert "Thank you so much, you guys are awesome!" Because you guys really are.

Now if you will excuse me I have to get back to playing with my new laptop. It ain't gonna surf for porn on it's own, you know.

Happy birthday to me!

2008-09-08T13:52:00.000-07:00

Yup, another year older and little to show for it---except perhaps my fabulous tan. Here's hoping next year is better.

Cheers!

Politics as (un)Usual

2008-09-04T10:14:00.000-07:00

While most of America was in front of the boob tube watching the newest mouth piece of the Religious Right and big oil pat her cronies and herself on the back, I was attending a rather large birthday party for Sam Adams, the mayor elect for Portland (and he looks like Clark Kent, too!). Portland is the largest city in the US with an openly gay mayor and I have a feeling we will be seeing big things from him. I sat and spoke for a good long time to Sam's mother and grandmother and I gotta tell ya, I saw more love and family values in those two ladies than in that entire convention in Minnesota on the TV in the corner of the room.

But about the GOP. Damn, they're old. It's a good thing Palin's family was there because those kids brought the median age of the room down a few years. If Cindy McCain is one of the youngest-looking people in the room, you know you're addressing the retirement home. And what's with all the cowboy hats? Did they give them out free at the door? I thought you guys were distancing yourselves from Bush and his wrangler ways.

But seriously, if Sarah Palin piles her hair up any higher she'll be required to move to Texas. Just saying. And as far as her thoughts on energy, maybe she should read this little piece from Robert Kennedy Jr---but then he's a Democrat, so there's no place for this leftist thinking in McCain's administration, controlled by big oil and "clean coal", and for which Palin is so ready to back.

But this is funny.

The Friday after Last Thursday.

2008-08-29T11:06:00.000-07:00

You know it's a good Last Thursday (art walk in the hippie part of town) when you come home with a tutu and tiara and $125 lighter. And the morning after you have a hang over and can't find your purse.

Ah, the arts...

Oh weatherman, where art thou? I want to find you so I can kick your ass.

2008-08-27T10:31:00.000-07:00

Since it's summer I keep the top off the Jeep to enjoy the 3 months of decent weather. Since the top is off I keep a close eye on the weather to prevent myself from driving a swimming pool. The extra weight of the puddled water really fucks with my gas mileage. This morning on my daily walk with Rufus the Magnificent I noticed grey skies and upon returning to the house I promptly checked 6 weather websites to see if I needed to take preventive weather measures and was confident that I did not after 5 sites gave me the "fear not" and one pessimistic site gave me a slight chance of scattered showers. This gloom and doom site promised that it was probably over-reacting and on second thought gave it a 20% chance of sprinkles before noon so seriously, don't sweat it. So I took that as a sign to feel confident that the Jeep was safe from anything more than a light sprinkling of moisture, sure to evaporate before I even noticed it even rained.

Unbeknown to me it was raining the entire time I was checking today's weather, as well as the 10 day forecast. Sometimes I think the convenience of technology gets in the way of solving simple issues. Had I simply looked out the window I would know my Jeep was turning into a swimming pool. Sometimes you have to be smarter than the weatherman.

Right now the sun it out. Screw you, weather guy.

Happy Birthday, Ramen!

2008-08-25T17:57:00.000-07:00

I heard on NPR that Ramen Noodles turned 50 today! You know what that means, Ramen is younger than Madonna! Oh, and also that some of those 50 year old noodles are probably on a 7/11 shelf somewhere. Check your expiration dates, kids, because like Madge, those old noodles have overstayed their welcome!

Mid Summer's Night Dream

2008-08-22T11:12:00.000-07:00

Last weekend the fabulously wonderful Roommate took me to fabulously wonderful Ashland for the fabulously wonderful Oregon Shakespeare Festival. Althought Othello, which we saw in the outdoor theater patterned after the Globe, was wonderful, problem is at 8:00 at night it was still over a hundred degrees out. At one point in the day the Roommate asked me if I was ok, because I was so quiet, and I told him "You know how my blow drier turns itself off when it gets overheated?" and he said yes. My reply was a point to my head with an added "Same thing here".

So, anywho, Othello was sweltering. Then Sunday afternoon we saw the most originally designed and inspired performance of A Mid Summer's Night Dream. It was visually amazing and the spin the director took on the delivery was insane, very modern and sarcastic. We all know Suz loves sarcasm.

Here's our Mortals after their night of frolic.

And here's our Mechanicals, planning their play.

Hippolyta and Theseus with their over the top furniture.

The Fairies, with Puck in the background.

And Oberon. Love the feathers, Dude.

Visually stunning! Modern dance music! Sarcasm! Fabulous costumes! A very fresh take on what could have been just another boring re-staging of a well known classic. Standing Ovation All Around! It was so wonderful and beautiful I actually cried at the end. Check it out, I insist.

Weather update

2008-08-20T16:23:00.001-07:00

Remember on Friday when I was bitching about it being over 100 degrees here in Portland? Well, it's been raining and in the 60's since Sunday night, so needless to say I am leery about making any wishes right about now. Also it means my Jeep is a swimming pool---what fun!

A few weeks ago the Roommate and I participated in the Bridge Pedal, a bike not-s0-race including 8 bridges and about 24 miles. Today a neighbor gave us a photo of our "team". I look worn out, huh? I had gotten my front break replaced a few days before and the installer kinda fixed it to where the break pads rubbed the rim, unbeknown to me at the time, so I ended up working a lot harder than I needed to. For the whole 24 miles. In that light I will not feel guilty for not working out if I should miss a day or two in the next month.

More on my fun weekend later. Gotta pretend to go to the gym now.

Hot! Hot! Hot!

2008-08-15T11:34:00.000-07:00

It is going to be hot in Oregon today and tomorrow, 103 each day. Now, Iamnot will tell you this is practically chilly weather by his standards, but I have a feeling Iamnot has central air conditioning in his house. The Roommate installed 3 window units at our abode yesterday, one in the living room, one in my bedroom (for Rufus, of course) and the third in his attic bedroom. When he plugged his a/c unit in the thermostat read 101---inside temperature. It is a chilly 68 as I type this.

Pool Party today at Miss Di's! See you in the deep end.

....and now in Political News....

2008-08-07T09:53:00.000-07:00

Barack Obama got a huge pat on the back earlier this week when he led a crowd in a robust reciting of the National Anthem. He didn't miss a single word.

And on the too-ridiculous-for-words front, over the weekend John McCain spoke in front of a group of motor cycle enthusiasts (weekend warriors, and in Sturges, dude!) and really let that charisma shine. His cardboard cut out protested four dollar a gallon gas by revving up a bunch of Harley Davidsons. THAT'LL SHOW THE OIL GIANTS! And by damn, it must be working because I noticed yesterday that gas is at $3.99 a gallon here in Oregon! Good job, John!

It certainly dosn't take much to impress us, does it? We're doomed.

Flugtag

2008-08-03T11:56:00.001-07:00

It was my intention to go to Flugtag and watch the competition yesterday, maybe get a few funny photos to post but the scene on the waterfront was unreal. I was stuck in the middle of a crushing crowd for 20 minutes trying to get half-way through a city block when we gave up and went to a bar instead. Today I checked Red Bull's Portland page and it seems they estimated the crowd yesterday at 80,000. That's ten thousand more than Obama pulled at a rally on the very same spot two months ago---but then Obama didn't serve beer.

Only in Shreveport---It's not the "butt of the boot" for nothing.

2008-07-31T10:21:00.001-07:00

This sign was posted on the window of a Pizza Hut in the town I grew up, Shreveport, Louisiana.

Seems Shreveport was without water last Friday, hence the "no ice". They were evidently also without spell check and grammar.

It's curtains for you!

2008-07-29T01:01:00.000-07:00

The Roommate has decided that the reason our house is so cluttered with junk, swarming with insects and dirty with pet hair is because we don't have decent window treatments in the living room. Guess who's making curtains tomorrow.

Yep, me. Because that makes more sense than cleaning, I guess.

On Being Good

2008-07-25T12:42:00.000-07:00

This morning Rufus relentlessly barked his fool head off at the neighbors causing mommy much aggravation. I went outside and told him to be good.

This is his "but I am being good" look.

Note the freshly stained deck in the back ground. You're welcome.

I forgot to mention...

2008-07-24T11:40:00.000-07:00

...that I sold this in our garage sale last Saturday for $20. Someone else's pain in the ass now.

Happy Birthday, Rufus(es)!!!

2008-07-22T15:34:00.000-07:00

Today is Rufus's birthday, he is 35 years old today.

Today is also Rufus's birthday, he is 35 (dog) years old today.

More Eddie!

2008-07-18T13:01:00.000-07:00

Because I care............

Whoooowooooo!

2008-07-16T21:20:00.000-07:00

The Jetta sold. I'm going to Acadia!

Look at me, all into YouTube!

2008-07-16T10:58:00.000-07:00

Last night had the pleasure of attending the Eddie Izzard show here in Portland. I've been a huge fan of his work for ages, at least 6 years when I accidentally stumbled over him on his HBO special, Dress to Kill. If you aren't familiar with Mr Izzard, he's a stand up smart and clever comedian who's hook was that he was a cross-dresser, something he's given up in the last year or so. Here's a clip from Dressed to Kill:

After the show last night I noticed a crowd gathered around a tour bus so the Roommate and I waited to see if Eddie showed up at the stage door. Our friend, Vicki, said she had seen where he'd do Q&A after some of his shows on this Stripped tour but he didn't wait around for questions, just announced he wouldn't be signing autographs. So of course the Roommate asked him for his hat. I did get a hand shake though! If you enjoyed the clip above check him out on YouTube or rent one of his many videos.

Did I mention I got to shake his hand? Yes, another brush with fame.

Hail Suz, full of grace. Too bad, "It was funnier last time".

2008-07-16T10:00:00.001-07:00

2008-07-15T15:36:00.000-07:00

Sunday we had another pool day over at Lady Di's and for some reason (probably the vodka) we started doing cheers off of the "white trash diving board" (courtesy of yours truly, of course---who else would drag a second-hand exercise trampoline over to Lady Di's lovely estate). This is the Roommate's cheer. Enjoy.

Go Bears! More like "Go Bars".

2008-07-15T15:31:00.000-07:00

Here's something I haven't done before....

2008-07-11T13:27:00.000-07:00

....and I don't say that too often at my advanced age. The Roommate's Jetta is for sale on Craig's list; mention my blog and receive a coupon for a free set of fuzzy dice. If I get it sold the Roommate will take me to Acadia for dinner, and we know the only thing Suz loves more than fried chicken and Jesus is good Cajun food. So get out your checkbook and check this puppy out. I'll even get the Roommate to personally autograph the title with a greeting like Amy Sedaris signed in a copy of her book for the Roommate: "I love you, seriously. Pee on me".

2000 5-speed Jetta GLS, clean and runs great!

Must drive to appreciate this silver, 4-door sedan, with tons of extras:

* gray leather interior

* premium stereo w/6 CD changer

* sun roof, take advantage of the sun!

* alloy wheels

* A/C!

One owner, the infamous Roommate, kept this car meticulously maintained!!!! 28 MPG!!!! Perfect running condition!!!!

You know you want it.

Back on the train.

2008-07-09T13:51:00.000-07:00

This weekend Our Rusty mentioned that my train commute this time last year made for good blog stories, so this post is dedicated to him. I drove the Roommate's car to the dealership today and dropped it off for a lookie-see since he's trying to sell it and that damn "check engine" light is back on. Not a good selling feature. So instead of waiting around for hours I took the MAX 80 blocks to my neighborhood gym. Let me tell you, the crowd riding in from Gresham isn't a particularly pretty one and since I am unemployed and shiftless I fit right in. I am on day 4 of my hair washing strike I blended in nicely with the other train riders, so I was glad I didn't stick out like a sore thumb. There was a rather gangly looking woman sitting across from me wearing a sports bra and a pair of stained jeans held up by a belt with a cannabis belt buckle. Classy. Her 2 year old kept grabbing the folds in her exposed gut and kneading the wad like bread dough. Also there was a well dressed and stereotypically sassy young black lady who was snaking her head and bitching someone out on her cell phone. "Oh no, you will not hang up on me. Not unless you want all your fucking shit on the lawn when you get home". She was evidently angry that her wrong-doing man was supposed to pick her up so she could get her car but instead she was riding the train with the rest of us low-lifes. Every time she mentioned "shit" or "fuck" the classy woman with her cannabis belt buckle would shoot her a dirty look, like her kid never heard those words before. When I told the to the Roommate he added "Like the kid hadn't SEEN those words either".

Surprisingly, no one got of the train with me at the gym. Interesting.

That's our Rusty!

2008-07-08T12:07:00.000-07:00

Our Rusty and his softball team came to Portland last weekend for a tournament and I was lucky enough to watch them win a game Saturday evening!

Unfortunately Lady Di attended the Sunday games and evidently jinxed the Rockets, so they lost both games. No worries, though, the players were ready to start the beer drinking portion of the weekend at that point.

Our Rusty's team nickname is Noodle Arm, because sometimes when he throws the ball his arm doesn't cooperate and it lands on the ground about 3 feet in front of him.

The other Seattle teams have another nickname for him. Rustard. But it's ok, everyone from the Emerald City league loves him. Portland too, for that matter. It was great to see Rustard and made me realize how much I miss him.

...and by popular demand.......

2008-07-03T15:53:00.000-07:00

Since I haven't posted a shot of my little angel, Rufus with a cat ashtray.

This weekend's weather,

2008-07-03T08:28:00.000-07:00

Friday

Jul 4

Few Showers

High
74°F
Low
61°F


Precip:		30%

Cloudy with a few showers. High 74F. Winds SW at 5 to 10 mph. Chance of rain 30%.

Length Of Day:		15 hrs 34 mins

Saturday

Few Showers

High
76°F
Low
61°F


Precip:		30%

details

Few showers. Highs in the mid 70s and lows in the low 60s.

Length Of Day:		15 hrs 33 mins

Sunday

Partly Cloudy

High
78°F
Low
57°F


Precip:		10%

Mix of sun and clouds. Highs in the upper 70s and lows in the upper 50s.

Length Of Day:		15 hrs 33 mins

Last Updated Thursday, Jul 3, 8:11 AM Pacific Daylight Time

Happy 4th of July!

Pride, two weeks after...

2008-07-01T10:03:00.001-07:00

Today I tried to post this Pride entry that I saved as a draft two weeks ago, but it keeps showing up way down the line, on it's conception date instead of today's date. Because I am too lazy to figure out how to fix it you will have to read it here.

One word: manties!

Pool fun

2008-06-30T12:57:00.000-07:00

Lady Di shared this photo of me in an unsuccessful attempt at sitting on a stack of floaties. Fun!

The Pool is Open

2008-06-30T09:48:00.000-07:00

Yesterday morning I looked at the clock and saw 11:00 am and I actually said out loud "Only one more hour before I can go to the pool". Out loud, mind you. When I get around a pool I turn into an 8 year old. This past weekend we had pool competitions that bordered on dangerous and I am seriously surprised no one left missing a tooth or two. Our favorites revolve around stacking floatation devices and attempting to sit on top of them without falling in the water. Too much fun for kids, this is an adults only event.

The thermometer hit 100 on Saturday so I spent a lot of time atop many floaties. Our festivities were cut short Sunday by unsatisfying and lack luster thunder storms. T-storms are an unusual event here in the Pacific Northwest, so when one arrives we are let down if there's not a lot of flashing bolts and loud claps of thunder. Especially if it means this 8 year old girl has to be dragged off a couple floaties.

Special shout out to Lady Di for hosting the events at her home this weekend. Gotta love a friend with a pool. Now I need to run and check the 10 day forcast so I can schedule my job hunt around my pool schedule. Wish me luck (on the weather, not the job hunt).

Summertime!

2008-06-20T09:46:00.000-07:00

Thank you Mr. Google Home Page, without your sunny graphic today I would probably not have known it was the first day of summer! Being unemployed makes one not take notice of dates or milestones so I was thankful for the head's up!

And thank god summer-like weather finally got here, huh? If you haven't been checking the local weather for Portland I will provide an update for you, it's been rainy and cold up until about last Friday. Looks like it'll be sunny and warm for here on out. Damn, just jinxed myself, one can't proclaim such boasts reliably until after Independence day, but I'm sticking my neck out here and proclaiming away. Fingers crossed.

You'd think with all this time on my hands I'd be blogging up a storm but sadly, that is not the case. Turns out if you aren't doing anything you tend not to have anything to talk about, let alone blog about. For example, who out there cares that I am currently in the process of re-caulking the tub? Any takers? Yeah, I thought as much.

Have a great weekend and enjoy some rays, with 30 SPF of course!

Proud and Loud

2008-06-18T10:35:00.001-07:00

I intended to post this two weeks ago, but am just getting around to it now.

Pride Portland (Pride/Bring It) was this weekend and after a week of slaving over tiny bags of Red Hots, we were ready to enter the parade Sunday morning. Unfortunately I was so busy being proud that I failed to take many pictures, most of which were out of focus.

Our entry was to promote a benefit, Fire on the Columbia, one of Dr Phil's (not THE Dr Phil, the good version) pet projects, hence my Jeep decked out in red, orange and yellow fire-like streamers and decor. That's why were were handing out small packets of Red Hots----fire, hot, get it?

This photo of Leigh, Jen and Katie was taken before the sangria really kicked in. Everyone was much more energetic after the first or seventh round. That is the extent of the "good" pictures that I took, since I was busy in the parade and all.

But luckily Heather got a photo of this since it isn't a festival until this happened:

I love the fact that afterwards the Roommate asked "Why didn't you all stop me?"; the answer, of course, is because "dropping trou" on Broadway is not only performance art, it's also funny as hell. I am going to get the Roommate a cute pair of "manties" that read "If you can read this I'm too drunk".

Evidently a lot of other things happened, we went to the waterfront festival and more drinking ensued. Fun was had by all. Can't wait till next year!

Many thanks to all who helped and marched!

I am ever so busy but simply HAD to blog!*

2008-06-12T13:14:00.000-07:00

I turned on the boob tube while I ate my lonely lunch today and settled on "The Women", circa 1939, because I had heard it was a classic and studios have been clamouring to get a remake to the screen for years. So I checked out the first 10 minutes or so, waiting for Joan Crawford, when I heard the following line (and I may be paraphrasing a bit):

"Oh, just the thought of smoked oysters makes me absolutely green. Excuse me ladies, I think I may unswallow."

Unswallow. I had never heard that term and wonder if it was common speech back in the day almost 70 years ago. I think I will try to bring it back. Darling, I would watch more but I simply have much too much to do to prepare for Gay Pride this weekend. Cheerio!*

*Spoken in that sing-song yet clipped speaking style so popular in movies in 1939.

Copycat Friday

2008-06-06T10:59:00.001-07:00

I am stealing iamnot's Friday tradition just because that's the cheap tawdry person I am. Check out his shots because he is way better at this shit than I am. I guess if I had all the photographic equipment and skill he does my photo would be a little better, so don't waste too much time looking at my sorry shot.

So much has happened since I last posted, where do I begin? Oh, I know, I'm unemployed now and spend the better part of mid day yesterday playing the soul-numbing game of applying for unemployment. On the plus side of being without gainful employment I haven't gotten out of bed before 9:30 at all this week and yesterday the Roommate (god bless his soul) treated me to a massage and then took me wine tasting! Not is all bad here.

So I guess since I'm a shiftless lay-about I should post more, huh?

Mute Monday: Different Strokes

2008-05-19T10:22:00.000-07:00

Must be opposite day, because this was the scene here in Portland yesterday at the Obama rally. Hardly "different", more like lemmings. But what the heck, I was there (see me there, smack in the middle? No? I have my eyes shut.......now you see me?).

The fire department estimated there were 60 thousand in the park and another 15 thousand that couldn't get in. I voted for Hillary but had to check out the competition since it looks like I'll have to back Obama in the general election.

Same message he's been spouting all along---change, new chapter, etc---but no barbs flung at Hillary. Just Bush and McCain. All in all it was an interesting event.

Squeaky wheel gets the oil!

2008-05-14T09:40:00.000-07:00

I checked my bank account again today, just as I have every day for the last two weeks, for my free gimme from the government and what do you know! Stimulus check deposit is pending! I guess bitching yesterday helped.

So now if I could just win the lottery and find that fountain of youth I'd be set. Hint hint.

Stimulate this!

2008-05-13T10:04:00.000-07:00

Has anyone received their stimulus check or should we just chalk this up to one more Bush administration lie? I don't know of anyone who has seen their direct deposited bonus yet.

I plan on buying a tank of gas with mine. If it ever arrives, that is.

Am I missing something here?

2008-05-01T12:27:00.001-07:00

On the one hand we have the DC Madam, who may or may not have committed suicide today, facing up to 50 years in jail for money laundering, racketeering and mail fraud. On the other hand we have the wack job in Austria who sexually abused his daughter since the age of 11, then kidnapped and held her a prisoner for 22 years while continually raping her and additionally held 3 of their offspring in a basement is only facing something like 16 years. Then there's the accidental death of an infant that he was directly responsible for so let's add murder to the mix, and he's getting a paltry amount of time behind bars. Where's the justice?

Mute Monday: Poetry

2008-04-21T10:59:00.000-07:00

I was going to post this (a little literature lesson for you today, kiddies) as my Mute-ish Monday but Nantucket. I'm too classy for that.

So instead, how about a re-run that we will re-name "Poetry in Motion".

That's all I got for you. It's Monday.

"Hi" from the Red Dress Party

2008-04-15T08:59:00.000-07:00

Thanks to Rev. Rob Rhino for the photo. More shots to come soon.

A very quite Mute Monday

2008-04-14T15:49:00.001-07:00

Because I'm not really participating.

Red Dress Party '08

2008-04-13T11:37:00.000-07:00

Been busy of late and not much time to post. I did manage to make it to the Red Dress Party: Red Sea last night and although I took some great shots, my computer is at the ER so I can't upload photos; in the mean time check out last year's shots. Last night's photos are coming, keep your pants on....or dress, if you will.

The organizers of the annual event promised an over the top party this year and last night they delivered. Chelsea Clinton was in attendance for the VIP party, Storm Large and the Balls played with Storm dedicating "What the Fuck is Ladylike" to Chelsea's mom (the title and lyrics changed to "What the What" for the TV clip) and there were Cirque du Soilie worthy acrobatics, nicely built men in their briefs, hanging and spinning from the rafters. And there were men in red dresses everywhere! Everyone had on a red dress, as was required for entry (and some of which were fantastic) and everyone seemed to have a blast.

Photos to come!

And one other thing, yesterday the temperature soared to the low 80's and was a welcome out of the ordinary trend. Tomorrow it will be cold and rainy again, so I had to struggle to get the Jeep all put together again after it's brief undoing. Just think, less than three months till summer weather!

Jesus! Is that chocolate whipped cream?

2008-03-28T20:43:00.000-07:00

I have been hounded to post the happenings of our Easter Dinner. First off, if you remember last year I made the Easter Bunny meatloaf. This year the meatloaf turned out tastier but my camera was on strike. So instead of delighting you with ground turkey sculptures let me tell you what we did after dinner. As he is wont to do, Dr Phil provided the entertainment and shared with us first "reactions to two girls one cup" and then Boytek actually found the site. Below is the link to my reaction to Two Girls One Cup. Hit the link below, I tried to embed it but it posted it twice and screwed up my blog layout.

Suz's reaction

In case you can't understand my last sentence, I was commenting on the girl's blue eye shadow. Dr Phil is standing behind me (dude, mute your phone when you are watching a film) and that is the Roommate laughing so loudly. At that point only Boytek and the Roommate had watched the film all the way through; the others were laughing at either my reaction or the Roommate's laugh. Special thanks to Boytek for capturing this special moment on film

Now google it and see if you can find the actual video. It is easily the grossest video I've ever watched.

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!

2008-03-28T09:55:00.000-07:00

Iamnot is going to love this since debunking global warming theories is his hobby: it's snowing in Portland today. Yes, the poo-pooer of Al Gore's An Inconvenient Truth and environmentalist everywhere will embrace this news mainly because it has never snowed this late in the season in Portland before (since the National Weather Service has been keeping records since 1940, at least). I'm sure iamnot is doing a little happy dance in his work cube as he reads this. Let's all sit back and imagine what that looks like---I'm sure at least part of the performance involves a little "cabbage patch" action.

At the risk of getting iamnot all riled up I will remind my kind reader that I don't exactly believe the whole global warming package as presented but I do believe humankind's pollution of the air, land and water has messed with global weather patterns. Or it could just be a natural weather cycles. Or it could be an angry weather god. But I think our nasty, dirty and destructive practices probably have at least a small effect on the weather. Maybe just a smidge.

Gotta run, I need to shovel snow so I can mow my lawn. That shit is getting tall.

My life as a wine-o

2008-03-27T09:43:00.000-07:00

Today's Wiki "hint of the day" is something near and dear to my heart, appreciating wine. Lots of wine, in my case. How to acquire a taste? Sit your ass down and drink it till you like it, that's my advice, and Wiki agrees. Keep trying different types until you find one you like, it's all about the commitment.

Thinking back on my lifelong romance with wine, it all started as a child, as all true passions do. At Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter my parents treated us to a shot glass (with a graphic of a horse on it) of Mogan David or Manischewitz with the holiday dinner. Yep, alcoholic in training at a very tender age, I was raised to believe that wine tasted like Kool-Aid with a kick. Imagine my surprise when I came of drinking age and had my first glass of Chablis---yuck! That's what wine is supposed to taste like? No thanks, I'll have a Jack and coke.

Over the years my taste in wine changed. I started with ports but quickly moved on to full bodied reds, mainly Cabs and Merlots but later found my pallet moving on to lighter reds, particularly Pinot Noirs when I moved to just-north-of-Oregon-wine-country Portland. Last summer I started drinking even lighter reds, blushes and roses, because they are so yummy in hot weather but found as the fall approached---red wine season---I still wanted something lighter. This past winter I have been drinking Pinot Gris or even a Chardonnay in a pinch. And now even sweeter whites, like Moscats, are finding their way into my wine glass so it's just a hop, skip and jump before I'm drinking Rieslings and Gewürztraminers. Before you know it I'll probably go full circle and find myself back to good ol' Manischewitz----only in a glass slightly larger than a "horse glass jigger".

Save the lawn and save the world.

2008-03-21T12:47:00.001-07:00

Since our lawn guy "fired" us I think I'm going to buy one of these guys, mainly because I offered to do the lawn and these babies are so earth friendly and all. I have a feeling that warm happy feeling won't last long, even if we do have a rather small lawn. This looks like work.

The road to the White House is long and boring as hell.

2008-03-19T13:23:00.000-07:00

Looking at the headlines on my Google home page I see the single story of interest to me personally is the Wiki "how to of the day" concerning eggs and how you can tell if they've gone bad (go ahead and read it, I'll wait). More interesting than if Hillary was in the White House the day the blue dress was soiled. More engaging than knowing what Rev. White said that Obama found controversial at any of a hundred sermons he attended. More insightful than what McCain may or may not do with the war in Iraq should the country swing red again (I shudder at the thought). This crap has been going on too long and I vote that the campaign should only run as long as a season of television (sans a writer's strike). How about the summer replacement season? Even better.

Wake me when I'm supposed to give a shit again.

WIki of MY Day: I think we should submerge Hillary, McCain and Obama each in a tub of water and see if any them float. Maybe we'll have a clear front runner then.

I don't <3 Tuesdays

2008-03-18T14:34:00.000-07:00

I'm starting to hate Tuesdays---seems I always get bad news or heart-sinking realizations on the second day of the work week. I'll trade it for a Monday any day. Any takers?

Mute Monday: Mother Nature

2008-03-17T11:00:00.001-07:00

Looks like my post yesterday should have been saved for today. So yeah, consider it today's post.

Florida Pics

2008-03-16T11:42:00.001-07:00

Here are the photos I took while in Florida, finally uploaded them for your viewing pleasure. It's amazing what lengths one will go to in order to postpone doing one's taxes.

Ok, now time for taxes. Yea. :- |

Wake me up when the divorce is final.

2008-03-11T17:09:00.000-07:00

I had a dream about my ex-husband last night which basically consisted of me trying to get away from him and I woke up shoving my dog away from me across the bed. Nothing like a nightmare to affirm a past decision, although Rufus wasn't too happy about the whole situation.

2008-03-06T12:34:00.000-08:00

Too much going on (mostly bad) to post regularly, but I just wanted to post the people's view of Tuesday's primaries, in case you missed CNN's rebroadcast last night of Tuesday's run-down:

Texans dislike pushy white women only slightly less than black men. I mentioned this to a gay man the other night and his reply was "Yeah, but they hate "us" more".

The over all feeling from the 4 states voting: SNL was right, bitch is the new black. We'll see how long that will last. I love that CNN was showing a clip of their spoof on the last debate, after a hard-ball question for Hillary the moderator pointed this tough question to Obama, "Senator Obama, can we get you anything?".

Oh, and evidently the people like an ancient war hero more than they like a crazy bible thumper. By a landslide but the fact that that hillbilly was even still in the race was a doozie.

On to Pennsylvania!

Mute Monday

2008-03-03T10:08:00.000-08:00

Back from Florida in time for Mute Monday! Since I read this book while I was in the Sunshine State, it will be my post for today. To read a review click here.

Update

2008-02-25T12:58:00.000-08:00

Mum is doing well but we'll know the full story when I take her for her cardiologist appointment tomorrow. Fingers crossed. The first two days I was here she had several angina attack a day; the last three days none. I have that effect on people.

I have 2 mosquito bites on my right ankle and got a little bit of sun on my left arm at lunch yesterday. Does that make this a vacation?

Thanks for all the well wishes, everyone. If I remember to grab my camera I'll post a shot of sunshine for all those in the Pacific Northwest (iamnot, I'm sure you are way to familiar with the sun where you are. Hope you use sun screen).

Cheers!

2008-02-22T13:16:00.000-08:00

I am in Florida right now, but I wrote the following from the Salt Lake City Airport yesterday:

Walking around the Salt Lake airport cradling a laptop in my arms—what do people thing, I wonder. Crazed geek can’t be without her electronic device for more than a few minutes? Found it lying around somewhere and stole it? Truth is my Portland to Salt Lake flight had a severe overhead compartment shortage so I was forced to check my luggage after boarding the plane. My laptop was in my suitcase and I wasn’t going to let that float around three flights unlocked, waiting for sticky fingers so I opted to carry it. Last thing I need is to have to explain a missing laptop at work. So I am carrying it, sans computer bag, around the Salt Lake airport as I kill my 3 hour layover. Jealous yet?

And evidentially fighting cavities is a terrorist activity since my toothpaste was confiscated by TSA at security. Yeah, it was a 4.5 container but it was half empty, so 2.25 oz of terrorist threat, not 4.5. Oh, and I was reprimanded for putting my gels and liquids in a gallon zip lock bag instead of an airline safe quart size bag. Sorry, Barney Fife, I’m a girl and I need more products than will fit in a quart freezer bag. The look on my face must have stopped his speil mid-rant, because he gave up pretty quickly; I was biting my tongue because there were so many sarcastic, cavity-search worthy comments running through my mind.

Sorry I haven’t written much lately, my life has been pretty much about the drama lately. Upheaval at work, illness on the family front (hence the layover in Salt Lake on my way to Florida) and flu all around. I haven’t been that sick in years, so if you are offered the flu bug please be strong and just say no. You’ll thank me later. You’re welcome.
Gotta run. I need to see if they sell airline friendly sized toothpaste in this airport.

My mom has dialup so I have to do what work I can from a German coffee shop in Cape Coral. They're closing now so gotta run.

Hide and seek

2008-02-07T07:56:00.000-08:00

Fpr your viewing pleasure, here is a photo of the underside of our ironing board. Enjoy.

Been out of the posting habit as things have been in flux here at the House of Suz, what with the Super Tuesday primaries, shower curtain making and the occasional incident by Rufus the Attack Dog. So needless to day I am a bit frazzled and distracted. So this is all you get until you get more.

Also, it's been about a year since I came up with a short story so I'm rolling one of those around in my head and will post as soon as it leaks out of my ear, runs down my arm an taps itself onto the keyboard.

Be good and stay pure! iamnot is in charge until I come back.

2008-02-01T11:31:00.000-08:00

There was a story on NPR this week about the coming Presidential election (shocking, I know) and it was mentioned by a few average joes that your basic white dude doesn't have a candidate on the Democratic side that they can relate to, meaning another white dude. Hillary is white, yes, she certainly has balls and she may very well wear the pants in her family but alas, she is not a man. And Obama is a man and he may not be "black enough" but he does come up short in the "white" department, at least that's what the white dudes think. I was so appalled by the comments made by the disenfranchised white dudes that their love affair with their own mirrored image politicians was over that my only thought is I AM SO SADDENED BY THE THOUGHT THAT YOU HAD TO WAIT OVER TWO HUNDRED AND THIRTY YEARS TO FACE THIS DILEMMA. Boohoo. All of us non-white-male minorities are just all broken up about it.

With that rant out of the way………….the people watched the Democratic lovefest---er, I think they meant to say debate---last night and the people think the Democrats got a whole lot more going on than their rivals on the right. The GOP debate was flat and uninteresting and it seemed that not even the debaters wanted to be there but the Demo's debate was lively, the answers were well thought out and actually addressed the questions presented, which was a refreshing change over their lackluster opponents. And the two remaining Democrats presented something that hasn't been seen this much in this campaign thus far from either side: professionalism and politeness. Yeah, yeah, I know they were at each other's throats but the people put a stop to that bickering. And with that in mind I am here to announce that it is the people's opinion that our two Democratic front runners have made nice because they plan on running together!

And you have got to LOVE the fact that all those celiberties and beautiful people were there to hear the canididates! Yeah, look! There's the chick from that Ugly Betty show I don't watch! And look! Meathead! The Roommate commented that this debate was taking the place of the Oscar broadcast since the writers are on strike and all. Unfortunately I had a dinner engagement and couldn’t watch the entire broadcast but fear not, we DVR'd it. And yes, it went down in the Nielson's diary, thank you very much.

I absolutely loved one of Hillary's comments in particular. She was asked that if the campaign was all about "change" then why is it that the Bushes, and if she wins, the Clintons will have been two families in power for a two decade span (assuming she doesn't go two terms). Her response was about changes being made and the last name of the president doesn't have to necessarily be one other than in the past several administration, etc, but she did mention that it took a Clinton to clean up the mess left by the first Bush administration and maybe it will take another Clinton to clean up this Bush's mess. Hear, hear! Go get 'em, Hillary.

Oh, and in case you were too distracted with Branglina's "maybe baby" and didn't notice, here's another sign that the economy is sucking even more today than we thought it was sucking yesterday. I said if first(ish) and now you can say it with me R E C E S S I O N. Thanks Prez Bush.

It's fun to stay at the Y M C A !

2008-01-31T11:32:00.000-08:00

My dear nephew, Jared, who only ever attended public school for less than 1 day and spent his entire K through 12 schooling at private, Catholic schools and is currently enrolled in a non-Catholic college, sent this one out. He has my family's sarcasm jean, that's for sure.
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Britney, Britney, Britney. What's a horrified public to do? Poor thing is on a one way boat to doom, despair and a career as a Wal-Mart greeter if she doesn't get her act together. "Train wreck" doesn't do her existence justice. And watching the whole thing unravel is like picking at a hangnail----a little bit of guilty pleasure and a whole lot of pain---watching this dimming-star implode. Someone stop her before someone, probably on of those poor, inbreed babies, gets hurt.
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Did I tell you the Roommate and I are a Nielsen Family? Well, it's just for a week starting today, but still. If you are of a certain age, like yours truly, you will remember the power and prestige associated with being a rater in the 70's and 80's. Now, not so much. Especially since our household does not watch that much TV (network or cable) and even less now that the writer's are on strike and TV is even more a wasteland than it used to be. I fear our TV watching diary will be mostly blank. Sorry, we'll do the best we can do.

Batter batter SWING batter.......

2008-01-30T16:17:00.000-08:00

Two biggies are out of the race for the white house, Edwards with the perfect hair and Giuliani but fear not, there's still a handful of bozos still in the race.

Last night the Roommate and I went to Rumpspanker's for dinner last night. It’s a little hole in the wall with huge portions and tasty treats. And the biggest stack of shoestring potatoes you'd never think you'd finish---but will.

Prior to dinner the Roommate and I went and picket out material for a new shower curtain. Of course it will be a complicated assembly and it was costly too, considering I bought way too much fabric. Are matching throw pillows ok in a small bathroom?

The namesake of "the Binford" googled himself and was horrified to find his toenails (or lack there of) talked about on this blog. I've just got to say that's probably the funniest "I googled myself and..." story I've ever heard. Check out Monday's comments and this entry to hear the rest of the story.

Tired. Ready for a crisp glass of wine after the gym. Later.

Mute Monday: Collections

2008-01-28T15:20:00.001-08:00

It appears the only thing I have collected in photos, aside from wedding self-portraits, would be photos of my Rufus. So it appears you all must suffer through these cute snapshots---some you've seen before, some not so much.

The roommate and I have gone on a 30 day detox. Shocking, I know. I am afraid I will end up like the Boogie Man from Nightmare Before Christmas, when his burlap wrap comes undone all that's left is a mound of all things gross, snakes, germs, bugs, you get the picture. Only in my case once the toxins are gone, so am I (hence the new banner blurb).